15th of March

So I’m back again, huh.

I guess this is something I’ll start doing everyday now, if I can.

Mrs. Fitch, my therapist, says it’s something that can help people, to write their thoughts on a piece of paper.

I haven’t really gotten the whole thing yet. But I'm sort of open for suggestions. At least that’s how I feel right now.

It’s about 11pm or something and I’m starting to feel a little better. I always do when it’s nighttime. Don’t ask why, I have no idea. It’s the way I work, I guess, and it’s not too pleasant, always.

Because it’s at daytime everyone else is active, and it’s during the day I'm expected to do things. But I’m somehow unable to. It’s like… I don’t know, exactly, but it isn’t good.

  I was outside today. I actually left the house.

But it wasn’t anywhere near voluntarily. I didn’t want to go outside. Not for as long as they craved from me, at least.

I guess they finally got sick of always having me in the house.

They told me that I was going for a walk, and ‘no’ wasn’t an option. I was going to walk around for 30 minutes straight, (30 minutes!) and wasn’t allowed back inside before they knew I’d completed the ‘task’.

So I did. I walked with no goal at it hurt… Everything hurt so bad... It felt like I was on fire, and as if someone was sticking nails into my body, all over, again and again.

It felt like my entire body was bleeding, but there was no blood.

 Then I got let back inside. And they barely acknowledged my existence.

I guess I shouldn’t blame them.

I mean, I’ve ruined their lives.

They can’t do anything anymore.

They always have to be here and take care of me like I’m a freaking baby.

  I feel bad for Finn, my half-brother. He never gets any attention anymore. It doesn’t matter what he do, he can’t get them to care for more than a couple of seconds. Like the other week for example, he lead his football team to a win for the first time in over a year. He didn’t get more than a pat on the shoulder.

Everything’s about me, apparently, everyone’s so concerned. Everyone’s just there for me.

But at the same time… if that’s true, if everyone cares so much…

Why do I feel so alone?