Chapter 4

Rachel was worried.
This was the third time this week that Kurt had arrived to the apartment at 3am... high, after she had came back from an audition to find Kurt sobbing hopelessly at the door. She had knew what was going on right away, having recognized it from years pasted, when they were still in High School and Kurt was having trouble with the constant bullying. He had only done it once, though. He had told Rachel one day that he had thought about doing it again, but Blaine had talked him out of it.

This time was different, though. Not only Kurt didn't have Blaine to take care of him, but now he was on something else. Not marijuana like the last time, something heavier. Rachel had found a needle tossed in the bathroom floor.

"Kurt! Honey, I was so worried! Where were you?" She asked as soon as her friend crossed the door.

"Out." Kurt hissed.

"Kurt... Talk to me, please!"

"And what would you like to talk about, Miss Berry?" He asked sarcastically.

"Please, Kurt... Don't do this to yourself."

The pale boy ignored her plea and started walking unsteadily to his room.

"Don't push me away!" She called after him. "You need me, Kurt. Let me help you."

"Well I'm sorry to inform you that you can't! You can't help me, Rachel! Nobody can!" Kurt was yelling with tears forming in his eyes.

"You're wrong, honey. Maybe I can't help you, but there are people who can if you'd just let them-" Kurt's humorless laugh cut her off.

"Yeah, right! Like they give'd a damn!"

Rachel's heart ached for his friend. The way he talked down about himself.

"Kurt... You know you have to report it. You need to get help so you can come to terms with what happened and regain control of your life. You've still got a life, Kurt! A very long, happy, love-full one that is just out there waiting for you to live it."

Kurt stared at his shorter friend for a moment, turning around again and yelling back at her just before closing the door to his room behind his back.

"I wouldn't be so sure!"

She knew what she had to do. She wasn't particularly proud of it, but it had to be done.

"Wow, I... I don't know what to say, B... I would never have thought that Kurt could be capable of something like that." The older man sputter after Blaine had finished explaining everything that had went down in the past three weeks.

"That's the thing, Cooper! He's not the person we thought he was. He was lying to us all along!" A tired-looking Blaine responded.

"Wait so you're saying he's actually a lier and a cheater but fooled us all for almost 3 years? That sounds a little..."

"I'm telling you, Coop. This is the real Kurt..." Blaine sighed and looked defeated. "It has to be."

There was silence for a moment before Cooper spoke. "That's it. We're out of here."

"But- Coop what do you-"

"No 'but'. I'm taking you out of this apartament."

"Why? I don't really feel like going-"

"Why? Because it's depressing and lonely and depressing some more!"

"I-"

"No, no. I'm not asking. I'm your big brother and you'll do as I say." Cooper said with a hint of a grin. The satisfaction of reminding Blaine that he was older never got old.

An hour later they were entering a crowded club and Cooper was ordering drinks for them both. After the second round of beers Cooper informed Blaine that he should go on stage then, as it was open mic night.

"What? No way. Have you lost your mind?"

"Not at all. I want you to go up there and sing. As you're not really telling how you feel you're gonna go there and sing it. Sing how you feel, B." The older brother said seriously.

Blaine hesistated for a moment before noding and aproaching the small stage. He said something to the DJ, who just nodded, and took the microphone. He closed his eyes as the music started, as if to stop the tears that hadn't form in his eyes yet but were sure to come.

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me

He still remember the first time he had seen Kurt, and how he had willingly given up his heart for that boy.

So I start a fight 'cause I need to feel somethin'
And you do what you want 'cause I'm not what you wanted

Kurt had cheated because Blaine wasn't good enough. He was a dissapointment.

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away,
no use defending words that you will never say

Kurt didn't love him. Had never loved him. Would never love him. Because, who would want Blaine? He was just some naive romantic, completely worthless.

And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through,
I've never been anywhere cold as you

Kurt had been so cruel, so heartless...

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there lovin' you and whished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

He had been there for Kurt at his lowest, giving him the courage he probably didn't even have himself. And what did he get? Memories of a lie and a broken heart.

You never did give a damn thing, honey
But I cried, cried for you

It hurted so much saying those words and knowing they were true.

Oh, what a shame
What a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counted all the scars you made

Blaine had thought everything was right in his life, perfect even. But he had been wrong. How thoughtful of Kurt to give him three years of faked happiness and love. But now Blaine was scarred for life. How could he ever let himself love again? There was just too much to lose.

Now that I'm sittin' here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

The song ended softly and he couldn't hold the tears back any longer. He run off the stage and barely said goodbye to Cooper before leaving the club full of eyes staring at him.

Kurt was done. With everything.

He was done with pretending, done with caring about what anyone said. And he was done with Blaine. Done with crying about him, and calling him, and wishing he could have the courage to tell him what happened so they could be together again.

He was done with Blaine... excep he wasn't.

Kurt needed Blaine more than ever and couldn't see how he could get out of this one without him.
He knew the drugs weren't the solution, but they helped. They made everything numb, and that was what Kurt wanted in that moment. Because if he couldn't feel Blaine's love then he didn't want to feel anything else.

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take this tears away

So he was lying on his bed, crying, just like the day before, and the day before that. And he was singing, because that seemed to be the only thing keeping him sane at the moment.

I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I
held you beside me

He sang ever so quietly as tears streamed down his cheeks and he held back a heartbreaking sob.

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt that you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my hear, my heart

He cried even harded as he thought about the fact that Blaine would never come back, no matter how much he wished, how much he sang. He didn't love him anymore. Because Kurt was worthless, didn't deserve Blaine.

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with this tears
Come and kiss this pain away

Kurt's head was spinning from the drugs he'd cosumed, the fact that he hadn't eaten all day, and from his brain that kept going non-stop. It was trying to convince him that this was all his fault. He had gone to the bar. He had drink and danced with that man. He han't had the courage to tell Blaine. Heshould just drop dead and make the world a favor...

Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'

...make himself a favor.

Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on

There's a quiet knock on the door and Blaine was tempet to just stay in bed and not answer. But his need to please people won his inner battle and he aswered the door, only to find a rather uncertain Rachel.

"Rachel? What are you doing here?" He asked with annoyance. The last he needed was another drama.

"First of all you should know that I wouldn't be here if it weren't absolutely necessary. Second, I don't wish to talk to you, but I'm doing this for Kurt. And Third, if he ever meant anything to you, you'll listen to what I have to say. All right?"

Blaine stared at her for a moment, trying to process everything she had said. What the hell was going on? Had something happen?

"I guess?" He tried, still unsure.

Rachel sighed and asked to come inside. Once they were sitted on the couch Rachel took a deep breath and tried to be as direc as she could. "I need you help. Actually, Kurt does."

Great. Just what he needed. Why couldn't they let him move on at last? "I don't see how I can help him."

"You know you can. He won't listen to me. You're the only one he trusts." Rachel tried to stay calmed, as much as she wanted nothing but to slap the bastard again for causing his best friend so much pain.

"Yeah, right. I can see that. He obviously treasures what we had." Blaine snapped sarcastically.

"Yes, Blaine. And that's why I'm here. You need to convince him to report it."

"What are you talking about? Report what?"

"Is this some kind of sick joke? Because if it is-"

"Rachel, I have no idea what you're talking about! What does he need to report? Was he robbed or something?"

"You... are you serious?" Rachel's eyes went wide with disbelief.

"Yes, Rachel. Could you please tell me what's going on?"

"Blaine, I-I thought you knew..."

"Know what? Rachel, you're scaring me, please. Did... did something happen to Kurt?"

"Blaine... that night, at the bar... Kurt was... he-he was r-raped."