Kurt and Blaine had spent the entire day at Quinn's place talking. As much as the prospect of a conversation with Blaine was dreadful, Kurt knew that Quinn was right. He couldn't hold it in any longer, especially when he was about to take him home with him. They were no time to waste and so much to talk about. They needed to be fully honest with each other, and like she had said, they didn't need physical contact to do so. That would only have clouded their minds further. So they just took opposites seats in the living room, after Quinn had forced Phil out, pretending that she needed his help for groceries and other errands. Phil had groaned a bit, and sulked but Quinn had finally managed to get him out around 10:30 pm, leaving the house empty for the two men to talk.

"What was all that drama about?" asked Blaine confused, taking place in the couch

"Giving us some privacy I suppose," said Kurt, far away from Blaine.

"Oh! I feel bad, chasing them from they own home after…" blushed Blaine.

"Stop it. They are glad to help you, help us".

"I still feel bad though," mumbled Blaine.

"I know you love to scourge yourself, Blaine, but give it a rest," smirked Kurt.

"I can't help it."

"I know," sighed Kurt "But we won't go anywhere, if you keep acting like a martyr."

"Go where?" asked Blaine, raising his head in surprise

"I mean figuratively speaking. Go further in this… relationship…. Kind of…" said Kurt, turning redder by the second

"I don't get it… Kurt."

"Of course you don't. I just figured that we should talk. About everything. Anything. Because you are going to come back with me in New York… and… and … I don't know… if I'm comfortable with you living at my place," finally admitted Kurt, blushing harder, and looking down to his knees.

"You don't have to… I mean, I don't expect you to… I'll just find a hotel or whatever"

"No!" cried suddenly Kurt, startling both of them, "I mean, we'll see… that's why we need to talk"

"Ok, Kurt. But you have to promise me something first…"

"What? I don't…" asked Kurt suspiciously

"Just be 100% honest with me please. Don't spear me, or yourself for that matter. And in return, I'll promise I'll do the same," demanded Blaine, fixing Kurt in the eyes.

"Ok. I promise I'll try," sighed Kurt.

They both had no idea how to handle it. Blaine didn't honestly see that conversation coming so soon. Especially after what had happened a couple of hours ago in the room. He felt so ashamed of himself for trying to take advantage of Kurt being supportive by kissing him. He had been so selfish, and yet, Kurt still wanted to talk to him and clear the air.

"How did I get so lucky?" Blaine constantly thought. He thought it when they were together, and he thought it now. The man was so caring, so sweet, and so altruistic, it was almost unbearable. Almost painful. How could Kurt still be with him today, after all he had done to him? He didn't even want to think about how much he must have been suffering for just looking at him. In fact he knew. The look of Kurt's face the day they met in New York was enough of an indication. But he wouldn't think about that pain. It was too much. But apparently not for Kurt. Kurt could handle it. Kurt had the courage that he never wore. Kurt was the one who kept saving him, even though Blaine thought back in the days, that it was his job to save him, and help him as a mentor. He never really did, it was in fact always the other way around. Kurt who helped him serenade some random guy in a Gap, even though he was already in love with him. Kurt, who kept up with his drunken Rachel drama, and helped him through that period of uncertainty. Kurt, who allowed him to get over the lump he had after betting beaten at his dance, even though he was himself in a lump after being designated Prom Queen as a sick and twisted joke.

The man was obviously a super human being, and Blaine never really understood how he got so lucky that he was the one that he chose that day to stop on the staircase, but he thanked his lucky star everyday that he chose to turn away. Maybe it was pure luck, or fate, but it definitely meant something in Blaine's mind. He didn't actually know what, but somehow he just thought that this chance shouldn't get wasted and that he would do anything to deserve it. And he blew it.

But Kurt was still here. Seated in his chair, his legs crossed, a light blush on his face, and his deep blues eyes sparkling, so deep in his, that he believed they could reach his soul. That beautiful boy he once knew and loved had turned into an amazing and gorgeous man, and he still loved him. And somehow, that man was still here for him. And was still willing to talk to him, to fix things. Suddenly he didn't care that much about Lisa or even Dianna, because all he could think about was he would do anything in his power, until the day he died, to get him back and earn his trust once again. He had too, even if it was the only thing that he would succeed into for the rest of his life. That generosity and care couldn't be wasted. He wouldn't waste it. He loved him too much to do so. And he just wanted to be loved again.

Kurt couldn't think of a single thing to say. He had figure out what they should do, and the soon the better, so they would be able to finally leave Quinn and Phil's place. Even if he was constantly telling Blaine not to worry, he was also deeply embarrassed by the fact they were imposing on his friend and her husband. He really wanted to go home, but he knew that the only way he would be able to do so, was to talk to Blaine. Like Quinn told him to. But what was he supposed to say? How could he begin? Thankfully he didn't have to think about that much longer because Blaine was taking the matter into his own hands. He was looking suddenly so confident, and so hopeful that Kurt felt both happy and scared in the same time. Just like their kiss.

"Ok Kurt. I guess I'll just have to be glad that you even try."

"You know me Blaine…"

"Yes I do Kurt. Or I used to, at least. You used to open to me, show me yourself, like you never did with anybody else. But now, you are just pretending. "

"Can you blame me?" replied Kurt, with a harsh voice

"No, I guess I don't," sighed Blaine. "It's all my fault. I can't expect you to trust me again after what I did to you."

"I'll need time Blaine, a lot of time. And I'm not sure if I'll be able to trust you again some day. It's not that… I mean I get what you've been through Blaine, but I still think you could have handled it better. That we could have handled it together."

"I know. And I'll hate myself for doing that to you, to us. I'm more sorry than you can ever imagine."

"Why did you do it, though? Why did you shut me out Blaine?"

"I told you Kurt… I didn't want you to have to endure what my parents put me through."

"I don't think that's the real reason Blaine," said Kurt loudly, feeling angrier by the minute. "You know that I wouldn't have minded. Or at least, I wouldn't have reacted the same way to it. You might have doubted yourself Blaine, but you seem to forget that I am the mayor of freakin' gay town. I don't doubt myself, people get doubts just by looking at me!" yelled Kurt, pointing to his chest

"Kurt, there is nothing remotely funny about that. Please stop joking!" bawled back Blaine, exasperated.

"Oh, but I'm not joking Blaine. I am not pretending to have more confidence than you, or more courage, but I know that you parents' words wouldn't have gotten into me. Just because they are YOUR parents and not mine. My dad had always been supportive and that's what always mattered to me. So I wouldn't have given a crap about what they might or might not have said!"

Blaine was thunderstruck listening to Kurt. He never though Kurt could be so intentionally mean. Kurt was perhaps a bitch sometimes but only when people truly deserved it, and he had never crossed the boundaries. But his words now, were like knives cutting through Blaine's chest, as he was reminded of his parents' lack of love toward him, and their hateful words. Each word from Kurt was bringing back a horrible souvenir, and it didn't help that Kurt was bragging about his own luck to have an amazing comprehensive father. It just wasn't fair to him. It wasn't his fault. He couldn't have done anything about it, so why Kurt was so mean to him was beyond him. The caring compassionate man he saw earlier was gone and instead, the man facing him was so full of anger and hurt that it made Blaine sick to his stomach, as if he didn't feel bad in the first place.

As soon as he had spoken the words, Kurt had realized what a big mistake he had just made. He didn't want to hurt Blaine anymore, but the words had just come out wrong. And they did hurt Blaine. It was all over his face, like he was burning from the inside. And that was insufferable for Kurt. He didn't want to hurt him but he was just so mad at him. And, he had to admit it, he was mad at someone else as well.

"I'm sorry Blaine. I had no right," said Kurt slowly, his eyes apologetic and begging for Blaine's forgiveness.

"It's nothing but the truth but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt."

"I know, I'm sorry. It's just that… I don't know. I wish you would have let me help you. I wish I could have been there for you to support you. And that's why I'm mad. Not only because you didn't let me, but also because in a way I think it's also my fault."

"How the hell did you come to that conclusion?" asked Blaine, so surprised that he actually forgot about Kurt' low blow.

"Because I should have tried harder. I shouldn't have taken no for an answer when I came to see you. I should have known better. I should have known that you didn't really mean your words. I just should have fought for you."

"Kurt, shut up! Please just shut up" Blaine couldn't take anymore of Kurt's apologies and regrets. Kurt was trying to blame himself for all that and the worst is that he actually meant it, Blaine could tell. He didn't even recall being mad to him less than a minute ago. How could he have been thinking that Kurt was mean? Kurt wasn't. He was just hurt. And lost and confused. Just like Blaine was. He wanted to get up and hug Kurt again, but he knew he couldn't do it. Kurt would never allow him now, so he just had to figure out a way to make Kurt feel better. Just by his words.

"Kurt don't ever think this you fault. Just look at me Kurt. It isn't. It's all mine. I was the obnoxious selfish one that time. You couldn't have done anything."

"I just wished a tried harder."

"I wish I tried harder too. But it's all in the past. We can't change it."

"But our past changed our future." For that, Blaine had no answer.

They stayed silent for a minute, just looking at each other, trying to gather their thoughts, and trying to find something else to say that would actually allow them to move further. That time it was Kurt who recovered the first.

"You're right Blaine. We can't argue on that. It's a dead end. Let's just say that we think we have both blame to share, and that's it."

"I still think that I'm the only one to blame, but I know better than try to change your mind. I might be obtuse sometimes, but you, my friend, are the definition of stubbornness," said Blaine, smiling a bit, trying to break the tension in the room.

"I do tend to hold grudges. But me being here, is enough to prove you wrong," contradicted Kurt, with an unfathomable expression in his eyes.

"So why are you here, Kurt?" asked Blaine, holding his breath. It was the answer that he needed to hear the most, his reason to live. He needed to know that hope was still possible and if there was still something to fight for.

"It's simple Blaine. I l- … because I care about you. Even after all that, I still do. Don't ask me why, but I do. Maybe I am a masochist, or maybe it's just for the sake of the past. For all we've shared together."

"Yeah, for the past's sake."

But when they looked at each other, they both knew it had nothing to do with the past or its sake. It wasn't either because they cared for each other. They never cared for each other. They always loved each other. And they still did. Kurt couldn't say it yet, but he might just have. In fact he had said it. With his eyes. Because he never needed words to tell him what he felt. All Blaine had to do was to look into Kurt's eyes to see the truth. Even when Kurt's words were saying the opposite. His eyes never lied. Few people noticed it, but it had always been Kurt's eyes that hold his deepest emotions. That's why they didn't need words and phrases to communicate. And now, Blaine didn't care about what Kurt had said. Because he saw what he wanted from the beginning. The hope. The love. He knew that Kurt still loved him and nothing else mattered. Suddenly he was grinning, forgetting about everything else, just lost into Kurt's gaze. And Kurt was grinning back. Because he knew that Blaine knew. And he knew that Blaine felt the same way.

They would never admit it. Not now, at least. Of course they promised each other to be entirely true toward each other, but they were not breaking any promises. They were true, in their own profound way. Kurt had let down all his barriers and was showing his true self and feelings to Blaine. That's all the man needed.

"Thank you to the past then," Blaine said calmly, still grinning.

"Yeah. We did have a hell of a past. No way we could we have gotten out of that mess, unshaken and intact," added Kurt, somehow serious.

"So we are pretty much messed up for good I guess."

"Yeah, there is no way in fixing any of us, sorry." smirked Kurt

"I'm not," Blaine replied solemnly.

"Neither am I."

They both looked at each other deeply, no longer smiling, but with an intensity that could have set the house on fire. It felt like they could stare at each other for eternity, never moving, never breathing, like the time, or the world didn't longer matter. Like their humanity was a long way forgotten. Like whatever the other's gaze held would just satisfy him.

But eventually Kurt pulled away and looked down at his hands, breaking the intense connection between them, sighing.

"Quinn is going to kill me. That's not what she had in mind I think when we talked."

"What does Quinn have to do with anything?" groaned Blaine. He couldn't believe that even miles away, that woman was still capable of messing with his relationship with Kurt. He knew it was illogical and he had no right to be mad at her after all she had done for him, but right now, he was so exasperated with her, that he didn't care if it was well deserved or not.

"She kind of helped me see clearer into the mess that is my mind. I guess she's the main reason I'm here speaking to you."

And suddenly, Blaine was regretting all he had said about Quinn, and felt like he owed her for much more than just providing him with a safe room for the night.

"Well, she one hell of a woman," said Blaine.

"Yeah she is. She figured out that if we want to be comfortable around each other, and try to figure out the accommodations for your New York trip, we should really try to sort a lot before."

"You know that I still have my apartment in New York. I haven't thought about that. But then again, it's my mom's and I don't really want anything to do with something that belongs to my family. Even if he brings up some good memories…."

"I don't know about you Blaine, but I kind of hate it. Doesn't help that some strangers kick you out from your home, how much you must have liked it. That tends to mark you."

"I'm really sorry about that, Kurt. I didn't know at the time."

"No I'm sorry, we said we would stop harassing the past. Nothing good can come from it."

"And still, it did" smiled Kurt, but before Blaine could recover, he continued, "I think we should concentrate on the future."

"Is there a future for us, Kurt?"

"I don't know, but if you want me to be totally honest, I'll say that I hope so." Kurt tried to keep an uneven tone, but he couldn't quite hide the emotion in his voice

"I hope so too" responded Blaine, a small grin on his face, and the same emotion in his eyes.

"In order to do so Blaine, I need you to be totally honest with me. I mean not just now, but anytime. I need you to talk to me, to tell me how you feel. To tell me what bothers you. I won't spare you, you know me. I'll be as bold as you. But if I sense that you are hiding something, even the smallest thing, it won't work and I'll just walk away for good."

"It's fair. I promise I'll be honest with you all the way."

"OK. Let's put that into practice. What are we Blaine? How do you define this… whatever is going on between us..."

"I don't know if there is even a word to describe that. The closest thing may be friends."

"I suppose. Although we were never really friends. At least not for me. I had feelings for you from the very beginning, since the moment you held my hand for the first time."

Blaine was having a hard time thinking straight. His breath was becoming uneven as the memories of their happy years were flashing through his mind. And it didn't help by the way that Kurt was looking at him. He wanted once again to speed across the room and take him fully on the mouth. He had to struggle to keep calm and steady but somehow he knew that the electric tension than was running trough his body was shared. It was like a single string was pulling them together toward each other. It sure didn't help them talk straight.

"That's what I was afraid of Blaine," sighed Kurt "We are past pretending. I know you feel it too. That was never the problem between us. That's what is bothering me the most."

"What do you mean?" asked Blaine, confused, because after all he was just thrilled that the mutual attraction was stronger than ever. He couldn't see what was wrong with that.

"Because sexual tension and frustration only brings problems, Blaine. We don't need that. I don't need that right now. I don't trust you, and now, I can't even trust myself around you."

"Oh!"

"Yeah, Blaine. I want this thing to be healthy. I don't want it to be sick. We can't allow ourselves to respond to those urges. As much as we might want it." Kurt looked right through Blaine's eyes and the other man knew at this instant that Kurt really really wanted him. As much as he wanted Kurt. Their gazes were full of need and frustration that it almost physically hurt. "But Blaine, sex clouds everything. And you need your mind clear to face whatever might happen with Lisa and Dianna."

Blaine sighed. He had almost forgotten about his wife and daughter. Kurt had made him forget everything else. But as soon as he mentioned their names, the sorrow and pain he felt this morning was back in his chest. As much as we wanted to forget about them once again through Kurt, he knew he was right. He needed his mind clear to deal with that. He needed all his strength and judgment.

"And Blaine, it's not the only reason. I don't want a sick relationship based only upon sex with you, if we can't communicate any other way. Our love had always been more than that, than just sex. Sex had always been just the cherry on the top, and you know it."

"I do."

"I need to feel comfortable to talk to you. I need to be able to open myself to you again, to trust you. I need you to make me feel safe, and loved, not just for sex, but also for everything else. I need the hole in my chest to heal slowly. I need the hurt to fade away. I need you to be the real you, and I need me, to be able to be the real me. I need us to be the us I used to know. I need a lot, I know, I'm sorry, but Blaine, I felt like everything had been taken away from the day you left me. I want be able to sit next to you, and be comfortable without even talking. I need to look in your eyes, and see what I used to see. I don't want us to be exactly like we were in the past. I don't want that. Because the past us was flawed. The past us never stood a chance against your parents. The past us wasn't strong enough. I want to be sure, if there is any chance that the future us might happen, that it will be stronger than what we used to have. I don't mean perfect, but stronger. I want to feel like you trust me completely and I can trust you the same way. That anyone would ever let the other one down. That no matter what, we will stand with each other. And if it doesn't work, it will not be because someone failed but just because we weren't meant to be. I want to see you promise me all that stuff and be sure that you mean it. It's a long road from here, I know that, but it's a road that I'm willing to take baby steps, if it means that there even a slight chance that it might happen. But I don't want you to commit to it lightly, just for some sexual reason or for the nostalgia of the past. You need to think about it. I want you to really want it. I want you to really want me."

******

Kurt was breathless. He never though he would say all those things to Blaine but once he started talking, all his pain, his hurt, all the emotions that he had buried inside of him resurfaced. He was overwhelmed and was overwhelming Blaine. Blaine who listened to Kurt's speech, mouth open and eyes popped. He had never heard Kurt talk so boldly. Ever. Even when they were together. He had never opened up so much to anyone and truly he must have never opened up that way to himself before, thought Blaine.

He was still struck by Kurt's words to make sense into them, to really think it through.

Kurt noticed that he had turned Blaine speechless as he was pondering his epiphany. He didn't really expect an answer because after all was said and done, there was really nothing more to add. For now. So he just stood up, and after a quick glance at Blaine, he open the door. As he was leaving the living room, he heard Blaine say:

"Baby steps. I'll do it for you. I promise I'll do anything for you."

Kurt was smiling as he closed the door behind him.

************

Quinn and Phil returned home less than an hour later, full of groceries, ready to prepare lunch. They found Blaine still sitting in the living room couch, his thumbs pressing on his temples like he was fighting a headache.

"Blaine, are you ok?"

He jumped surprised by Quinn's voice. He hadn't heard her or Phil enter the house, since he was so deeply lost in his thoughts. Kurt had for sure left him a lot to consider.

"Yeah, hi Quinn, sorry I didn't hear come in. Just daydreaming you know" he said, standing up, and following them to the kitchen.

"Where is Kurt?" wondered Phil

"Right here."

The 3 of them turned to see Kurt entering the kitchen, his hair messy and his eyes swallowed and slightly red. "I was taking a quick nap. Didn't sleep much last night." Everyone just nodded. "Want some help, Quinn?"

"No it's ok. Go take a shower. It seems like you're dying to take one." Smiled Quinn

"Thanks." Kurt ran up the stairs.

"Quinn, darling, I have to go quickly to the office. Some papers to sign," said Phil. He kissed her gently on the cheek and disappeared as fast as Kurt.

"And… then they were 2. " sighed Quinn

"Don't worry, I'll help you" offered Blaine

"Thanks Blaine. Can you cut the tomatoes in small cubes please?"

"I'm on it," said Blaine, grabbing a knife.

They both worked in silence for a while, before Quinn finally spoke aloud.

"Listen Blaine, I wanted to tell you something." Her tone wasn't friendly anymore, it was threatening. "I don't forgive you yet. Kurt might have but I don't. I know you have been through a lot, but it's not an excuse for how you acted. And the only reason I chose to help you is because of Kurt. Please know that."

"I do. Thank you anyway Quinn," whispered Blaine, very uneasy, his face turning red.

"But Blaine it doesn't mean that I won't trust someday. You lost all our trusts back then, all of us, and it will be hard for you to have them back. Very hard. I'm warning you. I wish everything goes ok with Kurt, but if you ever hurt him again, in any way, I will make sure we all go vendetta on you, do you understand?"

Blaine just nodded, too scared to say anything. He had never seen Quinn talk or look that way. She had a very angry protective look on her face. It reminded him of a mommy lioness or something like that, who was trying to protect her baby.

"And Blaine, know that even though things may seem to go well with Kurt, the others haven't neither forgotten nor forgiven. They will make you live a living hell and you have to prove yourself them that you as much as you will do with Kurt. We are all watching your every move. "

Blaine gulped.

"I'm sorry to scare you like that, but you have nothing to worry about if your intentions are pure. If they are, they will help you with Kurt. I promise. Just like we did when we called you into the hospital. We know what makes Kurt happy and we somehow believe that you may be a big part of that, even after all that happened. But don't screw it up, or we will screw you."

"I promise I'll be good to him. I love him too much, Quinn, to hurt him again. I know now how is it to lose him and I don't want to ever experience that feeling. Without him I'm not complete, I'm not even sufficient to live on. I need him. I need us. And I swear I'll make sure to gain not only his trust back but all of yours." Blaine didn't realize he was tearing up, but when he looked at Quinn, he relaxed when he saw that she was no longer frowning, but her face was illuminated with a beautiful smile and her eyes were wet with emotion.

"Good. Now let's split those onions. I don't want them to think we are some crazy hormonal women. That's our alibi. "

*********

They both chuckled, and got back to work silently. Tears started running down their cheeks again, but no one could tell that there was something more to it than just the onions. Like a promise for a better tomorrow.

The lunch was over, the dishes were on the sink, waiting for someone to put them in the dishwasher but no one cared for now. They were seated like the morning, around the table, discussing arrangements and accommodations.

"I think we should head back to NY," said Kurt, looking at Blaine. Somehow he didn't feel as uncomfortable as before around him. Their talk had finally cleared the air between them, even if nothing was close to be resolved. But at least he was now sure that Blaine knew how he felt, and that's why he was more eager to let him stay at his place. They had discussed that a few minutes earlier and they had both agreed to give it a try. Until Blaine knew what he wanted to do.

"Don't you have to take some stuff from your house before?" asked Quinn

"I don't know if I can go to my house. Lisa threw me out and…" replied Blaine, looking down, like he was embarrassed to admit his situation

"It's your belongings. She had no right to take that away from you. Besides she didn't put any restraining order against you so…" explained Phil

"Yet." Replied Blaine

"Still, it's all you need. If you want me, I'll go with you. Make sure everything goes smoothly," offered Phil

"Yes thank you I think it's a great idea to have a lawyer with us" responded Kurt, before Blaine could even think about it.

"It's settled then. Let me just grab some stuff and I'll meet you outside in 5" said Phil, before he stormed out of the kitchen.

"Do you have something to grab? I'll go upstairs take my bag." Asked Kurt

"No but…." He couldn't finish his sentence, as Kurt was already out of the kitchen also.

"Do you I even have a say in this?" mumbled Blaine

"No, Not when Kurt is in charge," chuckled Quinn, herself also getting up to the take care of the dishes.

"It figures,"

"Blaine, please promise me something." Said Quinn turning from the kitchen counter to face him again intensively. "Don't do something stupid when you're at your house. If you meet Lisa, please stay calm and let Kurt or Phil handle it. Ok? Be careful. And take care of yourself. If not for yours, then for Kurt's sake please. It won't help your guys' relationship if one of you is in jail. Just be careful. All of you. That's all I'm asking."

Oh they would ! But then again, it was not always only up to them.

***********

Lisa's POV :

I honestly can say that I hadn't seen that one coming. Ok, I did suspect a little bit. Seriously what husband, is more interested in commenting about your lingerie than taking it off? What husband would prefer listening all night to his wife gossiping about the neighbors, the last people scandal, the fabric of a cloth, rather than shutting her up with a kiss? What husband would prefer arguing hours with his wife during Christmas shopping because he thinks that "Barbie in the kitchen" is a misogynist toy, rather than just letting her do her thing and waiting for her in the sports section?

"A guy with a great feminine side, and you should be glad for it, you can share a lot with him" always said my friends.

They were right. He did have a feminine side, and we did share a lot, even our love for the masculine gender. I could have lived without that, thank you very much. I did suspect it but there is a huge difference between wondering and actually knowing. I wish I didn't. No really. I wish I could have lived all my life in denial, just pretending to be happy with a husband that loved me. I was happy until last night. I never once regretted my choice of hiding the truth from him. I never had remorse. How could I? I just had to come into a room and see him play with her, his face lit in adoration, and his smile so wide it could cure cancer. It really didn't matter if he was he's biological father or not because he was the best father she could have had. He didn't need to know that particular detail, it would only hurt him. And besides I was too afraid he wouldn't love her the same way. But he still did, it's just me he didn't love. As if he ever had….

What the hell am I going to tell the girls? My reputation would be over quicker than you can say "gay" if they ever found out the truth. I just couldn't. What could I say?:

"Yes, girls, my marriage is over. What? No he didn't cheated on me with that bitch across the street. Not his type. What? Every man's type? Add a fake dick to her fake boobs, and you'll get my husband's type. Yes, he is gay. No, I haven't noticed before. Yes we did have sex. No, I don't lack experience! Well I guess he is indeed a good actor and I'm an easily turned on woman. Enough man to father a child? Ah, well that's the thing. He's not really her father. Yes, it was a drunken mistake indeed. The real father? No idea. Some jock. Must be picking up the trash on the side of the freeway by now. No girls, that's not the trash guy outside the subway. No, he doesn't look like my daughter! Whatever, what you believe. Yes, I kicked him out. No, Dianna doesn't know. She just thinks he's away on business. Yeah it's good she's that young. That kid is smart but she's still a kid. Yes, I should go pray. I hope there is redemption too. Yes. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned, and had a kid out of warlock, then tricked a man by seducing him and making him believed that we had sex and then pressuring me to christen our only alliance. But, Father if it helps, he turned out gay. Yeah, I know karma is a bitch, Father."

Yeah, no way in hell she would say anything. She would just keep pretending for a while longer. She did it from all these years, she could still do it now. She couldn't lose now all she had been working for. She was happy, she had the perfect straight husband, and a daughter smarter than the average, that's what others would see. The bigger and perfect picture. And for now, she was absolutely fine with that.

**********

Dianna's POV :

I really AM way too smart for my own good. Why can't I just act like a normal 4 year old and leave well enough alone? Why can't I just play with my Barbie and my Ken and make them get married and have children that would also play without ever worrying about adults problems. What would they have to worry about, really? In their world, everything was all bubbly and perfect, they didn't have to pretend into anything. Why would I just can't pretend like everybody or better, can't I just not notice? My daddy and my mommy loved me, like everybody said, why couldn't I just get satisfied by it?

Ok, that was a least something wrong with this last phrase. Well, actually there was something wrong with everything but right now all I could focus on was the daddy part. Because as of last night, my daddy wasn't my daddy anymore. And more confusing, my daddy didn't love my mommy, but he loved other daddies. Well actually just another daddy called Kurt. Who is maybe not even a daddy…. In adults term, my dad was gay. That I really didn't mind, no really, but I just wanted my daddy to still be my daddy. He could be a wolf, for all I cared. But he needed to be my daddy. But apparently that wasn't the case either. And that what hurt the most. That's what made me stay awake all night crying. That's what caused the black circles under my eyes this morning. That's what worried my mom. Strike that, she didn't even bother to worry. She just got distracted a minute from her thoughts, long enough to ask me if I hadn't slept well, and then she got back to whatever moping she was doing, not caring a bit about my answer. Even my teacher was more concerned when I got to school, and she didn't even know what was going on. Mom knew, she must have. At least she must have sensed that all the screaming must have woken me up. Well apparently she doesn't, or worse, she doesn't even care. She only cares about her. The woman that lied and cheated is moping miserably. Make sense.

She didn't even talked to me since she picked me up from school, not even asking about how my day went. Well, my day went fine. Absolutely great, thank you. My teacher couldn't stop harassing me to answer her questions. She even thought I was abused at home. It didn't reassure her a bit when I told her it wasn't the case. But I didn't explain. How could I ?

"No, I'm not fine. Yes, I've been crying. Yeah my parents had a fight. I suppose they will get divorced. I know they still love me, please just everyone stop staying that! I know! It happens, I know. But this is unusual. No, I swear I'm not trying to demark myself and get more pity from others. No really it's a rather unsettling story. Ok, I'll tell you but don't get mad if I tell you I warned you that it was unusual. Here we go. My dad is actually not my dad. Yes my mom loved another man before. Or she loved the drink that loved the man. Anyway, it turns up that they did do something, and I'm not sure what, because after all, I'm just four, and well, after that something, she was pregnant with me. So, I'm pretty sure Mrs. that you have been lying about the bees and flowers. Yeah, we will need to clear that someday. How the adults think we are all too stupid to understand stuff, I don't understand. And the fact that Barbie may get married with Barbie, and Ken with Ken. Yeah, I know that too. That means you're gay, and that's ok, even though I know a lot of people don't like that. Yes I know that Marie get picked up a lot because she has two mommies. I even used to tease her a bit. But I should probably shut my mouth because now my daddy is gay too. Yeah, I know you're confused, I am too. I don't get how my dad can be gay and still be married to my mother. No, no, for sure it's true, believe me. Yeah, I'm not crazy, or inventing stories, he really does love a man named Kurt. Weird name, I know. I think they even lived together for a long time. But that was before. And something happened, don't ask me what, but it just did. And just like that, my mom made my dad believe that she was pregnant with his kid. How a woman can do that, don't know. But anyway my mom didn't know that my daddy was gay, and my daddy never knew that he wasn't really my daddy. For 5 years. And then they went to New York with grandma and grandpa. After that, they were not the same. But I didn't want what happened in New York to stay in New York, this is not Vegas after all. Yeah, I know I'm not supposed to watch those shows. Whatever. So I made them talk to each other. Apparently in New York they met Kurt. Yeah, my dad's ex boyfriend. Weird. Anyway they talked and my mom threw my dad out and she trying to make me believe he is on business trip. Maybe she thinks I'm deaf, because there would be no way in heck that I wouldn't have woken up from the noises they made. No, not the regular kind. That was the scary kind. But it didn't matter, because I did hear everything. Yeah, I sneaked out of my room and I peaked on them. No they didn't know. I'm too smart for my own good? I didn't know that, but thanks for telling me . Now if you would just explain to me all that, I am all ears, because after all, you're the professor, and you know. No, it doesn't make senses. Yeah, like I said, told you so."

She would have dragged to the principal office and she would have explained that I had lost my mind and that the kids those days watched an awful lot of TV shows and movies that made them delusional. Well, I couldn't argue with that, my life was an awful lot like a soap opera. It was so twisted that it couldn't possibly be real. I was twisted myself. I just couldn't stop crying last night but now, I felt numb. Like I was watching that damn show rather than living it. It didn't help that mom kept pretending that everything was ok. Like our whole family hadn't be thorn apart. How could she be so calm? How could she be so composed? Maybe I had dreamed it. Maybe all that didn't happen. Maybe when I would go home, my dad would be here, taking me into his arms, laughing and would play with my curls like he always did. Maybe my mommy and daddy would kiss and talk about their day around the kitchen while I would do my homework. Yes that's what was going to happen, because it had to be. It had to if my mommy was so confident. It had to be if I wanted to not loose my mind forever. We are just going home, and I am just a 4 years old kid, not smart enough for her own good. I'm a just kid, who if she kept pretending, would really believe her dreams. Like all the kids. I would invent myself an imaginary world and pretend everything in it was perfect, if things were to not be at home.

She was after all just a 4 year old kid, who just wants to dream, not to live.

She had the opportunity to dream and hope some more as they arrived at home and saw her dad's Volvo parked in front of the house. Her dad was home! He wasn't gone, her mother hadn't thrown him out, and everything was fine. She had just a bad dream. Her daddy was still her daddy and he did love her mommy. Everything is fine, she kept telling herself. But her daydreaming didn't last long, unfortunately.

***********

She suddenly heard a high hiss coming toward her mother's seat, and when she turned to look at her, she couldn't repress a gasp. In her mother's eyes, there was nothing besides fury. All her face was torn in pure rage, and her entire body was shaking. Including her hands that were now clenching on the wheel.

"Oh God, what now", thought Dianna. She had never seen her mother so mad before. Ever. But she supposed that she must have been in such shape the previous night. The night that all happened. It really did happen after all, sighed Dianna. Why else would her mother react like that just by seeing her husband's car. All hell broke loose as the composed face that her mother had been wearing all day had vanished and the fury overpowered her. Dianna was afraid of what she might do next. She was afraid because her mother was still gripping the wheel, as it was a rescue buoy, keeping her from drowning into the unknown and the madness.

Indeed, Lisa was mad. She couldn't think straight anymore. The pretending game was never going to last if her husband didn't let her the time to figure out her stuff. It's like he wanted her to be dead. After last night, his reappearance was like the last kick to knock her down! Hell no, she wasn't going to let him! She wasn't going let him put her to shame once more! Screw the world, there was no way in hell she was letting this one go!

And suddenly her foot hit the accelerator and the car jumped forward. She didn't hear her little girl's protests or even thought about her, she was too blinded by her rage. She had one single goal in mind: hurt him as much as she thought he was hurting her.