A/N: Hello! I hope you've enjoyed the last two chapters! Thanks to those of you who reviewed.

CLARIFICATION: I had put it in the end notes of the last chapter, but there was still some confusion. The italics in the last chapter were KURT'S DREAM, NOT a flashback. Karofsky was the only one who ever did anything sexual to Kurt, and he was not kidnapped.

Please enjoy and review!

Flashbacks, dreams, thoughts, and lyrics are in italics. Whiteboard writing is bold.

Warnings: self-harm, language, rape, minor violence

-/-

    Blaine's heart breaks when he sees what Kurt's done to himself. There's a puddle of blood on the floor next to where Kurt sat and drops of it everywhere else. It is smeared on the walls and the sink. Kurt starts hyperventilating even more when he sees Blaine, his eyes going wide. He tries scurrying away from Blaine, but the boy's hand on his shoulder stops him. Kurt pauses and before he knows it, he's enveloped in a tight hug.

    He tenses at first, prepared for Blaine to hurt him, but when the blow he is expecting never comes, he relaxes into Blaine's hold, his breathing evening out. Kurt buries his face into Blaine's neck, sobbing uncontrollably. Blaine scoops Kurt up into his arms, surprisingly easily for Kurt's height. He sits down with Kurt on his bed, the boy in his lap, tears falling steadily on Blaine's shirt. “Shh, baby, it's okay,” Blaine says, rubbing Kurt's back. “You're okay.” Blaine knows he has to assess Kurt's wounds and see how bad they are, but the boy is clinging so tightly to him that it's nearly impossible. “Kurt, let me see, okay?” Blaine says, taking hold of one of Kurt's arms. He cringes at the sight of Kurt's bloody wrist, but notices that most of the cuts aren't bleeding anymore, and those that are have lightened on the bleeding. Blaine also notices the multitude of scars littering Kurt's wrists and forearms and had the strange urge to bend down and kiss Kurt's injuries. He doesn't, though, because he doesn't want to make the boy uncomfortable. Kurt gets off of Blaine's lap, wiping his eyes. He walks over to his bed on wobbly feet and then returns with his whiteboard.

I'm sorry, he writes, avoiding looking at Blaine. He knows that he'll have to talk to Blaine, but he really doesn't want to. Kurt really hopes he can avoid the conversation with Blaine for as long as possible.

“Why, Kurt? Why would you do this to yourself?” Blaine asks. Kurt feels like his roommate's sad eyes are burning into his soul. Kurt feels like an even more terrible person for making Blaine feel this way and lowers his head in shame.

It's nothing, Blaine. Really, I'm fine. Kurt hopes that Blaine is convinced by him, even though he knows it's a long shot. Blaine isn't stupid and he knows that what Kurt's doing to himself isn't good for him.    

“Kurt. I know it's not nothing. Please answer my question, truthfully. Why did you do this to  yourself?” Blaine asks, looking up at Kurt with utmost concern. Kurt feels terrible. He really doesn't want to tell Blaine, he doesn't want to talk about this at all; Kurt just wants to lay down and go to sleep for about 24 hours.

He knows that's not possible, so he writes an explanation on his board. I've just had a really stressful week, Blaine. I was looking forward to going home and being with my dad, but he had to cancel on me. And I don't know, I just got upset. It's stupid. Kurt feels pathetic. Here Blaine is, one of the strongest people he knows, who's gone through so much and is still so strong, and Kurt breaks down because of not being able to go to family dinner. Kurt is so weak that he can't even go one day without cutting himself.

“Oh, I'm sorry, Kurt. I know how hard it can be your first week at a new school. It's not stupid,” Blaine says, understanding Kurt's sadness. “What made you want to do this in the first place? Why did you start doing this to yourself, Kurt?” Blaine tries to understand where Kurt is coming from. He knows sometimes people hurt themselves to feel better, but he's never understood why. He hopes he's not overstepping boundaries and that Kurt knows he just wants to know the best way to help the boy.

Kurt feels terrible. He knew Blaine could have found out any time, but he never knew it would feel like this. He's scared and hurt and anxious and his self esteem plummets. He turns away from Blaine, avoiding his confused, hurt looks. He doesn't want to deal with this right now. Kurt can't deal with this right now.

Blaine touches Kurt's shoulder and says, “Please don't do that, Kurt. Don't shut me out, don't put your walls up. Please, you can talk to me.” Kurt looks up at Blaine, confused as to why the boy wants to help him. “Was it the bullies? Did they make you want to do this, Kurt?” Kurt shrugs and turns away from Blaine again. “You don't deserve this Kurt. You don't deserve what they did to you.”

Kurt looks up at Blaine with tears in his eyes and shakes his head. Kurt disagrees with what Blaine is telling him. He deserves everything Karofsky and his neanderthals ever did to him. He's weak and pathetic and he's just a stupid fag.

“Kurt, look at me,” Blaine says. His tone of voice is stern and Kurt can't help but immediately obey. “You are worth so much more than you think you are. You are smart and kind and so, so strong. You're perfect, just the way you are.

‘Everything he's saying are lies,' Kurt tells himself, not willing to believe Blaine when he knows it's not true. Kurt is not smart of kind or strong, and he's definitely not perfect. Or so he thinks. Kurt believes he's so imperfect he can't stand it. Kurt scribbles something on his whiteboard. I'm sorry, Blaine.

“Don't be sorry, Kurt. You did nothing to hurt me. Except this Kurt,” Blaine gestures to Kurt's cut up wrists. “This hurts me. I can't stand watching you in pain and taking it out on yourself. Please stop. You can't keep doing this.

Kurt immediately tenses and stands up to go to his bed. He doesn't want to have this conversation with Blaine. He can't. He doesn't have the mental stability to do this without having a breakdown and cutting. Which Blaine is trying to get him to stop doing. But he can't. He needs it. Like an alcoholic needs a drink and a smoker needs nicotine, Kurt needs his blades. He can't live without them.

Blaine grabs Kurt's hand, stopping him from proceeding to his bed. “Kurt, please. Don't build up your walls. Don't shut me out. I care about you too much for you to do that.” Blaine hopes Kurt will listen to him. Over the past week, he's begun to develop feelings for his roommate. He's not in love or anything, not yet, and he certainly can't tell Kurt until he gets a little better, but Blaine knows that he's interested in pursuing a relationship with Kurt. If Kurt likes him as well, at least.   “Please, just… can you try to explain why for me?”

Kurt sighs and turns back to Blaine's bed, writing something on his whiteboard. It takes him a while, so Blaine knows he's actually explaining some things to him. Or so he hopes. I was thrown into dumpsters, Blaine. They shoved me into lockers and poured ice-cold slushies on my head. They beat me up almost everyday and said terrible things. That I'm useless and pathetic and stupid and girly and unloved and that I can't do anything right. All because I'm a stupid fag. And it's all true, Blaine. I'm all those things.

Kurt cries as Blaine reads what he wrote, and can see when Blaine's heart breaks. “No, Kurt. You aren't anything of those things,” Blaine can't believe what those people had done to Kurt. He's upset and he's sympathetic and he's supportive of Kurt, but mostly he's just angry. How dare those people have the right to say those things and do those things? Just because Kurt's a little different doesn't mean he isn't human. That doesn't mean that he's anything less of a person. An amazing and wonderful person. “I wish you could see yourself, the way I see you, Kurt. Do you know what I see when I look at you?”

Kurt looks into Blaine's eyes and sees only the utmost sincerity. He doesn't believe Blaine when he tries reassuring him, but he desperately wants to. He shakes his head at Blaine's question. “I see an amazing, perfect boy who's been through a lot and is still struggling, but is getting through each and every day. I see a  boy who wasn't afraid to be himself just because some closed-minded people didn't agree with his beliefs. I see a strong boy who is still getting stronger and is worthy of love.”

Kurt starts crying at Blaine's words. Blaine doesn't know why, but he wishes that he could do something to help comfort Kurt better. ‘You're none of those things, Kurt,' the boy's mind tells him. ‘You're just a stupid and pathetic and worthless fag!' Karofsky's voice rings in his ears, and Kurt runs to the bathroom.

“Kurt!” Blaine shouts after him, running as well. Kurt reaches for the blade still sitting on the sink counter and slices one, two, three times before his weapon is wrenched out of his hands by Blaine. He falls to the ground in the fetal position, arms curled around himself, crying. “You can't keep doing this to yourself, Kurt!”

Kurt mouths ‘why not' at Blaine, who promptly brings him his whiteboard. Blaine sits on the floor next to Kurt and rubs his roommate's back in comfort. “You can't keep doing this to yourself, Kurt. It's not healthy.”

But it helps, Blaine. I wouldn't be here without it. Kurt looks up at Blaine and sees the moment Blaine understand what he means. If Kurt hadn't cut, he'd be dead by now. At first Blaine looks sad, but then he looks angry.

“But this is killing you, Kurt! Look at what you're doing to your body! One day you're going to cut too deep and what's going to happen then? Do you know what I would do if you died? I'd blame myself, Kurt. Knowing that I knew and I could have done something to stop it, I would blame myself. I can't just sit here and watch you kill yourself, Kurt. I… I really care about you, and I can't just sit back and watch you do this to yourself.” Blaine is crying at the end of his mini speech, hoping Kurt gets his message.

I'm sorry, Blaine, Kurt writes, feeling guiltier than before. He didn't know that Blaine felt that way. Kurt doesn't want Blaine to feel bad, but he knows he can't give up cutting. It's just something that he needs. He's always careful, and he knows he'll never cut too deep.

“I'm going to throw this away, okay?” Blaine says, holding up Kurt's blade. Kurt nods. He can deal with that. He can find another way to cut. He'll be okay. “If you ever feel the urge to cut, come talk to me, please.”

Kurt nods, knowing that he will just need to be more careful where and when he cuts. He doesn't really need to stop. He gets up and looks at his cuts. He washes them off and decides not to bandage them up, wanting to be able to feel the pain of them while he sleeps. He turns around and gives Blaine a big hug and mouthing a ‘thank you' before both of them go into their dorm and lay in their respective beds.

Kurt hates lying to Blaine, but he hates making Blaine feel bad even more. Cutting isn't going to hurt him any more than his own feelings will. Kurt knows that he needs it, or else he will do something much worse to himself. Blaine doesn't have to know; he can just keep it a secret like it was before. After all, he does have four more blades hidden in his stash underneath the sink.

-/-

The weekend passes by uneventfully for Kurt. He and Blaine have an unplanned study session with Trent, whom Kurt has gotten to know better. He still keeps his borders up around him and doesn't even use his whiteboard much, but Kurt knows Trent won't do anything to purposefully hurt him. He likes Trent.

Blaine visits his parents on Sunday, something Kurt knows he has to do, but wishes he didn't. Kurt felt unsafe at Dalton without Blaine there. Trent had checked in on him mutiple times, rather awkwardly, but it made Kurt feel a little safer. He also felt cared for because he knew Blaine was behind what Trent was doing. The thought made him smile and feel a little less abandoned.

Kurt's dad had texted him Monday afternoon telling Kurt that he had a big surprise for him and that Friday night dinner was most definitely happening. That made Kurt excited and happy that his dad was thinking about him. Two weeks was the longest Kurt had ever gone without seeing his dad, so he was very glad that he had time the upcoming weekend to visit him.

Kurt had had such a relaxed weekend that he hadn't even cut. It was now Tuesday and Kurt's math class was stressing him out a little, but he knew that Trent was getting a 97 percent in that class, so he wasn't too worried. He and Trent were now walking to Warblers rehearsal together. Kurt obviously wasn't going to audition for the Warblers, he hadn't sung since the first time Karofsky had taken advantage of him, but Blaine had invited him to rehearsal because Kurt seemed very enthusiastic and interested in what the group did.

Kurt was incredibly eager walking into the rehearsal space and seeing all of the boys he had gotten to know at his lunch table. One of the main reasons Kurt had decided to branch out of his comfort zone and come watch the boys perform is because he knew Blaine was the lead singer. He'd already heard Blaine sing to him after a few of his nightmares, but he was very curious to see how his roommate sounded with all of the other boys. Kurt frowned a little when he saw Sebastian, who hadn't so much as interacted with him aside from glowering every time he saw him, but Kurt didn't let that bring his escalated mood down.

Kurt wasn't happy, no, but he actually felt okay. He still didn't let his guard down, still didn't talk to anyone, but he didn't feel like hiding away from the world for once. He didn't feel confident, but he felt a little like his former self. Less like the shell of the person he used to be. He sat down on one of the couches in the rehearsal area and waited for the boys to get into formation.

He was greeted by a lot of warm looks, and a wink from Trent. Blaine smiled radiantly at him, making Kurt blush. He knew Blaine was thrilled and slightly nervous for Kurt to watch him perform, and that made watching it all the better for Kurt.

The song is kind of slow and it starts of with the boys singing bahs and doos before Blaine's melodic voice starts singing.

Made a wrong turn

Once or twice

Dug my way out

Of blood and fire

Kurt immediately recognizes the top forty hit and smiles. The song is perfect for Blaine and the boys' a cappella arrangement makes it even better. The dance moves the group is doing are simple, but they look perfect. Kurt is very impressed by the Warblers. He knows they'd give the New Directions a run for their money.

Blaine gets to the chorus and sings directly to Kurt. He holds out a hand which Kurt takes. Being sung to by Blaine in front of all these people is exhilarating to Kurt. He's blushing and shying away, but he also feels cared for. Blaine starts twirling him around and singing to him, rubbing his thumbs along Kurt's wrist where he knows harbor a countless number of scars.

Kurt smiles and feels tears come to his eyes but doesn't let them fall. He knows he can't start crying in front of a room full of people no matter how emotional the rendition of the song is for him. Blaine smiles at him as he sings the last chorus, gesturing to him as Kurt sits back down in his spot.

You are perfect to me.

Blaine finishes off the song with a smile on his face. He knows he made Kurt happy and that's all that matters to him. Wes is probably going to tell him some shit about not straying from the choreography, but he doesn't care about that right now. All he cares about is that he made Kurt feel better and that Kurt understands the meaning of the song. Kurt is perfect, especially to Blaine, and Blaine hopes he got the message of the song.

Kurt is clapping enthusiastically after the boys finish the last hums of the song. The boys smile proudly at their performance and they all sit down on the couches around the rehearsal space. Trent and Blaine sit next to Kurt and give him smiles. “I understand we have a guest here today,” Wes says, quieting everyone down with his gavel and giving Kurt a welcoming smile.

“We'd like to know how you felt about our performance, Kurt. This could be a learning opportunity for us Warblers,” David says next to Wes, also smiling at the boy in between Blaine and Trent.  

Kurt rapidly writes out a response, saying I loved it. You all were wonderful. Great song choice. All Warblers but Sebastian smile about Kurt's reply, hoping that they're good enough to win at Sectionals, which are in two weeks. They all thank Kurt, who blushes in turn. You could give New Directions a run for their money, Kurt writes out next.

At the council's questioning glance, Blaine speaks up and says, “The New Directions were Kurt's old show choir, at his old school.” Kurt had informed Blaine about the New Directions whilst talking about Rachel, his old best friend. He still loved her dearly, but once Kurt quit New Directions and stopped talking, he and Rachel had a falling out. He misses her, but not the over-the-top drama queen tantrums she was prone to having.

“So the freak used to be in a show choir?” Sebastian says, scowling at Kurt from his seat. “So you weren't always this fucked up?” Kurt shrinks into his seat, looking down at the floor, not wanting to see the rest of the Warblers' inquisitive glances. Surely they were all thinking the same thing about him as Sebastian.

“Sebastian,” Wes says, tone warning him of not speaking. Kurt is grateful, although that still doesn't stop Sebastian. He looks at Kurt with disgust and hatred, wanting Kurt to feel as shitty as he actually is. Sebastian doesn't believe he deserves to be happy.

“I don't understand how none of you can see that he's a freak. Why do you think he got run out of his old school? Everyone there was actually sensible and didn't take his shit. I mean seriously, look at him. He won't even stand up for himself,” Sebastian says, standing up and walking towards Kurt. “Hey, Kurt. Why don't you say something for us, hm? Cat got your tongue? You're pathetic, Kurt. And that's all you'll ever be.”

Kurt doesn't know why Sebastian thinks this, but he knows it's all true. He doesn't understand why Sebastian has some vendetta against Kurt, but he wishes he didn't. Life would be so much easier for Kurt if he didn't have people trying to knock him down at every turn. But of course, Kurt deserves all of this. If he didn't, then he would have gotten better by now.

“That's enough, Sebastian!” Blaine stands up from next to Kurt, raising his voice. “How dare you talk to him like that? How would you know any of that? What gives you the right to judge him before you even know him? I know for a fact that Kurt's a better person than you'll ever be.”

“How would you even know that, Blaine? The little freak doesn't even talk,” Sebastian retorts, getting in Blaine's face. “He's probably too dumb to talk.” He laughs, smirking down at Blaine and Kurt, who now has tears running down his face.

Blaine doesn't say anything after that because he's too busy punching Sebastian in the nose. Not hard enough to break it or anything, but hard enough for Sebastian to really feel regret for talking bad about Kurt. “Blaine!” David says, from the council's seats. “That's enough, both of you. Sebastian, refrain from tormenting Kurt or you will be kicked out of the Warblers. Blaine, no violence against other Warblers. No matter how much they are deserving of it.”

Blaine grumbles something about Sebastian but sits down next to Kurt. “Kurt,” he whispers, seeing the tears falling down Kurt's face. “Kurt, it's okay. Nothing he said was true, I promise.” Kurt starts digging his nails into the skin on his wrist, hoping to draw blood. When Blaine notices he pulls Kurt's hands away from each other and pulls the boy's chin up to looks at him. He briefly notices the Warblers' rehearsal progressing, the boys letting him and Kurt have some privacy. “Stop that, Kurt. You are perfect. You are not a freak, and although I would love it if you talked, you do not have to do anything you don't want to.”

Kurt nods at Blaine and excuses himself from the boys' rehearsal, saying that he's had a long day and just wants to take a nap. He thanks everyone for the fantastic performance, avoiding Sebastian's spiteful gaze throughout.

‘Stay strong, Kurt,' he sees Blaine mouth at him when he leaves.

Kurt doesn't stay strong though. The minute he gets into his and Blaine's shared dorm room he rushes to the bathroom and pulls out his hidden blades. He carves three words into his thighs that day: freak, pathetic, and fag.

-/-

    The nightmare is about something Karofsky actually did this time. Kurt is finishing up washing his hands in the sink when his tormentor walks in. He smirks when he sees the smaller boy and turns directly to Kurt. “Hello, gorgeous,” Karofsky says, smiling predatorily at Kurt.

    Kurt doesn't say anything. He hasn't said anything for three months, ever since Karofsky did… it. He shakes his head, tremors going through his body, hoping Karofsky doesn't do what he did the last time he and Kurt were alone.

    Kurt has no such luck. The next thing he knows, Karofsky is picking him up and setting him on the sink he was just washing his hands at. “Miss me, faggot?” Karofsky asks, pulling Kurt's pants down roughly. He pulls his own pants down as well and guides Kurt's hand to his flaccid cock.

    Kurt shakes his head again, hating the feel of Karofsky against his finger tips. ‘This is all wrong,' he thinks to himself. ‘It's not supposed to be like this.' Tears are flowing down his face as Karofsky slaps him, forcing him to start stroking the looming football player.

    “Aw, yeah, just like that,” Karofsky says, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. “I swear you were born to do this, fairy.” Kurt shakes his head again wanting to stop. Thankfully, Karofsky swats Kurt's hand away. His moment of gratitude is cut short, though, because the next thing he knows, Karofsky is pounding into him painfully, each sound of skin against skin bringing Kurt wave after wave of pain. “I miss hearing your voice, beautiful. You haven't talked since the last time we did this. Maybe if you talk I'll reward you and stop,” Karofsky whispers into Kurt's ear, thrusting harder and faster. “Just say one word, Kurt. Maybe you'll get lucky.”

    Kurt knows Karofsky is probably lying, but he takes the chance. “Please, stop!” He yells, voice cracking from underuse. Karofsky just laughs and keeps going.

    “You'll have to do better than that, princess,” Karofsky says, slapping Kurt's ass. Kurt starts bawling, heaving sobs as Karofsky takes advantage of him. “C'mon, I love hearing your voice. Your pretty, girly voice.”

    “No! Please, get off of me! Stop!” Kurt screams again, hoping Karofsky will stop.

    Blaine wakes up on Thursday night when he hears a distressed voice. He doesn't know that it's Kurt's until he hears it again and looks over at the boy thrashing around in his bed. Blaine first thought is ‘Kurt's talking! Oh my god, he's talking,' but then he realizes that it's unintentional and the boy is having a nightmare. He should try to help him.

    Blaine walks over to Kurt's side of the room and sits down on the boy's bed. He gently nudges Kurt's shoulder, hoping to gently wake the boy up. “No! Please, get off of me! Stop!” Kurt exclaims, thrashing around on the bed some more. Tears are flowing down the boy's face, and Blaine wants to gather Kurt in his arm and kiss the bad feelings away.

    “Kurt, wake up, it's just a nightmare,” Blaine says, nudging Kurt again. This time Kurt does wake up, sitting up in the bed abruptly.

    “No! Please, don't!” Kurt says, wild eyes focusing on the figure of Blaine on his bed, still locked inside the horrors of his dream. “Please, stay away!”

    “Kurt, it's Blaine,” the boy says sadly, heart breaking at the scene in front of him. He's relieved when he sees that Kurt is starting to recognize him as Blaine and not whoever was the tormentor in his dream. “You were having a nightmare, Kurt. You're safe, at Dalton.”

    “Blaine?” Kurt says, frightened. Blaine's heart pounds loudly in his chest hearing his name come out of Kurt's mouth for the first time. He nods, not trusting himself to say anything coherent in from on Kurt at the moment. “Hold me?” Kurt asks, looking up at Blaine with big, fearful eyes. Blaine nods again and pulls Kurt into his arms, rocking the boy back and forth.  Blaine starts singing an unfamiliar tune to Kurt, but a comforting one all the same.

    Blaine feels terrible for Kurt. He knows how hard waking up with nightmares can be, having suffered from his own night terrors after the attack. Singing was always something that had made Blaine calm down, and it made Kurt calm down as well. When Blaine finishes singing “Somewhere Only We Know,” he sees that Kurt is asleep. He gently lays the boy down on his bed and pulls his covers up over him so he doesn't get cold in the night. He gives Kurt a loving kiss on his forehead and whispers, “Goodnight, Kurt,” before laying in his own bed across the room.

    Blaine stays up for a long time after that, thinking about Kurt and Kurt's voice. What was happening in the nightmare? Blaine wonders to himself. He thinks about what drew Kurt to speak in his sleep a lot. That was the first time Blaine has ever heard Kurt talk and he absolutely loves Kurt's voice. He loves the sound of his name on Kurt's lips and he loves how much trust he can hear coming through Kurt's voice. Blaine really hopes that Kurt will speak to him more.

    However, when Kurt wakes up the next morning, he has no recollection of his nightmare, and doesn't remember speaking to Blaine at all.

-/-

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the third installment of my re-write! This one took me slightly longer to write because this is the first chapter that doesn't follow parallels of the first fic. I do like how the end of this chapter played out, though, and I hope you do, too!

Please, please, please review! I cannot tell you how much I love getting reviews and how much they fuel my writing.