Adam was ready to murder whoever was calling Kurt's phone. Typically, he wasn't a very violent person, but he felt justified in this. He had Kurt on his lap with a tongue halfway down his throat when the phone started ringing. Rachel and Santana weren't supposed to be back for hours and they were supposed to be making the most of it.

Usually, Kurt would ignore his phone when he was otherwise occupied, but apparently it was someone insanely important (or at least unexpected) because at the sound of the ringtone (personalized, because Adam had never heard it play that song before, and why would you have a jingle for a credit commercial as a ringtone anyway?) he'd froze, scrambled off of Adam and then off the couch to grab it off the coffee table.

"Cooper?"

Oh. Kurt sounded worried (shocked, but worried). Maybe it was an important phone call. No one from school or work, to Adam's knowledge, since the name was unfamiliar, but apparently important enough to warrant the interruption. Maybe someone calling about his dad?

"I- yes, of course I remember you. What's wrong? Why are you calling?"

Adam would like to second that last question.

"No, of course not! I'm always, you know, happy to hear from you. Just... you never actually call me."

Kurt was blushing. Adam hated his life.

"You want to what?"

Kurt looked scandalized. Adam wondered if he had someone else to fight with for Kurt's attention. Blaine was bad enough, he really couldn't handle this.

"But... you live in LA. You love LA. You have repeatedly stated your hatred for New York."

Yes, please stay in LA. And get off the phone.

"Why do you have an audition over here anyway? I'm pretty sure there are plenty of things for you to do in California. You know. For TV. And movies. That you enjoy doing!"

Kurt took to pacing the living room, seeming to (once again) forget Adam's existence as he continued his conversation with Cooper, his expression going from adorably confused to slightly horrified.

"I don't understand why you need to crash with me though."

Wait. What? Adam could remember Kurt saying that Blaine was his first boyfriend, and his only real crush before that was on Finn of all people, so this guy probably wasn't an ex, but Kurt's expression really looked like that was the case.

"Cooper- Cooper, of course family is important to me—"

Oh. That was a relief. A relative. Maybe a cousin who Kurt didn't particularly get along with?

"Cooper! We're not, actually—yes, I know that, but," Kurt let out a groan of frustration. "Cooper, we're not family."

Well. There goes that theory. And now this conversation was really confusing.

"I know, I remember you saying that. It meant the world to me, really, but circumstances were different then."

As far as Adam knew, Blaine was Kurt's boyfriend for about two years or something, they broke up, and then the two of them started dating. Nowhere in this timeline did a Cooper fit in, and Kurt had never mentioned him. He attempted to get Kurt's attention to ask him, but his boyfriend was currently facing away from him, completely absorbed in his phone call.

"Because at the time I really thought you were going to be my brother!" Kurt sounded stricken.

Maybe this was an almost step sibling? Kurt hadn't really mentioned his dad's relationship history beyond memories of his mother and the story of introducing Carole.

"Eventuality? No! I don't—we broke up months ago! How has this never come up in conversation?"

Adam suddenly felt the pieces coming together was starting to feel a bit sick.

"No, it was a bit more serious than some "troubles", Cooper!"

Please, please, have this conversation go in any direction other than the one it looked like it was going. Please.

"When was the last time you actually spoke to Blaine? A full conversation, not just talking about your auditions?"

Kurt's voice had gone stern, and Adam's stomach had dropped.

"He's your brother! You're supposed to be looking out for him! Wasn't that the deal when you came to visit last? That you'd keep in touch?"

The 'almost related' comment was really painful now.

"Cooper," Kurt groaned. "This whole awkward conversation could have been avoided if you'd talked to him—wait. What?"

No, wait; go back to the admitted awkwardness and ending of the conversation.

"You- seriously? There's—there are hotels in New York. And I'm sure you must have some friends here, why do you have to stay with me?"

What? How was that still an option being considered?! It would be kind of weird to stay with a sibling's boyfriend who you never spoke to if Kurt's earlier comment was anything to go by, but to stay with your little brother's ex? Was this guy insane?

"I—well, yes, but—Cooper, Cooper, there's not—it's not just up to me—" Kurt flopped back down on the couch, laying on his back with a hand covering his face as he struggled to get a word in. Blaine's brother seemed to be both insane and talkative.

"I don't even have a couch for you to sleep on!"

Adam grabbed Kurt's legs and dragged them onto his lap, playing with the material of his jeans. Maybe if he drew attention to himself, Kurt would get off the phone sooner. Preferably before Santana got back and sent them disapproving looks anytime they so much as made eye contact.

"Well, yes, we own a couch but you can't— no! Santana lives with me. She sleeps on the couch. There's no room for you."

Well at least the conversation was going in a positive direction. Kurt was a fairly nice person when he felt like it, maybe he just didn't want to hang up and be rude.

"Yes. Two roommates. See, it's not even up to me! I'd have to ask them and it'd be incon—what? Yeah, they were."

Adam fantasized about getting up, getting a glass of water and accidentally spilling it on Kurt's phone, and ending the call. Though doing so would probably cause Kurt to go out and get a replacement and then they really wouldn't get to finish snogging.

"Rachel and Santana? Rachel was the—yeah, her. Yes. Her pointing was very impressive," Kurt sounded both sarcastic and resigned. An impressive combination, Adam thought idly. "Cheerleader. Brown hair. Yeah. Them."

Kurt looked near tears.

"Yes, I know they loved your class. It was very informative. And fun! Really. But we have a two bedroom, there's no room for you here."

Cooper's response caused Kurt to sit upright and start coughing, his face now bright red. Adam reached over to pat his back which earned him a grateful smile.

"You can't—no! You're not going—Cooper, that's ridiculous. No."

Kurt buried his face in his hands and Adam could make out the sound of Cooper talking excitedly on the other end, but he couldn't make out individual words.

"Because it'd be horribly awkward!" Kurt finally said. "You're not—I don't care if it's only for two nights! You're not sleeping in my bed!"

It was Adam's turn to cough uncontrollably.

Kurt pulled the phone away from his mouth to ask if he was okay. When Adam nodded, he turned his attention back to Cooper. "No, that was—I promise it's not a cold. Yes, I know about vita—did you actually want an answer or did you just want to talk over me?"

Apparently, judging by Kurt's silence, it was the latter.

"It wasn't Rachel! It was Adam; we were—yes, a guy." Pause. "Yes." Another pause. "Because we're dating." Another pause. "It's not cheating because, as I've told you, Blaine and I broke up, and I'm allowed to—Cooper!"

Kurt's face was bright red once more, and Adam decided he'd rather not know what Blaine Sr. had said.

"That's—we haven't—it's not any of your business!"

Adam tried very hard not to make a guess as to what Cooper had said.

"Why would—you can't just say—that's your brother!"

Really, really, didn't want to think about it, then.

"But you're not my older brother, so that's a moot point." Pause. "Where's the "yet" in this?!"

Adam was really disturbed by lack of boundaries in the Anderson-Hummel families. Blaine goes to doctor appointments with Mr Hummel and Cooper asks invasive questions and demands a place to stay for a weekend. None of this is normal.

"We weren't talking about anything. We were going to hang up and—no, Cooper, I told you. There isn't anywhere for you to crash."

Please go back to the hanging up bit.

"You weren't this obnoxious the last time we hung out."

Keep going; this is good.

"I—I didn't have a crush!"

Well. That didn't last long.

"I wasn't—that doesn't—I didn't know you were his brother at the time!"

And a whole new level of awkward. Fantastic.

"No, Cooper, that doesn't—you know what? Fine. I will ask them, but there really isn't space for you here, so they will say no."

Oh, Kurt. Please say you're not humoring this psycho.

"No, I'm serious! I—fine. I said I would ask. But I'm—no! I'm not sleeping with Rachel so you can have my bed."

Are they still discussing that as an option? Because this really wasn't a conversation they should be having.

"Cooper, that only applies to actual siblings! Which we're not. And- well, yeah, but—no! We've met twice! We are not close enough to— well that's because you wouldn't knock!"

Please, please, stop talking about this.

"No, she just broke up with her boyfrie—yeah. Yes. Sure, Cooper. Sleep with her. Marry her, if you want. Have at it." Kurt's voice had gone flat and he was gazing up at the ceiling in resignation. "Your children will be beautiful, self centered, and very loud."

Adam stifled a laugh. He was refusing to be amused by this conversation.

"I said I would ask them! They haven't said yes! Do not—No! Make a backup plan, or better yet, have this be your backup pla—fine. Yeah. Have fun. Goodbye."

Kurt ended the call, and then let the phone drop down onto the couch as he fell back on his side, covering his face. "So. That was Cooper. He's an old friend, apparently. And he's staying with us next weekend. Regardless of how many times I said no."

Adam looked at him curiously. "Doesn't it seem strange to have your ex boyfriend's brother stay with you?"

Kurt sighed, opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Rachel entering the loft with a cheery, "I'm back!"

"Hello, Rachel," Adam said, trying not to let his disappointment at seeing her show. So much for an afternoon to themselves.

"Oh, hi, Adam. I didn't realize you were going to be here. My class let out early and—Kurt? What's wrong?"

"Got a call from Cooper. He wants to know if he can crash here next weekend. I told him I'd ask you and Santana. Feel free to say no."

Rachel didn't.

Adam held out hope that Santana would disagree to the plan.

She didn't.

Of course. Fantastic.