The Origin Of Love

Blaine as Hedwig. AU, Klaine didn't get together the second time.

so they could watch all around them as

they talked while they read

and they never knew nothing of love

Blaine sat in his dressing room, staring at the mirror and taking in his reflection. He tried to focus on his breathing, drawing long, deep breaths and letting them out through his mouth, trying to stop his body from curling in on itself. He was nervous, excited, vulnerable – he never expected Hedwig to take him by storm, never expected to return to a life he once ran from and the lights he basked under, and certainly never expected to feel one with a fictional character and let her creep under his skin and flash through his blood.

He stood up, smiling at Valerie and smoothing her sleeve out with his glitter-covered fingers. “Excited?” he asked softly, grinning when she nodded and shivered a little. “Feels strange, doesn't it? It's been three weeks and every night feels like the first one all over again. I don't think I'll ever get over this feeling.” Valerie laughed and mumbled about his high heels, pressing the top of his head a little to coax the wig into settling snugly around his head.

He was grateful for Valerie, glad that she was the Yitzak to his Hedwig. Three years of loneliness and absences has made him grateful for every friendship he had formed along the way and Valerie was precious to him. He let himself look at the mirror once again, then offered her his arm. “Ready to bring down the Berlin wall?”

_________________________________________________________________________________

He felt limp and spent at the end of the show, hunching over in his chair as his makeup was removed. While it was exhilarating donning Hedwig's skin, bringing himself back to Blaine drained him, left him longing for her shadow again. Once he was done, he changed quickly into street clothes and nodded at Valerie. Stage door was the best and worst time for him – he was so grateful to the people who acknowledged his talent on stage and wanted to talk to him, yet he was tired of looking into the crowd and not seeing anybody who knew him.

He tried to show how indebted he was to every single one of his fans. He smiled, posed for pictures, and accepted the fan art and compliments with grace.

Except for today.

Today, it was all he could do not to break down and let himself out.

Today, a pair of glasz eyes stared at him out of a beloved face, holding out a playbill to sign.

His breath caught in his throat, but he quickly swallowed around that and took the playbill, shakily writing something down on it that he couldn't even make out, hands trembling as he avoided eye contact. He couldn't look up, he didn't know why. Maybe he was being pulled in two, maybe he never got over his first love, and maybe he was never meant to. Maybe he was meant to walk away, to run till he could be someone else. Maybe he should not be so affected by things that were meant to be lost anyway.

He returned the playbill back, nodding. “Kurt,” he whispered, looking up. But he wasn't there anymore.

I'll split them right down the middle

gonna cut them up in half

Valerie threw a worried glance at him and all too soon, he was being yanked away, led back into his dressing room and pushed into his chair, his head between his legs, his chest heaving as his lungs tried to pull in the air he so desperately needed to live. Valerie was whispering to him, but he could hear nothing over the rush of blood in his ears. Did he see Kurt? Was that Kurt? His mind must be playing games with him again – seeing him where he was not, feeling him when he was miles away. Maybe this was what it felt like when going insane.

he was looking at me, I was looking at you

you had a way so familiar, I could not recognize

because you had blood in your face

and I had blood in my eyes

They had gone to war with each other and slashed away blindly with the only weapons they had found – words and feelings and abandonment. He'd felt like a survivor for so many years now – he'd survived the crushing heartache, turned it around and walked into success. His career had taken off about a year ago, built up and moved higher to where he was right now. He had finally sorted it out and figured it out. Now he was left wondering, in this one single moment, if he did survive at all.

“Valerie? I… I think I want to go home now,” he whispered.

Valerie stood up, giving him her hand, holding on sturdily, like she knew that she was the only one anchoring him to the ground right now. “Of course, sweetheart,” she smiled softly. “We can go together, okay? I'll drive you.”

He pulled her closer, surprising her with a tight hug. “Thank you. I don't think I ever say that enough.”

The ride home was silent and gave him a chance to pull himself together. Kurt had been there at his show, had met him, but not a word was spoken. He had made a conscious choice to come to the show. Blaine wondered how he had even managed to pull it off without anybody noticing him – playing the lead in a multitude of hit Broadway shows, winning an Emmy, and starting the successful fashion line ‘KH' had hardly left him devoid of the spotlight.

“Aren't you going to invite a girl in for a nightcap?” Valerie asked rather loudly, breaking him from his thoughts when he realized that they had reached the apartment.

“Well, a nightcap is good. I was hoping for a little more than that, though – maybe a movie and some cuddles?” he asked, trying not to sound pathetic.

Vera stared for a while. “Well, I do want to watch Tangled for the hundred and twenty seventh time, I think. And my cuddles are the best, Anderson. Soon, you'll be paying me to be a professional cuddler.”

Blaine just laughed, leading the way in.

And all this while, one name resonated in his head. Kurt. Kurt. Kurt.

that's the pain that cuts a straight line

down through the heart

we call it love