Kurts POV:

The rest of the week passes by uneventfully. Ive gotten to know Blaine much better and hes slowly becoming my best friend at Dalton. Even though he doesnt know anything, except that I was bullied I feel good knowing that if I need to talk about something I can go to him. Life still sucks but at least I have one friend other than my blade as company.

Im in my bathroom right now, cuts littering my arms, the blood starting to stop spilling from my veins. Relief is spilling out from my pores and I grab the ace bandage from the countertop. I put my blade back and step into a shower, letting the warm water consume me.

After my shower, I get into a pair of silk pajama pants and a sweater, for once not caring about how I look. I grab the book I have to read for school—Animal Farm, ugh—and get comfortable in bed, hoping to get through at least ten pages. 

Twenty pages later, Im surprisingly not dying of boredom and Blaine walks into the room. I look up at him and wave. He smiles and dashes into the bathroom. A few minutes later Blaine comes out with a t-shirt and jeans on. He looks over at me and smiles. I reach over to grab my whiteboard and quickly realize thats a big mistake.

My sleeve rides up, only a little bit, but enough for me to hope Blaine didnt see my cuts. By the way he gasps when I freeze, I know he saw. "Kurt..." I hear him sigh and walk over to my bed. "What are those on your arm?" He sits down and I pull my sleeve down further. 

I grab my whiteboard and scribble out Nothing.

"I know its not nothing, Kurt..." He looks so sad that I just cant lie to him.

Im sorry, I write out, letting a tear slip down my cheek. Blaine moves in and grips me tight, hugging me as if Im the only person left on the planet.

"Can I see?" He asks, holding out his hand. I nod and hold out my arm, trying to stay strong for this. He rolls up my sleeve and gasps. "Oh, Kurt."

My mouth is completely dry and I feel like vomiting. I dont want Blaines pity, I just want him to understand. But he doesnt understand, nobody does. God I feel like cutting now more than ever. Im pathetic, a failure. Im so stupid. How could I ever believe Id be able to keep this a secret forever? Blaine was bound to find out sometime. Now I just feel like shit. I cant do anything right.

Blaine looks at my arm, running a finger over my cuts. "Why?" He looks up at me and I see tears forming in his eyes. I shrug and turn away. "Hey, Kurt, dont shut me out. Dont put your walls up. Please. Was it the bullies? Did they make you want to do this?" I shrug again, turning to look at him. "You dont deserve this, Kurt." I look up at him and shake my head. "Kurt. Look at me. You are worth so much more than you think you are. You are smart and kind and so, so strong. Youre perfect, Kurt."

Everything hes saying  are lies. Im not smart or kind or strong and Im definitely not perfect. Im so imperfect I cant stand it. 

Blaine doesnt deserve this. He deserves my voice. He deserves an explanation through mouth, not writing. I sigh and prepare myself for what Im about to do.

"I-Im sorry, Blaine..." I say, nervously, looking at him as I speak. He looks up from my cuts as he hears my voice and smiles. 

"Kurt... Your voice is beautiful." Hes momentarily distracted and for that Im grateful.  "You should talk more," He looks up at me, smiling, with a hint of– what is that? Pride? He cant be proud of me; I havent given him anything to be proud of. Im a pathetic freak who doesnt talk and cuts himself. I close my mouth and turn away from Blaine, letting a few tears fall from my eyes. 

I just spoke. I shouldnt have. Not even in the confines of my room, with nobody but my roommate here. I cant do it again. If I do it, Ill end up telling Blaine more. More about my bullies, my life, Karofsky. What he did. I cant. Karofskys long gone but his threats still here with me. I cant tell anyone. Hell find out and kill me. I know he still has connections in Lima, which isnt very far from here. No. Im not going to talk again. I cant. I cant let Blaine in and then get him and myself in danger. Im protecting him. Hed like that, right? He has to. He doesnt want to be put in danger, especially not because of some pathetic excuse of a person like me. 

"Kurt, dont build your walls up again. Come on, please? Can you just tell me why?" Blaines not only pleading with his mouth but with eyes.

How am I supposed to say no to that? Hes gotten out the puppy dog eyes. I dont know how Im going to accomplish anything again with him here. It would be okay for me to talk just to him, right? I talked to my dad and nothing happened. He doesnt know anything. He only knew about some bullying; he sent me here to make me talk. Even though he didnt say that I know its true. It should be okay if I talk to Blaine. But only to Blaine, and I cant tell him anything. Ill just tell him the extent of the bullying, not even mention what Karofskys done. 

"Th-they threw me into d-dumpsters, Blaine," I dont know if Im stuttering because Im terrified of talking or because Im about to cry. Maybe both. "I got i-ice cold slushies thrown o-on my head. They b-beat me up almost e-everyday. They said th-that Im pathetic and s-stupid and worthless a-and girly and annoying and unimportant and u-useless and that I c-cant do anything r-right. Its all t-true Blaine. I am a-all those things. All because I-Im a stupid f-fag." Tears are flowing freely from my eyes and I throw myself at Blaine, enveloping him in a tight hug. 

"No, Kurt. Youre not any of those things. I promise." He runs a hand up and down my back, trying to calm me down, but Im too far gone. I get up from his lap and scramble into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I grab my blade and push it into my skin, once, twice, three times before Blaine is pushing the door open and trying to get the blade out of my hands. "No!" I yell, trying—and failing—to keep the blade from him. "Give it to me!" I hold my hand out, even though I know he wont give me the blade. I start crying and fall to the ground in the fetal position. 

"Kurt, you cant keep doing this to yourself," He crouches down next to me throwing my blade in the trash. "Its not healthy."

I look up at him and shake my head. "But it works, Blaine. I wouldnt be here without it," I look up at him and see my words sink in. At first he looks sad but then he looks angry. 

"But this is killing you Kurt! Look what youre doing to your body! One day youre going to cut too deep and  whats going to happen then? Do you know what I would do if you died? Id blame myself, Kurt. To know that youre doing this to yourself and have you die, it would be my fault. I cant just sit here and watch you kill yourself, Kurt. I... I really care about you and I cant watch you do this to yourself." Blaine is crying, looking down at me with so much sincerity that i might just believe him. But I cant. I bet Blaine just doesnt want me hurting myself because he doesnt want to have to deal with a psycho as a roommate. 

"I-I dont know if I can, Blaine." I say, nervously.  I dont want to stop cutting. "Ill try," I lie. It shouldnt be hard for me to find new blades. I just have to be better at hiding myself.

Blaine sighs and stands up. "Thank you, Kurt. Youre so strong, please stay strong. If not for yourself, for me." 

I stand up and examine my three cuts before washing off my arm and deciding not to bandage them. Blaine sighs and looks at me sadly, and I feel a little guilty, for cutting and for lying, but I brush it off. I give Blaine a hug and move into our room. "I really am sorry, Blaine." Ive gotten used to talking to him. As long as he doesnt figure anything else out, I think Ill be fine. 

"Are you going to be talking now?" I dont think hes asking to be judgmental, just curious.

"Only... Only to you." Im cautious. I dont know how Blaine will take this and I hope hes not expecting me to talk in public.

"Thats fine. Im glad you opened up to me," He smiles at me and I feel slightly awkward.

"Im sorry, Blaine, for everything, for cutting, for not talking to you,  for being such a freak." Im terrified Blaine is going to leave me, now that he knows how crazy I really am. But he cant leave me, I dont know how Ill be able to do this without him.

"Hey, Kurt, its okay. Youre not a freak, I promise. Why dont we both just sleep on it, okay? Maybe we can talk more tomorrow."

"Okay, yeah," I climb into bed and quickly doze off, exhausted at the day I had.

•

"Hey, Hummel!" Karofsky shouts from behind me. How did he find me here? Hes supposed to be in a different state, how could he have found me at Dalton? I break into a run as I hear his footsteps getting closer. I run into a park, eery looking in the night. I hide behind the slide but then I feel a pair if meaty hands around my waist. "You couldnt hide from me forever." I let out a scream but he puts his hand over my mouth. I try to scramble away but hes too strong. He drags me to a car and throws me in the back seat. "Im gonna make you feel so good." He starts ripping off my clothes.

"Help! Please! Somebody! Blaine!" I try getting away again but Karofsky slams my shoulder into the seat. 

"Blaine?! Youve been whoring around," He looks at me furiously and pulls my pants down. 

"Please stop, let me go... Please."

•

Blaines POV:

Im jostled awake by whimpers and screams. I look up at Kurt and sigh. Hes had three nightmares this week, but seeing as hes speaking through this one Im guessing its the worst. I feel so bad for the boy. Hes gone through so much, with the bullies and everything, that they pushed him to stop talking and even start cutting himself.

That was a big surprise to me. I dont see how anyone as strong as Kurt would ever want to hurt himself. I wish I could understand for him, but I dont. All I can do is be a shoulder for him to cry on. He doesnt even believe in how strong he is. Lately, Ive been thinking about him more and more often. Ive developed a crush for my roommate and I dont think it will leave me anytime soon. Kurts perfect, in every way. Hes so kind and amazing and strong. And his voice is beautiful. Its really a shame that his bullies drove him to stop talking, and if I knew who they are theyd be sorry. 

Im broken out of my thoughts by Kurt, who suddenly yells, "Help! Please! Somebody! Blaine!" His nightmare must be really bad for him to be yelling out in his sleep, especially for me. I quickly get out of bed and rush to his side, trying to wake him without scaring him. "Please, stop, let me go... Please," He whimpers and Im suddenly curious about whats happening in his nightmare. It doesnt sound like hes just getting beaten up. It sounds... Worse. After a few minutes, I finally wake him up. He looks at me, terrified and quickly moves as far as possible. 

"Please dont hurt me..." He whispers. My heart breaks as I look at how frightened and small he looks. He doesnt deserve any of this, the exact opposite actually. 

"Kurt, I wont hurt you. Youre okay, youre safe." I see him slowly become less scared and he comes back to me, still curling in on himself slightly. "Youre safe, Kurt. No ones going to hurt you." 

"I-Im sorry, Blaine," Hes digging his nails into his skin, hard enough that soon might draw blood. I take his hand and grasp it, stopping him from  hurting himself and giving him comfort through my touch. 

"Stop, youre strong. You can get through this without hurting yourself," Kurt looks up at me, questioningly.

"You really think I can?" He asks me, withdrawing his hands. 

"I dont think you can, I know you can," I smile and he tries smiling back. "Are you okay to go back to bed? Do you want to talk about it?"

He shakes his head and draws the covers up over himself, turning away from me. I walk over to my bed and say "Goodnight, Kurt," but either he didnt hear me or hes already asleep.

I try getting to sleep once more, but a recurring thought keeps coming to my mind. What was Kurts nightmare about? Who did he need to get away from? Why did it seem like so much worse than what he told me of his bullying? I try coming up with realistic answers for all of these questions, but the only thing I can believe is that theres something Kurt isnt telling me. And that worries me. A lot.