July 2, 2015, 7 p.m.
Talk to Me (Rewritten): Chapter 6
E - Words: 4,693 - Last Updated: Jul 02, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 10/? - Created: Mar 10, 2015 - Updated: Mar 10, 2015 186 0 0 0 0
A/N: Hello! Im sure youre looking forward to reading the next chapter, so Ill keep this short. Sorry for any mistakes made, I am home sick today.
Thoughts in italics. Whiteboard writing in bold.
Warnings: talk of rape
Please review! :)
-/-
“Kurt,” Blaine says, lovingly even though he's confused. “What the fuck was that?”
Kurt lets out a shaky breath and looks up at Blaine, watery eyes filled with a sadness that Blaine can't even begin to comprehend. “I guess I should explain some stuff to you,” the boy says, wrapping his arms around himself. He's not as afraid of this moment as he should be, and Kurt doesn't know if that's a good sign or not.
“You don't have to explain anything to me if you don't want to, Kurt,” Blaine says, reaching out halfway, hoping that Kurt will take his hand. He doesn't know Kurt's boundaries anymore, and he doesn't want to touch his boyfriend for fear of causing another reaction like the one earlier. “I understand if it's too much to talk about, really, I do. And as much as I know you'd probably feel better talking about it and I'd feel less confused, it's entirely your choice. If you're not ready to talk about it or you're not comfortable, that's okay. We can talk about it some other time.” Blaine smiles reassuringly at Kurt when the boy takes his hand, rubbing his thumb over Blaine's calloused palm.
“I know, Blaine, but… you need to know this.” Kurt knows he needs to tell Blaine about his past before their relationship advances any further, emotionally and physically. Keeping something like this bottled inside is not healthy, and Kurt knows that. It's just always been easier for him to ignore and avoid his problems rather than bring them forward and talk them out.
“I guess I should start with why I stopped talking. The… the homophobic jerks at my old school hated my voice. I used to be so proud of it,” Kurt says, smiling at the memories of dancing around with Rachel and Mercedes in the choir room, attempting to hit Glinda's notes in Wicked, proud of his beautiful countertenor voice. “But they took that away from me. They would tell me how girly I sounded and how much of a fairy my voice made me. They would choke me when they beat me, to… to get my voice to stop being so weird, and they all just hated it. Except for one.”
Kurt takes in a shaky breath and closes his eyes, a stray tear falling down his cheek. Blaine squeezes his hand, listening intently to Kurt's past story. “He, for some reason, always loved hearing my voice. He would tell me to open my mouth and sing him a song with the pretty voice of mine, always wanted to hear how high I could sing. I never really understood why. I mean, the school's glee club was the bottom of the food chain, and now this neanderthal, this jock at the top of the social ladder up with the cheerleaders, wanted to hear my voice. I didn't understand at all, and… and I didn't want to sing for him. He didn't deserve to hear my voice.”
Blaine moves so that he's sitting next to Kurt, knowing the worst is yet to come. He puts a hand on Kurt's back, soothingly rubbing it up and down the other boy's spine. “I confronted him one day. About everything. He'd just shoved me into a locker and I'd had enough. So I got up and ran after him into the locker room and… and I started yelling at him. I barely remember what I said to him. I-I called him an ignoramus and then he started screaming at me, not to push him over the edge, like I hadn't done that already just by being gay.”
“I hadn't pushed him over the edge,” Kurt says, with a somewhat morbid smile. “K-karofsky had gotten so close to me, I thought he was going to hit me. I told him to, I actually did. I wasn't afraid of him. I should have been though. He didn't hit me, but oh, god, I wish he did. I'm yelling all of this trash at him and the next thing I know my back is against the locker and his meaty hands are pressed against my face and he's kissing me.”
Blaine gasps, angry and shocked by what Kurt has just revealed to him. Kurt has tears rolling down his face, which Blaine doesn't even think he's noticed, too engrossed in telling his morbid tale. Blaine can see the trauma in Kurt's eyes and knows there's more. He doesn't want to think about it, doesn't want to ask, but he knows he has to. “Did he.. did he do anything else?”
Kurt nods, wiping the tears away from his face. “He shoved me down to the floor. I… I tried to get away, but he was so strong. He hit me and then pushed me to the ground and… and he pulled my pants down. And I screamed for help, I really did, but no one came and he… he raped me,” Kurt says the last part in a whisper, turning away from Blaine, who's anger turns to loathing and a strong need to go to McKinley and beat Karofsky until he can't ever move again.
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,” Kurt sobs. “I didn't want for it to happen, I promise.” Kurt hopes Blaine doesn't hate him. He doesn't know what he would do if that were to happen. He can't look at his boyfriend right now, though. He knows what he'll see there. Disgust, hatred, anger, all directed towards him. If Kurt hadn't pushed Karofsky, hadn't tempted him to do what he did, then he'd still be pure now, he'd still be untainted.
“No, Kurt, none of this is your fault,” Blaine says, wrapping his arms around his traumatized boyfriend. “This is only that disgusting bastard's fault. That never should have happened to you, you didn't deserve any of it.”
Kurt's tears ebb away, and he turns in Blaine's embrace, curling himself in on the boy. “That happened freshman year. He… he didn't stop after that,” Kurt says, hoping Blaine doesn't get angry at him. He doesn't believe his boyfriend when he tells him that it's not his fault. Kurt knows he's the only one to blame for what happened to him. If he hadn't tempted Karofsky so much, he wouldn't be in this mess.
“Oh, god, Kurt, I'm so sorry,” Blaine says, burying his face into Kurt's shoulder, wishing he could show the boy how much he truly cared for him. “I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm sorry I pushed you too far tonight.”
“It's okay, Blaine. Just… stay away from my ass for now, okay?” Kurt says, hoping his boyfriend obliges. “I mean, as long as you still want me. I understand if you don't. I'm tainted.”
“Of course I want you, baby. No amount of damage that's ever been done to you is ever going to make me stop caring about you. I will wait as long as you need to be comfortable with me and if I do anything to make you uncomfortable, please tell me and I won't ever do it again.” Blaine hopes that Kurt knows that he won't ever leave him on account of something like this. Blaine cares so strongly for his boyfriend and even if he and Kurt were still just friends, Kurt's past wouldn't change any of Blaine's opinions about him, aside from the fact that Blaine now knows how strong Kurt really is and admires him even more for that.
“I'm so sorry, Blaine,” Kurt says, more tears flowing down his face. Blaine is confused because Kurt's tone makes it seem like he's not talking about the rape anymore, that he's apologizing for something else.
“Why are you sorry, baby?” Blaine says, wishing he could take away all of Kurt's pain. Kurt scoots closer to him and slowly rolls his sleeve up, revealing a multitude of cuts littering his arm. They aren't as deep as the one's Blaine has seen him give to himself before, but Blaine still gasps and feels tears spring to his eyes.
“Why, Kurt?” Blaine asks, feeling hurt that Kurt didn't come to him before doing this to himself. Blaine had thought Kurt was getting better. He didn't even know where Kurt got these knew blades from.
“Sebastian… he… he was just being so terrible, Blaine, yesterday. You left to go to the bathroom, and he just said the most awful things,” Kurt's tears were flowing freely from his eyes now, falling onto Blaine's mattress.
“Oh, baby, I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you,” Blaine says, wiping the tears away from Kurt's face. “Please, don't do this again, baby. For me. Every time you do this to yourself, it hurts me, too.”
“I'll try, Blaine. I'm sorry,” Kurt says, hugging his boyfriend and giving him a chaste kiss. After lazily getting up and changing into his pajamas and laying back on Blaine's bed, Kurt fell into a dreamless sleep, feeling cared for and protected in his boyfriend's arms.
-/-
A week later, on the next Friday, both Kurt and Blaine make it to Kurt's home for Friday night dinner. Kurt had long gotten over his anxieties of his father meeting Blaine, knowing that Burt would love Blaine after getting over his protectiveness. Blaine, on the other hand, was visibly freaking out about meeting his boyfriend's dad for the first time. He had long since broken out into a cold sweat and was breathing rather heavily. “What if he doesn't like me, Kurt? What if he thinks I'm a bad influence on you? What if he thinks I'm pressuring you into things? What if he kills me? Oh, god, Kurt, I'm too young to die!”
Kurt would laugh if his boyfriend wasn't dead serious. “Baby, he's going to love you. He might be a little overprotective before getting to know you better, but he won't have any reason to dislike you. Why would he think you're a bad influence on me? I'm thinking rather the opposite. I haven't consciously talked to him aside from in moments of vulnerability after nightmares for three years, Blaine. Because of you, I'm going to try tonight,” Kurt says, hoping to reassure his worried boyfriend. “And you aren't pressuring me into things, so he has no reason to believe that you are. And, Blaine, he's not going to kill you.”
Blaine seems to relax by the time Kurt is done talking to him. Kurt places a hand on his boyfriend's knee, hoping to reassure Blaine even more. “I promise everything will be okay, baby.” After giving his boyfriend a quick kiss on the cheek, Kurt gets out of his car. He and Blaine walk to the door, Blaine walking close to Kurt behind him, ready to run away if need be.
Who knew that Kurt would be the strong one in this situation? Kurt didn't expect to be, but he's glad that he is. He's not the only one that breaks down sometimes, and Kurt is reassured by that.
Kurt leads Blaine to his kitchen, where it looks like Burt is attempting to cook chicken. Burt doesn't notice Kurt and Blaine's entrance, too involved in trying to figure out how to stick the meat thermometer in the chicken. “Hi, dad,” Kurt says softly, hoping he was loud enough for Burt to hear.
He was apparently, as Burt's head shoots up, looking at Kurt with a surprised expression on his face. He briefly acknowledges Blaine, but doesn't question about him yet, too involved in the fact that his son spoke to him. “Kurt?” Burt says, unsure whether or not his son's voice was real or in his head. Kurt takes a step and wraps his arms around his father, taking in the familiar scent of his dad, Old Spice and mint, mixed with the scent of chicken this time.
“I love you, dad,” Kurt says, burying his face in his father's chest, taking in the protectiveness he feels in his dad's hold. Blaine turns away, not wanting to intrude on such a private moment.
“I love you, too, buddy,” Burt says, happy tears coming to his eyes. “Oh, goodness, Kurt, I love you so much.” Kurt nods in his father's embrace, hoping his father knows that he understands and that he's sorry. Kurt's never going to stop talking to his dad again, at least not for as long as three years.
“I'm so sorry, dad,” Kurt says, stepping out of the hug. “I'm so, so sorry, and I know that doesn't excuse what I did, I just want you to know that I'm sorry.” Kurt hopes his father understands him. He really doesn't want another episode like the last Friday night dinner he went to.
Thankfully, Burt knows when to leave well enough alone. He accepts Kurt's apology before turning a questioning glance to Blaine. “And who might this be?” Burt asks, curiously. Blaine turns to face Kurt and his father, a visible look of nervousness on his face. Kurt smiles at his boyfriend, hoping to relay that he has nothing to worry about.
“Dad, this is Blaine, my boyfriend,” Kurt says, walking over to Blaine. He takes Blaine's hand and leads him over to Burt. Blaine holds out the hand not attached to Kurt's, which Burt gives a firm handshake to.
“It's nice to meet you, sir,” Blaine says, nervously. He hopes that Burt will approve of him, even if he doesn't like him. As long as he accepts his and Kurt's relationship, Blaine knows that he will be fine. Burt gets a little overprotective at first, sizing Blaine up to see if he's worthy of receiving Kurt's attention, but after realizing how frightened Blaine is of meeting his boyfriend's father, Burt lightens up a bit.
“Call me Burt,” Kurt's dad says, smiling at Blaine, who lets out a long relieved sigh. “Now, Kurt, you'll have to tell me if I cooked this bird right…” Burt trails off, looking helplessly at the stove. Kurt sighs lovingly at his father before showing Burt how to properly cook chicken. Blaine looks on at the scene in front of him, glad that Kurt has such a loving father in his life. Blaine's dad wasn't terrible, no, but he never really accepted Blaine for what he was. Blaine was glad that on top of everything else, Kurt didn't also have an unaccepting father.
Once the chicken was properly cooked, everyone sat down to have their family meal, Blaine across from Kurt, next to Kurt's father, which made him only slightly nervous. “So, Blaine, tell me about yourself,” Burt says, wanting to get to know the boy who Kurt seems so fond of. Burt hasn't seen his son look at anyone the way he looks at Blaine.
“Okay, well, I'm a senior at Dalton, like Kurt. I love to sing and play guitar and I'm a member of Dalton's a cappella group, the Warblers,” Blaine looks over at Kurt, hoping he's doing okay and not making a fool out of himself. Kurt smiles and nods at him to go on. “I really love Katy Perry, Harry Potter, and bowties. And, if he'll let me, I would like to be with Kurt in a relationship for a very long time.” Blaine looks at Kurt, who smiles and blushes down at his chicken. Burt looks over at Blaine and smiles, happy that Kurt has someone to finally care about him.
“Did you two meet in a class?” Burt asks, wanting to know about his son's relationship both because of curiosity and out of the need to protect his son. Although Burt wants to trust Blaine, he knows that he still needs to make sure Blaine is right for his boy.
“Oh, we're roommates,” Kurt says. His dad immediately tenses. Burt doesn't like the idea of Kurt and his boyfriend sharing a room. He doesn't know what they do behind closed doors in general, but being able to do that in the comfort and privacy of their own dorm room is something that Burt is not comfortable with.
“Well that will have to change won't it?” Burt asks, looking tersely at Kurt and his boyfriend. There was no way in hell Burt was going to let his son and his boyfriend room together.
“Sir, I really don't see the problem in it,” Blaine speaks up, surprising both Kurt and his dad. Blaine knows that Kurt benefits from their living arrangements, and he really hopes that he and Kurt can collectively convince Burt not to request Kurt to change rooms. Blaine understands why Burt doesn't want the two boys rooming together. Obviously, if they were both ready and in love, they would probably have sex. But Blaine knows that Kurt isn't ready, and he isn't either. Blaine doesn't know about Kurt's feelings for him, but Blaine now knows that he definitely loves Kurt.
“How do I know you're not taking advantage of my son?” Burt says, glaring at Blaine. Kurt tenses a little, thinking of his past. “Now I trust you to take good care of Kurt when you go out on dates and when you spend time together, but how can I trust you completely when I know that you boys are sharing a room together?”
“The same way you would any other way, sir. I understand where you're coming from, Burt, really, I do. But I know that I'm not ready to take that step, and I know that Kurt isn't either. I deeply care for your son, and I wouldn't do anything to hurt him,” Blaine hopes his explanation is enough to sway Kurt's dad into letting them stay as roommates.
“He keeps the nightmares away, dad,” Kurt says quietly, looking up from his chicken at Blaine, who smiles at him. Burt watched the interaction of the two boys in front of him and knows he's lost.
Resigned, Burt leans back in his chair, and says, “Fine, but if I get any suspicions of funny business from either of you, Kurt is transferring to a different room.” Both boys nod before smiling at their victory. Kurt's glad that his dad was able to change his opinion. He knows that if he didn't have Blaine to sleep with at night his nightmares would come back, and his new roommate definitely wouldn't appreciate that.
The rest of the dinner goes by swimmingly. After the chicken was eaten and the table was cleared, Burt and Blaine sat to watch a football game, with Kurt curled up on the sofa next to Blaine reading and issue of Vogue.
Resting his head on Blaine's shoulder, interrupted only by the sounds of his boyfriend and his dad's cheers, Kurt thinks to himself, ‘It's been a successful night.'
-/-
The next day is sectionals for the Warblers. Kurt and Blaine had left Kurt's house later in the evening, getting back to Dalton at around 10:30. Blaine gets up early at five to start getting ready, waking Kurt from his beauty sleep in the process. Kurt didn't mind though, as he was greatly amused by watching Blaine run about their dorm room trying to look for his red and blue striped tie, not noticing it laying on his dresser where he put it the day before.
Kurt puts his boyfriend out of his misery by picking up the tie and putting it on Blaine for him, kissing him on the forehead. “Why are you so worried? You'll do great, Blaine,” Kurt says, hoping to ease his boyfriend's nerves. He didn't understand why Blaine was so nervous. The Warblers knew they were going to win. Their only competition at Sectionals was a group of elderly people and a group of middle schoolers.
“I always get nervous about performing,” Blaine says, exiting to go wake up Trent, whom he knows will still be dead asleep. Kurt follows him our, holding up his shoes. Blaine knew he forgot something. He bangs on Trent's door, slipping on his shoes. “Thanks, babe.”
“You're welcome, Blaine. Now just relax. You'll do great, I believe in you,” Kurt says, kissing Blaine once before going back into their dorm room. Trent opens his door, groggily wiping sleep from his eyes.
“Wha' d'you want?” he asks before he notices Blaine's attire. Once he does, his eyes go wide and he starts jumping around like a bunny hyped up on too much caffeine. “Sectionals! Oh my goodness, Blaine, we have Sectionals today!”
Blaine nods and laughs, glad he has his rambunctious friend to keep his mind off his nerves.
The Warblers do great, of course. Kurt knew they would. Blaine's smile when they announced that the Warblers won was priceless, and Kurt wished he could see it like that forever. After the Warblers got offstage, Kurt met Blaine in the lobby.
Kurt still refuses to talk to anyone but Blaine and his dad. Blaine's okay with that; he just wishes that Kurt could be more comfortable around everyone. Now that Blaine knows why Kurt doesn't talk he understands completely, but he wishes it didn't have to be this way. Congratulations! Kurt writes out on his board, giving Blaine a big hug and a chaste kiss.
“Whoa!” an unfamiliar voice speaks up behind Kurt. He sees Blaine's face take on a twinge of annoyance and then the same voice speaks again, “Who do we have here, little bro?” Kurt turns around to see a twenty-something year old guy addressing Blaine.
“Cooper,” Blaine says in a warning tone. The guy--Cooper--put his hands up and backed away a little from Blaine. “This is Kurt, my boyfriend.” Blaine puts an arm around Kurt, protectively, who leans into his boyfriend's touch, wary of the stranger. “Kurt,” Blaine addresses his boyfriend this time with a caring tone, “This is Cooper. My brother.”
Kurt knew Blaine had a brother, but Blaine didn't really talk about him often. Kurt thought he was supposed to be in LA filming some commercial. Either way, Kurt is enthusiastic about meeting a family member of Blaine's and shakes Cooper's hand happily. “You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend, squirt!” Cooper says rather loudly.
Blaine looks around, hoping no one of importance overheard his brother's stupid nickname for him. “Don't call me that!” he exclaims when Cooper scruffs up his hair and then wipes the gel off on his pants. Cooper laughs at Blaine's frustrations and then turns to Kurt.
“Isn't he adorable?” Cooper asks Kurt, who nods, laughing as well. He kisses Blaine on the cheek, which seems to placate him of some of his annoyance at Cooper. “Anyway, Blaine, congrats on the win! I came just in time to see you perform; you blew everyone away! I would've done it a little differently, been more assertive here and there, but overall you did well, squirt!”
After Blaine pleas again for Cooper not to call him ‘squirt,' Kurt writes out on his board, Why squirt? Cooper looks confused as to why Kurt's not talking and spares a glance at Blaine before shrugging.
“I'm gonna spare my questions because that's probably biting off more than I can chew, right?” Kurt and Blaine both nod before Cooper answers Kurt's question. “I don't know actually. I've been calling him that since he was three. He probably did something at the time that made me call him the name, but I don't remember anymore. It's still fun to tease him about it though.”
Kurt breathes a sigh of relief when Cooper doesn't question him on his lack of speech. He knows it's weird, and he can never find a good enough answer as to why he doesn't talk when he meets new people. After a while of standing in the lobby and seeing that most of the people have started to exit, Cooper explains that his commercial finished shooting early, so he'd gotten a hotel room to visit Blaine. When he found out Sectionals were this weekend, he had to surprise his baby brother and come see the show. He'd picked up a girl at his hotel as well, which is where the group said their adieus. Cooper had a date, and Blaine and Kurt had an evening of celebration.
-/-
They were sprawled out on a blanket in their dorm room, candles giving them light as they ate their dinner. Kurt had set up a nice picnic for them in their room, getting David, the resident Warbler chef, to make them nice sandwiches and chocolate covered strawberries.
Now both boys were laying on their backs next to each other, bellies full and laughing at a story Blaine had told about Cooper. “I like him, Blaine,” Kurt says, voice mirthful. “I can see how he can be annoying to live with, but he really does love you.”
“I know, I know,” Blaine says, grasping Kurt's hand. “God, Kurt, that dinner was fantastic. Thank you so much.” The dinner was a surprise to Blaine, who thought they were just going to eat celebratory pizza with Trent. That was not the case though, as when he walked into the room after leaving the Warblers' reconvening meeting to talk about Regionals, his room was candlelit and Kurt was sitting on a blanket with two sandwiches and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries.
“It's nothing, Blaine. You planned our first date, I like to think of this as our second,” Kurt said with a light blush. He was very pleased that his plans had gone perfectly, glad that Blaine enjoyed the meal.
“It's perfect,” Blaine says, turning to face Kurt. “You're perfect.” Blaine smiles at the slight blush he sees on Kurt's cheeks. He loves how easily he can make Kurt blush. “I mean it.”
“I know, baby. And even if I can't believe it, it's nice to know that someone does,” Kurt says, moving closer to Blaine so that their knees are touching. “I'm so glad I found you. I can't imagine how terrible it would be without you. I'd still be silent and I'd have nightmares every night and I'd be cutting everyday…” Kurt trails off, hoping Blaine knows how much he means to the boy.
Blaine kisses Kurt gently, wrapping an arm around the boy. He makes sure not to go any further than that, just kissing, and lets Kurt lead the way. When he feels Kurt's tongue on his bottom lip he opens his mouth a little, granting Kurt access, letting their tongues mingle. Kurt pulls away from the kiss first, breathing heavily as he smiles at his boyfriend.
Blaine doesn't know why, but he feels like this is the perfect time to tell Kurt about his deeper feelings. “I love you, Kurt.”
Kurt is surprised by Blaine's sentiment but doesn't hesitate to kiss his boyfriend again and say, “I love you, too.”
-/-
A/N: There you have it! I'm not as impressed with this chapter as I am with the other ones, but I hope you like it. I'm thinking this story is going to have anywhere from eight to eleven chapters. I don't know, it depends on how I take the storyline. Either way, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I do love the fluffy ending.
PLEASE review! I'm addicted to getting feedback from you guys, it seems.