"What is it?" I groan, keeping my eyes tightly shut. This was my one chance of a lie in this week and Blaine, the normal anti-morning person, was sitting upright in our bed watching me. Dont ask how I knew, I just have this sixth sense. A Blaine sense if you will. 

"She said her first word!" He coos and I feel his hand grab my shoulder and start to shake me out of sleep. "Kurt did you hear me?"

"Yes and Im choosing to ignore you…what time is it?" I ask rolling over onto my side and spooning up beside him. 

"Eight…" He slings an arm around my neck to ghost his fingers along my shoulder. "Kurt why arent you excited?" 

"Because she cant talk Blaine…Its called meowing! And even the vet said she probably wont..." I sigh tiredly, opening my eyes to find a small pink nose, bright green eyes and a ball of white fuzz practically smothering me. "Why is she up on the bed?" 

"Because she said her first word!" He cries in exasperation. "Salt? Say meow for daddy? Can you say meow for daddy?" Blaine smiles at her as she begins to lick her paws to wash her face. 

Whose Salt you ask? Well three months ago my husband to be brought a little grey fur ball called Pepper into our home. Pepper; who I told him wasnt staying under any circumstances, except he kind of grew on me….the little swine! Not to mention he got to take Blaines space in the bed until I forgave him three nights later. So naturally when Blaine found a tiny little white kitten – which the vet said was approximately the same age as Pepper – a few days later, where else would he take her? Back to his loving fiancé of course. Who apparently had a complete lack of the ability to say no to him when he looked at me like he does….or when he was lying naked in bed as a reward….but hey, who could blame me? Plus Pepper now had a sister to keep him company until they go to a new home, right?

Wrong! After phoning my dad to vent about the growing feline population in our apartment, to which he replied by laughing at me and told me it had been twenty years, I should stop fighting the growing family I was now a part of - Burt Hummel, the comedian everybody. I tried to ease off about the whole cat thing, I had always loved them. Well up until mom anyway. I was seriously considering letting them stay as I watched them curl up together, or listening to Salt try and meow which came out as a squeaky little meep, but I had to stay firm with Blaine. We didnt always have time for one cat, never mind two…but then Landin would come to visit his cousins, (his words not mine), and start spouting off facts about the local shelters and businesses. I heard so many facts it started to befuddle my mind, facts such as:

"Uncle Kurt did you know they kill the cats they cant find homes for?" Thank you Google. Whoever invented that search engine should be shot.

"Uncle Kurt did you know people are less likely to take two cats and they will get split up?" A human adoption agency survey.

Then one night over Chinese takeout he gave me:

"Uncle Kurt did you know some Chinese restaurants buy stray cats to use in curry?" Courtesy of Aunty Tan. That one I wasnt so sure was entirely true, but nevertheless Santana was now on my hit list... 

"Uncle Kurt why are you throwing out that curry?" Oh, I wonder? I could safely say take out curry would never appear in this apartment again.

Then it changed to things he thought I should know. Like the day I picked him up from school and we were riding the subway:

"Uncle Kurt did you know cats and humans have been together for over ten thousand years?" Thanks to his school teacher. What the hell did they teach kids these days?

"Uncle Kurt did you know a group of cats is called a Clowder?" A book in the local library...This was also shouted across said library.

"Uncle Kurt did you know cats have powerful night vision? They are animal superheroes!" I have a feeling this was all Uncle Blaine…Who made sure to avoid eye contact with me, instead focusing his gaze on Lydia. Uncle Blaine didn't get lucky that night either way.

"Uncle Kurt did you know they like to keep themselves clean like you? Except they dont use all of Grandpa Burts hot water!" Oh my dad thinks he is so clever...

"Uncle Kurt? Pepper peed in Uncle Blaines shoe!" He announced to the room one lazy Sunday brunch in the apartment.

Im not ashamed to admit that the last fact was what had fully won me over. I mean it showed he had enough sense to tell between expensive designers and loafers Blaine had owned for eight years…. Loafers that had to be thrown out since they were one step away from falling apart…. Karmas great like that. So here we were on a still bitterly cold March morning, with two adorable little balls of fur to snuggle into, our own little family. 

"Kurt are you even listening?" Blaines agitated voice droned into my subconscious. 

"Sorry! You were saying?" I enquire, scratching behind Salts ear and being rewarded with a small chirp of affection. 

"Doesnt matter…." Blaine chuckled, leaning over to give me a firm kiss. "I love you-"

"ALRIGHT THAT DOES IT!" Santana screamed, barging into the room and picking up both of our little bundles and holding them to her chest. 

"What the hell psycho?!" I yell back at her.

"I have been awake for three hours. THREE HOURS KURT! Listening to Blaine talking to the poor bloody cat like it has a clue what hes saying…and I just heard him waxing poetically about your ass!" She rants like it explains everything. "I know what you sound like in your innocent school boy foreplay! I lived through it when you were actually innocent school boys….I am not letting these poor little babies watch their daddies fuck each other into oblivion or have to listen to the gut wrenching horror that is Blaine trying to flirt! Ill be over with Maya teaching these two little balls of cuteness why its always better to love pussy!" She mutters in disgust as she backs out of the room, pulling the door closed with her foot. We share a few moments in awed silence at the overreaction Santana just had, and there had been a lot of them lately, but neither of us could figure out why... 

"Were you really talking about my ass?" I glance over in amusement at my fiancé watching him chew on his bottom lip. 

"Maybe a little…." He shrugs off handedly.

"Was there a reason?" 

"Just that I love it…." He winks cheekily at me.

"Were you really talking to Salt for three hours?" 

"Kurt I have a hard on…we are alone and you want to talk about the cat?" He groans, pulling me on top of him. "There are much more important things your mouth could be doing…"

"Oh really?" I feign surprise. "What exactly?"

"Me!" He beams before pulling me into a dirty kiss. 

*********************

I had already been over at Mayas for a few hours with the kittens. That had gotten boring pretty fast. Who knew kittens didnt like being chased around with vacuum pipes? Or would throw up if you let them eat fried egg and bacon? Not me thats for sure! Mrs B thoroughly reprimanded me for that one! I had tried to go home but after hearing several grunts and groans coming from the boy's room I decided to grab my laptop to carry out my mission in Mayas apartment. At least they couldnt find out what I was doing. I pull open my laptop as Maya snuggles in beside me and open up the chat room to all the family.

Santana: Okay guys Kurt and Blaine are doing the nasty….lets get this mission on the go!

Finn: Did you really need to tell me that?

Burt: Or me?

Jake: I hate them!

Santana: Finn? Big Bird? Quit your whining! I didnt tell you what positions!

Dale: Positions? I really hate them!

Finn: You could have just said they were busy! Not that they were too busy fucking to notice us plotting.

Burt: Finn!

Cooper: Hole Señoritas!

Santana: Lydia still not sleeping? 

Jake: Noooooo! 

Burt: Cooper what is with the bad Spanish?

Dale: I have forgotten what a full nights sleep feels like…never mind positions. Plural! More than one.

Jake: Okay honey! No need to tell the whole family!

Cooper: I got a gig playing a Spanish tourist on a new show.

Finn: I feel your pain….try having two of them at the same time...

Santana: Just one of the many reasons why I dont have children….

Santana: Also Coop? Worst job for you ever!

Burt: You cant speak Spanish!

Jake: I hate you!

Dale: I hate you!

Finn: I hate you!

Cooper: I only have to speak in a Spanish accent…I dont need to know the language.

Santana: Dont hate the player….hate the game!

Rachel: Sorry I was wrestling the kids into a nap! What did I miss?

Cooper: Kurt and Blaine are having sex!

Jake: We hate them!

Santana: Cooper is now Spanish...

Dale: We hate her! She has no kids…

Finn: Dads grumpy because Mom wont let him have a cheeseburger for tea and now he knows what Kurt is doing.

Rachel: I know, she already phoned to tell me he was acting like a small child…..

Burt: I am not!

Dale: Great argument point that! You sound like Landin when he cant go straight to the park before his homework is done!

Burt: I do not!

Santana: Yes you do….although you use less choice words than he does when he calls me to bitch about them! 

Cooper: Ha-ha, stroppy!

Jake: You better be joking.

Rachel: I can see why not a lot has been achieved…

Dale: Do I need to ground him when he gets home? Because I got two hours of sleep last night and I am not sure I can make a convincing enough argument on this energy level…

Santana: My lips are sealed! We have secrets just like you and Kurt did with the butt plug…

Burt: Why do I get myself into these situations?

Cooper: The what?!?!

Rachel: Please Santana! Is one wedding themed activity without sex toys coming into play too much to ask for?

Finn: Wait, what have I missed?

Cooper: Why am I in LA?!

Dale: A secret which you have now disclosed to everyone we know…

Santana: Technically I havent….I mean unless you want me to inform Landins hot teacher of your extracurricular activities?

Jake: Dont joke, its not funny! Im the one that has to face her on the PTA…Im still trying to forget the Tony the drag queen incident!

Burt: As we all are….

Finn: Can we please get this started?

Santana: OKAY! Today ladies and gentlemen (and Cooper).

Cooper: Hey I can be dapper!

Dale: HA!

Jake: Yeah right…

Burt: Im sorry kid but your brother got all of those genes…

Finn: Man whore….

Rachel: I think I almost peed…its possible! The twins shattered my pelvic floor muscles….

Santana: Rachel I speak for everyone when I say you are a truly horrific friend! 

Cooper: Definitely not going to finish my lunch now….

Santana: ANYWAY! As I was saying….The time has come for us to start planning the greatest event known to mankind….

Cooper: BACHELOR PARTY!!!!!!!

Jake: Oh no. My head hurts just thinking about the morning after.

Rachel: Where do we start?

Burt: Can I just give you one bit of information to start? I would like a civilised meal that I can enjoy with my sons before you all go out and do….well, whatever it is young kids do these days! 

Finn: Deal! I dont need you there when I have to gawk at the strippers!

Dale: Finn you do realise your brothers are gay right?

Cooper: As in the strippers will be male?

Rachel: And that your wife will be there!

Finn: OH!

Burt: And here you all go with the talk of strippers! I dont need to know what my little boy is going to get up to!

Santana: Burt you have no idea!!

It may have taken Burt leaving the chat in a strop, Rachel threatening Finn with no sex for a month, Dale to fall asleep on the key board and Maya dancing topless in front of me. But after three hours of bickering the plan was in place. All we had to was keep it a secret from Kurt and Blaine until June.

*****************************

As the weeks started to pass, warmer days came with it and the first signs of spring were now really visible. One thing that hadnt warmed up was Santanas attitude. Over the last few weeks it had gotten worse if anything. Blaine had a cut on his head from a misdirected high heel thrown to prove it, and I was starting to get fed up! Blaine kept telling me to let it pass…shes under a lot of pressure. PREASURE?! I was the one getting married in just shy of three months, running my own business and trying to house train two cats at the same time! He was right though, Santana and I getting into a discussion in this state of mind would cause the apocalypse of the civilised world we live in. 

There was however one thing I could try to solve right now, that very cryptic email from my future mother in law about flights I had received today. Flights I had no clue as to what they were for or where they were going. Luckily as I stared at my phone screen trying to puzzle it out Blaine was coming in from grocery shopping. His arms laden down with multiple bags, the cats immediately hopped onto the floor to wind around his ankles. I decided to stay where I was and wait for him to come to me instead of going to find him as he organised the shopping in the kitchen. Which I will more than likely just have to go and reorganise myself later anyway.

"No honey dont get up to help….Just you keep your feet up and answer emails!" Blaine sighs sarcastically as he slumps down onto the couch beside me, scooping up Salt and Pepper to snuggle them into his chest. 

"Ha! Have I ever told you that youre hilarious?" I match his tone, holding my cheek out for him to kiss it, grinning happily when he does. "Thank you. How was the shopping?" 

"God dont get me started....This little old woman had sixty coupons in front of me…Sixty! Why do you need that many coupons?" He asks rhetorically. "And her hen pecked husband? Looked in my cart and gave me an appraising look after it….thank God I didnt have anything embarrassing in it!"

"Oh so its okay for me to get knowing smiles and eye rolls when I buy condoms…..or lube but you cant handle getting checked out by an old man while grocery shopping? Maybe he really appreciated your healthy life style?" I giggle as his cheeks flushed red. 

"Okay point taken…" He sighs, scratching behind Salts ear. I turn my attention back to my screen and re-read the email in front of me. "What are you reading anyway? It better not be Neil Patrick Harris wedding tips again…Ill start getting jealous that you like him more than me!"

"What can I say?" I look back up with a grin. "I totally copped a feel of his ass when I did his suit fitting….dont worry though yours is much better!" 

"Nice save!" He kisses my cheek again, letting out a contented little sigh afterwards. "What are you really doing?" 

"Well I was trying to email Dale but hes avoiding me….I think they are up to something! I called Rachel earlier and she made a lame excuse about the twins having dance practice but that was yesterday." I frown at the memory of the call. Knowing our friends they could be plotting anything... 

"Yeah Cooper was being all weird when I talked to him last night as well…" Blaine furrows his brow. "Maybe they are all part of a cult?" He asks himself before shrugging it off, as if a cult would be an average thing for our friends to do, and leans out to grab the wedding binder off of the coffee table to flick through.

"Then I got this email from your mom…."

"If its about my cousin Emily not being a bridesmaid I already told her no! Honestly the last time I saw her we were seven and still taking baths together." He argues a little strongly and I watch him carefully. "You bathe naked with a person a couple of times and people think your best friends!"

"Well Id argue you take baths with me all the time, but given you guys were seven and related? I have a feeling that we do it a little differently." I giggle.

"You dont pee in the bath for a start…" He mutters in annoyance and I hold in my laugh. 

"Well as nice as that story was…" I start gently. "She emailed me about flights after the wedding….but I dont have a clue what for…" I trail off watching Blaines mouth form a little O as his eyes grow wide. "Well that reaction seems to tell me that you do know what its about…"

"I knew setting her up an email account would bite me in the ass…." Blaine grumbles under his breath. "Okay so I do know what they are for…but I think you might get mad…"

"Well explain it to me?" I ask in an icy tone. 

"Well I kind of forgot to book us a honeymoon and I spoke to mom and-"

I throw my hand up to cut him off.

“Blaine Devon Anderson! If this story is going where I think its about to? Id run now!"

"Please dont be mad! We have a honeymoon booked now its just that…" He trails off, looking down to pick at imaginary lint off his pants. 

"Its just what? Were going to Russia? A Lesbian retreat? The North Pole? Because Im pretty sure I said somewhere we could sunbathe and just be ourselves…not get jailed for holding hands with another man! Or get frost bite on our asses. Or be surrounded by naked girls." I fume, seriously I gave him one job to do by himself and he was messing it up. “And rubbing anti-infection cream in was not the kind of attention my ass was hoping for!” I tag on to the end after thinking about blisters and scarring and….oh god how does one go about finding a plastic surgeon?

"No, none of those! We are going somewhere hot….." He starts carefully trying to gage my reaction. "Its just we might not be alone the whole time…."

"Blaine I am warning you right now, if you have booked us into hostels on our honeymoon to live out your back packing fantasy? My ass, mouth and hands are all closed for business when it comes to your cock." I say strongly.

"No we arent! I promise we have our own room and everything its just…"

"Its just what? Please just tell me?" I ask, watching him chew his bottom lip and feeling guilty at how worried he was to tell me. Was I that much of a drama queen when I didnt get my own way? Yes Kurt you are! "As long as we are together, somewhere hot and in an actual bed with sheets I wont get mad I promise." I take his had in mine and gave it a squeeze.

"Okay so my mom kind of offered up my Aunt Jennas holiday house in Venice. I know how much you have always wanted to see it and I thought it would be perfect! But some people are already there when we are going…so we will only have the smaller cottage to use-" I throw myself into his lap, receiving disgruntled noises from the cats as they leap out of the way to avoid getting squashed. 

"Thats why you were so worried?" I ask peppering kisses all over his face. "I dont care that we dont have the bigger holiday home. Venice! Blaine we are going to Venice! I can wear my Italian loafers in Italy!" I squeal happily, planting a sloppy kiss onto his lips.

"Oh okay! I promise I told them we would be doing our own thing anyway and they couldnt expect us to spend time with them…" He leaned forward to catch my lips again and pulled back as I froze at his words. "What? I thought I did good?"

"Blaine honey? Please tell me the other holiday goers arent your parents?" I ask quietly, watching as Blaine sucks in a huge breath. "Oh my God it is!"

"Kurt, you just said a minute ago you were fine with there being other people there…Why does it matter that its my parents?" He asks softly, trying to kiss my lips but I move out of his reach.

"Because your mom hates me!"

"She doesnt hate you! Youve been my best friend since I was three…" He counters my argument quickly.

"She didnt need to worry about me deflowering her baby boy when we were best friends though…."

"Firstly deflowering?" He asks curiously. "I was hardly a blushing virgin when we got together! Secondly youre being paranoid, she loves you!" 

"Blaine when you told her you proposed she asked if you were sure….Parents that like your boyfriend dont ask if you are sure about marrying them…."

"She didnt mean it like that! She just wanted to make sure I wasnt rushing into something I wasnt ready for…" He tries to placate me. 

"Well what about the time when she asked what my fall back career was going to be?" I ask with venom lacing my voice.

"She was just worried that the shop wouldnt be as quick to get off the ground as you were hoping. Shes a business woman, you know how she gets!"

"Well what about the time she refused to let me see you for a week?" I ask smugly.

"We were eight and you had helped me smuggle a rabbit into the house, where it destroyed her favourite shoes!" He giggles, finally pulling my head back in reach to kiss my nose. "Even if she did hate you? Which she doesnt! I wouldnt care because I love you. That simple." He plants another kiss on my nose before placing two more on each cheek, moving his lips to graze softly against mine. 

"You told her we wouldnt be spending time with them?" I whisper against his lips.

"Yes and she understands why..."

"And the door has a lock so they cant just barge in on us?"

"Yes…not that they would anyway. Im a grown up now…"

"And she doesnt hate me?"

"She loves you! I promise….She even said you can start calling them mom and dad if you want…" Blaine grins, pressing his lips slightly against my own smile.

"Okay we can go." I agree happily after a few minutes of consideration.

"Is Santana out?" Blaine asks, his eyes darkening. 

"Shes at her agents…why?" Blaine doesnt respond instead picking me up in his arms and carrying me towards the bedroom. I let out a small squeal of delight as he bounces me tighter in his arms.

"I thought we could practice for the honeymoon, you know to make the most of our time there…" He trails off, opening the door with his elbow. 

"Oh I like the way you think Mr Anderson…"