Letting go would mean forever.

January 2013

In Kurt's head, he was walking by his old dorm building Hayden Hall for no reason. In Kurt's heart, he was doing this because of Blaine. He had no idea when the right time was to contact him. Months had passed. The first month was dedicated to getting over Alek. The second month was used to see if Kurt could manage alone. The third month, when the sting from Alek was minimal and his attempts at being single were fairing quite well, he got a promotion at work. So, since then, he's thrown himself into his fashion. That's the age old dilemma, isn't it? Love or work?

Kurt wasn't choosing one over the other, at least, initially he hadn't, but as the months flew by, he's used work as a vise to distract him from how much he missed Blaine. He misses Blaine – not the having someone to hold, not the kissing, not any of that. He missed Blaine's laugh, the way his eyes light up when you suddenly swooped into the perfect subject change, his smell, the way he hummed absentmindedly. Kurt just missed his best friend.

And as he walked passed Hayden Hall and down the street, he allowed himself to think about Blaine. It's been six months. Why has it been six months?

He was scared. This he knew. He was scared about moving into that next step with Blaine. He was scared of getting hurt; he was scared of losing himself again. Part of him was also guilty. He didn't deserve to be happy, not after what he's done. So, with the driving force between those two emotions, he hasn't talked to Blaine in six months.

After the third month, contacting Blaine didn't even seem appropriate. He's waited too long. Blaine probably hates him. Blaine has probably moved on. The thought brings a chill to his already cold bones.

It's freezing out. This also made him think of Blaine – how much he hated the snow and the cold. For tonight, he's allowing himself to think about him, so that maybe after tonight, he'll have the courage to bring Blaine back into his life.

Kurt cups his hands, fingertips poking out of tops of his fingerless gloves, and blows his warm breath onto them. As he's about to call a cab because the cold has gotten to him, he realizes where he is.

He's standing in front of La Lanterna di Vittorio. Kurt didn't recognize the name, but he recognized the little caf�. It hasn't changed. It's still tiny and doesn't look welcoming, but he knows that inside the doors, it's warm and friendly. This was the first place him and Blaine ate in their quest to go to every single restaurant in New York (a quest Kurt hasn't attempted since their time apart). Tonight was about Blaine, so Kurt walked inside.

"Hello there, honey!" a sweet lady almost half the size of Kurt called. "Where are you sitting tonight?"

Kurt let himself think about the answer before he said it, even though he knew where he was going. "The garden, please."

In Kurt's mind, he had a vivid image of the dining area. Its brick walls, vinery wrapping to the middle of the room, large windowed ceiling that let the sky set the mood, and candles and little flickering lights – lots of those. As the double glass doors opened, the picture in his mind was just solidified. It was exactly what he remembered.

"Take a seat. Someone will be with you shortly," she said kindly.

He slowly skipped down the two brick seats but stopped once his feet hit the floor. There was a boy in the corner that looked dangerously like Blaine. Kurt's heart pounded, and he was afraid it'd catch the boy's attention.

Frozen, he didn't know what to do. The boy was humming something as he stirred his spoon in his cup. It dawned on Kurt that he wasn't a Blaine look-alike. This was Blaine. Before he could turn or breathe or close his eyes, Blaine looked up. The humming stopped and the spoon went into the cup with an audible clank.

You're a cheater, Blaine's eyes read in the candlelight. No place twice, remember?

You're here too, so you're as much of a cheat as I am, Kurt threw back, a haughty smile pulling on his lips.

Why are you here? Blaine's face asked.

I was headed to my apartment. Kurt returned, pacing forward.

Blaine grinned at his cup then looked up again. It's on the other side of town, Kurt.

Kurt was at the table now. "I know," he said. "I took the wrong subway," which was partly true. He didn't have any intentions of going to NYU. His feet decided their destination long before his brain realized. Also, he got lost in New York regularly, so this wasn't out of the ordinary.

He eyed the chair across from Blaine like it was the only water for miles and he was dying of thirst in the desert. Blaine smiled but tucked it behind his folded hands.

"Go on," Blaine insisted.

Hesitantly, Kurt took the seat. Awkwardly, he pulled the menu over his face. The waitress rushed over to take their orders. Once she was gone, Kurt fumbled with the sugar dispenser, not really knowing what else to do.

"How have you been?" Blaine asked, silently stirring his, what Kurt realized was, tea.

"I've been good," Kurt replied. "I mean, I live with Rachel, but it's not all bad."

Blaine snorted. "How isn't she dead?"

Kurt smiled, despite himself. "I'm generous, and with the occasional torching of her toddler clothes, I feel a lot saner."

"Did you get to the sweater with the owl that ogles at you?" Blaine questioned, sipping at his drink.

Kurt nodded happily. "That was the first to go!"

The two shared a smile, but both dropped their gaze and let the smiles sink into their hands.

"I also got a promotion. I am no longer an intern," Kurt added.

Blaine placed his mug down. "That's really great, Kurt."

"Yes, it's one more step to leaving behind the idiots at the office and starting my own line. I'm slowly getting there! What about you?"

"I got a new job," Blaine said casually. "I work for Sony Music Company. I'm lower than I was before, but if I keep working, I'll move on up. Literally. The higher you are in the building, the more successful you are."

"So, where are you? 1st floor? Basement? Lobby?"

"Parking lot."

They shared another smile, but this time, they didn't drop it.

"I come here a lot, you know," Blaine admitted, taking the sugar from Kurt's hands to add more to his drink. "This was my favorite restaurant of them all."

Kurt leaned forward against the table. "I still like Berger's, the salad joint."

Blaine nodded in agreement. There was an awkward silence, something that never happened between them. Even on their first meeting, unpacking, listening all of Blaine's Broadway music from his iPod, there wasn't a dull moment.

Both had questions. Neither knew if the questions were appropriate to ask.

"Does the waiter that hit on my still work here?" Kurt suddenly blurted.

Blaine's eyes lit up with the memory. "He does, actually and asks about you all the time."

"Does he really?" Kurt laughed.

"Yes, and he gets right to the hard hitting questions. Are you good in bed? Do you have any strange fetishes? That sort of thing."

Kurt flicked sugar at Blaine who giggled. "You are hilarious."

Blaine continued to laugh. "I haven't seen him."

"Good. I didn't want to have to go ninja on his ass!"

Blaine rolled his eyes but maintained the smile on his lips. Kurt rested his hand in his palm and just took Blaine in.

Without even realizing, Kurt muttered, "I've missed you."

With soft eyes, Blaine said, "I miss you, too."

"I should have called or texted or Facebooked you or anything – email, Farmville request, something to let you know I was still around, that I cared," Kurt confessed.

"You needed time," Blaine shrugged. "I gave it to you."

Kurt nodded. As he opened his mouth to speak again, their meal arrived. It was a temporary distraction. Silence lingered for the second time, and neither of them liked it.

"Have you talked to Alek?" Blaine off-handedly asked, cutting his chicken.

"When I went to get some of my clothes, he was home. We talked for about ten minutes before I darted out. It was awkward," Kurt admitted, snapping his fork into a croton.

"It was like that with Eddie at first-"

"Oh, you're talking to Eddie again? Kurt said carefully, his heart sinking slightly.

"Yeah, I have been for a few months now."

"Isn't that…risky?"

Blaine shook his head, paying close attention to his meal. "I don't think so."

Kurt put his fork down. "Blaine, I'm sorry I've ignored you, but you really shouldn't be running back to-"

"Woah, Kurt, slow down," Blaine insisted. "I'm not running back to anyone. Eddie and I are friends. There's nothing there anymore."

Kurt nodded, looking sheepishly into his salad.

"Besides," Blaine continued, "I think he's seeing someone."

Kurt's eyes rose up. "Who?"

Blaine chewed his current bite unbelievably slow. He answered quietly, as he covered his mouth with a napkin. Kurt almost missed it.

"Um, no one. Alek. No big deal."

Kurt's eyebrows rose. "Alek?"

"Yeah, they've been talking and stuff. I mean, they've always been friends because of us, and I guess they've leaned on each other since their situations are currently similar," Blaine said in a rush. "And then they just…liked each other. Eddie doesn't really talk to me about his love life. It's understandable."

Kurt slowly nodded his head. "Good for them, I guess."

"Yeah."

"We wasted the time they could have shared together," Kurt muttered. "That's kind of unfortunate."

Blaine stopped eating. He just gazed at Kurt. Kurt felt his stare boring into his face. Kurt looked up fast then pressed down closer to his meal.

"Are you seeing anyone?" Kurt questioned, mostly to his salad.

"No," Blaine answered shortly.

"Me neither," Kurt said casually.

There was a long break in conversation until Blaine spoke. "I kind of thought…nevermind."

Kurt picked his head up. "You kind of though…what?"

Blaine bit his lips before muttering, "I've been waiting for you."

"You shouldn't have. I'm a lousy friend."

Blaine shuffled uneasily in his seat. "I wasn't really waiting for you as a friend."

Kurt shuffled uneasily as well. He looked into Blaine's already staring eyes. Suddenly, he was short on breath.

"When were you gonna call?" Blaine asked.

"I don't know," Kurt said honestly. "I haven't been ready."

"Ready for what?"

"To be more than just your friend."

Blaine broke the awkward barrier set between them by reaching across the table and taking Kurt's hand. Kurt's fingers tingled in Blaine's.

"I want to be with you, Kurt, and I'll keep waiting, but I miss you, and not the kissing or all that stuff we never used to do. I miss you and me and talking about nothing, and your phone calls at all hours of the day when you're desperately lost in the city, or the way you won't let anyone come anywhere near your hair, and how we've contemplated burning Rachel's ugly-ass sweaters for months at a time. I miss my best friend," Blaine confessed, tightening his grip on Kurt's hand as if letting go would mean forever. "I don't care if you never want to be my boyfriend. I'll live. But the thought of you not in my life…it's unfathomable."

Kurt gripped against Blaine's fingers, and the muscles in his fingers constricted at the pressure.

"I'm just scared," Kurt finally said out loud. "Everything that comes with a relationship, I don't know if I want to do all that drama with you. I don't want to wake up one morning, decide I don't want to be with you anymore, end things, and lose my best friend in the process."

Blaine dropped his hand and slipped his hand across Kurt's cheek until his fingertips lightly touched Kurt's soft hair. Blaine was allowed to touch, but he's the only one.

"Everything is risky, but I'm with you, Kurt, and when I'm with you, I'm not scared."

Kurt smiled, touching Blaine's hand that held his face.

Blaine leaned forward. "Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Kurt gazed into Blaine's eyes and knew that Blaine really wanted him to consider this. His eyes fluttered shut.

Where would he be in five years?

Kurt rocked on his heels, impatiently. The secretary behind the tall desk pressed a button on her phone that made a loud buzz.

"Mr. Hummel's here to see you, sir," she said in her high, nasally voice.

"Send him in," a familiar voice said over the intercom.

"Go," she said shortly, returning to her paperwork.

Kurt tried really hard not to roll his eyes but couldn't help the constant desire to glue her to her office chair. Smiling at the idea, he pushed through the tall wooden door directly in front of him.

It was quiet inside; all Kurt could hear was a low hum of music and a pen being scratched across paper. Kurt approached the desk, his arms holding his sketch book close to his chest. He dropped the book slowly onto the table and reached across to pull the pencil into his own hand.

Kurt tossed his over his shoulder and leaned into the man holding it, kissing him softly on the lips. When he pulled back, Blaine was smiling up at him.

"Why did you feel the need to throw my pencil?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Why do you feel the need to not fire that frizzy bitch that calls herself your secretary, when she's probably playing Solitaire online?" Kurt retorted, rounding the table to lean against the glass window. The view was pretty great from the tenth floor.

"She's a good secretary, Kurt," Blaine laughed swiveling side-to-side in his chair, a nasty habit that Kurt took the liberty of controlling with a simple block of his foot.

"If she was working for Satan. Wait, actually…"

Blaine launched forward, tugging Kurt back to him. Kurt held the arm rests as Blaine stared up at him.

"Why are you here?" Blaine said..

"I have to show you these!" Kurt said cheerfully, jumping up to get his sketchbook. "You have to tell him the truth, okay? Because Chloe said I could show her some of my designs, and if they're crap…"

Blaine flipped through Kurt's book, grinning down into the pages. "These are amazing, Kurt! And I'm not just saying that because you'll make me sleep on the couch otherwise. These are great!"

Kurt blushed, which was obvious against his pale skin. Blaine reached up and rubbed his rosy cheek.

"You're going to knock 'em dead."

Kurt smiled.

As Kurt's eyes began to flutter open, Blaine said, "How about in 10 years? What do you see in ten years?"

Kurt thought hard.

In ten years…

"I don't need to take a break!" Kurt cried, tugging away from Blaine.

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Kurt, you almost stabbed me with your scissors. You've been making samples for your designs for at least 20 hours straight. You need to calm down!"

"I do not! I need to finish!" Kurt fought, trying to go back to his work.

Blaine hugged Kurt's stomach from behind and started to place small kisses on his boyfriend's neck. Kurt immediately softened.

Blaine whispered against his neck, "I planned something overly romantic and completely repetitive. Will you follow me?"

"Keep kissing me there, I'll follow you to Ohio on foot."

Blaine laughed, grasping Kurt's hand. When they moved into their apartment, within the first day, they found the roof. The city buzzed below them, and the lights sparkled around them. It reminded them of their nights at NYU.

Blaine had already set out a blanket with tons of pillows. The two plopped down, easing into each other's arms.

"There's a meteor shower tonight," Blaine whispered into Kurt's ear.

Kurt looked up at Blaine, smiling. "We haven't tried to watch one of those since college!"

Blaine nuzzled his head into Kurt's hair, breathing in his sweet smelling product. "I worry about you sometimes. You're going to work yourself until there's nothing left."

"I just get worried and have to make multiple samples and am testy with the people I hire because I think everyone is an idiot, so I feel the need to do everything myself," Kurt rambled, digging his face into Blaine's neck.

"You just need to take breaks. You're getting wrinkles."

Kurt gasped, pulling away. "WHAT?"

Blaine laughed and leaned forward. "Yes. There." He kissed a wrinkle on Kurt's face. "And here." Kiss. "Here." Kiss.

Kurt pushed him away. "I get it. I get it. I'm getting old."

Blaine kissed Kurt's lips. "Not even in a hundred and fifty years, when technology will be able to keep us alive for centuries – not even then."

Kurt laughed, tucking himself against Blaine's body. They stayed like this for a few hours, gazing up at the sky, trying to see stars through the lights and the clouds.

Kurt gasped, wrenching away from Blaine. "OH MY GOD, DO YOU SEE IT? THERE! JUST THERE!" he yelled, pointing to the heavens.

Blaine squinted. It was distant and light but existed – a tiny little shooting star.

"I'm so excited! I've never seen one before! This is amazing! This night goes down in history as the night I saw my first shooting star. Wow! Blaine? Blaine, why aren't you as happy as I am?"

He turned and saw how sweetly Blaine was gazing at him.

"I am happy."

"I love you," Kurt whispered, leaning forward to kiss Blaine.

And against his lips, Blaine asked, "Will you marry me?"

Kurt pulled away, his mouth falling open.

"Correction," Kurt said, eyes becoming glossy. "Tonight is the night I saw my first shooting star and the night I said yes to marry my future husband."

Blaine smiled.

Kurt's stomach was a flutter, and he caught himself smiling like a fool.

"What do you see in twenty years, Kurt?" Blaine asked really silently, and Kurt fell back into his imagination.

The building looked really scary, Blaine and Kurt decided as they walked inside. It was like something out of a horror movie. Even the lights of the main hallway flickered ominously. A kind voice glided through the hall, and it broke the tension the building had over the two.

"You must be Kurt and Blaine!" a young, vibrant woman said, holding a child in both of her arms. She grinned between them as one pulled at her necklace and the other smiled cheerfully back.

Kurt looked sideways to see how wide Blaine's smile had become.

"If you'd just go down the hall, the really tall brunette in the play room will be able to help you. I just need to get out the paperwork, and I'll be right in."

Nervously, Kurt took Blaine's hand. Blaine gave it a little squeeze, digging his ring into his finger, almost painfully.

They walked into the turquoise room. The walls looked like the sea, painted with bright colors and childlike pictures. From the ceiling hung crafts obviously made by the kids. Kurt gazed around the room, taking in the scenery. Blaine gazed at the floor, taking in a dozen or so sleeping children.

"You must be Kurt and Blaine!" the tall brunette whispered, walking over to them. "Come on into the hallway. The little tykes only have a minute or so left of their naptime."

She led them away, much to their displeasure.

"Where are the older kids?" Kurt questioned immediately, consumed in curiosity.

The brunette laughed, "It's a school day. The kids from 1rd and up go to the public school. They'll be back around three."

"How does this work, exactly?" Blaine asked, glancing back at the room. "Do we just go in there and pick one?"

"Basically. I mean, your paperwork, background checks, all that fun stuff is all done. You don't have to 'pick' any of them today; no, not at all. I'd actually recommend coming back multiple times, especially when the older kids are here. Get to know the kids, and let them get to know you," she said sweetly, patting each of their arms. "Adoption is a big step."

The first lady came prancing down the hall. "I need to ring the bell, Claire!" she said frantically. "They have to have their coloring time now or snack time will be late and they'll be antsy."

She handed the little baby's off to Claire and charged into the room. Claire smiled, nudging her head towards the room. Blaine and Kurt followed. The bell rang and the kids jumped up like they had ants in their pants.

"Get your crayons and go to your stations!" Claire called over the ruckus. "Miss Annie and I will hand out the papers for Coloring Time!"

She placed the two babies into a crib and started to hand out papers.

"Everyone, before you start coloring, I want you to say hello to our two new friends: Kurt and Blaine," Annie said really slowly so the rest could hear.

"Hi, Kurt and Blaine!" the kiddies yelled enthusiastically.

"Now, they're here to spend some time with you all and will help if you need anything! So just ask!" Claire said, handing out the last of the papers.

Blaine grasped Kurt's hand quickly before taking off towards the back of the room. Kurt remained in the front.

A little girl with blonde hair smiled up at him.

"Hi there, my name's Kurt," Kurt said, kneeling down next to her.

"I'm Penny!" she almost yelled, her smile bright on her face.

"What are you thinking of drawing, Penny?"

Penny picked up a blue crayon and a red crayon. "Which one is prettiest?"

Kurt pretended to think hard for a second. "I like red."

"Me too!" she said in a dreamy voice, tossing her blue crayon onto the table.

As she started to draw, Kurt pulled himself up. Blaine was motioning for him to come to him.

"They're all so cute. I was talking to some of them. Tanner wants to be an astronaut; Sandra wants to be a police officer, and Connor wants to be a fire truck."

Kurt stifled a laugh. "Dream big."

"I don't know how we're going to choose!" Blaine said very softly and kind of sadly as well. "Didn't you want someone older? Maybe we shouldn't get attached."

"I don't know. I think whichever one leaves their mark on us is probably the right one."

"Mr. Kurt!" a tiny voice cried.

Kurt turned and saw Penny standing next to him, her eyes bright.

"Yes, Penny?"

"I finished!" she said, holding up her picture.

Kurt took it and held it so that Blaine could see as well. Penny had drawn two people, both outlined in red. One had curly black hair, and one had short brown hair. They were holding hands. In the background was a little house, complete with grass, flowers, and a little dog. There was a heart over the two stick figures. There was also a heart over a small empty space

"What'd you draw, Penny?" Kurt asked, looking over the picture.

"It's two daddies with a house and a puppy and everything and they love each other a lot!" Penny described.

"What's this?" Blaine questioned, his finger pointing to the empty heart.

"The two daddies want one of us to come with them," Penny said, eyes hopeful. "That's what happens; mommies and daddies come in here and take us away. And I get sad for a while because I have to say goodbye to my friends, but I want a mommy and daddy too! I want someone to take me home and love me. But I don't need a mommy. I'd be happy with two daddies. If you want, I can draw myself in that little heart."

Kurt gripped Blaine's hand really tight. Blaine gripped back.

"Yeah, Penny, yeah, go draw yourself in there," Kurt whispered, touching Penny's hair.

Smiling, she skipped away. Kurt fell into Blaine's arms.

They both smiled.

Kurt peeled his eyes open.

"So, did you see anything?" Blaine asked, holding onto Kurt's hands. "Did you see anything good? What'd you see?"

Kurt got up out of his chair and leaned across the table.

"This," he whispered. He kissed Blaine lightly as if kissing him would seal the maybe future he saw in his mind. He wanted it. He wanted all of it. "You. I saw us."

Blaine smiled, like bright and happily. "Now, I know why Alek and Eddie didn't like us around each other."

Kurt laughed, flopping back down into his chair. The rest of the night played on nicely. They talked without tension. They talked all the way until the restaurant was closing and they were asked to leave.

Snow was falling softly was they walked into the night. Everything felt calm.

"Kurt?" Blaine questioned a block or so down the road. "Could I ask you something?"

Kurt, who's hands were in his pockets, looked over at Blaine. "Hmm?"

Blaine stopped them, stood in front of Kurt. He placed his hands on Kurt's arms, sliding them down until he pulled Kurt's hands out of his jacket, holding onto them.

"I love you," he said plainly.

Kurt smiled. "I love you, too."

Blaine took a long, exaggerated breath. "Will you marry me?"

Kurt's mouth plunged open. He dropped Blaine's hands fast.

Almost gasping for breath, he answered, "No way in hell!"

Blaine's eyes twinkled, and a smile started to form on his lips. Suddenly, he was hugging Kurt, lifting his feet off the ground.

"Thank God!" Blaine exclaimed happily.

Kurt laughed at the obvious joke, and Blaine joined him, and as the snow fell, all the street were, were snow, Kurt, Blaine, and laughter.

"No more weddings for a while. Please," Kurt said finally. "Ask me again in ten years."

Blaine leaned forward, said, "Will do," and kissed Kurt.

The End.