Aug. 24, 2012, 9:39 a.m.
Boys Keep Swinging: Chapter 5
M - Words: 4,263 - Last Updated: Aug 24, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 6/6 - Created: Jul 03, 2012 - Updated: Aug 24, 2012 341 0 0 0 0
It wasn't as if Kurt was hiding his relationship with Blaine. When he was in Columbus, he didn't hesitate to hold his hand or even peck him on the lips in the middle of the street. But well, in Lima, his hometown, that was a different story. Since Kurt hadn't come out yet, he didn't dare express his feelings for Blaine when they met there. Blaine was actually fine with it, understanding Kurt needed time, and he let him decide on his own when the time was right. And Kurt was really glad for the fact that he didn't have to chose between Blaine and his security, reputation, and identity. He would come out eventually, but there were steps to be made before he could be officially proud and out.
"Hey dad, I want to talk to you,“ Kurt asked his dad one day after dinner. He had been dating Blaine for several weeks now and it had been enough time for him to decide that he needed to tell his dad. Burt Hummel raised one eyebrow and turned to his son, because Kurt didn't want to talk to him that often, so this was rather rare.
"Yeah? What's this about?“ Burt inquired while shoving his hands into his pockets.
"It's…“ Kurt was searching for right words, "important. Serious, I'd say.“
"Should I sit down?“ Burt joked, because whatever Kurt wanted to say he looked really nervous about it. Not only that his voice trembled, or that his hands shook, but he was more pale than normal – which was hard for most people to tell, but Burt was more perceptive than anybody would give him credit for – and refused to look him in the eyes. Well, Kurt was always avoiding eye contact, making Burt wonder why he was being so secretive. Even after his mom died he wasn't as distant as he had been these last few years. Burt thought it might be the age. He really hoped it was just the age.
"Yeah, you probably should,“ Kurt nodded entwining his fingers together on the table. So Burt did.
"Well?“ Burt asked simply, not pushing, but being curious.
"I don't really know where to start,“ Kurt chuckled nervously with no trace of amusement in his voice.
"Kurt, whatever it is, I won't get mad or anything, I promise,“ Burt tried to make it easier for him, if only a bit. Kurt smiled lightly. It took another few silent seconds before he started to speak again.
"I'm going to disappoint you.“
"Kurt, how can you say…“
"No, dad, no… just don't,“ Kurt shook his head furiously. "I know it. And I'm sorry and I guess that's why it took me so long but… I never wanted to disappoint you, okay? But I did, not on purpose, but yeah. I lied to you a lot. A lot,“ Kurt stuttered over the words as if they were hard to pronounce.
"About what?“ Burt frowned, but he was calm. He had promised to stay calm after all. And Burt was man of his word, a good guy. A good dad. Or at least he hoped.
"It's… I'm into guys,“ Kurt said quickly.
"And… you just realised this?“ Burt wasn't surprised, not that much, but rather confused.
"No,“ Kurt replied slowly and carefuly, "I´ve known for years.“
"But…“ During all those years Burt had spent bringing up Kurt, he had gotten a pretty good idea that made him think that, yes, maybe his son was a little more different than he had expected. Burt waited for Kurt to come to him, but he never did. And since he attented high school he was bringing home all those girls (usually stupid or ordinary cheerleaders and Burt couldn't believe his son would have had such bad taste). Now he was confused.
"Yeah, that's that. I was afraid to be who I am and… I just did the best to be a normal teenage boy. To fit in, you know,“ Kurt explained dryly.
"Because of that incident in middle school?“ Things seemed to make more sense now. Kurt just nodded, grateful that his dad was catching up.
"I know I should have been myself and I would have liked to have been, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to be bullied,“ Kurt continued, hoping his dad would understand. So far, he looked calm and was listening carefully.
"That's obvious, Kurt. But you should be honest. If not with everybody, at least with yourself,“ Burt said the best he could think of. Because he wanted to support Kurt. Even if he felt the sting of disappointment – more by the fact Kurt lied to him, than his sexuality – he knew there was nothing he could really do about it. He wanted to be on good terms with Kurt and thus he needed to know him.
"You're okay with it?“ Kurt looked genuily surprised.
"You thought I wouldn't be? Of course. I'm your dad and I have to like you the way you are. And it's none of my business, after all – I mean, your, um, love life. But you're right, I'm kinda disappointed. I thought we were buddies. You should have told me sooner,“ Burt reproached him. "And I don't want you to lie to me.“
"I won't, I promise,“ Kurt assured him, looking relieved.
"You don't have to promise,“ Burt rolled his eyes, "just don't be afraid of me. Since it's just the two of us in this house, we need to trust each other.“
"Yeah, I know,“ Kurt nodded. So most of his worries were useless. Maybe all those three years were a waste of time.
"And you… you know, do ya have, hm, boyfriend?“ Yes, Burt didn't feel completely comfortable, but he could try.
"…yes.“
"When did you plan to tell me?“
"He's kind of the reason why I came out to you now,“ Kurt admitted and he blushed slightly. Evidently Burt wasn't the only one uncomfortable here. But the conversation had to be done.
"Uh-huh,“ Burt crossed his arms over his chest. “Who is he?“
Kurt was afraid Burt wouldn't approve of Blaine because he was older and a collegian and lived two hours from Lima. However, he had to inform him about these things but was sure to add after every one of them how Blaine was a good guy, reliable and mature (which was relative) and understanding and had helped Kurt come to terms with his identity and find his courage. All through his monologue Burt was slightly frowning and listening intently, not saying anything.
"And is it serious between you two?“ Burt asked in the end.
"Well, I don't know, it's been just a couple of weeks now, but we really care about each other,“ Kurt answered without hesitation.
"Hm. I'd like to meet him. Bring him some day here for dinner. I'll check him out.“
<ß>
"What the fuck are you wearing?“
Blaine was usually dressed in a peculiar but chic mixture of 50's preppy school boy and the hipster musician style most of his classmates adopted. His fashion was dapper, but modern and refreshing – it usually meant high-water jeans, jackets, polos, scarves, hats. Always colourful. But today he wore a grey polo shirt, a grey-striped cardigan and a black bowtie. Kurt never saw him wearing a bowtie before. Not to mention his hair was slicked down. So Blaine was probably aiming for a serious look. It had something to do with the meeting-with-Kurt's-dad-dinner which was set for tonight. But Kurt had to laugh. Blaine looked good – he would probably look good in a sackcloth – but kind of ridiculous.
"Whose wardrobe did you rob?“ Kurt tried not to laugh by covering his mouth with his palms.
"What?“ Blaine looked down at himself. "Mine actually.“
"Really?“ Kurt raised an eyebrow. "It’s not much you.“
"Well, I dressed like this in high school,“ Blaine admitted. "Tried to look mature and serious, especially when I transferred to private school. But when I became a collegian, I decided to take it easy. You know, among all those artists it only looked laughable.“
"You do look laughable,“ Kurt informed him. "Why did you dress up?“
"To impress your dad?“
"If you want to impress my dad you should wear overalls and a cap,“ Kurt said dryly and stepped closer to undo the bowtie and let it lie on Blaine's collarbone.
"I'm afraid I don't owe any,“ Blaine grinned and let Kurt adjust his clothes.
"It's sweet but you didn't have to try so hard. You should have just worn what you like to wear.“
"Says you?“
"Point taken,“ Kurt admitted with sigh. "When I graduate from high school, we're going shopping right away.“
"Deal,“ Blaine agreed and squeezed Kurt´s hand. "If your dad likes me enough not to keep you away from me.“
"Hush! Don't be pessimistic. It'll be just fine,“ Kurt informed him with certainty. Realising Blaine was more nervous about this than he showed, he squeezed his hand back. He wasn't even concerned about neighbours seeing them.
"I hope so,“ Blaine offered a light smile.
"Let's go?“ As soon as Blaine nodded, Kurt led them towards his house. Burt was already waiting in the entrance hall, hands shoved deep in his pockets and a slight frown on his face. In fact he looked intimidating and Kurt knew he was doing it on purpose.
"Well, dad, this is Blaine,“ Kurt started awkwardly, part of Blaine's nervousness rubbing off on him.
"Good evening, Mr. Hummel, it's a pleasure to meet you,“ Blaine tried his best to be polite, shaking hands with Burt.
"Yeah, nice to meet you too,“ Burt returned greetings. "How was the drive from Columbus?“
"Um, fine, I suppose,“ Blaine replied a bit confused.
"Good,“ Burt nodded and then the corner of his lips twitched. "You're shorter than Kurt.“
"Oh… well, yeah,“ Blaine glanced at Kurt even more confused. Kurt bit his lips not to laugh.
"Well, let's go eat. Kurt cooked,“ Burt informed and turned to lead them to the dining hall.
"I bet it'll be great,“ Blaine said and gave Kurt a quick look again. Of course, he knew Kurt was a great cook and he already verified his skills.
"He's so cold because he's wary,“ Kurt whispered to Blaine. "But he's nice actually.“
"I don't blame him,“ Blaine shook his head. "I know what everybody thinks about collegians.“
"That you're constantly drunk, doped up and involved in crazy orgies?“
"Yeah, something like that,“ Blaine grinned, looking more at ease now.
"And isn't it true?“ Kurt snorted, because he had met all of Blaine's friends more than once by now.
"Well, let's keep it a secret,“ Blaine winked at Kurt who pecked him in return before they entered the dining hall. The dinner wasn't that bad, though Burt had a few uncomfortable questions. Especially when they alluded to the infamous 'how did you two met anyway'. Blaine looked at Kurt uncertainly, but Kurt decided to go with the truth although it might get him into trouble.
"We met in the club,“ Kurt confessed. His dad knew he went there sometimes, not really trying to stop him, knowing he would find a way to party but still concerned. But Kurt never came home drunk.
"You went to a club in Columbus?“ Burt looked surprised and unpleased.
"No, it was here in Lima,“ Blaine hurried with an answer.
"And why were you here? It doesn't make much sense.“
"Well, I was visiting my parents, I'm actually from Lima. That evening I kind of had a quarrel with them and I went out to clear my head,“ Blaine explained in a bitter tone.
"So, you don't have a good relationship with your parents?“ Burt interrogated Blaine, and one couldn't really blame him.
"No. I'm a disappointment. Especially for my dad.“ Kurt already knew all about it and squeezed Blaine's hand under the table.
"Because you're gay?“ Blaine simply nodded. "Well, that's disappointing of them. I just don't get this.“
"You're nice, Mr. Hummel,“ Blaine offered a smile. „I'm glad you're Kurt's dad. He needs support.“
"How did I become a topic of this conversation?“ Kurt made himself heard, and was not really pleased. Burt grinned and decided it was time to embarrass Kurt with childhood stories.
So the dinner wasn't a disaster. Burt stopped frowning at Blaine and became more friendly. When the dinner was over and Kurt went to the kitchen to wash up, Burt asked Blaine if he would watch a game with him. He was excited when he found out Blaine loved football.
"But, dad, it's getting late, I don't want Blaine to drive home at night-time. It might be dangerous,“ Kurt said with a frown when he returned from the kitchen.
"Well, since Columbus isn't exactly around the corner, he can sleep over. In a guest room, did you hear, Kurt?“ Burt turned to look his son in the eyes.
"Yes, I heard,“ Kurt answered, his voice high pitched with excitement. Burt chuckled.
"Thank you so much, Mr. Hummel,“ Blaine said before grinning at Kurt.
"It's Burt.“
Kurt pumped his fist in the air when his dad turned to watch TV. The evening was definitely succesful.
<ß>
It had been nearly three months since they started dating. Once Burt met Blaine their dates became more complicated and easier at the same time – Burt didn't really like the idea of Kurt sleeping over at Blaine's, but he would let Blaine spend weekends at the Hummels (did he know that Kurt always snuck in the guest room during the night, that was the question). But soon enough he liked Blaine as much as his own son and trusted him enough to let Kurt go to Columbus to visit him. Kurt was on cloud nine. Everything was great – well, school was annoying as ever, but Kurt didn't mind so much now. Some people started noticing he was behaving differently – he was apparently kinder, happier and kept forgetting to pick on people. To be honest, Kurt forgot to be on guard. He forgot why he decided to pretend to be straight. But the reason was still there.
That day Kurt didn't notice there was something wrong at first. A few people gave him a weird once-over he couldn't decode, there were whispers he didn´t realize were about him. Kurt was too absorbed in his own mind to notice. It wasn't until he found himself in front of his locker, and it struck him like lightning. He stood there frozen, gaping. Gaping at a single word spray-painted over his locker.
Faggot.
It couldn't have been more than five seconds before Kurt turned on his heels and started to walk away. By the time he reached the school entrance, he was running, jostling other people, not caring, just wanting to be the farthest from there. The only thing Kurt could think about was: They know. He didn't know how, but that wasn't important now. He reached his car that he had left only two minutes ago. As soon as he was sitting behind the steering wheel, he allowed himself to cry. And he did for a few long minutes. Three years of his life finally became just a big waste of time. He was where he was before – confused, scared, vulnerable. Only this time he wasn't alone. And he realised it, if not really appreciated it. He tried to call Blaine, but he never picked up. He immediately got a message back.
Sorry, I've got a class. Something happened?
Kurt didn't really want to elaborate on it through messages so he just wrote him, asking if he could call him after his class ended. It made him more hard-headed and he wiped away the tears and started up the car. No way he would show up at school again today, so he drove back home. His intention was to creep into his bedroom in the basement and cry until he fell asleep. But Burt noticed his car in the drive away and caught him halfway on the stairs.
"What's up, kid? School get canceled or what?“ Burt frowned while wiping his hands on a greasy cloth. Kurt stood motionless and pale on the steps. He couldn't speak – he felt like throwing up.
"Hey, ya look like someone who just saw a ghost,“ Burt commented and went to drag Kurt up the stairs. "Tell me, what happened?“
Kurt broke down. Not really caring anymore he started sobbing even more intently than before. Burt hugged him and held him until he had calmed down a bit. It took a few minutes before Kurt found his voice again. He explained to his dad what had happened when he arrived at school and he got upset immediately.
"Fine, I'm gonna to the principal right now and I will make him find the joker who did it,“ Burt announced in a determined voice.
"No, no,“ Kurt shook his head, almost pleading, "don't. I don't want to deal with it. Not now. I don't want to go back there.“
"But you have to deal with it, Kurt. We don't have to go now, if…“
"I don't want to ever go back there,“ Kurt repeated while shaking his head violently. Burt put his big hands on his shoulders.
"Calm down. Maybe it was just a joke. You don't know if they found out,“ Burt argued.
"No, it's…“
"Kurt.“
"I'm never going back there,“ Kurt was freaking out.
"Kurt, you need to calm down. Then we'll talk about it. Stay at home today and if you want, you can stay a few more days but we'll have to deal with it. Ok?“ Burt suggested. He was confused and desperate too. Seeing Kurt like this was breaking his heart but he had to stay reasonable.
"I… Ok,“ Kurt sighed trying to process his dad's words over the buzz in his head. The panic made him dizzy.
"Don't freak out. Please. Now go take a nap or call Blaine and ask him if he could come over. He can even stay tonight if you want to. I'm sorry, but I have to go back to the work. But stay calm, 'kay, kid?“ Burt squeezed his shoulder and Kurt nodded. At that very moment, his cellphone buzzed.
"It's Blaine,“ Kurt informed weakly.
"Ok, pick it up and ask him. If you need me I'll be in the garage.“
"Thanks, dad,“ Kurt gave him a tiny smile before he headed again to his bedroom. His phone buzzed until he answered it.
"Hey,“ he said in small voice. Then he flopped himself on the bed.
"Hey, K. What's up? You sound… weird.“
"They know.“
"What? Who? I don't…“
"Someone outed me. I have no idea who – but – someone sprayed faggot on my locker. And everyone was looking at me and I just… I had to run away.“
"Oh, Kurt.“ He could hear the shock and the desperate desire to help in Blaine's voice..
"What am I going to do? I can't… I can't go there anymore… Everyone's going to hate me now…“
"No, Kurt, no. Sh, calm down. Don't be pessimistic.“
"And what am I supposed to be?!“
"No, calm down, really. I'm trying to help you.“
"I didn't want to yell at you, sorry, I'm just…“
"No, I know. Try not think about it.“
"But I'll have to, it's everything what I can think of now. Everyone's gonna hate me, they'll make my life a living hell…“
"You don't know that, Kurt.“
"I don't even know how they found out, I mean, only Mercedes knew but she promised not to tell anyone and I trust her. Someone had to see us together…“
"Please, Kurt, I can't help you if you don't stop freaking out.“
"You don't understand that I… I underestimated it, I thought I didn’t care anymore but I do, I don't want everyone looking at me with disdain and pointing fingers at me.“
"So what do you want to do?“
"I don't know. I don't know. But I can't go back there anymore…“
"But you don't know what's going to happen…“
"Oh, I do, I've been there.“
"It might be different this time.“
"It'll never be different. It's just… oh, fuck. I did so much to… and for nothing…“
"Kurt, listen…“
"My life's fucked up. Shit, shit…“
"K – “
"It wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't… There's nothing… I don't know what I should do, what am I supposed to do and it sucks. It sucks so much. Blaine? Blaine, are you there?“
In that few seconds of silence and the confusion, Kurt realized he had just said a bunch of selfish things. But then there was Blaine's voice, singing softly, though a bit raw to him.
"Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry…“
Opposite to what Blaine sang, Kurt started to cry again. But this time he wasn't upset. He covered his mouth with his hand and teared silently.
"For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry.“
Kurt remembered the song from one of the cartoons he had seen as a child. But the song itself was strong and every word fit perfectly.
"You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always…
Why can't they understand
The way we feel?
They just don't trust
What they can't explain
I know we're different but,
Deep inside us
We're not that different at all.“
How was it even possible he had such a great boyfriend who was singing to him over the phone to comfort him? It wasn't as though they were in some sappy Hollywood tearjerker.
"Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know?
We need each other
To have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know.“
Then Kurt realized – he still cared about his reputation at the school. He was still afraid. But he couldn't pretend anymore. He had to focus all his strength and start to fight. No other way was left anyway.
"When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together.“
Blaine finished the song with a steady voice and Kurt found his breath and words again.
"You're like the best boyfriend ever,“ Kurt chuckled weakly while wiping his eyes with his sleeves.
"No, I just happen to be the ex solo leader of the glee club,“ Blaine replied. "But I meant it.“
"I don't know what to say…“
"Well, I'd like to say I love you, so it's properly cheesy.“
"Wow… I…“ Kurt had to laugh now. It was absurd, so absurd. "I love you too.“
"Are you feeling any better?“
"I guess. Could you come over tonight? Dad said you can stay over.“
"Well, I can't miss such an opportunity. I have another class after noon but I think I should be at your house around three or four p.m.“
"Thanks. I guess I'll see you then?“
"Sure. Try to sleep. Or watch something cheerful and crappy. And no funny ideas, ok? I want you in one piece and alive. I don't want to be a necrophiliac.“
"Deal.“
<ß>
Mercedes called five times. If it was concern or something deeper, Kurt didn't know. He didn't pick it up because he was too busy taking a nap or being with Blaine who arrived during the afternoon as he promised. However Kurt himself was curious as to what Mercedes wanted so he called her back in the evening.
"Hey, Cedes.“
"God, Kurt, I was so worried about you,“ Mercedes replied instead of greetings.
"Sorry, I was sleeping.“ Blaine was lying on the bed with him, arms wrapped around his torso, listening quietly to the conversation. He pressed a small kiss to Kurt's neck.
"So… you went home? I couldn't find you at school…“
"Yeah, I left when I… well…“
"I'm so sorry about this.“ According to her voice she really was.
"Mercedes, tell me, do you know something about how… how?“
"It's my fault, Kurt,“ she confessed and sighed deeply.
"You promised not to tell anyone.“ Kurt wasn't really surprised. After all, she was the only one who knew so it was almost clear who was behind it all.
"Well, I didn't tell everyone. But… yeah, I told Tina. It just happened and she promised to keep it to herself but you know… she told Artie who said it to Rachel and… I guess then everybody knew.“
Kurt was silent for a moment, processing the information. Oh right, that wasn't shocking at all. That's how most secrets were betrayed. Public secret. Blaine's arms tightened around him.
"I see… but why did you tell Tina in the first place?“ There was a reproach in his voice but Kurt couldn't be mad at her. Not after everything he did to her.
"I don't know. Guess I wanted to be interesting or something. I didn't know it would lead to something horrible. I'm really sorry.“
"I believe you. And I guess I understand,“ Kurt sighed. Mercedes hadn’t meant for things to turn bad, everyone wanted their five minutes of glory. He couldn't really blame her.
"Are you mad at me?“
"A little. But I probably deserve it. Now we're equal,“ Kurt chuckled lightly.
"Yeah, well… will you go to school tomorrow?“
"No, not tomorrow but the day after, yeah, I will.“
"Hope you're alright.“
"Yeah, Blaine's here with me so I'm fine.“ After saying that he turned to peck Blaine on his lips.
"Oh! Say hi to him. He won't come to beat me, will he?“
"Nah, he's a gentleman,“ Kurt assured her and noticed Blaine's waving at him. "He says hi too.“
"Good. Well, I let you boys have fun together and I'll see you at school. Bye.“
"Definitely. Bye.“
"I'm glad you took it so well. I don't think she did it on purpose,“ Blaine made himself heard when Kurt hung up.
"I don't think so either. And it's kind of my fault too… I should have come out sooner and done it myself.“
"So, are you definitely coming out? You still could pretend it's just a rumour,“ Blaine said and though he sounded genuine Kurt knew he wanted him to be honest. Finally.
"No. No point in hiding now. It was probably destiny,“ Kurt thought aloud, covering Blaine's hands with his palms.
"You can do it, I know,“ Blaine encouraged him.
"Well, I can always set Makyla against the school board,“ Kurt grinned at the idea.
"I already see her expression of pure happiness.“