"You know we could always join the mile high club Mr Lopez...." Santana purrs into my ear where Im trying to sleep. I furrow my eyebrows down low on my face at her comment, trying to show her Im not happy without having to look at her.

"Stop calling me that...and you like girls and I am definitely not into....whatever it is youre offering!" I hiss back, trying not to disturb the other passengers around us, my eyes staying firmly closed, and my frown becoming even more prominent as I feel her blow across my face.

"Now is that anyway to talk to your wife?" She asks in an amused tone.

"Stop calling yourself that....." I groan in annoyance. Really is it too much to ask that I can try to sleep off this nightmare before having to tell Blaine?

"Hey you put a ring on it babe..." She says loudly and I hear Dale and Jake giggle in their chairs behind us.

I cant really argue with that. I did put a ring on it. After an hour of me freaking out in the hotel room, (and throwing a shoe at Cooper for saying he wanted a picture of the happy couple), we had all staggered out to the chapel in question. Santana had become less panicked when she realised it was me she had married. In fact she had started to find the whole thing hilarious, stating that two gays getting married legally just showed how flawed the whole legal system was, (to which I pointed out we werent technically seen as gay in the marriage). I, on the other hand, was having none of it and the minister who was dressed like a parrot - I suppose all my flash backs had been right - got the whole extent of my wrath. Not that it did any good as he supplied answers along the lines of you both signed and its Vegas! Who isnt a little drunk on their wedding day? before handing us the platinum package items we had left behind. Whats the platinum package you ask? Cups, cards, t-shirts and photographs....all with the faces of the happy couple. This made everyone else in our group think it was the greatest story ever and I had to confiscate everyones phones until I got them to promise they wouldnt call or text anyone till we got home.

Home. Where my fiancé was waiting for me. Where I was going to have to go and tell said fiancé that I was now married. To a woman. That was the main reason I was feigning sleep on this flight to my doom. The other was the fact that my ‘wife was making married innuendos at every available opportunity. Finn and Cooper thankfully were on another flight back to LA, meaning I at least didnt have to put up with their smug grins...or the wedding t-shirts they were now proudly sporting despite any of my threats.

It would be easily fixed of course. A meeting with a lawyer to get an annulment. A pro point in being a twenty something gay man who accidentally married his twenty something lesbian friend. That fact didnt comfort me as much as it should have. The fact that I had made a mockery of this serious commitment I was planning to do with Blaine in the near future caused knots to form in my stomach.

"Youre not really upset about this are you?" She asked softly and I opened my eyes to see her staring intensely at me.

"Of course I am!" I yell and several other people make disgruntled noises around me. "Im engaged to Blaine! Because I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We paused the planning because of trust issues and Ive gone and done this! What if it causes him to have another relapse? What if he doesnt want to get married anymore? What if-"

"Whoa!" Santana says, picking up my hand in her own. "You dont really think that do you? That he wont want to be with you because you made a mistake? Because youre a fucking idiot if you do!"

"You dont know that though! He has trust issues already....which I understand, but this could just be the nail in the coffin!" I say sadly, biting my bottom lip in an attempt to be calm.

"Kurt theres a difference between what Sebastian did to him and what youve done..." Dale said softly and I see his face squeezed into the gap between our chairs before Jakes head pops over the top.

"For one being that you havent actually cheated on him!" Jake sighs, roughing my hair with his hand. "All you did was say a couple of words and sign a bit of paper..."

"But those words were vows! They are meant to be taken seriously....I take them seriously..." I state brokenly.

"Listen floppy! You are not the first and will definitely not be the last to get married in Vegas...Im not saying that to make vows sound any less important because they are. Of course they are...but they can also just be words strung together." Dale coaxes as he squeezes his arm through the gap between the seats to hold mine and Santanas joined hands.

"Dales right, they only mean something when youre saying them to the person you love, to your soul mate. Just like it meant something when we said it to each other and definitely like it will when you and Blaine say it." Jake adds, staring lovingly down at his husband.

"And besides....." Santana beams happily. "You didnt say them to a total stranger, you said it to your other soul mate....I mean I dont want to ever have sex with you, or clean up your vomit and I definitely dont want to be one of those monogamous couples....but everything else in those vows? I can hand on heart say I meant them. Whether I was drunk or not, I know we will be friends until death parts us..." Her eyes are a little misty as she finishes.

"I guess youre right..." I sigh, it doesnt solve everything but it definitely makes me feel more at ease that it wasnt a total joke in the sanctity of marriage.

"Besides when we die we can still come back and haunt everyone....Berry would freak!" And that was when we all broke down into fits of laughter. Trust Santana to ruin a heartfelt moment with a statement like that.

*********************

We had decided to get Jakes Mom to pick up Landin from school since she had Lydia anyway, meaning that they could go straight home. Meaning that our apartment would be empty so that me and Santana could tell Blaine everything. I wish I could say I was happy about seeing him, but the fact that my heart was still on the ground floor as the elevator took us closer to our front door would prove I was lying. Santana had to all but drag me out of it once it had stopped and opened the door before I could chicken out. Then he was there, pulling me tight to his chest and kissing me as hard as he could, while Santana had pulled in the bags, along with a few expletives of course. We eventually pulled apart and went through to the kitchen to sit around the table. This was it.

"Soooo.....what did I miss?" Blaine ask as he sits a coffee down in front of each of us before taking my hand in his and idly playing with my fingers. So we tell him everything...well almost everything and he listens intently laughing about Finn getting hit on by a gay couple, cringing at Santana flashing her tattoo and beaming with pride at how well her show had gone. "Wow! Sounds like you all had a trip to be remembered..." And wasnt that the understatement of the century...

"Blaine? I have something I need to tell you..." I say gently as Santana waits in silence watching me.

"Oh! If its about your dad coming dont worry about it! I didnt realise how much I needed the pep talk!" He says happily, kissing my knuckles as Santana eyeballs me.

"No, its not that..." I say awkwardly and he looks into my eyes as if sensing my internal struggle.

"Well, whats up?" He asks softly. Then they are on me, those huge puppy dog eyes of his and oh if that just doesnt make me feel even guiltier than I already was. How could I have done this to him? I am the worst person in the world. Then I started to panic as I felt the tears building in my eyes, blurring my vision, dont you dare Kurt Hummel! If you start crying you wont talk about things. 

"Meandkurtgotmarried!" Santana blurts out and I realise I must have been in one of my trances.

"Little slower maybe?" Blaine says sarcastically throwing me a what is she on? look.

"Blaine? Me and Santana kind of got really, really drunk on our last night....And we sort of maybe, kind of, legally-"

"We got married!" Santana screams over the top of me, obviously fed up of my tripping over words. "Like I do...he does...kiss the bride...crazy parrot man pronounces us husband and wife married!" I dont really want to look at Blaine as I hear a breath puff out from his lips so I focus on Santana instead. Santana who seems just as nervous as me as she fiddles with the ring that she had refused to take off in favour of taunting me.

"You got married?" Is all he says and I cringe internally at how badly I have fucked this up.

"Blaine Im-"

Blaine cut me off mid-sentence, looking at me incredulously. "You got married in Vegas..."

"-Really sorry I dont know what-"

"By a parrot..." Blaine stated, his lips twitching at the edges of his mouth.

"-I was thinking-"

"To our lesbian best friend...."

"-I promise Ill get it annulled and then-"

"Huh!" Wait? Huh? Where is the anger? Why isnt he yelling? I think I would be yelling if I was in his place.

"Have you had a stroke?" Santana eventually speaks into the silence and I decided to look up at him and see an unreadable expression on his face. That is until he bursts into a fit of laughter. Tears were streaming down his face as he clenched his stomach in mirthful laughter. I look at Santana then and her expression of bewilderment matches my own.

"Do we need to send him to a psychiatric ward?" She whispers to me as he keeps laughing for all hes worth.

"I...he...hmm..." Is all I can manage because out of all the scenarios I thought I would get from our revelation...this is one I didnt think up.

"Do I need to send you both?!" Santana shakes her head at me before looking back at Blaine. "Do you want to say anything? Or are you just going to sit there till you wet yourself?" Blaine seems to fight his hysterics back down after that to look at us seriously but his shoulders convulse every few seconds as he continues.

"Hmm...thats funny..." Funny? Funny!?!

"Blaine you do realise its not a joke right?" I ask, reaching over to take his hand in mine again. "We actually did get married!"

"I know...its still funny!" He says squeezing my hand softly. "I love you." I dont get why he is looking at me with all this love...theres not a hint of anger.

"Well this is boring!" Santana huffs as she pushes herself out from the table to stand up. "I wanted a little drama and instead I get...thats funny? Im away to tell Maya! At least she might use a whip on me or something!" And with that she storms out of the kitchen, slamming the front door heavily in her wake.

"Okay let me have it!" I resign myself to the real reaction.

"Have what?" Blaine asks in confusion and I really dont get why hes trying to hide it.

"The how could you? We are supposed to be engaged! Youve made a mockery of weddings rant that I deserve." I try to imitate his voice and mannerisms.

"You suck at impressions by the way!" He laughs before watching me again. "I just dont see it as that big of a deal." He shrugs. He shrugs!

"Do we need a counselling session...or I could call your sponsor?" Is he trying to make me not worry about him? Should I just call his sponsor anyway?

"No Kurt!" Blaine sighs with a smile. "Im honestly fine..."

"I dont get it..." I mumble, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Listen to me! When your dad was here...we had a talk and he made me realise that everyone makes mistakes...sometimes huge ones! But being in love with someone means you dont care about the mistakes...you would do anything to be with them...forever!" He says softly using his free hand to cup my cheek tenderly.

"But-"

"Did you kiss anybody?" He questions seriously, cutting me off.

"No but-"

"Did you cheat on me in any way?"

"No but-"

"Does this change how you feel about me?"

"No! Of course it doesnt! I love you more than anything!" I shout out, my guilt boiling inside of me.

"Then I dont care! You got married to a woman for starters...if it was another guy then maybe Id be worried your subconscious was trying to tell you something...but secondly it was a lesbian...one that we both love true...but its not like you are having a secret love affair or anything. So stop feeling bad about it! This is just one of those funny anecdotes we will be able to tell all our friends in the retirement village! It was a couple of words when you were drunk and you signed a bit of paper. Thats it!"

"But thats the point! It is words we were meant to say to each other and now I feel like Ive tainted them somehow..." I babble, my emotions over flowing.

"Well we can write our own vows. Then it means we will be the only to people to have said them. Just please dont punish yourself for this...because I sure as hell wont!" I cant say anything else as he pulls me into his lap, cradling my face gently in his hands and crushing his lips against mine. "I love you so much!" He gasps out between my lips and I make a mental note to thank my dad for whatever pep talk he has given him.

*******************

No matter how much Blaine insists he is fine, I tread lightly over the next few days, waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never does. In fact, Blaine continues to find the whole thing hilarious as my dad and Carole phones to scold us for our drunken antics, as Rachel phones to squeal about how unfair her life is that she had to stay home with the twins and miss all the fun, and as Cooper begins a daily text of him wearing the wedding t-shirt on every shoot location he visits. He even chuckles his way through our annulment humming going to the chapel under his breath and taking a picture of Santana carrying me bridal style out of the building, claiming that he needs proof of this moment for future years. Its as he hangs a copy of said picture on the wall that Santana comes storming into the apartment with a murderous glare.

"Okay gays...Family meeting!" She screams through the apartment on her way to the couch, even though we are both within hearing distance. Casting worried glances at each other we go to sit down opposite her, waiting to hear whatever the bad news is. Santana, for her part, moves around heavily on the chair for a few minutes huffing and groaning before her icy glare lands on us. "What gives?"

"What do you mean Tan?" I inquire as Blaine frowns between us. Did we forget to do something?

"What gives?" She states again, folding her arms across her body.

"Im confused..." Really Blaine? You dont say?!

"Okay! Im going to come right out and say it...." She sighs in agitation. "Cooper says Ive not to bring it up but what does he know, Im your wife!" Blaine snorts, but stops quickly as I dig him in the ribs.

"Ex! Youre my Ex-wife! Why do you keep doing this?" I squeak loudly. Its become her favourite thing to do lately. Like the other day Blaine and I were kissing in the park and a woman said what a good couple we made before Santana turned to tell her that she loved seeing her husband so happy. Needless to say we were given a filthy glare before the stranger trampled off.

"Not the point!" She waves an arm out as if to brush the argument to one side. "As I was saying...Cooper kept telling me to mind my own business....but this is my business so...."

"Tan youre giving me a serious migraine just spit it out...and quit bouncing your leg!" Blaine yells the last part as a second thought.

"Why the hell havent you set a date?" She yells back accusingly.

"What?" Is this really why she is so annoyed?

"For the wedding! Why havent you two set a date?"

"Tan its not as simple as that-" Blaine goes to argue but Santanas faster.

"Like shit it isnt! You postponed the planning until you were back on track...that was over six months ago now! Yeah Blaine decided to kill his liver....big deal. So what we got married in Vegas....doesnt matter! What matters is that you have got into this routine and have no urge to start planning...so what gives?" She questions, voice getting louder with each statement. I look at Blaine and see hes biting his nails, something Ive noticed he likes to do whenever anyone asks about our plans for the wedding. I know its because hes waiting for me to say we can plan the big day but I had felt a little guilty ever since Vegas and as much as he had said he was fine I was worried he had somehow changed his mind.

"Santana this is totally nothing to do with you!" I bite back at her.

"Oh but it is! Im the third leg of the tripod...as much as everyone says its all about you two." She punctuates that by pointing between us. "We all know everyones going to want to talk about the beauty that is me in a Kurt Hummel original... plus Dale keeps saying its my fault that youve both been putting off talking about it and I hate it when hes right!"

"Santana its definitely not your fault..." Blaine say watching me carefully to gage what Im thinking.

"Weve just been busy and not had a chance to discuss it." I add, smiling a toothy grin at Blaines dopey face.

"Well were all here now." She says happily, sitting back in her chair. "Please discuss it!"

"Oh my God youre a pain in my ass!" I growl at her but shes unfazed by it, daring to stick her tongue out at me. I decide to just directly address Blaine and pretend shes not here. "I dont want to start planning yet..."

"Oh! Okay...."

"No thats not how I meant that to sound...I just mean its almost Christmas! We are both going to be swamped with work and going home for the holidays...I want to start after New Year..." I explain quickly to relieve his worries.

"Okay that sounds fair...I dont want us to be stressed out over planning because we are so busy... I want it to be fun and exciting!" Blaine responds, leaning in to give me a soft kiss.

"That and you will need to work on the Christmas weight gain before going cake tasting..." Santana mumbles but loud enough for me to hear and throw a cushion in her direction.

"Hey! I know for a fact you BOTH own fat jeans for after big occasions..."

"They are not fat - no! Do you know what? Me and my fiancé are about to do some heavy making out and probably some other things, so can you go?" I glare at her to challenge me.

"Be my guest...Ill just be right here watching Teen Mom and drinking every time someone makes a Quinn pregnancy statement." She smiles before producing a bottle of wine and a glass. Thats right, a glass! Out of her handbag, causing me to get up and start to storm to our room. I dont get that far however as Blaine pulls me back down onto the space I just vacated.

"Maybe we could watch an episode..." He smiles as it starts and I resign myself to spooning in beside him.