"Hello?" I stutter out feeling relieved that he has called.

"Hey Kurt! I'll be two minutes..." I hear him mumbling to someone in the back ground before coming back to me "sorry things are a bit hectic here!"

"That's ok! How are you?" Despite the fact he hasn't acknowledged my birthday I can't help but want to know everything, it's been to long since I actually spoke to him, his text were always vague and he tried his hardest not to pick up any of my calls in the last two months.

"I'm ok, the tours gone really well and the guys are hilarious it's been a great experience."

"That's good! I knew you would do well. I can't believe it's time for you to come home already!" I could really but I didn't want to say it was a drag here without him.

"Yeah...that's um actually why I'm calling...." That didn't sound good, why didn't that sound good. "......I'm not coming home yet" what?!?!?!?!

"What? What do you mean?" I hear the squeak in my voice and try to take a hold of it.

"We've been asked to go to Europe... Germany, France, LONDON.....I couldn't say no to that!"

"You have got to be kidding me?! You're not coming home? What about regionals? What about senior year? What about prom Blaine?" that did it my voice was trembling with rage I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He wasn't going to be home for regionals, the team were going to take this hard we were already stressing enough as it was without losing a member suddenly. I'm not going to lie and say that the fact he was missing prom and more senior activities annoyed me more.

"Kurt it's not that big of a deal! You guys will be fine at regionals, I'm still being tutored on the road and you have Dale for prom...." He sounded defensive and not like himself. "Look I'm not asking for your permission ok? I just wanted you to know before you heard from Dale! You know how fast things travel at his work...."

"I didn't expect you to ask for my permission Blaine but a heads up would have been nice! What changed? You were coming home in two days and now you're just going to go to Europe like you don't have anything else in your life to worry about?"

"What changed? What fucking changed? My boyfriend was a coke head that cheated on me Kurt! I gave him all my firsts...I loved him and he screwed me over big time! And you haven't been there for me..... You're always busy with Dale! I'm not coming back deal with it!"

"That not fair Blaine! I tried to be there for you but you shut yourself off! I can't help if you won't let me....." I clench and unclench my fists in anger "and as for Dale he has been here for me - and Santana - applying to colleges, you know like you were meant to be doing with us....we were all meant to be going to new York together! Have you even applied? And what exactly is your problem with Dale? You had a boyfriend first.... I was in love with you and you had found someone you liked so I moved on and do you know what I'm happy! DALE makes me happy so grow up!" I can practically hear the blood boiling in my ears which distracted me from the silence on the other end of the phone.

"Hmmm you.... You loved me?" oh shit did I say that? My brain whirred back over my speech and I froze in terror, I did say that. No Hummel don't break keep the bitch face up, don't let him hear you crumble.

"So what if I did Blaine? You never looked at me like that! I'm happy with Dale ok?! And you are running away and not facing your problems and that is not something my best friend would do! Running doesn't solve problems it makes them fester....where is your courage Blaine huh?"

"Kurt- why didn't you tell me I would of-"

"You would have what Blaine?" I'm met by another silence at the end of the line. "Exactly nothing, just ignore it...... I don't care Blaine! Just go do what you have to do but don't expect me and Santana to be here waiting when you decide we are good enough!" I muster all the strength I have not to cry this isn't going to break me, not now, not like this "Oh and thanks! I've had a really nice birthday..." As I go to hang up the phone I hear Blaine shout my name but I ignore it and slide my phone back into my pocket. I take in a deep breath to calm down and then turn to head back inside coming face to face with Santana.

"I think me and you need to talk don't you?" She pulled me in through the door to send everyone else home.

*********************************************

After standing numbly to let everyone say goodbye to me including a very confused Dale I summon up the strength to make him believe everything is fine; even though it isn't. It takes twenty of the longest minute of my life to finally get down into my bedroom and sit awkwardly on the edge of my head while Santana paces backwards and forwards across the floor before edging on to my computer chair and sliding it in front of me, sitting with a confused look across her face. I don't know what to say so I don't say anything I just sit waiting for her to say something, anything.

"I don't know what to be more annoyed at..." ok that's not what I expected as a response from her "the fact that Blaine has decided to stay on some skanky, testosterone filled tour bus where he will catch some sort of STI or the fact that you apparently have been in love with him and not told me..." she just sits there null of any feelings I don't blame her that's how I feel right at this moment; well not really; I just can't even begin to explain how I feel: confused, angry, hurt, sad, scared shitless....my list feels like it could go on forever as each new emotions washes over me and is then replaced just as quickly.

"Tan I - " I don't quite know what I want to say, what I need to say as her brown eyes bore into mine.

"Peachy I just don't get this....how could you not have told me I'm your best friend! What about Dale I thought you loved him?" that comment hits me hard. I try to think of what to say to her but I can't sum it up right in my head. "Are you just going to sit there?" she asks incredulously.

"I don't know how to say what I think...." I whisper and feel Santana wheel right in front of me cupping my face with her hands and forcing me to look at her.

"Just try...no judging I promise!" I know she won't judge me but the thought of finally getting everything out in the open scares me, once it's said out loud it can't go back in.

"Ok!" I take a few shallow breaths to try and calm down my racing heart before trying to explain. "It all started the night Blaine met Sebastian, I don't know what it was something changed and I couldn't stop thinking about him. Everything I saw and did made me think would Blaine enjoy this, would Blaine take me here. Then it started to get weird I kept thinking about his lips and how I would love to feel them, taste them, call them mine....Once that started I began having all of these weird dreams, about us as a couple being.....you know? Every time I saw Sebastian with him I felt jealous I just wanted to claim him as my own but I knew that he didn't feel like that I could see how obsessed he was with making him happy, trying to impress him. Then I met Dale and things got confusing........" I looked up to see Santana nodding along silently not reacting to anything I said. "It's actually how we became friends, I blurted out to him that night how I felt and he said he understood and would wait till I was ready! It helped I had someone to support me; I know you would of but how could I tell you? I loved the attention Dale was giving to me but at the same time I couldn't stop thinking about Blaine more than a best friend should and after the day I walked in on them....having sex I realised it all too clearly. I was heartbroken..... I had fallen in love with my best friend and it was too late to do anything about it. That when I decided to give Dale a chance and I do love him but.....The thought of sleeping with him-of giving myself over to him completely-scares me, surely if I was in love with him then I would just know it was right? Surely I wouldn't still be battling with my buried feelings for someone else right? I mean I love Dale but I'm IN love with Blaine how can I give up my first time to Dale when I think I should only be Blaine's forever....." I trail off in to the silence as Santana tries to soak in all this information keeping her face neutral of any emotion. Worrying my lip in my teeth I feel a taste of iron causing me to stop before the bleeding gets worse.

"So still not judging okay? I'm just going to tell you what I would do in this position" she gently pulls my chin in between her thumb and fore finger and my lip quivers as I give a gentle nod. She removes her hand and clasps them in her lap. "So first off I think you should talk to dale, it's not fair to keep him in this when you feel like you do..... The longer you leave it to fester the more it will likely hurt him and just imagine if it was the other way around you would want the truth right? Secondly! As much as he is being a complete ass hat right now I think you need to talk to Blaine, not now give him some time to come to terms with what you told him maybe even wait to see him at cooper's birthday? That gives him a month to sort out exactly where he is and gives you time to really think about what you want ok?" I just nod silently at her using my sleeve to wipe up a few stray tears that have begun to fall, cascading down my cheeks. She pulls me into the best hug she could give me resting her head atop of mine.

"I know it doesn't feel like it peachy but it will get better....and in a few months we will be in our tiny apartment laughing at how much we thought this would change things when really it didn't...." she places a firm kiss to my hair and I whimper out a small laugh before answering her.

"Thanks for everything Tan, you are my best friend!"

"And your mine! I don't just let any guy cry into my cleavage you know!" she draws back to let our noses touch. "You want some ice cream?"

"Yes please!" I whisper and she is off up the stairs without another word but before she gets back I pass out on top of my duvet fully clothed.

*********************

Scarecrow are you ok? Santana threatened my baby maker last night if I didn't leave.... Call me okay? Xx

Floppy hope you slept ok? I'm worried about you give me a call if you wanna stay at mine tonight! Love you xx

Kurt....please answer your phone! We need to talk! Blaine

Peachy! I spoke to Mr S and he says you don't need to come in to glee today...if he asks you have a bad case of the herps xox

Baby please just text me to let me know you're ok? I love you xx

Kurt! Santana is telling people you have herpes?! Please don't tell me this is true?? Or I'll tell mom and dad! F x

Scarecrow why is Finn asking me if you have the herpes?? Why would he think I knew?!?! Xx

P.S if you don't text me I'm coming to find you! Xx

Oh change of plan Finn told him you were fine....Choir room 10 mins xox

Kurt!! You can't just drop something like that on me and then ignore me! This is important can't you just pick up?!

That's it I'm coming to school! And don't think I won't camp out at your locker till somebody tells me where you are xx

I am bombarded with an army of text as soon as I switch my phone on. I have avoided everyone from the beginning of the day in favour of lying out on the grass at the park round the corner. Trying to think of how to deal with this but my mind keeps coming back to the same solution even if I don't want it too. I send off messages to everyone but Blaine and delete all of the 10 missed calls I have from the last two hours alone.

Sorry! Got a lot going on! Can't stay but can we meet up for a chat after school? Xx

Tan I'll be there and I'm not too happy about the herpes scandal you have started. Xox

No Finn!! It was just to get me out of lesson! Just your regular old gay guy :{ K x

Coop I'm fine ill speak to you later! Just wait at the house till I get back. Xx

As I go to stand up and head back to the school my phone rings again and I see a text from Dale.

See you then! Love you xx

Trying to put my nerves out of my mind I head beck to face a sea of annoyed looks from my friends in Glee club.

*****************

When I walk into the room all the arguing over song choices quiet and Mr Schue smiles at me obviously know something is wrong after Santana's stunt. Every one stares at me as I stop bang in the centre of the room, any other time it would be to hear me belt out a classic but today was a much more sombre affair and judging by the looks I was getting everyone could tell my hair was not done with my usual car and attention. Slowly they all trickled into their seats and Santana slide up beside me to hold my hand.

We had decided to break the news together to the group about Blaine not coming back. Strength in numbers and all that jazz.

"OK so we know everyone was practising songs to perform for Blaine coming home but...." Santana started to trip over her words as everyone noticed small beads of sweat forming on her head.

"He's not coming back, no we don't know if he will be back at all, yes he is still working on the tour, no it isn't true that he has a hot sugar daddy on tap, yes he has got a tutor and no he will not be back for prom either. Anymore questions that I haven't covered?" I stare out at the sea of faces picking up hurt and confused vibes, not that I blame them.

"Hold on he's not coming back?"

"I thought praying for him would be enough..."

"Ok so who wants to duet with me at regionals?"

"Is any of the pirates stories true?"

"I heard the one about the guy with a parrot is...."

"When are we going to kidnap him?"

"When are the aliens coming down for the treaty?"

"Guys we need to find a replacement and fast!"

"I don't understand...."

"Kids calm down!" Mr Shuester stops the outbursts all firing at once and comes up to me and Santana wrapping an arm around each of our shoulders. "I know this is a lot to take in but we believe in supporting each other....whether its directly in this room or out in the real world we are a team......friends and friends look out for one another. I know this is hard but we can do this without him ok? Our time is now! So everyone get in here....team hug!" Everyone pounds on us and I feel a tight squeeze coming from Finns direction. Job one done now for two and three.

*******************

"You want us to break up don't you?" I can hear the hurt in his voice without looking up even though he is trying to hide it.

I had arrived at Dales house an hour ago and had been sat half-heartedly making conversation in the hope he wouldn't notice something was wrong; apparently it wasn't a good enough act.

"It not that I want to but-"

"But you want to break up? Because of Blaine right?" My head shot up and met his fiery stare, no hint of surprise or shock just sadness.

"Not how you think it would be....." I mumble out finding his clear thoughts hard to explain in my own words.

"Can I ask you something?" I nod my head frowning slightly, worrying he's going to ask if I cheated which I didn't....unless dreaming of the person you're in love with was cheating. "Do you love me? Honestly?" I stop and look into those eyes and feel like a horrid person this was my fault all of this second guessing.

"Of course I do! I haven't lied to you ever....It just that I don't think I'm in love with you...." He moves closer to me and I place my hand on his chest to stop him "Just listen okay? I have really tried to keep my feelings for Blaine's buried in the back of my mind but I keep having doubts about us......and If I was in love with you I don't think I would have them you know? And surely Blaine would be just a friend if that was true as well but I just think that if I didn't do this now you would end up hating me more and I would be stopping you from meeting your soul mate. But I do love you, you have been the best thing for me these last few months and I can't express that enough I just wish that I didn't have to lose you as a friend..." Gut wrenching sobs escaped my body as I let myself pity swallow me whole. What I didn't expect was to feel dales strong arm come around my shaking shoulders as he pulled me into a hug.

"Look at me..." I can't calm the sobs to look up "Kurt....." his free hand is tugging my face up towards him as I try to un-blur my vision from tears. Is face looks sad but not devastated, eyes are gleaming but no tears have fallen and he is wearing a soft smile.

"Kurt you're not going to lose me ok? I can't promise it will be fine right away but if you give me a little while to get over this then we can try being friends again...I should have known you weren't ready for this and for that I'm sorry, but I can't be there for you right now but I want to be in the future at some point." I can't help but feel hopeful at what he is saying and that brings a small grin to my face as he continues. "Just please promise me you will talk to Blaine and sort things between you two....I want you to be happy just as much as you want me to be." My face drops at that statement. BLAINE. My best friend that I have been ignoring with as much strength as I can. The man that I love with all my heart. The man who couldn't think of anything to say in response to my declaration. That Blaine. I gulp down my heart from where it's sitting in my throat.

****************************

I'm stomping down into my bedroom just wanting to have a shower and go to bed, forgetting about this day when I see two feet dangling out of the end of my bed and hear a tell-tale snore from somewhere under my comforter. Cooper! I had completely forgot that he was here waiting on me and in typical Cooper fashion he has made himself completely at home in my bed. After a nip to the back of his knee does nothing to stir him out of his noisy slumber I head to my bathroom to take a shower.

When I come out in my pyjamas I get into the tiny bit of space left on the edge of the bed and try to get comfortable knocking my phone on to the floor with a loud bang.

"WAAHH!?!" cooper yells jumping up on to his knees with my comforter still drooped over his head making him unable to see, making his head turn back and forwards disorientated. I can't help but laugh at his hopelessness which makes him stop looking in my direction. "Kurt?" he still does nothing to move the offending article from his head.

"Who else would it be? Are you telling me you pass out in other people's beds? I'm hurt cooper!" I play the injured party well and it earns me the comforter thrown over my own head. "Cooper what are you 10?" I hear chuckling and then his face is up close underneath forming our own little den.

"HI!" He grins at me in a similar way that Blaine would at his dorkiest joke.

"Hi..." I can't help but grin back; my surrogate big brother always makes me smile.

"So you don't have herpes?"

"No! That was just Santana's great plan to get me out of classes......" his disgusted look says it all to clear, that plan sucked.

"So what's up?" his hands land on my knee giving me a reassuring squeeze.

"I told Blaine that I am- was in love with him by mistake last night...." Coopers eyes pop out of his head.

"You did huh? Can't say I'm surprised you always blurt out important information like that....what did he say?"

"Nothing! He just mumbled a bit and then tried to answer but I hung up after a bitchy comment about how great my birthday was....Don't look at me like that Coop! He isn't coming home anyway....so it doesn't make a difference what I feel or think does it?" I hardened my stare as I felt tears begin to well; no more tears there had been enough of them today!

"But this could change everything! He might come home if he knows you're here waiting for him-"

"No he won't! I was here anyway cooper and he decided to stay on the tour. Me saying I used to love him won't make any difference will it? It's not like he feels the same. If anything I have nailed our friendship into a coffin 6 feet under!" I rant cutting him off and watching his eyes sparkle in hope.

"I think you are under estimating our little Blainers! Just you wait and see....Everything will work out!" He bops my nose and I sigh long and hard.

"Well only time will tell.... Until then can we just lie hear and chill out... I've had a hard enough days and I'm not capable of anymore serious talks...." Cooper nods and begins to move up to the head of the bed again.

"You can be the little spoon since you've had a hard day just don't push your ass up against me in your sleep...That would be unwanted and a bit weird..." I laugh lightly saying nothing in reply as Coopers arms come around me and I close my eyes. Thinking could wait for another day.