It's all Rachel Berry's fault really.

He's sat with Mercedes, Finn, Tina, Mike, and Puck and hearing all about McKinley gossip from Tina, when Quinn comes up to join them. Rachel in tow. Everyone else greets her while Finn squirms uncomfortably (the two of them haven't spoken since he left her at the train station) and Kurt tries to make an excuse to leave.

‘Finn, I think Carole wan-‘

‘No! Please stay?' Rachel smiles nervously at them, doing that pleading with her eyes thing she does, and if Kurt says no to her now he just looks petty. He eases back into his seat and feels them all slipping underneath the blanket of awkward silence.

‘So... Rachel. How's NYADA going?' Mike asks and then immediately winces, shooting Kurt an apologetic glance. Kurt just shakes his head and sinks lower into his chair. This is why he was worried about coming today.

‘It's good... Of course it's not like being in glee club, I was much more appreciated there, but I'm doing well' Rachel begins to ramble on about an upcoming performance and Kurt just rolls his eyes, deciding instead to watch the dance floor, Sugar is coercing some poor boy to dance with her- seemingly against his will- to a Journey song Kurt can't remember the name of, and-

oh!

That poor boy turns out to Blaine.

He looks good, terrified of Sugar, but gorgeous as ever. He always looked good in a tux, and his hair is gelled looser than Kurt remembers, like back in their Dalton days. He looks older, like nine months has matured him a lot more than nine moths should, but younger at the same time, he's laughing and shaking his head and dancing with Sugar looking like nothing in the world could bring him down. Kurt feels his face flush, not sure if it's from the embarrassment of realising he was just staring at his ex-boyfriend or the fact that his ex-boyfriend is still very very attractive (Kurt had forgotten how attractive) and can probably still do much better things with those hands than spin Sugar Motta around a dance floor. Blaine glances over and Kurt quickly turns his head, he nods and pretends he's paying great attention to Rachel, while checking to make sure no one else saw him staring, he's pretty sure that Mike, Mercedes and Quinn all did.

‘Hey Guys!' Oh look Mr Schue is back, as if this conversation couldn't get any worse.  He's also dragged a rather unhappy looking Santana along with him 'You know what I thought would be a really good idea, if you guys all sang for me, you know, all my graduated glee club' Mr Schue Beams, he seems a little more sober than earlier but not by much.

‘Oh no Mr Schue, I really don't think--' The look of horror on Kurt's face is mirrored on everyone else's, and he knows instantly that he must put a stop to this. He doesn't have to do what this man says any more. It's  not like he's going to get sent to the principal's office if he refuses.

‘Yes, yes.  This is brilliant' But of course Rachel would take over and force them all into it. There is a little more protest, from Santana in particular (Kurt's reminds himself to find out what her problem is because she looks just as happy to see Rachel as he is) but eventually Rachel wins them over. Mercedes will take any chance to practise,  Puck thinks it might help get him laid, and Mike's just too nice to put up much of a fight.

So Kurt finds himself-against his will- standing on a stage in between Puck and Quinn and doo wopping with the rest of his graduated class mates while Finn and Rachel sing don't go breaking my heart. Finn looks uncomfortable, Rachel looks drunk with attention and Santana looks pissed. Gone were the days when all of them thought they would be backup singers to Rachel berry. The song ends, the guests clap and before he has time to run Mr Schue is yelling for them to sing don't stop believing. Rachel claps, Mercedes rolls her eyes and Kurt's pretty sure he hears Santana mutter something about Lima Heights.

It doesn't surprise him that they all still know their parts.  It also doesn't surprise him that while Finn is making eyes at him that are clearly pleading for him to be a good brother and fake a seizure or something so that they can all get of this, he is also looking at Rachel in that way that he did right before he kissed her in New York at Nationals. Great. If they end this performance with locked lips he is going to rip them apart with his bare hands. Kurt looks out at the guests, mindlessly singing his parts, there are a few people he doesn't know, adults who he assumes are family of the couple and a few teenagers who he's seen talking to Sam and Artie and Sugar so are probably in glee club, something vicious and territorial stirs in him at that thought. Burt and Carole are there, they look like they aren't sure whether to be amused by the whole thing or annoyed for Kurt's sake, they are also looking warily at Rachel and Finn. And there's Blaine again, only this time it's his turn to whip his head away quickly.

It's odd, because there is nothing Kurt would like more than to never have to see Blaine again, but even as he thinks the words a nauseating sense of dread overpowers him, like the mere thought of never seeing those eyes again is making him sick to his stomach. The idea makes him want to bury his head in an old sweatshirt of Blaine's that is hidden in the back of his closet and that on very bad days takes all of Kurt's strength to ignore, and hide himself from the very idea of letting go. At the same time he knows that talking to Blaine will be awkward and painful and will taint the happy memories he has of the two of them, and that thought terrifies him more than anything. So maybe Kurt will wait, because time heals all wounds apparently, he'll live in hope that one day he will meet up with Blaine again, maybe even be friends, but that by that time they will both be happy and have different partners and the pain will be gone.

They sing some more songs, requests keep coming in, and it's half an hour, a duet of Fergalicious between him and Mercedes (don't ask) some Springsteen from Puck and a couple more solos from Rachel that he finally escapes. He makes his way over to where a buffet is set up, it was obviously Mr Schuester's idea because Kurt knows there's no way Emma would let them have food that just anyone could touch lying around. He's looking around and trying to find something that he wouldn't judge himself for eating. He's planning to spend some time with Carole and his Dad, considering he's barely seen them since he arrived this morning and he's only staying for a couple more days. He looks up, trying to find them before he has a plateful of food to spill.

‘Why is Blaine talking to my Dad?' he was talking to himself, a whispering more than anything, but of course Rachel would take that as an invitation to chat. When did she even get here anyway?

‘According to Tina they're kind of friends, not in a creepy way, it's just apparently Blaine doesn't have much support and-why am I telling you this, you probably know better than anyone.'

‘My Dad did always love Blaine... Blaine always loved him as well' Even so it is a little weird, he would've thought his Dad would mention something and why do they need to chat now anyway. All Kurt wants to do is eat some terrible free food in peace, but now he's going to have to hang around here with Rachel until Blaine leaves. Maybe they're in on it together.

‘The Kurt Hummel fan club, I can understand that'

‘Seriously?' He turns on her, she's been smiling at him all evening, patting his shoulder as their paths cross and making eye contact with him across the room. It's been mildly irritating and somewhat disconcerting but easy enough to ignore until now. Until now when Rachel is taking a deep breath to start a lengthy conversation that Kurt is 100% sure he does not want to have, especially not here, not now when the most important thing on his mind is not thinking about Blaine and certainly not looking at Blaine and most definitely not approaching Blaine.

‘Look Kurt! I really want to apologise to you'

‘It doesn't matter Rachel, I'll probably never see you again after tonight. Unless Mr Schuester starts to make regular glee club reunions and even if he does that does not mean that I have to attend.' There is no way he is putting himself through anything like what he just had to endure ever again. Kurt turns away, he takes a few steps and then stops, picking at the slowly dwindling table of food and turning his nose up at half of the things there, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are not wedding food. He's hoping Rachel will take the not so subtle hint and leave, but of course she's never been one to give up easily.

‘But... I don't want that, you were my best friend and I- I really miss you Kurt' Oh god she looks like she's about to cry, Kurt will kill her if she cries, she cannot guilt trip him into this. ‘And I know I wasn't always the best friend to you and personally I don't know why you and Mercedes didn't just stick to hating me, but I really am sorry. And I'd like to make it up to you' There she goes again making Kurt look like the bad guy if he says no to her. ‘And I know you have no reason to accept my apology, I was horrible to you, I ignored your problems and made everything about me and I got the spot you deserved in  NYADA and I didn't even care about you and again I made everything about me- I didn't even support you when you came to New York... but I've, I haven't changed per se (I'm still as self-centred as I always was) but I've matured, and I've learnt that I can't always be the star, and I've learnt that friends matter. Because Lord knows I don't have many now. So I'd really like to make amends with the one's I did have, starting with you.' Kurt doesn't know what to say, his first thought is that this is her practising her part in a play or simply showing off her acting skills but at second glance she seems sincere enough. 'Of course it could also be that I've heard you're set to be a famous fashion designer and I still want to be your friend when I start needing designer dresses for my inevitable Tony wins.' Kurt doesn't know whether to laugh or hit her, because while he knows this is a joke he also has no doubt about the fact that this is definitely true. ‘So what do you say? Will you be my friend again?'

‘So basically, not many people like you at your new school, so you've had to go scraping the barrel to find your old friends and see if they'll take you back just so you'll have someone to turn up and cheer mindlessly at your end of year performances'

‘No! No Kurt, even if I had a thousand friends they'd never be as good to me as you were' she looks honestly and genuinely hurt, and that annoys Kurt more than anything because she has no right, absolutely no right, to be hurt. He's the one who got left behind, who got ignored for her shiny new school and her exciting new friends and the dreams she decided to chase on her own. He's the one who had to make his way alone, with absolutely no support from anyone because his dad was miles away and the love of his life was broken hearted and his best friend had better things to do with her time.

‘Now I know you're lying' he spits it, hisses it, like a snake spitting venom and turns away again, only he has nowhere to go because his dad is still talking to Blaine on one side and Rachel is on the verge of tears on the other and he really wishes he had just stayed at home now, or at least that someone else will come and save him from this disastrous situation.

‘No, I'm honestly not.  I... I don't have any more apologies, I don't have anything left to say, except I really am sorry, and if you give me the chance I'd really like to make it up to you. If you'll let me, I'd like to be your friend again.' She starts to walk away, hanging her head and blinking back the tears. Kurt hates her, he really really hates her.

‘How do I even know you've changed' He has no idea what he's doing, he really has no idea, he should've stopped talking, should've let her skulk off thinking ‘at least I tried'.

 But he didn't.

‘You don't. All I can do is try to prove it to you. But I'm sorry Kurt, I'm so so sorry and please, I just really really want you to be my friend again.' He'd like to say it's not the best apology he's ever heard, but that probably isn't true. People don't apologise to him all that often.

‘You can buy me coffee first'

‘Coffee?' She turns around, hopeful and excited and a smile so bright it would burn the sun.

‘Yes, I know this great coffee place around the corner from my apartment, I'm sure you'd hate it there, so you can buy me coffee first and then we'll see.' And they really will see, she's on probation now and he's not ready to just instantly take her back. He isn't that forgiving anymore.

‘Coffee... okay' Kurt stares at her, not sure whether to smile or cry because Rachel Berry just apologised to him... and he thinks he accepted it. After all the times he imagined laughing in her face when this day arrived. His past self would be judging him right now.

She walks away, grinning and giving him a thumbs up and she is no doubt off to tell everyone who will listen that they are besties again. He'll have to do damage control later. But for now he is still trying to find something worth eating.

That's when it happens again. There is a sudden overbearing presence behind him and he really needs to get better at noticing when people creep up behind him. Or maybe he should just avoid buffet tables because that's where he seems to be having all the painful conversations he doesn't want to have these days.

Kurt knows without turning around that it's him. His presence is magnetic, electric, in a way that only he is. It sizzles in the very air around them. That and the fact that he's breathing heavily through his mouth- a sure sign that he's nervous.

 Kurt turns, slowly, stiffly.

‘Hi' It's more of a breath than a word. It comes out sounding like a question.

‘Hello' Kurt replies, it's formal and stiff and uncomfortable.

‘How have you been?' Blaine's smiling now, he's doing that Dapper and charming, confident and put together young man act, the kind he usually saves for teachers at Dalton and distant relatives at his parent's dinner parties. He sounds casual, too casual, sort of singsong and nonchalant and very     not-Blaine.

‘Good' Kurt's voice is about three octaves higher than usual ‘You?'

‘Good... good' Kurt knows, of course he knows, the decision he has now is to either ignore it, find an excuse and move on with his life, or call Blaine on it.

‘You're lying' It's not harsh or accusatory, it's soft and resigned and... Kurt. It's knowing in the way only Kurt does.

‘Well not so good then' Blaine laughs sadly. ‘I'm sorry. I should go...' Then why did you turn up in the first place? Kurt thinks. He's cursing himself for thinking this whole wedding was going to be okay earlier- he jinxed it.

‘No, we're going to have to face each other at some point; I've already heard Rachel planning our future glee club reunions.' Blaine laughs, ducking his head slightly in embarrassment in a way that anyone else would've missed.

‘Even so... you don't want to listen to me?' He's looking for confirmation, Kurt knows he is, he's scared and he's sad and he just wants someone to listen to him.

‘Well, I feel like I should give my dad a break' Kurt smiles slyly, it was meant to be a joke but Blaine clearly doesn't take it that way, maybe it's the nerves or maybe it's the distance but they are no longer on the same page anymore. That hurts Kurt a lot more than it should, because even when they broke up they both agreed, they both came up with the idea and they both accepted it. This is worse because now Kurt doesn't know this boy, it's like seeing a picture of someone before you knew them, they have a whole other life that you're not a part of. They could be anyone and you wouldn't know.

‘Oh my God! I'm so-I mean, I didn't mean to he-he just, he always knows, and he came up to me, and- and I just started talking and... I'm so sorry, please don't think-‘

‘Blaine! It was a joke, my dad's always liked you.' It comes out harsher than Kurt expected, Blaine looks ashamed and hurt and just so... insecure. Kurt remembers just how much he hates that kicked puppy dog face.

‘I'm sorry' Blaine sounds very very small, he sounds smaller than Kurt has ever heard him and he's wondering where that charming, dapper, put together boy he met two and a half years ago is.

‘You don't have to be‘

 ‘It's just, I never realised how awful McKinley was, how awful the people were. Until you weren't there. You know, I never used to notice any of it, the bullies and the slushies and even just the people who ignore it all. I never realised how bad it was' This is what Blaine does, it's less being an open book and more being a flashing neon signpost of emotions, the complete opposite of Kurt who keeps his feelings hidden behind a ten foot thick wall of sarcasm, wit and superiority. Blaine tries to keep it in, he acts calm and apathetic and charming but he reaches a certain point and then it breaks, he bursts and everything comes rushing out of him. Kurt opens his mouth, he has no idea what he's going to say but he's going to say something.

‘You know I went in and I didn't know what to do with myself, what to wear, where to eat, who to walk to class with... and I realised that these people weren't even my friends, not really, they were yours, and I was just with you, not really there at all.' He doesn't get the chance because Blaine is talking again, he's articulate, he's composed, he looks as if he is simply reading aloud from a book, it's only when Kurt looks into his eyes- the first time he has done so in over nine months- that he sees the pain.

‘That's not the impression I got from Sam and Artie earlier.' It's not what Blaine needs to hear, but Kurt isn't entirely sure what Blaine needs to hear.

‘That's because it's nine months later.'

‘So why are you telling me this?'

‘I was just-I wanted to apologise' Kurt crinkles his nose in his confusion, one of the little things Blaine loved so much about him.

‘For what?'

‘For making it hard... I guess. For just, I‘m really sorry if I made it hard for you to move on.'

‘Blaine, what are you talking about, you were a perfect gentleman-humble- you didn't do anything to make it hard, you didn't even talk to me, not after I asked you not to'

‘Wait, You didn't get my letters?'