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***** Chapter 4

Kurt repositioned the rear-view mirror of his car to take one last look at his face before quietly admitting that not even concealer would be enough to cover up the rings under his eyes.

He expertly brushed his hair to the side and rubbed some chap stick on his lips, plastering on a tight smile before getting out of his car.

Only three hours. You can make it.

Kurt made his way past the register and through the crowded hallways, pausing when he reached room 216. He breathed in shakily and entered. He saw Carole, misty-eyed and sniffling. Finn was slumped in a chair, absently tapping against the bed's frame in an obnoxious rhythm.

And on the bed...

Shit.

Kurt could feel his throat closing up. Hot tears shot into his eyes and he ground his teeth in an effort not to make a sound.

There he was. His father, hooked up to tubes and needles, just lying there in a quiet boldness that was so familiar it twisted his heart into knots.

“Dad...,” he choked out, reaching for his hand.

Every time.

Every single goddamn time.

Kurt hated hospital visits so much.

Getting his hopes up, thinking something could've changed. Every time he opened the door, he wondered if there was a chance that his Dad was sitting there, perfectly healthy, a weak smile on his face and happy tears in his eyes as he greets his son after weeks of unconsciousness.

And Kurt hated himself even more for hoping, because these dreams would never come true.

Carole closed the door behind him and Kurt felt trapped.

*****

After three hours of misery, a thirty minute shower and some new clothes, Kurt was just about ready to go to sleep. Sure, it was only half past 12 and the sun had barely risen, but there was nothing left for him to do and he felt so drained.

It was the same old checklist.

He couldn't hang with the Glee clubbers, because he would be required to laugh and laughing felt wrong and fake and inappropriate because his father was battling death. Finn was off to distract himself with football and Carole had a brunch to attend to. There wasn't a single person that Kurt could possibly distract himself with.

Unless...

He walked to the living room and stared at the empty glass table. This was where he'd left Blaine, telling him to wait and do whatever-it-was-angels-did until he got back, but there was no sign of the angel anymore.

A crazy idea nagged at Kurt's mind. He sat on the couch and cleared his throat.

“Um... Blaine?” He felt like an idiot. “Blaine, if you're here or if you're... up there somewhere... I want to talk-- need to talk to you.”

Silence.

Kurt sighed. Well, what did he expect?

“I need to talk to you because I'm scared.” The words began to flow as though an invisible dam had been broken. “Remember what you said about being the fire that warms me when I'm cold? When my mind freezes up?” Tears slowly formed and his voice cracked. “Well, I honestly didn't know what you were saying but I do now. My mind is freezing up. It freezes every day and it keeps me from enjoying my life because so much crap has happened to me and I can't stand to look others in the eye because all I see is this pitied teen who can't find his way and I just hate myself so much...”

He sobbed quietly, eyes fixed on his sleeve.

“I would hand you a tissue but I don't know where they are.”

Kurt's head snapped up and his heart jumped as he saw the familiar smile. No matter how many times he looked, he could never look away. Angel or no angel, Blaine was just... breathtakingly handsome.

“Where did you come from?” Kurt asked shakily. “Is it because I'm crying?”

Blaine laughed, dropping on the couch.

“Something like that. Well, okay, not really. I only materialize when you need me. Really need me. It's hard to explain.”

Kurt sniffled, watching the angel's eyes soften with worry.

“What happened? You do wanna talk about it, don't you?”

“Now that you're here, I don't know what to say.”

Blaine raised a brow.

“You're broken, Kurt. Who broke you?”

“Everyone.” The word sounded small and incomplete. “Everyone, including me.”

Blaine nodded patiently, waiting for more.

“My father's in the hospital and it's killing me. That's why I left this morning – daily hospital visits are very important to Carole. Carole's kind of my stepmom. She's Finn's mother and Finn is... Finn.”

“Continue.”

“I go to McKinley. I'm in Glee club, which consists of the only friends I have in school. We're... family. But they can't understand how I feel. Then there's the football team and they--”

“Why can't they understand?” Blaine interrupted.

“They don't. They simply don't.” Kurt felt Blaine's amber gaze drill into his skull. He was lapping up every piece of information. “They know that it's hard for me to deal but they don't know how to help me, so they either leave me alone or they make it worse.”

“Sounds like family trouble to me.”

“It's complicated.”

Blaine shrugged. “Believe it or not, I actually understand. You don't want to let your friends in because you hate when they see you vulnerable.”

“That's not what I said.”

“Right. But it's what you feel.”

It wasn't a question and Kurt stared at Blaine, slightly frustrated, until the boy started speaking again.

“Listen, Kurt, if you want to start the journey to a better place, you begin by choosing your path. Your attitude, so to speak. You can start by letting your friends in. Let them comfort you, let them hold your hand, even if it kills you. Eventually, you'll feel better. Trust me.”

“How do you know so much?”

Blaine grinned. “I'm an angel.”

“Stop saying that.”

He frowned. “Why?”

“Because you're just so... human. I can open up to you because you listen to me and you seem to understand. And then you mention that you're an angel and it feels... weird.”

“Don't worry about it. For now, I'm just a friend.”

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“For being my friend. And for being my fire.”

The smile was back, brighter than ever.

“Pleasure.”