They didn't know how long they kept holding each other, but Kurt was pretty sure it had been quite some time before Blaine spoke again or moved. He had slowly disentangled his body from Kurt's embrace, but didn't let go completely either. He kept his hands on the other man shoulders, his eyes burning with a new intensity, a new light that Kurt felt too in his core, but couldn't have been able to define for the life of him. It was a strange concept for him. Oh, he had lived it before. He had experienced it, but always against his will. He was never given the choice. He just subjected himself to it, because there was no other way. He had never tried to understand it before but now, he could see it. It was scary. It brought back some bad memories, memories he wished he could leave behind, choices he wished he had never made while they were not really his to make. It was the face of a new change, a new dawn, a new beginning, but this time it was something he would look forward to. It was something he would make sure to control, to make happen on his own terms. He would lead the way and do whatever he wished, not based on other people expectations, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

So, Blaine's words left him bothered. He knew what he was referring to. Besides, he had just asked him to go out with him, to share this new beginning together, to learn to know each other all over again. Maybe what Blaine hadn't realized is that it was a mutual discovery. He also had to start from the beginning and figure out the new challenges life brought him. Blaine was a big part of it, of course, but if he had learned something from all that mess, it was that he shouldn't let himself be defined by someone else. Whatever Quinn might have said, he was still his own man. He had his own will power. No one, not even Blaine, would ever take him down or make him change. He would compromise, sure, but not on the most important things.

He was looking around him, at this trashed apartment, and seeing the result of being subjected to some other force. It was a force that made him do wild things, things that were not him. He would never lose his control or himself for anyone or anything ever again. Not even for Blaine.

Yes, he loved him. Yes, he would do anything for him, but he wouldn't let Blaine do anything to him ever again. If it worked out between the two, then it was great, but if not, at least he would have tried. What he had realized, while he was alone surrounded by the crashed furniture, is that he would never again blame himself or put himself through all the pain he had endured in the past. He had already paid a price he didn't owe. He had lost 2 years of his life for nothing at all. He would not lose more. That's it.

"What do you mean 'we can't?'" he asked eventually, a determined look on his face. Blaine must have sensed the change in him, because he was slightly taken aback by the way Kurt sounded now; so strong, so confident, so resigned, all of a sudden.

"Well, you- you can't" said Blaine, slightly nervous, as if he wasn't sure what to expect.

That was exactly what Kurt didn't want, what he was fighting against. He didn't want someone who told him what to do, a Blaine who thought that he could rule his life once again, to be the picture of what he needed. Kurt had his own needs.

He slowly took a step back, Blaine's hands falling from his shoulders, but he never broke the gaze and didn't react harshly either. Those days were gone. He would never lose his temper again without any explanation. He would always ask for answers before making assumptions. If those past few years had taught him something, it was that.

"What do you mean?" asked Kurt with piercing eyes, but a steady voice.

"I mean that you have your show tomorrow night, the night after that, and also on Saturday. Therefore, we can't go out," explained Blaine as calmly as he could.

"Oh, right, that's true. I forgot" Kurt felt silly, at once. Blaine wasn't trying to control him. He was just being pragmatic. That was maybe the difference between them. Kurt was already changing. He was making plans for a new future, plans for himself, while Blaine was making plans for the following night, for the two of them. He wasn't seeing further ahead. He had yet to realize, to change, but Kurt wouldn't push him. No more bullying. He would have to do it alone. Kurt could only help with so many things.

"Don't worry Kurt, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I know that's what you thought, but I'm not. I wouldn't dare after everything I did. Besides, I don't know you anymore. I don't know what kind of man you became. I realized that earlier."

Kurt just nodded, a small smile on his lips. At least Blaine was aware of that even if he wasn't aware that he needed himself to make some changes. Kurt realized at once that he shouldn't assume that Blaine needed to change. After all, he didn't know him anymore. He knew the broken man who had just lost everything, who was trying to cope and fight the best he could, but there was not just one side to Blaine. There was more and Kurt didn't know what it was. Maybe Blaine didn't need to change. Maybe Blaine was fine with being who he was and that had nothing to do with being married to a woman or having a job that you hated. Those things shouldn't define you. Outside of it, maybe Blaine was a wonderful man. Kurt didn't know.

"I shouldn't either but if we both don't assume, we need to learn. How are we gonna do that if we can't even go out for dinner?" Kurt wasn't sure if he meant it as a question to Blaine, or just for himself.

"I'll tell you what we'll do." Suddenly, Blaine realized what his words assumed. He bit his lower lip, but Kurt understood that his phrasing was just a habit. Blaine was apparently the one to make all the decisions, but not at home. That much at least was clear, because if he took the charge at home too, he would have been sick of it and would be eager for someone else to do the job. He was too eager to take charge, as if it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, or maybe something that he could do only on rare occasions, like at work. At home, Lisa must have been the one to lead them all.

Kurt understood so he just smirked playfully to Blaine to let him know that it was ok. Blaine was trying to suggest something, but he had chosen the wrong words. They were both walking on eggshells; it was bound to crack sometimes.

Plus, Kurt needed some advice right now.

"Or what I think we could do," Blaine corrected himself, flushed. "I think I should call Leila and see if Dianna could spend an other night with her. Then we should take some plastic bags and boxes and start cleaning this place, as much as we can at least. We can order some pizza or something, because frankly, I didn't have lunch and I'm starving. If it's ok with you, of course," he finished quickly.

"You call Leila, I'll call pizza. Eat first, clean later." Kurt smiled broadly. Before Blaine could even react, he was already taking out his phone and dialing the delivery service.

Blaine gave a soft chuckle before pulling out his own phone, but before he could press call, Kurt called him from behind.

"Huh, Blaine, what pizza would you like? You used to love Pepperoni, but I shouldn't assume that you still do and…" Kurt was rambling. Blaine couldn't help but smile. He was so cute.

"Pepperoni is fine," reassured Blaine.

"God, we suck," sighed Kurt.

"That we do," winked Blaine.

"Jeez, Blaine! You can't…" Kurt couldn't help but burst into laughter and it felt so good because at least something hadn't changed in Blaine. It was definitely a nice asset. Shit, he shouldn't think about ass while trying to order a pizza, but Blaine had always had a nice ass. Actually, those jeans were nothing but flattering on him. Also, that beard. Blaine always looked good when he didn't shave. He knew it too, the bastard. He knew exactly what his words and his looks did to Kurt. Of course he knew. That's why he couldn't help the smirk on his face. Damn you, Blaine Anderson! Focus, Hummel, focus!

"Something bothering you?" asked Blaine, smiling at how flushed Kurt was.

Truth be told, he didn't do it on purpose and really, it was Kurt who picked it up first. Otherwise, he wouldn't have noticed what he said, but he was glad that he said it now. It was not because it was absolutely endearing to see Kurt all hot and bothered after a simple innuendo after all those years, but also because it had relaxed the atmosphere. They couldn't function with all that stress and walking on eggshells and stuff. They had to be natural toward each other like they always had been. Blaine was afraid that this complicity might have been lost, but after the last words, he knew it was still there. They could still pick up each other words and twist them with a perfect ease.

"Shut up, Anderson. Really, shut up. I hate you."

"No, you love me"

"That I do," winked Kurt. "But don't let it get ahead your mind. Or your ass. Now call your daughter."

"Oh my god, Kurt. You just can't talk about ass and Dianna in the same sentence."

"You're a seriously twisted guy, Blaine. Plus, it's your problem if you can only throw it but not catch it."

"Oh, I catch alright."

"That you do," smirked Kurt before cringing. Immediately, Blaine knew what he had thought about and unfortunately, it wasn't something pleasant. The fun was over just like that. Kurt had turned away and resumed ordering the pizza. Blaine suppressed a sigh. No more innuendos, he had struck a sensitive chord, a painful memory.

Blaine didn't really concentrate on what he was telling Leila. He was far more concerned about the sudden change of events, how the light and teasing mood seemed to evaporate as soon as it started. He had been a fool thinking they could get away with it. There had been through too much hurt, too much pain between them that even sex wasn't something they could afford to think about, not after how Kurt had attacked him the other night. He knew that he was scourging himself for that. Blaine had forgiven him of course, but neither man could ever forget about it.

Their last intimate relation was an assault. He didn't know how to change that. Well, he did, but there was no way it would happen so soon. They had to talk about it, as much as they didn't want to. Kurt had to explain. Blaine had to listen then had to ease his guilt. They needed to understand what had changed between that would allow it to happen. What had changed in them? What had brought it up?

"God, it's such a mess," breathed Blaine, hanging up with Leila. He had spoken lowly, mostly to himself, but Kurt had heard him.

"What's a mess? This place, me and you, or us together?" asked Kurt, sitting down on the couch and massaging his temples.

"All of it, I guess." Blaine took a seat next to him. He knew they had to start cleaning the place, but not right now. Before erasing the carnage, they had to understand how it happened. That and because frankly, they were too hungry to do anything.

"And how can we fix it?" asked Kurt, raising his head to look around the place. He quickly gave up as if the sight hurt too much. He lowered his gaze once more, sighing.

"Well, one step at a time. We'll fix the house first. The rest, I think will fix itself. Or not. What I mean is that we should not hurry stuff. Plus, some are things we should work on separately. You have your own issues and I have mine. Unfortunately, mine are not as easy as taking a plastic bag and throwing broken pieces in it," sighed Blaine.

Kurt reached forward and put a gentle hand of the other man's hip and squeezed. He wanted to help for sure, but he didn't know how. For Kurt, it was easier. He had already been through the fight. The pieces were on the floor. He just had to pick up what he needed and throw the rest away. He had a job, two in fact. He had a place to live. He was secured in this area. He had friends, a routine. His problems were internal and truth be told, they evolved for the most part around Blaine. It's his relationship with the man that was messed up and it was how it affected him. Once he figured it out, everything would fall into place, but it was just a part of his life, on the side. He had other things to live for which were already in place. Blaine didn't.

Not only his relationship with Kurt was messed up, but the rest was too. He was fighting for his daughter, fighting with his wife. He no longer had a home, a job, or a future. His battle had just started. The pieces slowly falling with no ending in sight. How could he build something new when the old was still standing, even if it leaned to the ground?

Kurt was realizing that he would need a lot of patience to sort out his relationship with Blaine because Blaine didn't even sort out his own life, his own self. He should just pause and wait for the outcome of the battle.

He needed to be supportive, no matter what.

Blaine smiled at him, but he looked oh so tired, not because he didn't sleep the previous night or because he had taken planes forth and back in one day, but because of life in general.

"I'll help you. I will be there every step of the way, with Lisa and with everything else," said Kurt, squeezing him tight once more.

"Thank you, Kurt. I know you will, but there is some stuff I need to figure out on my own too."

Blaine sensed that nonetheless, he needed to talk about it and he knew that Kurt would listen. He took a deep breath and started to relate to Kurt the conversation he had with Dianna the other day and the demands of the little girl. He moved on to his meeting with Lisa and how awful it all went. Kurt didn't interrupt him and he was thankful for that. It was easier that way, but frankly it didn't help him see clearer into that mess. Once he finished, he raised his head to look at Kurt with pleading eyes. Kurt didn't need words to understand. They never needed words between them. A simple look and the other one would always come at the rescue, wherever, whenever.

Kurt was about to say something when suddenly the doorbell rang. Of course.

"Must be pizza. I'll go grab it," said Kurt before disappearing to the front door. Blaine stood up also to go grab some plates and napkins from the kitchen, which was kind of a challenge since Kurt had managed to destroy pretty much everything in there. He was still going through the closets and trying to avoid cutting himself with broken glass and plates when Kurt come back.

"Sorry about that. I just…" but Kurt didn't need to finish the phrase now. Maybe later they would think about it, but not now. They knew it both. It wasn't the time yet.

"It's ok," Blaine sighed. "Is there any place in this apartment that doesn't look like a tornado paid it a visit? Because you know as much as I enjoy picnicking in a battlefield…" teased Blaine to lighten the mood, because he knew that the view of the trashed apartment affected Kurt more than he was letting see.

He needed a normal place where they could talk, where Kurt could express himself without the constant reminder of what was the worst he could do and be.

"Uh… my room"

"Well, your room is it then. I didn't find plates or napkins in this mess. You wanna look or would you mind just eating straight from the box?"

"As revolting as this idea might be any other day, I think not eating on plates in the least of my hygienic problems at the moment," sighed Kurt, but he let a smile play on his lips while Blaine chuckled at his guilty look.

"Bedroom it is then. Lead the way."

"Eager much, are we?" teased Kurt, grabbing the pizza and walking past Blaine, rolling his hips slightly.

Blaine rolled hiseyes. Maybe the bedroom was a fantastic idea, even though it wasn't probably the smartest. Damn Kurt and his hips! He knew what effect it did on Blaine. Combined with that little shimmy, it was very distracting.

Distracting Blaine was actually Kurt's goal, even for a little bit, even for a bite of pizza. He could at least enjoy a bite of happiness.

They finally settled on the carpet, leaned against the bed, the pizza between their legs, and ate in silence. It wasn't awkward at all, just a nice break before the long much need talk they would inevitably have. Right at that moment, they just enjoyed each other, enjoyed their meal, stealing a few glances between bites and looking away when they got caught staring at each other. In some ways, they felt like teenagers on a first date. People who don't know each other very well, but still know enough to appreciate the other one's company. Not much was said, but a lot was thought about, and they probably shared the same ideas. It was way too soon for anything. Before they needed the talk, they needed other dates, other ways to learn to be comfortable around each other. The teasing was fine until it was true.

They eventually finished the whole pizza, because neither of them had anything to eat since lunch the previous day. Kurt, as usual, hadn't been able to eat more than half a salad before things went crazy at work again, but he wouldn't talk about work right now. He was so ashamed of how he reacted earlier that day, but now it wasn't about his own mistakes, but Blaine's.

"Are you done?"

"I don't think I can eat the box, so yeah, I'm done," smiled Blaine.

"You probably would. You do crazy stuff all time, Blaine," teased Kurt, a spark in his eyes.

"Thank you for questioning my sanity, Kurt, but I do have limits, even though people might think the opposite. Ask Lisa. If it were up to her, I would be in an asylum right now." Blaine knew Kurt was probably trying to engage the conversation and didn't know how. He always tried to joke or find a light subject Blaine could switch on his own terms. Blaine loved him for that. He loved that he gave him the space and the time that he needed to come forward on his own terms. He wished he could stay there and tease Kurt some more and be silly, but he couldn't.

"She's the one to talk! I mean, after crashing her daughter into a car!" He really didn't mean for it to come out so harshly, because after all it was still Blaine's wife and Dianna's mom, but Kurt just couldn't stand the woman.

"She's not that bad, you know. Sure, she made mistakes, but…" sighed Blaine, dropping his head. He shouldn't be mad at Kurt after all that Lisa had done, but he couldn't be but be irritated and he didn't know why.

"I know. I'm sorry, Blaine. I shouldn't judge her like that. We all make mistakes. God knows I did, or whoever is out there. I shouldn't judge her just because of that. She did raise Dianna after all. With you that is, of course. You did live together. It mustn't have been all bad, surely". Well, Kurt knew at least. "Blaine, look at me, you're entitled to not hate her. I'd understand."

"It's just… Yeah, she did make me believe that Dianna was my daughter but at the same time, she gave her to me, you know? I will never regret raising my daughter and being a part of her life." Blaine raised his head tentatively, but all he could see was genuine understanding from Kurt. He continued, still fidgeting and fighting with words, but steadier than before now that he knew that he wasn't being judged for his thoughts. "It's just that I know I should hate her for lying to me and putting Dianna's life in danger, but god, I kind of feel like Dianna saying this, but I can't hate her totally. She did raise a beautiful little girl, and we did have some nice moments. She isn't all bad, you know?"

"Life isn't black or white, nor are the people. I learned that lesson a long time ago." Kurt nodded.

"It wasn't always easy. We were not really truthful with each other but there are some things you can't fake."

"You're entitled to feel that, Blaine. Don't feel ashamed or guilty for that. You did share her life and her bed for a long time, after all. She was the one you came home to after a long day at work. She was the one you shared your meals with. She was the one who shared your bed." At those last words, Kurt lost kind of his confidence. It was a strange concept for him, but he wouldn't talk about it. He had no right to ask. Besides, it would be too weird.

"You can ask, Kurt," said Blaine after some time, taking his hand and searching for his gaze. "We said we would be fully honest with each other."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't thinking about that… "

"Yes, you were. Yeah, it was awkward at first." Kurt really did not want to hear about it and he didn't know why Blaine would talk about it. It was twisted, it was weird, but most of all, it hurt.

"Seriously, Blaine. I don't need to know." Kurt removed his hand from Blaine's and readjusted his position on the floor.

"Yes, you do. You need to know of what it meant to me."

"Nothing. Or everything, I don't know."

"If it meant something, I wouldn't be gay anymore, would I? Or I suppose I'd at least be bi."

"Well, maybe you had another Rachel Berry revelation," mumbled Kurt. At his utter disbelief, Blaine laughed out loud and Kurt couldn't suppress the little chuckle that escaped his lips. He had no idea why he would laugh though. It was everything but funny.

"I wish I did. No, the first few times it was actually very awkward. I invented some kind of post father death depression to justify myself," admitted Blaine, flushed.

This time Kurt chuckled for real even though it wasn't supposed to be remotely funny. He was beginning to consider that this conversation would take an unexpected turn and his reactions probably would be too. He would just have to go with it.

"And how did you cure this post death depressed situation?"

"What you think? A vivid imagination," chuckled Blaine.

"So, you were thinking about Johnny Depp or Ryan Gosling while having sex with Lisa? Poor her. Thank god you actually kept your mouth shut during it or that whole marriage would have ended way sooner that planned." Kurt couldn't believe he was so blunt, but apparently it didn't bother Blaine. He still had the hugest grin on his face and a spark in his eyes that did strange things to Kurt stomach.

"I wasn't thinking about Depp or Gosling or any of those guys…"

"Blaine, don't deny it. You used to have the hugest crush on Ryan Gosling. I know how a browser history works, you know." Kurt winked with a malicious grin on his lips.

"First, I don't know what browser history you're talking about, although I do remember some saved pictures on a private folder of some attractive werewolf in a field of lilac. Great manipulation skills, I might add."

"Ok, ok, I give up!" yelled Kurt, raising his hand dramatically and blushing furiously. "I retract my previous statement about anyone called Ryan or Johnny or whatever his name. You do have not any strange and unhealthy obsessions with the sexiest men on the planet."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Can we move on now?"

"I still didn't tell you who I was thinking about…"

"It's not necessary, Blaine."

Blaine didn't seem to hear him. He just took both of Kurt hands in his own. Kurt raised his head and what he saw in Blaine's eyes somehow made it very difficult for him to keep breathing. All the past teasing, the humor in Blaine's eyes had disappeared. Instead, his eyes seemed to darken and shine with so much…

…So much what exactly?

"You," breathed Blaine.

"What about me?" He really did need to ask because everything seemed kind of unreal right now. He was lost in Blaine's gaze and had forgotten about the rest, even about Blaine's question. He was sure that he wouldn't have been able to remember his name if someone had asked at that moment.

"I was thinking about you. While making love to Lisa, I always thought about you." So much lust. That's what it was.

Kurt didn't react. It was just like he didn't heard what Blaine had just confessed. But Blaine knew that he did. He was just shell-shocked. Or not.

Or not.

"I did too." It's almost like he hadn't spoken out loud, but he definitely had. Kurt's expression didn't change. He was still stuck like a statue, only his lips had moved.

"You did what?" Blaine whispered back, not ever breaking his gaze.

"Think about you. At first, at least. It was the only way. If I couldn't see you, if I could never touch you again, if I could never be that way with you again, I had to hold on to my memories. But I had to stop, just like you stopped, because it hurt too much, because as much as I wanted to pretend, it wasn't you. It could never compare to you. So, I stopped."

Blaine didn't answer but his pupils, oh god, his pupils. Hazel turned into black. His breath hitched in his throat. His thumbs rubbed Kurt's hands. He hadn't realized his gaze had dropped to those perfect porcelain hands, as if he wasn't sure how they got there. He wasn't sure if they were real, fitting like that so perfectly in his own. He raised his eyes, only to see that they were so much closer than before. He hadn't remember moving though. He wasn't sure Kurt had either and yet, their faces were inches apart. All he could think about was his lips, sweet lord, those lips. He couldn't stop staring at them. As if Kurt knew, he quickly passed his tongue over them to wet them, inviting, waiting.

Kurt's lips parted slowly. Hot breath washed in the small, very small gap between them.

"And yet. Yet there you are," those perfect pink lips said.

"There I am, indeed. And so are you."

"Going nowhere."

As if there was some kind of hidden signal behind those words (and there probably was), Blaine leaned in and closed the tiny gap that remained between them.

How many times did he kiss Kurt over the years? A thousand times, ten thousand times? It could have been a billion and still he would never grow tired of it. Even still, each time felt different. It felt different from all those years ago and it felt different from 2 days ago, the way those lips responded under his own. Kurt loved those little bites to mark his upper lip with. Those lips were soft and so sensual at the same time. He was kissing with some much passion and yet they remained cautious. No tongue, no open mouthed kisses. It was just like their first ever kiss and just like then, Kurt's hand came to rest on Blaine's cheek, burning like a fire on his skin. Blaine's own hand flew to that white hand, and clutched hard onto it as if he was trying to restrain himself. As if, at the same time, he wished it could be stuck there forever and wished he could remove it as if he would consummate him with too much love.

Oh, those lips were still kissing him, fiercer than before, more urgent. He responded just as strongly. The tip of Kurt's tongue suddenly came to tease his lips and Blaine couldn't help but take a deep breath, as if he would pass out. There was a sudden electricity in the air that he swore he could feel right to his toes. He could feel the current, the intensity of that kiss right in his stomach. It ached. Every single muscle of his body contracted and begged for more.

Just as Blaine was thinking about taking Kurt to the bed and releasing all that pressure, it was gone.

As fast as it came, it disappeared. Their lips parted, and somehow, Kurt's hand had stopped stroking his cheek and the distance came back.

The room was suddenly so very cold.

Blaine waited for those words that he dreaded oh so much, but knew would happen anyway. Those words everyone hates. Those words that don't explain a single thing and still they explain it all.

"We shouldn't do this." Ah, there they were.

Blaine slowly opened his eyes, only to see that Kurt was back to his previous position, leaning against the bed, yet way less comfortably than previously. His whole body was clenched as if he was restraining himself from jumping forward, from jumping Blaine.

Blaine's stomach (and maybe lower) wished he would, but his mind that had returned somehow after that performance told him that it wasn't something he should ask for.

He would never ask why. Of course he knew why. We always do. It doesn't mean that we like the answer or that we understand it.

"Sorry." Blaine took back his position against the bed, but as far away from Kurt as possible.

"There is nothing to be sorry for, Blaine. It's just that we said that we wouldn't do anything before talking, rediscovering, and learning about each other."

Blaine nodded and took a sip from his diet coke before putting it back down and turning to face Kurt. His face was suddenly serious as were his eyes. They were back to hazel, back to business.

"There is a lot to be sorry for though. I have a lot of mistakes to make up for."

"Blaine. Don't. You said it all. I understand. You have nothing more to make up for. At least, not to me that is."

"For you, maybe. What about the rest? What about Lisa? I know she has made a lot of mistakes, but I have to admit that I wasn't fair to her either. I hurt her a lot."

Kurt remained silent. He wasn't sure of what to say but Blaine understood. Yes, he was right. It must have been hard on her. As much as Kurt loathed the woman, he kind of felt bad for her on that one. It must have been pretty hard to realize that the man you lived with for the past 4 years, the man you shared your life, your bed, your everything with had actually no feelings for you or your kind. It must have been hard to realize it was all fake and that your whole life had been a lie for so long. Kurt knew that feeling too well.

He didn't like to think about it, because he was the winner in this situation, but he was also kind of the bad guy here. He was the man Blaine left his wife for. He should have felt bad for it, but truth be told, he didn't.

"As much as I want to think that the judge will consider her lies, he will certainly consider mine too."

"Yes, Blaine, but it has nothing to do with you being a good father for Dianna. It doesn't matter what your sexuality is. It wouldn't have changed anything to the way your raised her and you raised her pretty damn well."

"Thank you, Kurt, but so did Lisa. Besides, what if the judge is a big homophobic? What then?"

Kurt didn't respond, because he didn't need to. The answer was clear and sound. Blaine would lose it all and it was a good probability. As much as the two men wanted to believe that the world had changed, it wasn't the case everywhere and for everybody. People were still intolerant, as was the law sometimes. It wasn't just a normal case between a single gay father and the biological mother. It was a destroyed marriage with lies and robberies of identities, if you will.

"Well, we'll deal with it then. In the meantime, you have to make all the changes on your side."

"I know I do. I guess the most pressing issue is my accommodations. Lisa has a house, a home for Dianna where her life is. Thank god spring break is two days away, but what about after that? What about school? I need to figure out where to live. How can I provide a safe and steady home for my child? Otherwise, there will be no way in hell that a judge will give me parental rights. What if as a condition for shared custody, I have to stay in Boston, next to Lisa? Oh god, I haven't…" Blaine was starting to panic and had a hard time breathing. It's like he was just realizing for the first time the consequences of his choices and the case.

"Wow! Easy there!" Kurt reached forward to take his hand in reassurance. "One thing at a time."

"I'm sorry. I'm freaking out I guess. I shouldn't bother you with my own problems."

"Listen, Blaine. It's normal to freak out. You'd be crazy if you didn't. You don't bother me. We said that we would resolve them together. Although at the end, it's still your decision to make. What do you want really, Blaine? Where do you wanna live?"

"I don't know…"

"Yes, you do. Just tell me. It's ok."

"I don't want to go back to Boston. I hated it there. And… Uh… I guess… if I could, I would… I don't know…"

"Just say it, Blaine. You want to live here." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. Blaine raised his head, afraid to see accusation in Kurt's eyes, but there was nothing there but understanding and acceptance. There was also something else, something that made him speak up.

"Yes. I do. I want to stay close to you. I don't want to leave you again." Blaine bit his lip before continuing, more carefully. "I don't mean necessarily living together. I mean it would depend of you, and uh, me also, and if you want, of course, it's if you would me to. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed that…"

"Blaine, you're rambling." Kurt was smiling. "You're cute when you're rambling."

Blaine blushed a vivid red which made Kurt let out a small chuckle.

"Blaine, I love you. I just got you back in my life. Of course, I want you to stay. The only reason I haven't said it first is because I know that your daughter and your happiness should come first. But yeah, I don't want to lose you either."

The casual tone that Kurt spoke with surprised Blaine. Apparently, Kurt had been thinking seriously about it and ultimately, as much as he wanted Blaine around, he knew it was the other man's decision to make. That simple statement moved Blaine more than it was probably supposed to. It was so natural, so sweet, that he wanted to cry.

"I don't want to lose you either Kurt, not ever again." His voice was broken and he was fighting back tears while even Kurt's eyes sparkled despite the courageous smile he was trying to put on.

"You won't. I promise. Whatever happens, wherever life leads you, you won't lose me."

"Okay," breathed Blaine, because honestly it was just what he needed to hear. The rest he could wrap around, but there would never be another Kurt. "I promise too. I won't let Lisa, or anyone else, ever come between us. I'm not promising it will be perfect but I promise I'll try my best to make it."

"I don't need perfect, Blaine. I just need you and you are perfect to me, so that works for me." Kurt smiled, gently rubbing his fingers over Blaine's knuckles. It was sweet, but still something was longing in the air. There were unspoken words, unformed touches, cravings, needs, wants. There were barriers that were invisible, but yet so thick.

Were there barriers they were imposing on themselves only? Why not break them after all is said and done? Was everything said and done, really?

"Blaine," commenced Kurt, his voice suddenly unsure. Blaine must have noticed the sudden change of attitude because his eyes were full of worry as he studied Kurt's face. It was like Kurt had been hiding so much all along and he was ready to come clean. Blaine was afraid of what he might say, of what he might do. As much as he wanted to put last time's incident on a sudden moment of insanity, he knew deep down that this insanity must have come from somewhere. There were some deep buried feelings that were about to surface just now and he would have to face them just as much as Kurt. He couldn't let him deal with those alone especially when he was responsible for them, for all that hurt, that pain, that anger, that distress that Kurt had buried for all those years, for that green eye monster he had created and would come back to haunt their lives if it wasn't taken down. He knew it would take a lot of time, patience, and work, but he would wait. He would work on it with Kurt. It meant a lot to him that Kurt would open up to him when he didn't open to anyone ever.

He took a deep breath before finally allowing himself to face Kurt's demons and his own.

"What is it, Kurt?"

"I said I would stick up for you, that I would stand by you. But Blaine, you've gotta know that I'm not the once confident and strong man I used to be. I'm really trying to get back to that, but it's hard. It's just really, really, hard…" Kurt was whispering by this point, as if pointing out the truth too loud would hurt more. He was already close to tears, so Blaine leaned forward and took him by the shoulder. It was just a reassuring hug, nothing too intimate, just enough support so Kurt could know that he understood and he would be there for him, all the way until the end.

"I know, Kurt. I do, but it doesn't change anything."

"It does Blaine. How can you stick by me when I can hurt you like that? I will never forgive myself for what I did to you! I'm a monster! I almost raped the only man that truly matters to me, that will ever matter to me, and there is nothing I can do to make it go away! Nothing to make it ok! What kind of man does that say I am?" Kurt had started crying but it was mostly tears of anger. His whole body was shaking so Blaine pulled him into a massive hug and didn't let go. Kurt didn't even try to reject him but he didn't do anything to return the embrace either. Blaine finally gave up on the hug after a few moments and pulled back to take Kurt's face in the palm of his hands. He tried to wipe off some of the tears but more tears kept on coming. They were heavy, bitter tears, the ones that burn your skin and mark the story of your loss upon it.

"Kurt, look at me please. I already said that I had forgiven you. Plus, I'd say we're even. When I hurt you, emotionally speaking, when I left, you gave it back to me physically speaking."

"But that's just wrong, Blaine! That's not how it's supposed to be! I'm supposed to be the better man. I'm suppose to… argh!" Kurt's voice raised in frustration.

"You're not supposed to do anything, Kurt! There is not rationality in life, in feelings, in love! We both made mistakes. We should just move on and stop arguing about the past, because it can't bring anything good!"

"But Blaine, you don't know about my past. Sure, Quinn told you bits but you don't know the whole story. You don't know about all the men, all the,"

"I don't need to." Blaine cut him off. "I don't need to know about all that happened in the past. I have a general idea and I will stick to it. You can tell me all about Broadway, all about P's Legacy, but the fuck with the other men. I don't need to know. The hell with learning everything about each other. I already know what I need to know, that you're an amazing person, that you still care, that you still love. In other words, how much you think you've changed, you're still you. Your essence is still the same and that's all I fucking care about! You hear that, Kurt? You don't need to prove yourself to me. Maybe you have demons, but don't we all? I am firm believer that loves heals everything. Call me a romantic, a silly dreamer, but I don't care! Love can heal it all. It can even heal what happened between us. Show me you're still the man I first fell in love with. Make me erase all the bad memories; make me new ones. Heal me with your fucking love."

Somewhere in the middle of this engaged tirade, Kurt had stopped crying and just kept looking at Blaine, eyes and mouth open. He hadn't seen Blaine so damn passionate in… he didn't even remember. As he spoke, a fire was burning in his eyes. His whole body seemed to talk to be aching with passion, trying to make a point. All Kurt could do was to stare, listen and wait. He didn't even have the time to grasp everything Blaine was saying, because as soon as he stopped talking, he literally attacked Kurt. Kurt just stood there, mouth agape, while lips were furiously kissing him, begging him to respond, to show that love they were talking about. It took Kurt a while to catch up. He was so damn surprised by the turn of the events that it took him 2 good minutes before finally feeling what was happening, feeling the hotness of Blaine's mouth on his own.

Once he acknowledged it, he was pretty quick to catch up. He always had been. Only this time, he knew that there was no going back. They had a point to prove, to each other and to the world, to all those people that keep saying "you can't do that." Well, they would do it. They would and the world would just have to insert it in their damn logic. They were tired of being logical, of doing things one step out a time. To hell with respecting described patterns. They would make their own and they would do whatever would please them. Screw the world.

Putting it bluntly, they would screw.

Only it was easier said, than done. Everything, every little movement, every little touch seemed wrong. Blaine tried to stand up and pull Kurt with him in the bed, only to stub his foot on the edge and falling head first on the covers with Kurt on top of him. It would probably have been sexier if, while trying to turn around, he hadn't kicked Kurt down with his elbow right on his temple.

"Sorry, sorry," Blaine kept repeating, cursing himself for his clumsiness.

"It's ok, Blaine. Really, see? No blood, no harm. Let's do this."

As much as they tried, it kept getting worse. It was worse than even their first time, worse than any sexual interaction any of them ever had.

Kurt was lying on top of Blaine while at the same time trying to restrain himself on his elbows, not putting too much weight on the other man. That position hurt and was very, very uncomfortable.

His legs were parted at the maximum, and while Blaine legs rested between them, they didn't even touch.

They were kissing, yes, but even that was awkward. It wasn't like before. The passion was gone. Blaine was exploring his mouth as if he was trying to learn a lesson or something. It wasn't a tongue teaching seminar, for god's sake! Kurt wouldn't dare to say anything and kept kissing him lazily. He wouldn't dare try to move to tongue kissing, because every time, he seemed to open a bit more his mouth, Blaine flinched. It was bad, very bad.

Their hands were just resting alongside their bodies and that was worse. Kurt, who was really unfocused on the kiss, started to think that he should probably do something with those hands, but he was currently using them to support himself to not fall completely on Blaine. He slightly adjusted his position, lying next to Blaine, and the way their necks were twisted to continue the kiss was, to say the least, very strange.

Blaine finally seemed to come to the same conclusion and rolled to his side, facing Kurt.

He wouldn't dare open his eyes. He wouldn't dare face Kurt properly and see in his eyes how much of a complete failure this was. He wanted this so much, but it just didn't seem to work. They no longer knew what to do. Natural reflexes had disappeared and truth be told, he hadn't been as soft as he was at this point ever. Maybe, just maybe, it proved that they were trying too hard and they shouldn't. Maybe they were just not in sync anymore. They had always made one in bed, but tonight there were 3 of them in that room; Kurt, him, and a gigantic elephant. It was the messy and awkward kind, the kind you just can't avoid.

He was about to declare forfeit when Kurt finally decided to make a move. One of his hands came to rest on Blaine's torso. Oh god, did Kurt actually pat his stomach?

He did. He fucking did.

He wasn't better himself. His own hand was somewhere traveling on Kurt's back, barely touching him actually. It wasn't even teasing at this point. It was just horrific.

Kurt couldn't believe what he was doing. He was kissing Blaine with the worst technique he never knew he possessed, because yeah, at this point, it was just technique and not even that seemed to work. Somewhere along the line, his brain had seemed to regress to 10 years ago where the touch of a fingertip is as sexy as it gets, if only his touches were sexy. He was practically rubbing Blaine stomach as if the other man had eaten something bad. Kurt, for god's sake, get your act together! As much as he kept repeating himself that, it only added to the awkwardness. All mind, no business.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity to Blaine, Kurt's hand seemed to take the road down. It moved slowly, painfully slow, to rest on top of his somewhat hard erection. All Kurt was doing was… well, he wasn't doing anything. The hand just seemed suspended there, not teasing, not actually providing any comfort. It was just resting and Blaine really, really wanted it to move. He didn't want to be too blunt, to scare Kurt, to move too quickly, so he didn't catch it.

Blaine was really getting frustrated, both at himself and at Kurt, because that kiss sucked, because he wasn't going to be sucked or anything else for that matter. It was very clear now and really, it was his own damn fault.

They couldn't stop now. He could never face Kurt and know that all the chemistry between them was gone and that they should just stick to scrabble nights, thank you. He didn't want to believe that it was all for nothing.

He detached himself from Kurt's lips that froze instantly before giving a big sigh. Well, at least they were on the same page.

Blaine sat up, sitting cross-legged on the bed, before finally opening his eyes, only to see that Kurt was now resting against the headboard, looking at his own hands as if he couldn't believe they were his own and not some stranger's.

"Uh, Kurt. Do you prefer to top or bottom?" Damn everything. They would do it and get it over with. It was the only solution. Then, Blaine could run away, move to Canada, and change his name and work in construction.

"It doesn't matter to me. Whatever you want," sighed Kurt, still not facing Blaine.

"It's the same for me, too. But I… with Lisa… forget it. What do you do usually? With uh, Andrea and Jeremy…" Jeez, stop talking now Blaine!

Kurt had raised his head slowly, eyes wide open as if he couldn't believe that Blaine would dare to ask him such a question.

"Uh, forget I asked. Never mind. We'll…"

"No. I think I should tell you. We said full honesty, didn't we?" Kurt didn't look angry though. Blaine was relieved. He thought he had screwed big time there, but maybe after all that disaster, there was nothing more he could do to make it worse. Well, at least, there was that.

"Actually, it changed a lot," said Kurt, thoughtful. He moved forward to sit on the edge of the bed, head resting on his hands.

"Yeah, that figures. Gotta try it both ways, just like we did." Blaine adjusted his position so he would face Kurt, who wasn't really looking at him but was apparently more fascinated by the carpet and the empty box on pizza.

"Not really. What I mean is that… Please just listen and don't interrupt me and don't judge before I explain myself." Kurt had suddenly turned to face Blaine, locking their gazes. What Blaine saw made him immediately regret asking the question. It wasn't really clear, but something in the blue of Kurt's eyes was telling him that the worst of the day was still to come.

"Uh, ok."

"See, when you left, when… I changed a lot. I told you earlier about all the men. What you've gotta know is that I felt weak and so I was weak in bed. I mostly just bottomed, got fucked endlessly by other guys who had all the control. I never topped because I just couldn't. It meant I would have to man up, to take some charge. I was too disgusted by myself. I thought I didn't mean anything, so I just got fucked like it."

Honestly, Blaine didn't know what to answer. He wished he could apologize some more, but he didn't. He wasn't going to apologize for how Kurt reacted, for how he had treated himself. Maybe it had been Blaine's fault but right now, he didn't feel like being sympathetic. Maybe it was the words chosen by Kurt. Maybe it was his eyes. They were hard and unforgiving. They were harsh and blunt.

"But, after those two years, after all that work, because I gotta be honest, there was no one really in those years, things changed. I just grew tired of being fucked in every sense of the word. So, I wouldn't let anyone take charge anymore. I would decide when, how, and if. I would do it at my own speed. I would take charge as the man I wanted to be."

"So, basically what you're saying is that bottoms are pussies and tops are real men, or something like that. Way to break the stereotype Hummel. I didn't think you of all people would see it that way." He didn't remember opening his mouth, but the words were there. Blaine's mind had apparently processed the information faster than Blaine could realize and it had decided that the proper reaction was anger and frustration. Well, he would have to go with it.

"That's not what I mean, Blaine." Kurt had stood up and was facing Blaine, although he looked pretty uncomfortable. His hands were threatening, showing his anxiety as they clenched on his shirt, and his ears were turning as red as a tomato.

"Well, it seemed pretty clear to me." Again, his voice was sharp and cold. Blaine felt like he was seeing himself talk and act from above. Apparently, he was very much angry.

"You said you wouldn't judge!" screamed Kurt, with a high pitch voice.

"I'm sorry then! I lied! Yes, I judge you Kurt! I judge you because I never thought you would become that man. Maybe you were already. Maybe all those times when you insisted you'd top, clearly you were just trying to prove your virility or some bullshit like that! I thought the whole point of being gay was because we were two men, equal in a fucking relationship, not a man and a pussy! If it's that for you, I should probably have stayed with Lisa. At least she has an actual pussy!" Blaine had stood also and was now yelling at Kurt, his whole body shaking with anger.

"Don't be so crude, Blaine!"

"Oh, it's my fault now? Maybe we shouldn't do this."

"Maybe we shouldn't. It wasn't a good idea anyways." Kurt agreed.

"What? Sex or us trying to patch things up?"

"Blaine, you seriously think that we should break up?" Kurt's face was so very alert now and his eyes were terrified. It was just like before. He could practically feel himself dive slowly into that crazy state he had been into for so long, that madness that started when Blaine had rejected him in the first place. He had serious abandonment issues, but not with everyone. He just couldn't imagine his life without Blaine. He had been a fool before. Of course, he needed Blaine. He was nothing without him. Nothing. He missed the most important part of his heart, of his mind. Just like you couldn't function with half a lung, he couldn't function without his better half. He was sick without him. It was seriously sick.

"Kurt, we were never together to start with! Thank god for that, because I don't recognize you anymore! You've changed so much Kurt and I just don't like the new you. You asked me to listen to you yesterday and I didn't. I made assumptions. Well, maybe I was right after all. Maybe Andrea was right." And that, that hurt more than anything to Kurt.

"Don't say that, Blaine. Please don't," begged Kurt, any ounce of dignity gone.

"Well, explain it to me then. Explain to me how the Kurt I used to know, the sweet man who thought as himself as just a silly romantic, the man who would cringe at any mention of stereotype, the man that would always try to brake boundaries, the man…"

But Kurt wasn't talking. Kurt just kept giving Blaine sad eyes and Blaine wouldn't have it. He couldn't believe he had been fooled like that. He couldn't believe what he had just heard from Kurt himself. Kurt wasn't the one to talk without choosing his words. Every word was measured and there was no doubt that it was exactly what he wanted to say. What now? If he thought things like that, maybe there was much more. Kurt probably wasn't the same person. He should have seen it before. When Kurt attacked him, he should have run away then! It was his clue. What a fool Blaine had been trying to find excuses for him when there were none. This is who Kurt was now! Nothing, not even Blaine leaving, could excuse such behavior! He was so glad he didn't sleep with him. He would have regretted it so much. He had trusted enough people in his life and been betrayed; Lisa, his parents. He wouldn't add Kurt to the list! It hurt so much, but he couldn't let himself be hurt more.

"I just don't know anymore, Kurt, because all I want right now is get up and never look back again. I just wish there was more you could say that would stop me. Deep inside of me, I feel like there is nothing that you would say who would make it better, that would make me understand and look at you the way I used, and not be disgusted and ashamed by your thoughts. Please Kurt tell me, show me, give me any reason that would be worth loosing my family, my job, my everything. Give me a reason why I should keep fighting, why I should stick up for you more. Please, just give me a reason."

"Because I love you," stated Kurt simply, as if it meant everything.

"You keep saying that and I keep saying it back, but maybe it's not true anymore. I just don't know who you are right now!" Blaine started walking toward the door. He didn't know where he was going, but he just couldn't stay any second longer looking at Kurt. There was too much disappointment.

"Because I love you Blaine and that changes everything," repeated Kurt.

"What changes everything?" Blaine asked, dubiously turning back to face Kurt.

"You want a reason why you should stick around and not run away. Well, I don't have one to give you," stated Kurt, calmly.

Blaine was baffled. How dare he? Why? He just couldn't… No, it was impossible. How could Kurt, who was his everything, basically tell him that he didn't want him. Blaine's head was spinning and he had to lean on the back of the door to keep from falling on the ground. Nothing made sense. Kurt didn't make sense.

"But I do have a reason why I should stick around and not mess it up again."

"It's always about you, isn't?" replied Blaine, sour but definitely no longer angry. Why be angry at someone who doesn't give a fuck anymore?

"My reason is that I finally see the difference. It took me a long time and a lot of mistakes to see what was worth it and what was not. Blaine, I regret so much that my last mistakes had to hurt you. You say you don't want to talk about it, that you've forgiven me and that we're even, but we're not. You never meant to hurt me on purpose. Actually, you acted so I wouldn't get hurt, or at least that I would hurt less. It would have worked if I didn't have such a one track mind." Kurt laughed darkly. "But I do. And you know that it's nothing or everything for me. I don't know what measure is. It always played tricks on me but I never thought I could hurt the only person, the only thing in this world that ever mattered to me."

Kurt stopped to take a deep breath and fixed his burning eyes into Blaine's, who had somewhat stopped breathing. He knew this was it, the big confession time. Everything, their whole future would depend on Kurt's next words. It was make it or break it. It would be his choice to make. Kurt was delivering all his cards, holding nothing back. Blaine would be the judge of it. He didn't know if he could make such decision yet but he had to. Any moment now, he would have to. There was no other way.

"I say that tops are a position of power and vice versa. You don't understand how I could think like that. I don't know when I started to think like that, but I know why. I did because when you left, I decided to shut down any emotions. Like Quinn told you, like I said, sex was just sex for me. I didn't know that you could have sex without being in love because I had never tried it before, but I discovered it. And truly, when feelings are not involved, sex is just a way to assert your power and enjoy yourself. As for any kind of people, I guess, it's a game. Sex is only a game, Blaine, and either you win or you lose. That's how I saw it. And truly, all those years, it reflected my life. When I was at the lowest, when I was losing the game of life, I would make myself loose the game of sex, make myself be a loser. It was the same thing with being a winner. That's so stupid, so trivial I realize, but that's how the real world does it, Blaine. I was pretty ok with it until…" Blaine noticed that tears had started streaming upon Kurt's face and he had lost hope to stop them. "…until the day when I did that to you. I reacted the same way with you that I did with all the others. Only you're not like the others and I saw that too late. I can't believe it took me to hurt you to see my errors. I shouldn't throw myself away like that. I need more than just stupid meaningless sex, and the truth is… The truth is, well, you're it, Blaine. You're it." Kurt smiled at him, his face wet with tears, and Blaine's heart seemed to break in a hundred pieces. "You're it." repeated Kurt, his voice much stronger than before. "You're the man that showed me love, that helped me accept myself, and be true to who I am. Who I am is not a man who screws around like some cheap man whore but a man who needs feelings to live, to be. Otherwise, I'm just struggling to survive. You showed me love and somehow, I lost that when you left. I became someone else. Someone that shouldn't be loved, because he couldn't even love himself. All I did was play, viciously. But then you came back and I realized too late what I had lost. I wish you could forgive me, Blaine, but I won't blame you if you won't. The only thing I can say is that you're it for me. Your name is love. I know you think it's cheesy, so clich�, but it's true. You're the only one for me. The only one who… You are my humanity. You're the one to remind me that sex is not just sex, that it's really not about being a top or a bottom, but connecting with each other. Those positions are just words. Irrelevant, grotesque. When I'm inside you, I know that my ultimate goal is to make you feel my love and that is the ultimate privilege. When you're inside of me, oh god Blaine, I just lose myself to you. I… I wish I could give you something else, but that's all I have. I'm damaged goods, and it's not just because of you, but with you it doesn't matter. With you, I'm complete. I breath again. I am again. I just, I love you, Blaine. I wish there were words stronger, but there are not." Kurt was panting now, but he couldn't stop talking. "I love you. I find my way back with you. So yeah, if you need a reason to stay, to not bail on me, on us, I really can't give it to you. I may be selfish and egocentric, but if I'm selfish because my reason is that I love you, and I just can't let go of you without letting myself go, then so be it. I'm sorry for not being able to give you anything more than just me, but if you ever choose to stick around, by some miracle, I'll make sure that you'll get the best version of me. The me-you , if that makes sense. That's my reason. That's the only reason there'll ever be." Kurt finished out of breath.

He was almost sobbing at this point and his vision was blurred. He couldn't say what Blaine was thinking or looking like, and he almost didn't care. He sat on the edge of the bed, putting his head between his hands, and finally, finally let go.

After all that time, he had finally said the words that truly mattered. It was like a huge weight had been relieved from his chest, but at the same time, it meant the end for him. It was the end of his battle, the end of everything. Blaine would decide his fate now. There was no going back to the man he once was. He had dropped his weapons on the ground, and either he would be killed or forgiven, and he had just to wait.

And he did. He did wait. And wait. And wait.

Blaine wasn't coming. Blaine wasn't relieving him. Blaine wasn't going to forgive him, but he wouldn't dare to look. Blaine was probably gone, repulsed. He was probably gone and Kurt was probably going to remain there, crying all the tears he could produce. After that, he would just fall asleep and wish to never wake up again. He would make himself never wake up again. There was no point.

Maybe he should have stopped caring 5 years ago. He should have. But they wouldn't let him. He had lost 5 years fighting for nothing. Who was he kidding? Himself? He couldn't live without Blaine. He wished he knew how. He really did, but living without Blaine meant merely surviving and he wasn't sure he wanted to do it anymore.

He wasn't sure of anything anymore, not sure if he wished to continue to breath, to sit and wait for something that would never….

"You're my reason, Kurt." It came as a bullet that ripped apart the atmosphere. A shotgun in the silence of the night and yet it was nothing more than a whisper.

Kurt raised his head slowly, painfully slow. It seemed to last an eternity and yet so soon, Blaine was standing in his sight. Strangely enough, nothing had seemed to change. It's like Blaine hadn't said a word at all. He still wore that same confused expression and looked as stiff as a statue. Kurt started to think that he imagined the words, because there was no way that Blaine had actually pronounced them and yet wouldn't act on them.

He was about to lower his head again, unable to hold Blaine's frozen glance, when he heard those words again. They were louder, always louder, but this time, something happened.

Blaine seemed to regain consciousness, like he had just processed what his unconscious knew already and had made him say before he could even register it himself. Slowly, it was like Blaine was awakening from a dream.

Slowly, his eyes altered. His whole face transformed from rock to a wide range of emotions. Kurt couldn't keep track of them, but it didn't matter, as his face seemed to settle on the last one.

Honestly, he couldn't put a name on it, but Kurt's heart seemed to enter into combustion at it sight. Blaine looked a overwhelmed man, overwhelmed by confusion, regrets, pain, but mostly love. Blaine himself seemed to acknowledge those feelings as they processed on his face and finally, finally, that transformation ended. They ended and he was reborn a new man, a new Blaine, wide awake, a man who finally knew, understood. He was finally a man ready to act.

"Kurt. You are my reason. I don't need another one," said Blaine again, looking right into Kurt's eyes, those eyes that always changed colors, always surprising Blaine. Blaine loved each tone, each variation of color. Right now, they were a deep blue, more blue than the bottom of the ocean, deeper than any sea. He could drown in them, spend all his life glued to that sight, and lose himself in them even if it was just for one night.

Those eyes were crying. They shouldn't have been. Nothing should have made those beautiful eyes cry. If it wasn't happiness, then it was a sacrilege. He wouldn't be the one to be responsible for such a sin, not anymore. He would make sure that those eyes would never pour another tear. He would make sure they would always glow only with happiness, be as bright as the sun. He would burn by their glow, their warmth, their desire.

Maybe, maybe those eyes were reading into his soul. As he processed those thoughts, those eyes were answering him. They grew and grew, and for one last time, their color changed. The blue seemed to fade at once and the black took its place, all black. They burned his soul, perverted his mind. He had to subject himself to those eyes; there was no other choice.

"Blaine," the eyes moaned. The lips may have spoken the words, those perfect pink lips, wet with tears. He would have to dry those lips, make that salty scent go away and replace it with his own. The lips had spoken, but the eyes said it all.

Just like that, Blaine was across the room, landing on his knees in front of Kurt, any restraint abandoned, any composure gone. He had composed enough. He had controlled himself enough for a lifetime. For the rest of his life, he would just lose himself into Kurt. He would combust under his touch, under his love, and be damned. Hell never felt so good.

Kurt didn't get the time to process what had just happened. One second, he was crying for dear life, the other second, combusting under Blaine's gaze. He wouldn't try to understand right now and surely, not for a long time, not ever maybe. He was perfectly ok with it. He had decided at some moment that he couldn't know it all, couldn't understand everything. All he needed to know was that he loved and needed Blaine, and Blaine loved and needed him too. It was enough. He understood that he would never understand at the moment Blaine kneeled in front of him. He understood that he would never understand why he need to kiss that man so badly, to feel his touch upon him, his embrace around him. He just grabbed his face, shutting his mind completely, and with his heart, with the only thing that held him together, he kissed him. When their lips connected, he knew he had been right. Why try to understand why those lips seemed to fit perfectly together, why his lips seemed to burn his own, and all the way to his soul? Why Kissing Blaine was better than kissing anyone else? Why try to explain why nothing seemed to work before and why now he wouldn't have been able to detach himself from Blaine even if his life depended on it? He would just have to die inside Blaine's mouth.

Passion. Desperation. Lust. Craving. Constant craving for something more. Blaine couldn't stop kissing those perfect lips. Kurt was going to kill him, because he would never want to let go. He loved the way Kurt's lips teased his upper lip with the tip of his tongue, just enough to drive Blaine crazy, just enough to crave for more, just enough to open his mouth and mix their breaths together, breath each other's unique scent. They mixed their tastes. Kurt tasted like regrets and hope at the same time. He would make sure he would only taste like hope from now on. His tongue explored Kurt's mouth, licking its wounds, spreading love, and Kurt gave love back. They danced together. They turned around each other, feinting the other, and connecting again. They were challenging for dominance, but in all, it was just pretense. No one would ever dominate the other again. Equal to equal, they would dance together. Their scents would mix to make one and they would breathe each other's air.

Talking about breathing, they were about to pass out. Blaine was dizzy and yet, he never felt better in his life, never healthier or stronger. He wanted it to last. He wanted Kurt to feel his strength too, so with reluctance, he pulled away slowly, and not that much really. It was just enough so he could look into Kurt's eyes and make sure he didn't take his retreat the wrong way. Kurt's eyes were smiling. Kurt's whole face was glowing. His smile was wider than Blaine had seen it in years and Blaine couldn't help but grin at him too. Their mouths were inches away, not touching, just beaming at each other. Somehow, it felt far more intimate than their previous kiss. They were saying much more with those smiles than with all their touches and kisses.

"Blaine, I love you so much. Thank you. Thank you so much," whispered Kurt, more tears falling, but the smile never left its place. He was crying from happiness. He had never cried from happiness. Blaine had made it happen. He had succeeded in transforming sorrow into joy. It's all he had ever wanted.

"Shhh." Blaine put a finger on his lips that Kurt kissed lovingly and suddenly Blaine couldn't take it anymore.

He stood up and took Kurt with him. In one swift movement, they landed on the bed. Blaine was on top, but it didn't matter really who was on top or who was under. They would give each other the same amount of love and that was the only thing that mattered.

"Kurt. I love you. I adore you. I just want you to know it," whispered Blaine in Kurt's ear, which made Kurt shiver from tip to toe. Blaine knew that Kurt had a soft spot for his ears, and he would make sure to use it, make sure to give Kurt as enough pleasure as possible.

"I do. I really do, Blaine," said, Kurt, out of breath. "But please…"

"I know, Kurt. I do. Don't worry, I'm going to take care of you," promised Blaine, blowing air in his ear and Kurt just let go.

Blaine started to lick Kurt's ear slowly, almost methodically, from the top to the end, from time to time giving an experimental lick inside of it. Kurt was shivering and moaning, his whole body arched in need. They were both quite hard at this point, and Kurt thanked the gods for wearing joggings that morning, but Blaine was still wearing jeans and his erection was pressing painfully against his pants. The sudden motion of Kurt's body made their groins rub against each other, and he nearly lost it altogether.

"Oh god, Kurt." Kurt wasn't able to form any coherent response that wasn't a mix of moans and whimpers that was setting Blaine more on edge than he already was. He lost the little composure he had left and practically attacked Kurt's neck with his mouth. He was licking, kissing, blowing air. It was messy and sloppy, but it never felt so good. Kurt's hands flew in the air, trying to find some support as if he would drown if he didn't attach himself to something. They finally landed on the back of Blaine's neck. He fingernails were digging through Blaine's skin but he didn't have a fuck to give. The pressure only added to Blaine's eagerness. He was biting Kurt's neck, leaving small bruises after each bite, licking others, and marking his man, marking his love, putting a trace on the other man's body. They were something to remind him that he was loved and cherished by no other than Blaine. Those red and purples bruises on that perfect porcelain skin were strangely beautiful. Those small drops of blood didn't came from hurt and loss, but love and lust. They were the price of happiness, of contentment.

Kurt's hands were still travelling down Blaine's spine, sending shivers down Blaine's body. He wished he could go further down but Blaine's shirt was blocking his way, so he waited for one last kiss on his jaw and then reversed the situation. In one quick movement, again surprising Blaine, he rolled around, and suddenly, it was him on top. Blaine looked at him with questioning eyes, and yet a hungry expression. Kurt just smiled teasingly, and his hands made their way down to Blaine's waist.

Blaine's breath got caught in his throat.

"K… Kurt… please…" begged the man, raising his hips to look for any friction. Kurt just kept smiling, and slowly, slowly made his way into the belt and opened it. As he was removing it from the pants, Blaine suddenly moved his hand away to grab Kurt's erection and palmed it through his pants. Kurt hissed and the belt went flying away. Next thing they heard was a something crashing down and the light reduced in the room. Well, apparently Kurt had knocked down the lamp.

"Sorry, Kurt…" murmured Blaine, but he didn't look sorry at all. He was still palming Kurt length, bringing his other hand to Kurt's hair and pulling on it.

"Don't be. It's ok." Kurt tried to get out between moans. His eyes were closed and he was trying hard to get Blaine's shirt from his pants to open the damn buttons. Another touch of Blaine's finger right on the tip of his cock made it impossible to continue and he collapsed on Blaine, looking for more friction, any kind of friction. Blaine responded by bucking his lips and they both whimpered at the feeling.

Blaine tugged his hair between his fingers, bringing Kurt's mouth to his own and their tongues mixed again in one sloppy, hot, kiss. Kurt was trying to fuck Blaine's mouth with his tongue and Blaine was happy to take it. He took Kurt's tongue between his teeth and didn't want to release it. Kurt moved his hips in response and again their groins met in a desperate movement.

"Shit, Kurt. Fuck, I'm…"

"Blaine…" moaned Kurt on top of him. He resumed at his previous task, his fingers still uncoordinated, and he couldn't get the shirt open for the life of him. He was desperate, desperate to touch more of Blaine, to feel Blaine' skin on his lips, to lick each part of his perfect body and the damn shirt wouldn't open.

Kurt looked at it, positively frustrated, and then back at Blaine, who was panting and whose eyes were burning with desire. He didn't think twice. He just pulled the shirt apart, ripping it in two, making buttons fly all around the room. He would sew it back later. Or not. Who the fuck cared? Not Blaine, at least. After a second of shock, his mouth found Kurt again and he kissed him furiously, desperately. It was more animal than anything, biting again every inch of his lips, but Kurt didn't mind. He removed the parts of fabric that still clung into Blaine's body before finally detaching himself from Blaine's lips and making his way down his jaw, leaving small kisses and bites here and there. Blaine's eyes rolled back all the way to his brain and he smacked his head down on the bed. He was breathing heavily and his hands were clenching the shirt furiously. Kurt looked up a second to this glorious sight and truly Blaine never looked so beautiful, undone under Kurt's touch. He was meeting every kiss Kurt was delivering with his flawless and perfect shaped body, moaning and breathing hard at every bite, every lick.

Kurt was now making his way down to Blaine's nipples. He licked tentatively around them, receiving a desperate sound from Blaine before taking the right one in his mouth. As if on cue, Blaine's body arched and his groin rubbed against Kurt's thigh, craving for attention. Every inch of his body craved for Kurt's touch. Blaine's mind was pulled at a hundred places at the same time, but he lost it completely when Kurt sucked the tip of his nipple before taking it whole in his mouth and playing with it with his teeth.

Kurt gave his whole attention to that nipple, before moving to the left one, proceeding exactly the same way with it. Before Kurt could get further, Blaine suddenly seemed to regain some kind of self-control and grabbed Kurt's hips to roll them again, making him on top that time.

"Blaine, what are you doing?"

"Making you feel as good as you made me feel," smiled Blaine, before taking off Kurt's shirt.

He didn't pull it off completely. As it was about to get to Kurt's head, Blaine stopped his movement and took Kurt's left nipple in his mouth. Kurt hissed under the shirt and fell back on the bed, the shirt falling back on his body, and covering Blaine's face. Something about the sight of Blaine under his shirt, doing magical things with his mouth, licking every one of his slightly shaped abs, did amazing things to Kurt's stomach. He almost came undone right there and then, but he resisted. He didn't want to be over just yet. There was much more to be done, much more to come before they would finally come.

After a few moments, Blaine emerged from under the shirt, a smirk on his face.

"Proud of your little trick, aren't you?" Kurt wanted to sound sarcastic, but it was a battle lost from the beginning. He was too desperate, too aroused, to sound anything but needy.

"I am indeed." Blaine kissed him quickly on the lips before taking his shirt off for good this time. It landed god knows where in the room but at least he hadn't destroyed something else this time. Well, not yet, at least. "But I have other tricks to show you, if you're interested," finished Blaine with a knowing smile.

"Let's see what you got," breathed Kurt.

Blaine didn't need to be told twice. Before Kurt could even register the movement, Blaine had removed his pants, his briefs following a second later. Kurt was fully exposed now, his throbbing cock fully hard, the pre-come leaking from the tip.

"Well, hello, old friend. Long time no see. It's good to have you back," stated Blaine, looking languidly at Kurt's length.

"Blaine! You're crazy. You can't say stuff like that." Kurt let out a nervous laugh. Truth be told, he was really trying to sound casual, but he never felt more anxious, and exposed in his life. He shouldn't and yet, there was no way to shake that feeling. It was Blaine, he kept repeating himself, but that was it actually. It was Blaine, not some random fuck, not some cheap boyfriend. He was completely naked in front of Blaine and it felt again like the very first time.

Blaine looked him in the eyes and immediately the teasing light disappeared. He saw Kurt nervousness and anxiety. He kissed him gently on the lips, lingering oh so slightly, before kissing his eyes, a soft touch for each, the tip of his nose, his cheeks and back to his lips. Kurt felt instantly better. Blaine always knew what to do. He didn't need words to make him understand. Blaine just knew what to do to make him feel safe and loved.

"God, you're beautiful. You are, Kurt. Never doubt it a second," said Blaine, with so much emotion in his eyes that Kurt wanted to cry. Instead, he smiled because that's just what Blaine did to him. He made him smile and made him happy. He made him feel strong again and confident. Their gazes seemed to connect for what seemed an eternity and no time at all. Kurt's smile progressively turned into a teasing smirk as an idea played into his head.

"Well, now that it's settled, are you gonna stay there looking at it or actually do something? You know, as they say, it's not gonna suck itself."

Whatever Blaine might have intended to respond with at first got caught in his throat, leaving him speechless. His eyes widened in surprise, at Kurt's boldness and his mouth hung open, which caused Kurt to smile broader. He knew he had won this round.

Blaine really tried to respond with something witty, anything to tease Kurt and to make him beg for his touch. Kurt knew better. He raised his hips tentatively and pressed just enough of his cock against Blaine's pressing erection to make Blaine loose all coherency. Blaine groaned and gave up at answering. Instead he looked down at the perfect white cock waiting for him to give it any attention and he forgot about Kurt's comment. He wasn't going to admit it any time soon, but he was even more desperate than Kurt to taste him, to take his perfect member in his mouth. Damn you, Kurt Hummel. Damn you and your perfect cock. As if he had spoken aloud, Kurt let out a soft giggle. Maybe he had said it aloud, maybe not. Who knew? The only thing he knew was that his cock was like a magnet pulling him to it. Without a second to lose, he gave in to the magnetic pull and took it fully in his mouth.

He wasn't sure of what was going on anymore further on top, how Kurt was reacting. The only thing that matter was his mouth on his length, tasting the unique scent of Kurt. Oh, how he had missed this taste. He tasted like coffee, like moisturizer, like he actually put some on his cock. This thought turned him on more than normally acceptable, but he didn't fucking care. He bobbed his head around the head of Kurt's penis and started sucking like his life depended on it. He was sucking around it, from time to time passing his tongue on the tip of the head. He must have done something good, because Kurt was literally losing it. His fingers found Blaine's hair and were digging painfully into his skull. He was moaning and groaning and it just made Blaine go further. He relaxed his throat, and took as much of Kurt as possible.

"BLAINE! OH MY GOD!" screamed Kurt, jerking forward before he could stop himself. Blaine had prepared himself and was grabbing Kurt's thighs with force. It would probably mark, but really, after all they had done and were still going to do, it was the least of their concern.

Blaine licked the vein on Kurt's cock from tip to the bottom, taking the time to massage his balls each one at a time.

Kurt was groaning and his fingers traced patterns on the back of Blaine's neck, scorching the skin, leaving more scars. He wasn't going to last, but he had to. As pleasant as the feeling of Blaine's mouth was on his member, he still needed more, much more, all the way more.

"Blaine, stop. Please, stop"

Blaine stopped at once and looked up at Kurt, worry on his face. He immediately relaxed when he saw the blissful expression of Kurt's face. God, that man was so beautiful. Right now, even with all that sweat upon his face and his messed up hair and his mouth hanging open, trying to catch his breath, he look breathtaking. He looked like a fucking angel, an undone angel.

Blaine was turned on again but he reminded himself that Kurt has asked him to stop.

"It's just that I don't want to come yet. I want it to last some more…" explained Kurt to answer the confused expression in Blaine's eyes. " I want…"

"I want you inside of me, Kurt," interrupted Blaine, his voice slightly shaking.

"Are you sure…?" asked Kurt, his eyes widening with surprise. After the last time's debacle, he had expected that Blaine would actually take the charge, but a quick look at Blaine erased that thought. Blaine wanted to give him a second chance to erase his mistake, to make him forget all about it and build new memories. He didn't need Blaine to say it. He just knew and it made his heart almost burst with love.

"I love you so much, Blaine."

"I love you too, Kurt, more than I can understand, but I'm ok with it. I just know that I want you inside of me. I want to feel you," responded Blaine with a thousand fires burning in his eyes.

"I'm gonna be gentle. I promise. I…" said Kurt, locking his eyes with Blaine. He needed to show his sincerity so Blaine would trust him. Blaine already did. He took Kurt's hand in his own, kissed each one of knuckles before kissing his palms and putting them on each side of his face. He kissed Kurt on the lips with so much love and passion that Kurt felt his entire self melt with too much love and care.

"I trust you." Blaine said simply.

Kurt nodded and slowly moved out of Blaine's way. He stood up on his knees to reach for the bottom drawer of the nightstand, bending down in front of Blaine. The sight of Kurt perfectly shaped ass in front of his eyes drove Blaine wild. Really, he wished he had more self restrain than that, but he was just a man with a gorgeous and pale ass in front of him. That could turn any man wild, right? That's what he tried to tell himself as he launched forward to Kurt's back. He should have probably thought before jerking forward like that. He should have expected that Kurt wasn't really steady on his knees with half of his body suspended in the air, out of the bed. He probably should have put a hand on the bed to steady himself, but the sight had left him mindless.

Next thing he knew, they were both on the ground, Blaine on top and landing pretty hard on the thin carpet, Kurt on his back.

They looked at each other with wide eyes, neither of them really understanding what just happened and Blaine should have asked if Kurt had been hurt or something, but after exchanging a quick glance, all the pretenses vanished and they both exploded into hysteric laughter.

"God, Blaine, what did you think you were doing?" Kurt managed to breathe out between giggles.

Blaine was laughing too hard to make any coherent sentences, but Kurt could make out the words ass, and too good, and really it didn't do anything good but increase the hilarity. It didn't help when Blaine seemed to realize what he said and started blushing furiously.

Really, neither of them quite knew what changed, but one second their bodies were convulsing with laughs and the next, both of their gazes were locked, a dead end expression on their faces. There was nothing remotely funny anymore, with the way Blaine was straddling Kurt's hips, the way Kurt was naked under his touch, the way his fingers were unconsciously smoothing his back. Nothing was funny at all.

"Hi there," murmured Kurt, his eyes flickering at a thousand emotions per second.

"Hi there yourself, gorgeous," Blaine responded. His voice was strong, serious, and humorless. His face was almost severe with the depth of his feelings. Kurt shivered at his tone and closed his eyes, pressing hard. It was happening now. There was no going back.

Blaine seemed to think so too and without sparing a second, he attacked Kurt's neck. His lips traced small kisses all the way down his jaw, settling on his collarbone, making Kurt moan with pleasure. It still wasn't enough. Nothing was enough between them. They would always need more, need less barriers between them.

Currently, one of those barriers was that Blaine was still wearing pants. For the life of him, he couldn't figure why he hadn't taken them off sooner, but he had to remedy it soon.

While Blaine sucked on his pale skin, Kurt's hand made their way down to Blaine's pants, where he began to open the buttons. His movements were even less coordinated than before, when all his attention was driven to those tiny licks Blaine was currently ravishing his neck with. He figured he should probably rip apart the pants also, but fortunately Blaine was as desperate as him to get out of them.

"Let me do it, Kurt," breathed Blaine in his ear, driving him crazy again. "Just take care of the rest."

Oh, right, the lube. That's what he had been looking for at first. That's why they were both currently on the hard floor. Kurt had almost forgotten about that because of Blaine's damn talented mouth. As he soon as he was reminded, his whole body arched in need and his hand flew behind him, looking blindly through the stuff in the drawer. He could only touch but not see the drawer. What he could see was Blaine removing his pants and his briefs in the same movement and that really didn't help his blind quest, because there it was. Blaine's cock. Blaine's perfect long, thick, leaking cock. It was a glorious sight. Kurt had frozen, his arm arched behind him, buried in the drawer, almost forgotten, while his eyes were scanning Blaine's body like they were X rays.

Blaine looked at his expression and pressed down his hips in response, meeting Kurt's hard throbbing cock. The friction created made them both groan in need and Kurt's body launched forward against his will, looking for more.

"Oh God, Blaine!"

"Kurt! I need you now. Please, I need you inside of me," begged Blaine, before giving another hard thrust.

Kurt retrieved his hand from the drawer, because honestly he wasn't really being successful at doing this blind, and joining it with the other, he put them to a much better use. He grabbed Blaine's ass hard, and with all the strength he could manage, he pressed the other man's body on his own. Their groins connected once again and they both cried with pleasure. They were so desperate to press against each other, but it was more than pure lust. It was like they wanted to leave as little space as possible between them, to make of their bodies one body, make of their hearts one heart. Kurt found it almost humoristic that he would think of such song at such time or think at all, for that matter. That song represented their first time together in their minds and today felt just like the first time. Only now, they had absolutely no restraint, especially not Kurt, whose fingers went to tease Blaine's hole, circling around it, teasing it.

"KURT! Now! I need you! Please FUCK ME!" cried Blaine, his hips arching to look for Kurt's fingers.

Kurt was desperate, but he hadn't forgotten his earlier promise. He wouldn't fuck Blaine, not today at least. Today it was all about love, all about gentleness and sweet caring.

"I'm not gonna fuck you, Blaine. I want to make love to you, baby," responded Kurt tenderly, kissing Blaine softly on the lips. Blaine whimpered in need, but he got it too.

"Anything, Kurt. Just do SOMETHING!" yelled Blaine once again as Kurt's finger went to tease his hole again.

Kurt decided that he couldn't wait anymore. It didn't matter that they were on the floor, that the bed could have been probably a thousand times more confortable. He was sure that Blaine didn't mind seeing how he was panting and screaming in need. They wouldn't have time for the bed now. Kurt once again rose on his elbows, gripped one of Blaine's hips and turned them around. This way, he was able to look properly into the drawer and in no time, he found the precious bottle of lube. Only the condoms were missing.

"Blaine, I don't have…"

"I don't care, Kurt. I want to feel you. Just you. Please". And just like that Kurt stopped thinking altogether. He abandoned himself to what they called the other brain of men. He would rule him from now on and he would subject to all its needs.

Kurt took a large amount of lube in his hands and rubbed them together to warm it up a bit. At this sight, Blaine moaned and his hand reached forward automatically for his cock. Before he could deliver some relief to his hardening erection, Kurt slapped his hand out of the way and put his own hand instead. He gave a single thrust that sent Blaine on edge. He was painfully close and he was sure he wasn't going to last long with Kurt inside of him. Kurt gave another thrust and his head flew back only to smack down hard on the furniture. The whole thing shook and before they knew it, more damage was done. They didn't quite know what had fallen down this time, but before Blaine could look for it, or even apologize to Kurt, the man silenced him with a kiss.

"It doesn't matter, Blaine. I don't fucking care about another lamp, or any other thing," said Kurt, looking at him in the eyes. He wanted to make sure Blaine would hear his next words. He needed him to understand. "I don't care because I will start it all again. I will build something new, but not alone. We'll do it together. We'll redecorate it together. Hell, we can even sell this crappy place and get one of our own, as long as it is ours".

Blaine's breath got caught at Kurt's words and the intensity of his gaze. He didn't need to ask if he meant it, because just by looking into those eyes, he knew it was going to happen. They were full of hope and promises, full of love. They were his only salvation for the future. His throat burned and he couldn't help but let a few tears stream upon his face. He was insanely happy; happy to share it with Kurt, happy to share anything with that perfect man who was only his. He forgot about everything as he lost himself for the hundredth time that day in those lips. Tears were wetting those lips, giving them a salty taste, but it was far from being bitter or sour. He thought he would never be more happy than at this moment. That is until he felt Kurt's finger slowly, gently, push into his hole.

"Kuuurt…" he moaned against his lover lips and was met by a loving smile from Kurt. He locked his eyes into Kurt's and just let himself feel.

Kurt was proceeding slowly, feeling it too, feeling the warmth, the hotness around his finger, Blaine's perfect hole around him. He looked into those eyes and he saw only love and gratitude and it took all his restraint to not come undone here and there.

The rest was a mix of moans and groans as Kurt was slowly moving his finger in and out of Blaine's body, teasing his hole and filling it completely. After some time, he decided to add another finger. He took it slow at first, scared of hurting Blaine more than necessary, but his lover had other ideas in mind. He started fucking himself on those perfect long fingers and all of Kurt's restraint vanished by the window. He crooked his fingers.

"Oh God! KURT! There! Please, MORE!" yelled Blaine. Apparently, Kurt had found that magic spot that was making Blaine go wild of desire and pleasure. Kurt couldn't help but smile at what he could do this man with only his fingers. He just couldn't wait to be inside of him, with the feeling of his cock buried in Blaine's warm, hot ass.

He crooked his fingers once again, twice, each time touching his prostate and Blaine was practically sobbing for Kurt to get inside of him.

Kurt added a third finger quickly, thrusting in and out, before finally taking out all his fingers at ounce. Blaine whimpered at the loss, but he wouldn't be empty for long.

Kurt positioned himself in front of Blaine's entrance and with one last look into his eyes, he slowly penetrated him. Kurt's lips buried Blaine's hiss as he kissed him, trying to ease the pain away. It was messy, sloppy, and so desperate, but it didn't matter. All that was important was the amazing feeling of Blaine's tightness around Kurt's member. It was all too much.

"Blaine, god! You're so… tight… so… perfect around me" panted Kurt. Blaine only responded with a deep moan and clutched his ass further against Kurt's cock. Kurt nearly lost it and buried himself all the way inside of Blaine, then stopped moving altogether. Their eyes locked.

What seemed to pass between them in that single moment could never be described by words. Words were not strong enough to describe the feeling of being connected that way. Their hearts didn't seem strong enough to hold such love, such deep feelings. The intensity of that moment could have burned a thousand forests. The burning fire in those eyes, the glows of their faces were stronger than anything, any force, any power. That moment seemed to last forever, just the two of them alone in the world, eyes to eyes, heart to heart, body to body, soul to soul. Blaine nodded, and just like that the moment transformed and the forces broke loose.

Kurt slowly pulled almost all the way out before thrusting again all the way in. Blaine's whole body arched and he cried at the top of his lungs. Kurt bit his neck, almost to the blood, because he just couldn't stop himself. Blaine felt so good around him. He was so tight and fitted oh so perfectly around his cock. He kept thrusting in and out, in and out, losing himself to that warm perfect feeling.

"K-K-Kurt. I'm not… I'm not gonna last long," stuttered Blaine. Kurt didn't answer but he wasn't sure himself if he could hold on longer. In a final act of strength, he grabbed Blaine by his hips and repositioned his body against the nightstand.

"FUCK! Kurt! There! Please! Harder! FASTER!" screamed Blaine, his eyes rolling all the way back. With each thrust, Kurt was now hitting his prostate and Blaine was going wild. Kurt lost all control at the sight of Blaine's face and thrust harder and faster than ever before. All pretenses about making gentle love vanished into his thrusts and Kurt transformed into an animal. The last shots of adrenaline kicked into him and he slammed hard against Blaine's ass, again and again and again, receiving a deep moan each time from his lover lips. They were both screaming in pleasure at this point, but they were also deaf at any external sound. The only sound that got through to them was the continual smack of Kurt's pelvis and balls against Blaine's ass.

Kurt knew it was now only a matter of second before he would come but despite the hard contraction that groped his lower stomach, he refused to let go. He wanted to share that moment with Blaine. With one final movement, he took Blaine's hard throbbing cock in his hand and gave it a few thrusts.

"Kuurt…" moaned Blaine. "I'm gonna come…"

"Together."

With one final trust, Blaine came hard all over their pressed bodies and Kurt's hand. The sight of an orgasmic Blaine sent Kurt over the edge and he came undone right there, harder than he ever had in his life, filling Blaine's ass completely with his semen, burying a part of himself in Blaine's body forever.

He collapsed on Blaine, his last forces abandoning him, chest pressing on chest, burning skin on burning skin, his head buried on the crook of his neck where it had always fitted perfectly. He was finally complete.

"Gosh, so much for rediscovering each other again," breathed Kurt.

Blaine didn't seem to hear him. The man had almost lost consciousness. He just couldn't move, couldn't bare to even let know Kurt that was crushing him with his whole weight and that he couldn't breathe properly. He had never felt so good in his life, so utterly human, so loved, so cherished. He couldn't bear to detangle himself from Kurt, even though Kurt's now soft cock was hurting him. He wouldn't move. He wouldn't say a word except for…

"I love you, Kurt. I love you so much. "

"I love you too. I.. " Kurt wanted to say so much more, but it was a lost battle from the beginning again. There were really no words to express himself, so he just kissed Blaine's shoulder tenderly over and over again.

Eventually, the very uncomfortable position they were both in kicked into his brain and he used the few remaining forces he had left, he pulled out of Blaine who whimpered at the loss. He stood up to look for something to clean them both. A quick look around the room and he noticed what kind of a mess they had made. He couldn't care less now. He just figured that his feet wouldn't probably hold him far, so he just grabbed his underwear and proceeded to clean their bodies the best he could. Blaine didn't really move the whole time and if it wasn't for his chest raising and dropping, Kurt would have thought that he had fallen into a coma.

As cute as the sight was, Kurt knew he couldn't let him sleep on the floor. He shook his side slowly, trying to wake him up from his passed out state.

"Blaine, come on. I can't lift you up to bed. I need you to get up."

"Can't. Sleep," mumbled Blaine, eyes still closed. "Besides, my ass hurts."

"I'm sorry, baby, but…" Kurt started to apologize, before he got cut off by Blaine.

"My Ass hurt, it's on fire, and so is my heart, burning with desire," chanted Blaine, half asleep. Kurt burst into laughter.

"Oh my god, Blaine. You're delusional" Blaine smiled cockily, his eyes still closed. "Come here. It's really time to get you to bed, before you decide to serenade us with some impromptu performance of your own composition, may the gods have mercy on us."

"What are you talking about, Kurt?" yawned Blaine. "I am an artist. I'm gonna make songs and help people." Kurt couldn't help but chuckle at the sudden d�j�-vu.

Kurt grabbed Blaine by the arm, who groaned but eventually decided to pull himself from the floor. Kurt dropped his hand and watched in amusement as Blaine tried to get on his knees and lazily crawl into bed. He was really too cute for his own good. He couldn't stop yawning and his eyes didn't seem to succeed at remaining open for more than 2 seconds at a time, but he still had the energy to sing apparently. Well, if you could qualify babbling almost incoherent words with no melody whatsoever as singing.

"You make me feel… like.. a teenage.. dreams… and… what is it again?… No regrets just love… and…"

"Sleep, Blaine. Just sleep, please". Kurt put the covers on top of them and crawled next to Blaine, resting his hand on his heart and encircling him with his arms. He never wanted to be without him again. He just wanted to sleep around him, on top of him, for eternity. Now if only Blaine would shut up…

"No regrets… just love." Blaine continued to chant with a sleepy voice.

"Blaine, please, just sleep," begged Kurt.

"But seriously, no regrets, Kurt?" Blaine's tone had changed suddenly and Kurt looked up to see that his eyes were open and looking at Kurt with uncertainty. He looked like a 5 year old kid who needed to be calmed and comforted. Kurt didn't know what brought this sudden change, but without missing beat, he answered.

"Just love" Blaine smiled and kissed the top of Kurt's head, his whole body relaxing finally into Kurt's hands. He felt Kurt smile on his chest and everything was right.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Blaine."

"Goodnight, Kurt."

"Goodnight, Blaine."

After a few moments, as Kurt was finally dozing into unconsciousness, Blaine had spoken again. Really, what was so important that he couldn't wait until later to say it? He was really, really tired, if only Blaine would shut up! He loved the man with all his heart, but seriously, he had the worst timing ever.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?" responded Kurt, as gently as possible

"I think we did discover all right."

As if on cue, Kurt's laugh rang in the room.

And Blaine knew it would be ok.

If by some magic, he could fall asleep to such beautiful unique sound every night and wake up to those ever changing eyes, it would be ok. He could close his eyes and for once not be afraid of the future.

So he did.