“I don’t feel like goin’ anywhere today.” Kurt stated the next morning.

Last night had been… weird.  And today his body had decided to punish him for walking all over town for hours in the rain. His head was pounding like freaking crazy and he was freezing, like even more than he usually did every morning in that freezer to apartment.

“You okay?” Quinn asked, not looking too well herself.

“I’m fucking fantastic.” the boy replied, voice reeking with sarcasm.

“I just –you’re not the one to stay home.”

“I know. But I don’t care. ‘Cause I feel like shit and I’m not going anywhere.”

“Fine… See you.” the tall girl said, opening the front door.

“No funny ideas, okay?” she told him just as she was about to close it behind her.

“Bye Quinn.” Kurt rolled his eyes with a little smile.

  She closed the door and so he was alone in the little apartment. It was the first time in a long, long time. He usually never stayed home from school. Not because he didn’t want to miss anything, he usually skipped about all classes anyways, but because he needed to go to school to get anything to eat.

Right. Food for the day. He hadn’t thought about that.

But whatever, he’d gone without food for way longer than that, so it wouldn’t be that bad.

 Kurt spent most the first hours of so of his day in bed, taking advantage of the fact that Quinn wasn’t home by ‘stealing’ her mattress to lie on top of his, plus her blanket so he wouldn’t be as cold.

When his back wouldn’t let him be lazy anymore, he got up and got his notepad, the one where he kept his song lyrics and stuff, the only thing he owned besides his guitar that was actually sort of important to him.

 Sometimes it happened that he just wrote in it, like a sort of journal, but usually he’d rip the pages out and throw them away afterwards, feeling embarrassed.

But today he didn’t care. He needed to get some things out of his system, and the best way for that was to write about it. Because when you saw the words on a piece of paper it was somehow a little easier to put it all in a better perspective, easier to put it behind you.

‘It’s my fault.’ He wrote.

‘It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t been so damn selfish, maybe he’d still be alive. Maybe he’d still be here? I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore. That sounds fucking stupid, but it really feels that way right now.

There’s something different about me, something so fucking wrong.

I keep having these damn dreams, seeing their faces everywhere. And things I’ve been able to push away every time they try and run me over… I’m barely able to control it at all anymore. It’s fucking weird. And almost a little scary.

And call me crazy, but I think it has something to do with the new guy in school. He reminds me of so much. So much that I’ve lost. And he makes me remember things. I don’t know how the fuck he does it, but somehow just knowing he exists, he affects me.

It’s so damn fucked up I don’t even know.

Have I gone crazy if I think that this have something to do with him? Not that big of a deal if I have, I’m actually kinda surprised I’ve stayed sane this long. Or, not sane really, but still not insane.

 Blaine. That’s his name. Why does his name have to be Blaine? It’s… not fair.

And his eyes… the color of his eyes are so close to the color that my mother had on hers it’s not even funny. And they’re freaking gorgeous as well.

I can’t stand him. I just can’t. Every time I see him my temper just… it freaks the fuck out, basically. It’s like I can feel the hatred running through my veins or however they describe it in books and stuff like that.

It’s sort of weird, I guess.  I mean, I don’t even know him. His appearance is enough to piss me off, makes me want to get the hell out of wherever I am at the moment. And I don’t mind it staying like that.

‘Cause if I get close to him, if I even get to know him… who knows what the fuck’s gonna happen to me.’

   Kurt put down his pen and sighed tiredly.

He hadn’t planned writing about Frodo. Because how was that going to help, exactly? It was his fault all of this happened anyway, so he shouldn’t even acknowledge his freaking existence.

Yes, Kurt had decided that all of this had something to do with the hobbit. No, he didn’t know how he’d come to that conclusion.

He’d just sort of decided it. It made sense, after all. At least it Kurt’s mind. Because it was after he’d met the curly haired teen that his life had decided to get even more fucked up than it already was.

So now all he had to do was ignoring the shit out of that guy, and then he’d be able to control his mind again. Hopefully.

…Whatever.

He thought too much. That was his problem. He thought about this way more than he should. And overthinking things wasn’t really the best thing to do.

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop thinking. And of some reason, his mind kept wandering back to Frodo’s eyes. Apparently his mind liked thinking about Frodo’s eyes.

And maybe Kurt shouldn’t blame it for it, because, damn, those eyes really were beautiful.

 Fucking hell. He thought with a groan and stood up.

He made his way to the little room normally called bathroom, but in his case it wasn’t really a bathroom. It was more of a hole in the wall with a cracked mirror, a toilet and a nonworking shower in it. But they called it bathroom since it was easier to say.

Once he got inside, he looked at his reflection in the dirty mirror.

He looked like a fucking zombie. Pale with dark bags under his eyes, hollow cheeks and ruffled hair. Even his normally shining cyan eyes seemed colorless and somewhat dead.

The teen was close to punching his reflection, as if it’d make the way he looked go away, but remembered how that had ended up last time. So he stopped himself and decided that why not use this worthless day to re-dye his hair? Then at least he’d get something done.

Kurt bowed down carefully, trying to keep himself from getting dizzy from the total lack of food in his stomach, and almost let out a gasp when he saw what was inside the little single drawer under the bathroom sink.

It was filled to the near edge with those little sticks that told you if you were pregnant or not. Every single one of them positive.

What the fuck were they doing there?

Why was–?

…No. No.

No fucking way.

“What the hell Quinn?” he whispered. “What –“

How could she do this? How could she not be more careful than this? How could she let something like this happen?

“Say what?” Santana looked at her, doubt written all over her face.

“Are you crazy?”

“Sorta, but that has nothing to do with this.” the Latino rolled her eyes.

“Come one, San, I was kinda hoping to get some support.”

“Oh, I’m supporting you, but not the baby.”

“It’s a part of me now, okay?”

“But it doesn’t have to stay that way.”

“Okay, fuck you, I’m going home now.”

“Hey.” Santana rolled her eyes again. “Quinn. Stop.”

“What?”

“When’re you gonna tell Kurt about this?”

Quinn bit her lip. “I’m gonna wait a while, I think. It was hard enough to tell you, and look at your reaction.”

“Just because I reacted a certain way, doesn’t mean Kurt will.”

The girl snorted. “No, he’ll probably kill me.”

“Should I come with you?”

“No, I’m fine. But thanks.” Quinn offered her a smile before hoping into the car seat.

“You know, you guys really shouldn’t drive. There’re cops everywhere around your apartment, and it’d really suck if you got that car taken away from you.”

“It’s fine, Santana.” she laughed a little at the girl before closing the rusty car door.

The old pick up had been in hers and Kurt’s ‘possession’ ever since that first night out of the hospital together. They’d ‘found’ it on a street somewhere, and needing a place to sleep it seemed good to take it since there was no one around that looked like the owner. They’d both been about fifteen at the time, but Quinn still knew how to pick the lock to unlock the doors and Kurt sort of knew how to drive.

   “Kurt?”

“Hm?” Kurt looked up from his notebook, hair re-dyed, Quinn noticed, but his face looked… weird.

“What’s up with you?”

“Oh nothing really.” he muttered and went back to whatever he was writing.

Shrugging, Quinn went to get some water but stopped when she saw what was lying on the sink.

Her pregnancy tests.

Fuck.

She should’ve thrown them away, just as she’d thought from the start.

“…Kurt?” she asked, back still turned to him.

“How long have you known?” he asked.

“I–“

“I –“ he could hear his friend sigh tiredly. “About two days.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s –not just your everyday problem, Kurt, it’s hard to tell people.”

“So you haven’t told anyone?”

“I’ve… told Santana.”

Kurt smiled and nodded numbly.

“Right.” he rubbed his face with his hands and sighed. “And when where you gonna tell me?”

“Dunno…” Quinn had turned around by then, and was now sitting on the floor, resting her head against the wall.

“I –Quinn… Why?” Kurt asked and he hated the way his voice sounded.

“Why didn’t you tell me when you found out?”

“Because it’s not that fucking easy, okay? I have something growing inside me, something that’ll become a human being. It’s not that freakin’ easy to deal with.

“You know yourself how hard it is for you to tell people about yourself, something that’s important. And –well, this is kind of important to me.”

“What’re you gonna do?”

“I’m keeping it.” And she sounded so sure. Like it was the most obvious thing ever.

“What?”

“I’m not getting an abortion, Kurt. I can’t do it.”

“How can you be so sure already? You can’t make that sort of d–“

“Kurt. I know what I want. And I want to keep my chil.”

“Okay, Quinn, I’m sorry but… what the fuck?” Kurt couldn’t believe what she was saying. Wouldn’t believe it.

“How’re you going to raise a child? And I'm not saying that because I don’t think you’ll be a good mother, I’m saying it because we’re in high school. I’m saying it because we live by ourselves, we have no money and technically no home. So how’re you gonna manage to take care of a newborn?”

“…I’ll work something out.”

Kurt couldn’t hold back a frown.

“Work something out? I don’t mean to ruin your plans Quinn, but it won’t work. I mean look at our fucking life.” he waved around at the apartment with both his arms to make his point.

“No offense, but if you can’t even manage to ‘work something out’ for yourself, I hardly think it’ll work any better with a baby by your side.”

“I can’t just give it up.”

“But you can. You said it yourself, it, that’s just what it is. It has no gender or personality, it’s not a person. It’s barely alive at this point.”

“But it will get all that. But if I get an abortion… no. I can’t.”

“Quinn–“

“Look. I get it. You don’t support my choices, I didn’t think you would and it’s fine. But I’m keeping the baby. And I’m gonna raise it, I’m going to be a good mother and I’m going to show my child that I love it.”

“I… does this have something to do with–?”

“This has nothing to do with my childhood, Kurt. It has to do with my life and what I want to do with it.”

Kurt stopped arguing. There really was no point. Because Quinn had made up her mind, and when she had had up her mind about something, there was no stop in her.

But a baby? Really? No. Kurt couldn’t understand her one bit. He knew it wasn’t going to work. Not with the way the two of them lived now.

“Who’s the father?” he asked then, remembering that it had been left out of the conversation this far.

“…Does it matter?”

“Yes?”

“Why?”

Because I care about you Quinn. Kurt thought but wouldn’t say it out loud. No way he’d ever.

“Just tell me?”

She sighed, walking over to her mattress.

“I’m not entirely sure, but I think it’s…”

“What’s the problem?”

“I think it’s Noah.”

Kurt stared at her.

“Noah Puckerman? The Noah who joined Glee club?”

“…Yes.” Quinn sighed.

“Okay. Wow. What the hell?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what the fuck happened. It just did and now it’s done.”

“I thought he was all hot about Lauren?”

“He is. But they’re sort of on the rocks or whatever. So… yeah.”

“It was a petty fuck?”

“No. Or, yeah. Or I don’t know. What’s done is done, okay?”

“You’re fucking pregnant, Quinn. Do you know what that means? It means that you have a growing… thing inside your body that’s gonna live off of your energy and stuff for nine months. And once a certain time have passed, you won’t be able to go back and none of your clothes gonna fit your body anymore. And not to mention after those nine months… you’ll be stuck with that kid forever.”

“I know what being pregnant means, Kurt.” she rolled her eyes at her friend. “And I know all about the morning sickness and the pains and all that other shit, but I’m not giving up my child.”

Kurt shook his head. “You know what? I actually think you’ve finally lost your mind completely.”

“Then it’s just you left I guess.” she smiled and Kurt forced his lips to return the gesture.

But he wasn’t feeling like smiling or joking or any of that.

His everything was a freaking chaos. His life had turned upside down completely during the last week and it was just… it wasn’t cool.

First his mind started to get all fucked again and now…

Quinn’s pregnant and she’s keeping the damn thing. Kurt couldn’t make any sense out of any of it.

 Was he living in a Soap Opera? Like, really? Because as far as he knew, this wasn’t freaking normal at any level what so ever.

  Kurt really hated it but he felt really sort of… protective towards Quinn in this whole situation.

Because… he did really love her.

She was the only person left in this world that Kurt actually let himself care about, the only one he actually trusted.

So for him to just stand aside and let Quinn turn her life completely upside down as well? He wouldn’t be able to do that.

Because if he didn’t have Quinn he would have absolutely no one left. And he wasn’t strong enough to be alone right now.

Because right now he was actually really weak, he needed someone to be there for him.

And if Quinn wasn’t going to be that someone, he didn’t know who was.