It got dark outside pretty quickly, even for it being October and all that, and soon he could barely see anything at all. He walked in complete darkness for a couple of moments before the streetlights came to life.

Kurt was numb. There was no other way to describe it. He could barely feel his own body.

If it came from what had happened a couple of hours ago, or from walking around town aimlessly for hours, he didn’t know. But it almost felt sort of good.

There was no pain, for once. It was just him walking, or slowly dragging himself forward, with no goal what so ever. He didn’t care about the rain that never seemed to stop falling, soaking him into the bone. It was pretty nice, actually. The sound and smell that came from it, it helped him relax.

Kurt sighed.

This was so fucking weird.

He was walking there, not caring, letting his thoughts flow freely and he didn’t even care that he kept remembering all, or a lot of, the shit that had somehow started to surface again after all these years of him being able to sort of control it.

What was going on with him? Why couldn’t he keep himself under control? ‘Cause there was no way that just hearing that name again would cause all this.

 He walked and walked, somehow dozing off every now and then, and the he found himself in the little parking lot outside of Scandals and Kurt rolled his eyes at himself.

Of course he’d get there one way or another.

But he didn’t feel like going inside. He looked like crap, after all. His now almost completely brown hair was soaked and un-styled, draping over his forehead in thick, wet tufts. So there was no way he was going to show up in there looking like that.

But he was starting to feel cold, so he didn’t really want to stay outside either.

So he just stood there, hugging himself, for a couple of minutes.

What was wrong with him? His mind felt so fucked up and he acted… he didn’t know how, but not the way he should be acting.

He shouldn’t let himself remember, shouldn’t let himself feel. Especially not about his past. Because that would just fuck him up too bad and he would end up back in the hospital again. And that was something he didn’t want.

Because when you were put in the hospital for attempted suicide, it always ended up with nurses trying to act all motherly with him and then he’d be forced to see a therapist.

And Kurt hated the therapists, acting all professional and always wearing the exact same expression on their faces.

But the thing that he hated the most was that they thought that they had some sort of right, some sort of ownership over Kurt, as long as he was in their office. Like he had to tell them what was going on in his life, what had happened, how he felt and all that other shit.

It made him angry, and then he got the diagnosis ‘violent’ or ‘problematic temper’.

What the fuck?

Just because he didn’t want to sit in a chair in some boring-ass office, talking to a boring-ass person, who always was a complete stranger, didn’t make him ‘violent’ or ‘troublesome’. It made him human. And anyone who thought different could go fuck themselves.

And even though Kurt often acted like he ‘wasn’t human’, didn’t have a heart or never gave a fuck about anything whatsoever, it sadly wasn’t true.

Because as much as Kurt hated to admit it, he was human. And he did feel things every now and then. But it was never anything that anyone but himself would get to know anything about.

   In the real world, the rain suddenly became way more intense than before, every drop hitting him feeling as if the water out of an entire pool had been dropped over his head. So Kurt rushed inside the building without thinking. He got some weird looks when he entered, water dripping from his wet clothing, but it wasn’t more than what he was used to on a daily basis.

The boy shook his body like a wet dog, the rain soaking his clothes creating something almost like a watery veil around him for a second. Then he felt a hand on his shoulder and he spun around.

“Santana.” Kurt said as he laid eyes on the grinning teen.

“Well, well, look what the cat dragged in.” she shook her head at him.

“Speak for yourself.” Grumbled Kurt as he sat down by one of the tables placed as far from the center of the tiny club as possible. Kurt wanted to be seen by as few as possible, for once.

“What?” slurred Santana and ran a hand through her incredibly ruffled hair.

“What’s wrong with me?”

“You look like you’ve been fucked pressed up against a wall.” Kurt told her.

“But I have.” the Latino beamed at him and he raised an eyebrow in respond.
“Then where’s Brittany?” he asked and he could see the girl’s face fall.

“She’s at home…” she said as she’d just realized it.

“Then who…?” but Kurt already knew the answer and regretted that he had even asked. Because the last thing he wanted right now was to listen to lesbian love troubles.

“It was some girl that… she brought me a drink and–” Santana bit her lip, looking at her hands.

“Kurt what have I dooone?”  Suddenly she was sobbing and Kurt closed his eyes, sighing tiredly.

Fucking hell.

“Ehm, you fucked a girl that wasn’t your girlfriend.” he told her matter-of-factly and it only made the girl cry even harder.

 Kurt had always hated Santana whenever she was under the influence of alcohol. She could do whatever came to her mind without any kind of warning. Like now, she was crying uncontrollably, body draped over the wobbly table, her loud sobs causing just about everyone there to look at them.

“But –I… didn–t me…hea–n to!” she managed through her sobs and Kurt didn’t even feel like a bad person when all he wanted was to get out of there.

“I…–never want to hu –urt Bri…brittany!”

“Okay, Santana,” Kurt cut in with a sigh. “I’m not even gonna pretend like I’m going to help you. ‘Cause I’m not. I’m probably the last person you want to come to with relationship problems.”

“Kuuurt!” she whined, “Don’t goo! I’m so alo–ne…”

“Do I look like a fucking love guru? No? Thought so. I’m sorry San –or really I’m not, but I’m not staying here if it means I have to sit here and listen to your shit.”

And so Kurt was up and out the door again, not noticing the man following him.

  The rain had almost stopped now at least, so it wouldn’t be that bad walking back to the apartment again.

But just after a few steps, he heard someone walking behind him. And it was a public place, so maybe it really wasn’t that bad. But whoever it was walked close to him and he hated the way it made his heartbeat quickened.

“Hey.” Kurt’s breath hitched in his throat at the sound of the unfamiliar voice.

Not again. Please, please, not again. He begged in his mind.

“That wasn’t very nice done of you, leaving a crying lady like that.”

Now that voice he sort of remembered from somewhere. He turned around lowly and almost punched the teens face.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Frodo?” Kurt hissed and the short male just looked at him.

“Frodo? Now that’s a new one.” he said thoughtfully.

“What’re you doing here?” Kurt asked again.

“Just, ya’ know, enjoying my evening.” Frodo shrugged.

“Well, now you better get out of my way before I get any funny ideas.”

“I’m not scared of you, Kurt. You’re not scaring me one bit and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never be anything but a scared little boy who thinks his life is oh-so-hard.”

“You don’t know shit about my life. So don’t even pretend to. It makes you look pathetic, nothing else.”

“I don’t know your life, or you. And I don’t fucking want to either, but you have to stop acting like you're so badass, because you’re not. It’s embarrassing to watch.”

“Hm, funny. I thought the exact same thing when I watched how you behaved in school just a couple’ hours ago.” Kurt smiled sweetly at the tiny young man. “Acting like you were oh-so-special and oh-so-tough.”

Frodo smiled back. “That wasn’t acting.”

“Right.” Kurt laughed. “You’re funny.”

Kurt was done. His blood boiled with hatred in a way he’d only experienced few times in his life, and he was so close to punching him he feared that it would actually happen if that curly haired hobbit opened his mouth again.

“But just so you know –“

“I know what it’s like. You know, just because you’ve went through hell, doesn’t mean you’re the only one.”

“That’s deep man.” Kurt said calmly, but his jaws were clenching. “Now you need to get the hell away from me.”

“Oh, come on, Kurt, can’t we just call it even?”

Oh, that fucking smile made him crazy, and not in a good way.

“No, we cannot, Blaine, there’s nothing even about the two of us.”

Well fuck. Saying that name out loud had a bigger impact on Kurt than what he thought it would. Had a bigger impact than it should.

“Not really, no.” Frodo agreed.

“Look. You need to stay the fuck away from me.” Kurt told him and actually looked into his eyes.

And Kurt just had to stared for a couple of seconds, because those eyes were so beautiful. They really were. Those hazel eyes…he’d seen them somewhere before.

Shit. Fuck.

The colour of those eyes was so close to the colour of his mother’s eyes.

Why? Why did there have to be something else about this fucking guy that reminded him of things he shouldn’t think about?

“What’s your problem?”
“You're my problem. Now get the hell out of here.”

“I’m afraid that won’t be possible.”

“Why not?”

“This is a public place. You can’t tell me what to do.” Childish asshole.

“Fine.” Kurt muttered, not even caring anymore.

He dragged himself as far away from the other boy as possible, ending up by a couple of low bushes just by the side of the building. He decided to sit down and rest, suddenly feeling exhausted for now apparent reason.

He rested the back of his head against the damp brick wall and cursed under his breath.

He felt dizzy. Why was he dizzy? He felt sick. Why did he feel sick?

Kurt looked around him and groaned loudly as he saw and remembered just where he sat exactly. The thin boy was on his feet within a second then, and the quick movement made his stomach turn. He forced the vomit coming up his throat back down to his stomach again and made a grimace in disgust. He hated throwing up. But it was almost worse to swallow it again once it was halfway out of your body. Why was he so freaking dumb?

The ground that hadn’t been protected by the roof on the side of the wall wasn’t damp. It was fucking soaked. So the second he sat down by the bushes, face rested against his knees as he tried to ignore where he was, his pants got soaked to. And completely covered in mud.

The male groaned loudly.

Life was wonderful.

His jeans, shoes and the lower part of his worn leather jacket were now covered in mud and his entire being was soaked. His head spun and his stomach was just..–fuck. Fuck.

Fucking cry baby! He shouted to himself in his mind. Pathetic piece of shit!

His head hurt again when the memories once again tried to force its way into his head. He screwed his cyan eyes closed and pulled at his soaked hair.

Whatever.

It didn’t matter.

Fuck this.

“Kurt?”

“Kurt?”

Quinn opened the door and tilted her head when she saw a seemingly unconscious Kurt lying on the ground.

“What –Kurt what the hell?”

Well done, Kurt. The girl thought with a little smile on her face. This is the first time you’ve gotten this drunk on a weekday in a long time. Bravo.

Quinn chuckled quietly as she lifted Kurt up from the ground, nearly letting him go when she realized that he was practically drowned in his own clothes. But it was just water so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

 “Here, lift your arms up.” she told him once they were inside, Kurt somewhat more awake. He did as he was told, but almost fell as he did.

“Wow. Okay. How much did you drink exactly?” she asked, a little amused.

Kurt didn’t answer. He just fell down, no hands to catch himself or anything, he just fell. Luckily they stood close to Quinn’s mattress, so at least his head didn’t hit the floor. But it was still a pretty hard hit and she thought he would wake up and hit her for shoving him, but he didn’t even as much as move a muscle in reaction.

The girl shook his head before kneeling down beside him, carefully removing his muddy pants and ripped t-shirt. What the hell had he been up to?

Because he didn’t reek with alcohol as Quinn thought he would when she saw him, he just smelled of sweat and rain, if rain even had a scent…  

“Sweet dreams, I guess.” she whispered before walking over to Kurt’s side of the room and slid her body between the thin blanket and the uncomfortable mattress.

But she couldn’t fall asleep. Because she knew that the two of them weren’t the only living beings in the cold room. She knew that she wasn’t the only one lying on Kurt’s mattress.

She knew that she had something inside her, something that really shouldn’t be there.