The Story Of How I Got Hitched
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The Story Of How I Got Hitched: Santana tells all


E - Words: 3,169 - Last Updated: Nov 19, 2016
Story: Complete - Chapters: 29/? - Created: Feb 08, 2014 - Updated: Feb 08, 2014
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Author's Notes:

Next time:

"Maya may have tried to open it with the clothes steamer..."

 

I was in the middle of an amazing dream about fairies, or lions, or Blaine. Then Rachel showed up but every time she opened her mouth to shout it came out as an incessant beeping noise - not as annoying as her usual pitch but still pretty head splitting- and then it morphed into my ringtone? Okay, now I cant even remember what I was dreaming about, and to be honest I cant remember what had - a ringing cell phone! Thats whats woke me up. I tried to reach for it, but cant because of Blaines arm pinning me face first onto the mattress. The phone eventually stops and I try to go back to sleep, only for the phone to start again.

 

"Blaine, the phones ringing!" I say loudly in his ear, facing towards him and tucking in tightly beside his naked body.

 

"Mmm no. Sleep time." He mumbles incoherently from his pillow.

 

"Well move your arm so I can reach it..." I trail off as his arm lets me go for enough time to snatch the phone from the night stand before pulling me down again.

 

"Stay there. Warm." Is all he states and he sighs happily as I get enveloped by his strong arms once more at the same time as I read Dales name on the screen.

 

"Good morning Hummel residence, how can I be of service on this very early...very cold January morning?" I say in my best receptionist voice, despite being furious that its still dark outside my window.

 

"Did you read it yet?" Is all he says, although I do detect several bangs, Landin shouting and Lydia wailing in the background.

 

"Read what?" I ask, rubbing my eyes as Blaine trails a finger up and down my side. "What the hell is going on over there?" I ask as I hear Jake scream in agitation.

 

"Landin is refusing to go to school, Lydia threw up all over Jakes work uniform and I am apparently a good for nothing gossip whore...." He stops talking as Jake starts shouting about language right next to the receiver. "Oh, and YOUR best friend called Jake mature, which basically means old... No, I didnt call you old! Im telling Kurt what you told me... Babe, I find you too hot to even look at right now. I love you too." He rambles at Jake while I shake my head at Blaines soft snores being interrupted by his phone ringing. "Sorry Kurt, I have to go tackle the spawn of Satan, but read Santanas interview. She sounds like a human being with a heart!" And before I can ask anything else he has hung up and Blaine is thrusting a phone in my face.

 

"Nobody ever calls for me this early." He says with a shrug and then I see Rachels picture and know full well what he was doing, but glare at him nonetheless.

 

"Hello Rachel!" I say cheerily, digging Blaine in the ribs and making him moan lazily at the pain in his side.

 

"Are you having sex?" She asks casually, babbling to the twins as she goes.

 

"Yes Rachel! Im so lost in the throes of passion and having sex with my boyfriend that I picked up my phone to talk to you." I drone sarcastically, and Blaine mumbles sleepily beside me.

 

"Well you sounded awfully happy to just be waking up is all." She sing songed.

 

"Thats because Dale has already phoned this morning to wake me up. Some of you seem to forget that we dont have children to wake us up at six in the morning and that we all have jobs working late into the night."

 

"Ive been up since four actually. Do you know how hard it is breast feeding twins? My boobs are aching-"

 

I cut her off before she could say anything more graphic. "Rachel, I dont want to know about aching breasts." Blaine, hearing this, dramatically pulls a pillow over his head. "Why did you actually call?"

 

"Oh right! Have you read it yet?" She asks excitedly.

 

"The interview? No I havent due to the fact I was sleeping ten minutes ago. You know, like we already discussed?" I rolled my eyes at her blatant lack of understanding when it came to anyone other than herself. And possibly her twins...

 

"Okay! No need to get your panties in a bunch." She bit back a little harshly.

 

"Im not wearing any actually." I snort and hear a huge crash down the phone.

 

"You just made me drop the puréed sweet potatoes and pumpkin I was making for the twins. I hope youre happy."

 

"Sounds like they owe me big time then." I laugh as I hear her start to manoeuvre around the kitchen in search of a cloth. "Listen Rach, Ive got to go. Dads trying to get through." I quickly swap over to the incoming call and nudge Blaine as I see Coopers name appear on my own cell. "Its your brother, deal with it."

 

"Fine, but if I dont get breakfast in bed, I wont be happy." Blaine grumbles as he stalks into the hall to take the call. I shake my head at his toddler style tantrum before answering my dad.

 

"Hey dad. No I havent read it yet, no Ive not just woken up, and no, I have not been having sex."

 

"Youre lucky its me and not your father Kurt. Hed have a nervous breakdown about the sex thing." Carole giggles down the phone. "But have you really not read it yet?"

 

"No! Santana brought the magazine home last night but I was too exhausted to read it. Ill do it next." I told Carole truthfully.

 

"Well, Id maybe read it separately from Blaine if you havent had that chat we were talking about over Christmas." Carole says gently.

 

"What has she said?" I panic, not wanting my relationship flaunted in the media.

 

"Just some nice things I promise! But its good. Im going to frame it."

 

"Okay, youre the third person to call about it since I woke up and Im presuming thats what Cooper is doing with Blaine, so Ill go read it right now." I say, standing up and heading to the living room to settle down and read. "Oh, and can you do me a favour? Call Dale once you get off the phone with me and talk to Landin?"

 

"School strops again?" She wisely asks.

 

"Yeah. I dont know the ins and outs but it sounded pretty hectic over there. Grandma Carole might do the trick."

 

"Ill bribe him with monster truck tickets for his birthday treat. Love you honey!" She trilled down the phone.

 

"You too mom!" I smile, clicking off the phone and picking up the magazine. "Okay, so she wore the dress I told her to at least." I smile to myself taking in the cover.

 

 

******************

 

 

Today marks the day of all of us down here at Treble Times meeting the very successful Miss Santana Lopez, who shot to fame a few years ago when she released her début album, Cry No More. Now on the cusp of releasing her new album, Think Outside the Trapezoid, (set to be released in early spring), the star takes a few minutes to talk to us about music, friends and being a foodie at heart too. Hello Santana thanks for joining us!

 

Santana: Thanks for having me, this bagel is to die for!

 

TT: They are, youre right. So how have things been for you this past year?

 

S: Crazy! But good crazy. Ive just been working hard trying to get all the songs written and recorded and now its done I get to go out on all these interviews and get to eat tonnes of food.

 

TT: It has been well documented in the past that you enjoy eating, and make it a forefront discussion to be comfortable in yourself and have spoken out to all your fans about this too. What made you decide to be so upfront about it?

 

S: Well Ive always had a very strong support system around me and they always emphasised the mantra, be who you are, not who they want you to be, and its stuck with me all through my life. Thats why Ive always been open with my fans about my sexuality and how Im just a normal girl. I have days where I feel fat and bloated, but I like my food too much to have it any other way. You just have to take everything in proportion and be prepared to put the work in if you want to indulge, but feel happy in yourself, dont go trying to be supermodel skinny, be your own size. Focus more on being healthy for yourself.

 

TT: And its a message to be applauded! You mentioned your sexuality, what was it like for you growing up and dealing with that?

 

S: I had it pretty easy. I knew from an early age I was gay and I had a very supportive group of family and friends. Growing up in Ohio wasnt the easiest at times, but it taught me not to sweat the little stuff or the haters. For every person throwing a rock, there are ten more throwing feathers. I never felt the need to hide who I was and I made it a main goal to be involved in charities to do with teenagers as it is such a vulnerable age, and in this day and age people still get punished for being different when they should really be applauded, be it dress sense, sexuality, looks or their hobbies.

 

TT: And its definitely provided a lot of your fans with a positive outlook on difficult situations. What would you say the best thing in that situation is?

 

S: Remembering youre not alone. There are probably hundreds of thousands of other people out there just like you. Surround yourself with the best support system you have, whether its family, friends, support groups, people online...

 

TT: As youve already mentioned you have a strong support system of friends and family, who would you describe as the most important to you?

 

S: I have an amazing group of friends! I wouldnt be who I was right now if it wasnt for all of them. Dale and Jake are the mature ones; theyve taught me a lot about trusting another person in a relationship and have given me the most precious niece and nephew on the planet! Blaine and Kurt are the missing parts of the tripod. We were inseparable at school and Im glad to say that twenty three years down the line we are still a main part of each others live. Cooper is just the annoying, shares too much big brother that you love anyway! Funny that for loving women Im surrounded by a swarm of attractive men.

 

TT: So it seems, and Kurt is your designer extraordinaire best friend whos been getting a lot of his own press recently and Blaine is his boyfriend, right?

 

S: Yeah! Kurt is a serious talent. If you havent been, get down to Mables Mysterious Madhouse for a consultation. (This is the boutique Kurt owns with his two business partners in New York). Let me just say they are beyond sickly sweet, they are so in love and I see a huge fabulous wedding in the near future and hopefully a lot more nieces and nephews for me to spoil. We still all live together and it works. Except when we are fighting over what to watch! Blaines sensible, Kurts a perfectionist and Im the loud one.

 

TT: And do you have anyone special in your life?

 

S: Im sure if I did you would all know before me! Im happy for now....and crazy busy too!

 

TT: We would all love to see that! So lets talk about your inspirations, what made you strive to become a star when you were younger?

 

S: I wouldnt say I strived, I was just lucky to get the breaks I did. I would still be singing even if it was a tiny club with rubbish pay because I would still be doing what I loved. Just in less expensive shoes. But growing up I always knew I wanted to be on stage. We used to put on these shows in the living room and charge all our bears sweets to get in. My poor dad had to play bouncer as we slaughtered every classic known to man.

 

TT: Sounds fun. So what kind of music did you all listen to?

 

S: Anything and everything! We had a very eclectic music choice, from Disney songs, to pop, to Broadway classics and I had a huge obsession with Tina Turner. Huge! And who wouldnt, shes a legend. I also listened to a lot of Rolling Stones on my own and had huge dancing sessions with my earphones in.

 

TT: On your last record there was a lot of songs that focused on growing up, what can we expect on the new record?

 

S: I have a few slower, more emotional songs this time, and the writing team is incredible. They sit in a room with me and just write down all my ideas and help put it in an order that works.

 

TT: And what is the meaning behind the title, Think outside the Trapezoid?

 

S: Its basically a message to not let people put you into a box. If you have a niche, thats great, but dont just stay there because of other people. Like, say you were a great cook and people kept giving you that title and then one day you wanted to be a doctor. Whats to stop you taking skills you have and pushing out the boundaries a bit and make the box fit you? Nothing is unattainable if you have the determination to get the end result.

 

TT: What a great message. Now, we heard that you enjoy playing games?

 

S: Love them! Me and the boys are forever playing random games.

 

TT: But you have a favourite one to watch right now?

 

S: Oh yeah, I love the questionnaire on Inside the Actors Studio. It tell you so much about a person!

 

TT: Well let us start by asking you; what is your favourite word?

 

S: Onomatopoeia. Just sounds funny.

 

TT: What is your least favourite word?

 

S: Crustaceans.... Need I say any more?

 

TT: What turns you on?

 

S: A great pair of shoes.... Or food!

 

TT: What turns you off?

 

S: Prejudice.

 

TT: What sound do you love?

 

S: My nephews laugh, its just the cutest. OH! Or Kurts dad trying to sing rap....

 

TT: What sound do you hate?

 

S: Kurt screaming at me to get up in the morning.

 

TT: Whats your favourite curse word?

 

S: F**K! It has so many uses!

 

TT: What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?

 

S: Anything to do with food...Like I could be the presidents food tester? To make sure its safe and eat half claiming its for the good of the country!

 

TT: What profession would you not like to do?

 

S: Cleaning toilets.

 

TT: If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

 

S: Happy hours in five minutes!

 

TT: Any last words?

 

S: I just want to say a huge thank you to all my fans....you guys are the greatest fans in the world and I wouldnt be where I was today if it wasnt for you!

 

TT: thank you for taking the time to talk to us and good luck with the new album!

 

S: Thanks....is there any more of these chips?

 

And with a couple more bagels, the end to a very delightful afternoon with a very considerate and talented star was over. And I think we can all say keep an eye out on this one, she is making her mark on the world and it appears to only just be beginning!

 

 

*********************************

 

 

"Did you read it?" I ask Blaine as I walk in to the kitchen where he is having his routinely morning fight with the coffee machine.

 

"Yeah! They said she was considerate...I wouldnt say that when shes using all the hot water during shower sex....." he grumbles as I push him into a chair and take over before the machine gets broken....again!

 

"I know, but she came off really well dont you think?" I ask as the machine splurges in to life.

 

"Definitely! And all the positivity stuff is really good....I just cant believe I wanted an openly gay role model as a child.... And Santana is doing it for kids all over the world....who would have thought she could be so...."he ponders his choice of word for a few minutes.

 

"Un-Santana like?" I ask with a smile as I place our cups on the table in front of us.

 

"Yeah! What did Dale say?" He asks as he scoops the foam on to his fingers and sucks it off with a loud pop.

 

"He thought it was good....Jake had a meltdown about being called ‘mature though..." Does he really not have anything to say about our part of it?!

 

"Hes just having a hard time with admitting hes thirty....it didnt help when we were out for lunch the other day a guy checked me out and not him..."He adds with a grin.

 

"Well who could help but look at you?" I ask sarcastically as I remember him showing off his ‘catwalk strut to me the night it happened. "What did you think about our little mentions?"

 

"Well I think its great PR for your shop....imagine all the young fan girls swooning at the chance to own a Kurt Hummel original?" he adds thoughtfully and Im getting annoyed. Is he just going to pretend he didnt read the ‘wedding statement?

 

"Anything else?" I probe hoping he will know what Im getting at...he hasnt ever brought up a proposal since Jakes birthday. Not even in a bitchy way like ‘our tuxes will look so much better when we hate watch four weddings together.

 

"Are you mad she called you a perfectionist?" He asks apparently oblivious to my inner turmoil. "Because hello kettle? This is pot....youre black!" he giggles and a slam my cup a little harder than I mean to on the table.

 

"I just like things a certain way....thats not a perfectionist...."

 

"Sure its not sweetie!" He winks at me and I devise a new tactic.

 

"What about the wedding thing?" I ask bashfully....why am I even embarrassed? He proposed and you said no Kurt, its not like he has never thought about it!

 

"Hmmm? Oh thats just Santana being Santana! There will be a flurry of gossip in online blogs for a few days then everyone will forget...dont worry babe!" He smiles at me. Like that is the response I want? My boyfriend is so dense at times. The correct response would be I really cant wait to be married to you the love of my life, soul mate...... forever "you okay?" He asks and I realise Ive not spoken in a few minutes.

 

"Yeah I just remembered I have to go to work early...." I say as I make my way to the door to go get ready. But Im having an internal monologue with myself about the rant call Dale will get on my way into the city. Not noticing the way Blaine watches me leave before pulling out his cell phone.

 

"Hey Burt? Its Blaine! I need your help......."

 


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