“Blaine? Blaine?!” I fly into the apartment, leaving cooper and his bags trailing behind me. “BLAINE!” I reach our bedroom door just as it swings open and Blaine appears on the other side. A confused look across his face and not wearing anything but a towel, cheeks flushed and his curls wet, sticking to his forehead.

“Hey, you're just in time-” he moves a hand to the towel, in an attempt to pull it off, but I swat his hand away.

“Cooper!” I huff out, now that I've stopped my mad dash, realising I'm a little short of breath. “Out. There.”

“What?” he asks quietly making sure his towel is firmly in place. “As in out in our apartment? Or as in outside on a poster?”

“Why the hell would I run all the way from the station to tell you he's in another ad campaign? He's out in the…actually, I don't know where he is. I lost him when I came in. but he's here!” I explain quickly, my breathing returning to normal.

“Oh! So that means…”

“The bachelor party!” I spill in slight annoyance, I really expected him to be quicker on the uptake.

“Does this mean I'm not getting laid now?” seriously? Of all the questions to ask. That is his main concern. “I mean, I showered and used your favourite soaps and everything.”

“Blaine? If your brothers here, that means it's only a matter of time before everyone else appears – including our dads – and I for one am not getting caught with your dick up my ass by our entire family.”

“Hot damn!” Comes a low whistle from behind me. “This is why I love coming to visit my favourite little brothers!”

“Hey coop!” Blaine grins at is brother before being scooped into a hug and I use the chance to whirl past ad pull out clothes for him to put on.

“Kurt's pissed at me…” the stage whisper comes while my backs turned, but I can still tell he is watching me.

“I'm not mad at you…I just, I don't want Santana and everyone else to come barging in here with strippers or something while Blaine is naked.” I sigh pulling out a crisp navy shirt with small yachts painted on it, throwing it in Blaine's general direction over my shoulder. “Is that suitable attire for whatever you morons have conjured up?” I pipe up when I hear shuffling.

“I mean it's…not my cup of tea, but definitely a blaine-esque vibe to it…” Cooper trails off and then I here Blaine stifle a shriek, no doubt from the rib tickling Cooper finds appropriate whenever he is within arm's reach of him, Thank god me and Finn never established that kind of relationship.

“Focus children!” I mutter without turning to face them and look out a pair of red pants that will flatter him. “What I'm asking is, do we need warmer clothing? More functional clothing? Or is this okay?”

“It's fine Kurt! I'll just wear it regardless.” Blaine adds, to satisfy my questioning, seeing as cooper has no immediate need to.

“So future little bro? Can I have a drink?” Cooper comes towards me, flopping on to the bed to watch as I tidy around a little, mainly to give me something to do.

“You know where the kitchen is…”

“That not very hospitable Kurt…”

“What if I shoved my foot up your ass? Would that be to your liking?” I grit out between my teeth, moving around to the door anyway, better to stay busy than dwell on what could be.

“Wrong brother! Although from what I hear Blaine enjoys something else up his ass instead of your foot!” He screams after me but I ignore him. “Owww Blaine!” serves him right I think to myself.

***************************************

I let out a sigh of frustration, making harsh movements with my body, and turn on to my    back. I knew I should have put my foot down when we went mattress shopping. Kurt wanted a firm mattress, ‘it's better for your back Blaine', he said. Well screw having a healthy back, and screw Kurt Hummel for buying this mattress! All I wanted was a soft mattress, one you could get sucked into the centre of, like a big warm hug! But now I'm stuck lying on this cement like bed with, what might as well be rusty screws, springs digging into my ribs.

Huffing again, I kick my legs out of the comforter and roll over towards Kurt. Well, where Kurt should be. Instead there is two mounds dangerously close to my eyes, with curled unruly black hair draped across them. I sit up straight.

“Santana?!?!” a grumbled snort comes out of her mouth. I prod at her side, a manicured hand automatically comes out to slap any part of my body. The fact that I am probably the only one of us not hungover means my reflexes are faster, I catch her wrist firmly in my hand.

“What is it?” The level of snark she can express, without even opening her eyes, is scary. “Are you doing that thing with your face just now? I can't open my eyes if you're going to get all preachy with me!”

“I don't do a preachy face!” I let her arm drop heavily back to the bed. The cats decide to pop up on the bed and try to bite her bracelet after it jingles.

Sighing in defeat, she scoops up Salt as she sits, Pepper immediately crawling into her lap and settling in. It's only then she opens her eyes to look at me. “You do. But I'm sure that's not what you want to bitch about right now. How can I help you dearest Bumble?”

“Why do I have you in my bed……and not my husband to be?” Even through the anxiety, I had to hold in my squeak at that statement, it always made me feel like a child on Christmas Eve.

“Do you want to squeal??” it appears I had been foiled.

“Nope!”

“You sure Bee?” Santana doesn't gaze in my direction, to busy rubbing her nose in Salt's soft fur.

“Santana! Where is he?!”

“Oh daddy is cross my little babies!” She directs this at them both, putting Salt down to curl up with Pepper, scratching behind their ears.

“SATAN!” I'm trying not to worry, but I distinctly remember getting into bed with a practically passed out Kurt.

“Oh a tetchy little Bumble this morning! Relax!” She scrunches my cheek in between her fingers, rolling her eyes in amusement. “He woke up about an hour after you passed out, totally intoxicated and obnoxiously bossing people around in some kind of Klingsong-“

“Klingon!”

“Whatever! So he was trying to communicate in a language nobody but the two big brothers could understand and then off they went into the night…..” Her arm drifted up in to the air as if he had just evaporated this second. “Now, much more importantly… don't you have to say to me?” She spun her attention back on me in a flash her wide grin dazzling.

“I do?” I knew what she was edging for, and there was no way in hell that I was saying it.

She smiled wider, if that was possible. “Something along the lines of, oh I don't know…..Thank you Aunty Tan for the best Bachelor party ever known to man…..Oh and for the strippers! They all but gave you a happy ending. Even my man free lady parts found that arousing! Seriously….YOU ARE WELCOME!” I had heard enough, I jumped out of bed to find pants, any pair of pants. I found a deep red pair on the ground and immediately started yanking them on.

“Santana my fiancé is out there somewhere with the two biggest idiots I have ever met, probably still drunk out his face. Using the side walk as a pillow or stuck in a storm drain! And you want me to say thanks?! THANKS?!” I take a breath and try to jump into my pants, but they keep sticking at my knees. “Where are my pants!?!”

“Oh yeah Kurt's did look kind of saggy as they strutted out…” Santana giggles to herself. “They were almost at his knees actual – OWWW! I'm kidding please don't kill me with Kurt's pants!” After whipping Kurt's pair at her, I grab sweats and sling them on, I turn to storm out the door. “YOU MIGHT WANT TO WIPE THE CHOCOLATE BODY PAINT OFF YOUR FACE FIRST!” I don't even answer her, slamming the front door behind me as hard as I can.

“Well my perfect little pussy cats…. Why don't we eat daddy Blaine's secret chocolate stash huh? Maybe the girls have woken up in my room!”

*********************************

“All right, all right I'm coming!” Could be heard through the heavy wooden door, I came to the only person I could think of…well after the two police precincts near the apartment. The door opened and all I see is a grim look and the shake of a head. “I wondered how long it would take you kid.” Papa Burt, opened the door wide, ushering me inside with a firm grasp on my shoulder.

“Have you heard from him? Is he okay? Where is he – “

“He's safe…for now! I don't get why y'all have those fancy shmancy cell phones if you never carry them…. Santana answered it, her and the girls are eating all your binge food, or so she says! Carole's trying to awaken the dead in the bedroom…..” Burt nods towards the couch and I hop on to it, waiting for him to follow suit. “Soooooo, good night after I left, huh?” Okay at least from that smug grin I was being given, I knew I wasn't the one in trouble from Burt.

“Things got a little out of hand, yeah…” a chuckle, almost inaudible to the human ear but I was an expert in Burt Hummel body language. “Burt, where is he?”

“Oh he's here!” Comes his smug reply, “So is that Oaf I call a son and the one I inherited when Kurt came home from the park yammering on about the cutest boy who was crying….about oh I dunno, How long have we known each other?” His meaningful stare proved he knew, he just didn't want to let on he was a softie, which of course we all knew anyway.

“The three of them are here? Why did they come here?!”

“That's exactly what I asked a five o'clock this morning!” I whip my head around to see Carole coming out into the main area of the suite.  She makes her way over to me, kissing the top of my unwashed hair. “Do I want to know why you smell like chocolate?” She smiles warmly at me.

“I think I'd prefer you not to know honestly.” I quickly rub through my hair, getting it stuck in the sticky consistency. “So how did they get here?”

“I don't know honey, but hotel security turned up at the door with Cooper trying to yodel in Spanish and Finn crawling around on his hands and knees with Kurt riding him like a horse. Supposedly that's how they made their way up the block and into the foyer. I swear the more I think these boys are growing up….the worse the display of them proving me wrong turns out to be.” Carole squeezes in between me and Burt placing her hand on my knee. “Kurt in no uncertain terms just told me to go fuck myself, or something along those lines. It was hard to hear from under Finns feet!”

“Wait till I get my hands on them! They have a lot of garage hours to put in after they threw up on my shoes….and the security guard! I had to give him a hundred bucks not to throw us all out.” Burt moved to stand but Carole held him in place with one of the knowing looks she does.

“Right, so I can only apologize for them….” I start to stand up as I talk. “Since I know he's safe and in one of those ‘don't talk to me or you'll die' moods. I'll leave him to sleep it off with dumb and dumber if you don't mind?”

“Where are you going?” Burt queries, his eyes zeroing in on me. “You've been secretive since we got here two days ago…sneaking off all the time. What are you up to kid?”

“Just a little something for Kurt…..got to go though! Tell them to call me when they can face a mocking! Santana's at the flat with Rachel and Maya too, in case you want some refined girl time Carole, well as refined as Santana and Maya can be…Bye!”

*************************

“Uncle Blaine! My dad's said they hate you…..I told them it wasn't very nice and they said they don't care.” Landin informs me as I push through the Porters front door. “I think they have a wine hangover, you know like when they say they have the flu but it's always after going out with Aunty Tan!” He leads me into the living room where his Gran has laid out milk and cookies for us.

“Where's Lyd's and your gran?” I ask, pulling off my coat and hanging it on to the door, before taking up my spot on the couch.

“Out in the sand box! I told them not to come in until we were done with the secret mission!” Landin springs into the space beside me. “So do you have it?”

“Yeah bud! Let's get this done before your dads wake up! Or Uncle Kurt phones for comfort food!”

“When I'm your age I don't want to drink wine, it doesn't look like  much fun…” Landin looks so serious, I have to hold in a laugh. I don't know how he got so serious, surrounded by all of us.

“Dude..” I pat his shoulder before continuing. “ Come back to me when your 30 and tell me how you feel!”

**********************************

“I'm just saying I don't get why he wouldn't want to stay and look after me is all……” I had been listening to this rant for about half an hour, the impending migraine that I could feel coming on was definitely going to end in a death. Probably his. “I mean I used to be his main priority, but lately things have changed. Finn pass me that chilli cheese dog?” Finn's enormous arm thrust the grease infested concoction over the top of me, I feel my stomach churn.

“Coop? You are not your brother's top priority…..” I drawl back at him, pointing at the aspirin bottle until Finn throws it in my lap. “I'm his fiancé, it's me that he is about to vow in sickness and health to! Dad said he had to go to an important appointment or something….I don't know, he was being all vague!”

“Yeah that was the only thing he was vague about, He seemed to enjoy recalling what we had got up to last night.” Finn sighed, shovelling another bite of chicken wings into his mouth. “I'm een id e eally ave- ooh ell achum?”

“Once more in English you pig?” He swallows loudly before trying again.

“I said, did he really have to tell Rachel? She's going to get all prissy and make me sleep on the couch, and I'm too tall. I Never manage to stay on it a whole night!”

“Ha! This is a prime example of why I never plan on getting married. I mean what did we do that was so bad?” Coop thrust his plate on to the table and looks across at us seriously.

“I don't know Coop! How about the fact that three security guards escorted us through a high class hotel foyer, as I pretended to be woody the cowboy with my trusty steed Bullseye the giant and you pretended to be a Spanish goat herder that yodels show tunes as a side job. Or what about the fact that we apparently tried to call the presidents….THE ACTUAL PRESIDENTS assistant to discuss gay rights. OR MAYBE, JUST MAYBE WE TRIED TO FIND THE CIA WE WERE SURE HAD A SECRET BASE AT GRAND CENTRAL STATION TO AID TIM GUN IN ALL FASHION CRISIS!!” I realised I was shouting, and then the angry little migraine monster inside my head started to stomp around and shout back at me to stop screaming.

“To be fair Kurt, I think the worst part was before we escaped. You made Blaine strip in cat calls, covered him in that chocolate stuff and then started singing about him being a lick able chocolate sundae!”

“Oh my god I forgot about that!! HAHAHAHA!” I kick Cooper, hard, to shut him up.

“God no wonder Blaine left me here with you two!”

“HEY!” both of them echoed at the same time before high fiving above my head.

“I hate you both, I hope you're aware of this.” I huff, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Still…” Cooper starts slinging his arm over me.

“Was a good party! Right?” Finn adds copying Cooper's gesture. Both watching for me to answer, as a grin spreads over my face on its own free will.

“From what I remember? The best!”