22nd of June

So yesterday dad and Carol came back home again. I was so exhausted once I’d come down a little form the height I was on. But not entirely, cause I’m still sort of there. Because oh my god… Anyways, I was really tired and could barely keep myself awake, but dad still noticed that something was up, that something had happened.

And I haven’t seen him that happy since I told him that me and Blaine had finally gotten together in the beginning of junior year. He was so happy and he hugged me and laughed and almost cried and… Can this go on forever? Can my life just… pause here and now so I can enjoy being happy and having a happy family? Please? I don’t want to go back to being miserable all the time, I don’t want a life where all there is is pain. It sucks.

I actually kind of enjoy my life right now. Sure, the pain’s still here. But it feels like, for the first time in so long, that things actually will get better sometime in the future. That all I have to do is just hang in there.