The Underworld was, for lack of a better word, dark. Prior to actually being there, Kurt didn't have an exact mental picture of what the place would look like, the entire idea of visiting seemed abstract to him, but he really didn't see how he could have possibly expected anything else. There was no visible source of light, but everything was mostly visible regardless. A river was a few feet away from the entrance Unique had let them through, and voices seemed to emanate from it, though Kurt was hesitant to get close enough to actually check.

For all the mystery surrounding the Underworld, for the most part it looked like a riverbank. A riverbank at night, with no plants growing anywhere around, and what were probably dead people trying to call out, yes, but still just a riverbank. There was a rocky and little used path that ran parallel to the river, and Blaine started towards it, grabbing Kurt's hand in an attempt to make him go as well.

“That's Acheron,” he explained as they walk. “Charon ferries the dead on it, so keep an eye out for him. It's probably best that he doesn't see us.”

“What would he do if he did?” Kurt felt compelled to ask.

“He doesn't like me, so he'd probably just push us in and then ignore us.”

“So… we'd get wet?”

“I've never been in there as a mortal, but I'd imagine that “The River of Pain” would not be a pleasant or survivable place to swim.” Kurt took another step away from the water.

They walked in silence after that. Kurt was both terrified and fascinating by the landscape they walked through, and tried to take everything in. There was nothing growing, obviously, and the terrain mostly consisted of barren flat lands with rocks of various sizes scattered around. The noise from the river got steadily louder the further on they walked, but there weren't any exact words. For the most part, Kurt focused on drowning them out, because he couldn't imagine anyone stuck in a river of pain would have anything nice to listen to anyway.

It didn't take as long as he'd expected to reach their first obstacle. They'd only been walking for a half an hour when Charon passed them by and Blaine pulled him behind a rock to try and hide. The rock really wasn't big enough for both of them, but it seemed the Ferryman had no interest in anything outside the river. Kurt only got a glimpse of the ferry as it went by, but it wasn't even close to its full capacity and he breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't see his father on it. Blaine seemed to notice the same thing, because he relaxed slightly against the rock. Or maybe he was just relieved that they hadn't been noticed. It was hard to tell.

They continued their walk, though it seemed to Kurt that it was taking much longer than it should, and the oppressive not-quite-silence wasn't helping. “So… you and Sebastian?”

Blaine went red. “It was several hundred years ago, before Persephone came along, and it happened once! I don't see why they insist on hanging onto that! Not even Hera cared, and that's all she does.”

“Why does she hate you so much anyway?”

“Terri? She's the goddess of marriage and is married to Schue. You can imagine how well that's worked out for her.”

“He does seem rather opposed to monogamy,” Kurt said wryly.

Blaine nodded, “See, Terri can't really go around punishing Schue for every affair he has. He's more powerful, and it doesn't fit the right image. They have to at least look like they're the perfect family even though everyone knows it's all a lie. So instead she goes around hating all of his kids who aren't hers.”

“And Artie.”

“And Artie,” Blaine conceded. “Because even though he's her son, he was still deformed when he was born. Doesn't look like a perfect family that way.”

“She doesn't seem particularly… motherly.”

“I think she has her moments. I'm not sure; I try to stay out of her way.”

Kurt nodded and they fell into silence once more. He wasn't sure how long he could stand the sounds coming from Acheron, but talking seemed stilted and awkward here. It wasn't a place for conversation, and the very air had an aura of disapproval like it knew that they weren't supposed to be there.

They walked. And walked. And then walked some more. Never seeing Charon again, or any other… sentient thing, for that matter. It wasn't until Kurt heard something barking that he realized just how far they had come.

“There's a dog here?”

Blaine looked at him in confusion, “You really don't know anything about us, do you?”

“Lifelong hatred. I purposely didn't listen to stories.”

“It wasn't a lifelong hatred! You were a kid once, you must have liked us at some point.”

Kurt shrugged, “Most people don't tell stories about the Underworld to five-year-olds, Blaine.”

“Your life must have been so meaningless without hearing about us…” Kurt shot him a look that Blaine ignored, instead grinning widely and dragging Kurt forward in excitement. “Come on, you're about to meet the cutest little puppy in the entire universe.”

“Who keeps a puppy in the Underworld?”

“Sebastian likes dogs and… well, I assume he likes other things too. Hurry up!”

When Blaine said “puppy” Kurt pictured a young dog. When he said “cute” Kurt pictured something that didn't have three heads. And when he said “little”, well. The thing looked like it could eat Kurt's entire body in a single bite. Despite the fact that the thing was huge and monstrous, snapping at souls that weren't moving the way it wanted, Blaine still ran straight for it, a grin on his stupid face, calling the thing like it wasn't a deadly force of nature.

“Cerberus! Here boy! Who's a good dog?”

“Blaine, we're going to be eaten,” Kurt hissed at him.

“What? No we're not. Cerberus wouldn't hurt a sou—well, we aren't souls. He wouldn't hurt us.”

As if finally realizing who was talking to him, the giant three headed beast jumped over a line of souls awaiting judgment, and landed right in front of them. Two of the heads were completely focused on Blaine, sniffing and trying to lick at him as he scratched their ears, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the ear was bigger than his arm. The third head, however, was staring at Kurt with its ears flat to his head, growling slightly. Blaine didn't seem to notice, his attention focused on the two heads that were trying to nuzzle him to death.

Kurt took a step behind Blaine, hoping that the head would lose interest in him, but it didn't work. The dog followed Kurt's movements, its growls getting slightly louder. “Blaine, it doesn't like me.”

Blaine looked like he was about to protest the claim, until he actually looked at the left head. “Hey, none of that! This is our guest, you play nice.” To Kurt's surprise, the dog actually listened, whining pitifully until Blaine started petting it as well. “Now, we're here to visit your daddy. So if you let us through, I'll give you a treat! How's that sound?”

I'm going to be stuck with him for eternity, Kurt thought as he watched Blaine reach into his quiver and pull out the last of their boar meat, carefully dividing it up between the three heads. “Such a good boy!” Blaine exclaimed one last time, before pulling Kurt behind the dog.

“If you weren't friends with the guard dog, how would we have gotten past it?”

Blaine looked actually horrified at the question. “I cannot and will not imagine a world where Cerberus doesn't like me. I've known him since he was a baby and couldn't even open his little eyes yet!”

Kurt decided that continuing the conversation would only give him a headache, so he ignored Blaine and looked around. Cerberus had gone back to watching over the souls, each head looking in a different direction, searching for anyone trying to escape. The souls were in a ridiculously long line, waiting to find out where they were going to spend their afterlife.

Blaine ignored the line entirely and pulled Kurt in the direction of a small path, actually a crack between two walls, mostly hidden from view. “Secret tunnel. It'll take us directly to Sebastian's palace. Unless he's realized that Sam and I have been using it, and then it might lead to Phlegethon, so let's hope that he hasn't noticed.”

“Phlegethon?” Kurt asked, stopping in his tracks and refusing to take another step. “We could end up in a river made of fire?”

“It amazes me that you know what Phlegethon is, but you didn't know about Cerberus. Honestly, Kurt. Your education is severely lacking.”

“Blaine, I can't swim in water and we could end up in fire.”

Blaine sighed as if Kurt was being unreasonable about the entire thing. “Sebastian is a rather oblivious person, I doubt he knows that this is the tunnel that Sam and I use. And if he did figure it out, he probably didn't set it up so we'd end up in Tartarus. And if that does happen, I'll transform and get us out of it before anything happens. Getting caught now will just get us sent to Hades, so we're actually safer here. Trust me.”

“You're sure we're not going to end up in Phlegethon?”

“Not to start an argument or anything, but I'm a lot less likely to endanger your life than you are.”

Kurt glared, but conceded the point and continued to follow Blaine down the path. The light source didn't seem to reach this spot, so Kurt could barely see in front of him, but Blaine didn't seem to have the same problem and walked with confidence down the narrow and curving path between the walls. Rather than a gradual widening of the walkway like Kurt expected, the walls simply ended and they were suddenly standing in a gorgeous garden. “Don't eat anything,” Blaine warned him. “Eating things from the Underworld will trap you here, and touching anything from Unique's garden will make the stay largely unpleasant.”

Kurt nodded his understanding and they carefully made their way through the assortment of plants Unique had planted, making sure not to step on anything. Blaine explained that there was an entrance into the palace through the garden that very few people used, so they'd be able to sneak in and get to Sebastian without anyone seeing them. Kurt wondered how often Blaine and Sam had snuck in there in order to have this planned out so efficiently, but decided he really didn't want to know.

The palace, when they eventually got to it, was huge and made out of a black material that Kurt couldn't name. They were too close to see the entire thing, and it was so dark that it nearly blended in with the scenery anyway, but it still managed to be very… pretty. Gold and jewels decorated the walls and managed to shine despite the low lighting. There was only one window that Kurt could see and it looked out directly into the garden, the lining of it done in bright red rubies. Blaine managed to find a small door, mostly hidden from view, and they snuck inside.

“I really didn't think that this would be the easiest part of the trip,” Kurt whispered. Blaine chuckled in response, but didn't say anything. He did run forward a few steps and look around a corner for anyone who might be approaching, then signaled to Kurt to hurry up.

It didn't take very long to find what looked like a sitting room, so Kurt assumed that the garden entrance was in a more residential area of the palace. Blaine made himself comfortable on a nearby chair, stretching his legs out and resting against the back of it with a sigh of relief, before picking up a small bell on a nearby table and ringing it rather loudly. Kurt, for his part, stared in shock.

“Sit down, this may take awhile. The Underworld has terrible service. Just because time is meaningless to them, they think that it's okay to keep guests waiting as long as they please.”

Ignoring the request, Kurt walked around the room studying everything. There was a surprising amount of plant life in the room, especially considering the landscape outside, though he assumed that was Persephone's doing. The walls were just as dark as they were outside, though now there was more gold trim in everything which brightened the room considerably. “God of riches as well as ruler of this place,” Blaine explained. “That's why there's so much gold. He's a terrible show off.”

“And the plants?”

“Hecate gives them to Persephone as gifts. They're poisonous, of course, but Hecate really doesn't grow much else, and Persephone thinks they're pretty. Hades just kind of goes with it. It's easier than arguing with the Queen. Though I must say, their fights are brilliant.”

Kurt nodded absently and began pacing. “What is taking so long? Should we just go find Sebastian? That seems so much easier. Or you could turn back into Apollo, he'd get here instantly, wouldn't he?”

“He would, yes. However then he'd assume I was here to destroy part of his home or something equally overdramatic and wouldn't be in a helpful mood.”

Kurt's answer was to let out an undignified yelp when, turning back around to continue his mission to destroy the flooring, he was suddenly face-to-face with a ghost. Blaine managed to not laugh which was very good for both his relationship with Kurt and his health, and yanked Kurt down onto the chair with him.

“There you are!” he said to the ghost, smiling like all was right in the world. Kurt attempted to move so he wasn't sprawled half off the couch. “I want you to find Hades immediately and tell him that there are some very important intruders awaiting his company.” The ghost bowed and wandered off, hopefully to deliver the message.

“Let me up.”

“No, you'll just start pacing again and it's just stressing us both out.”

“Blaine, let me go.”

“Kurt, calm down.” Blaine loosened his grip on Kurt enough that he could sit up, but not so much that he could stand and resume pacing, much to Kurt's annoyance. At least sitting sideways his feet were on the ground, and he was fairly certain he was cutting off circulation to one of Blaine's legs. Small pleasures. “If Hades gets here and you look panicked, he's not going to help you. Or he will, but he'll try to make a deal with you that will not end well. You have to at least look calm.”

Kurt glared, but stopped struggling so much. “How do I get a better deal then?”

“For starters, don't offer to do anything he wants to get your dad back. I know this will be difficult for you, but don't. You're going to have to underplay how much you want it, or he'll find a way to cheat you and you won't even care.”

Kurt groaned and flopped backwards, misjudging the size of the chair and smacking his head against the back. Wincing, he rubbed the sore spot and Blaine chuckled. He tugged on Kurt's arm, much more gently this time, until he was leaning sideways into Blaine's chest and kissed the top of his head. “There, all better!”

“You're ridiculous,” Kurt grumbled, though he didn't move from his spot.

“I am,” Blaine agreed and Kurt could hear the grin in his voice.

“Sebastian isn't going to refuse to let me leave, is he? Even if he doesn't help my dad, he'll let me go, right?”

Blaine stiffened like the thought hadn't really occurred to him. “He'll let you go. Just make sure you don't eat or drink anything, and… I don't know. Mention that Persephone likes you, that might help.”

“And you'll throw a huge fit if he tries to keep me here.”

“I will, actually. I'll put Athena to shame.”

Kurt laughed softly, relaxing into the hug. He was almost ready to doze off when there was an almost amused voice coming from the doorway. “Apollo, I do hope you have a good reason for bringing your affair to my palace and then making me watch.”

Blaine sighed heavily, “I don't understand why you and Poseidon assume that I actually want to introduce my affairs to the family in such a way. Or, you know, at all.”

Hades smirked, “Oh, now we're family?”

“I don't know what you mean, oh dearest Uncle. I do so adore you and your company.”

“So when you caused a diversion last month so that Poseidon could force the River Styx to run through my palace that was what? An attempt at bonding?”

“I don't know a more straightforward way to show my love.”

“Try something without property damage,” Hades suggested flatly.

Kurt took the moment to force himself to sit up and actually look at the King of the Underworld. He was… regal in the way he held himself and the look he was giving Blaine. He was more rodent in his looks, however, though tall with a black aura surrounding him. Blaine took the opportunity to glance between the two of them before he started cursing. Loudly and creatively.

“I do hope you have a reason for such language, Apollo. Otherwise I think I'll just have you both kicked out of here.”

“No, no, that won't be necessary. Sorry. Just… it's a long story, I assume, and I'll explain it to you later.”

Hades scoffed, “I do so hate it when you refuse to stay in the present, Apollo. Do try to show some self restraint.”

“Hey! I've been in your palace for quite some time and nothing is out of place or ruined or stolen. I think that shows remarkable self restraint!”

Ignoring this, Hades walked into the room and sat himself in a throne that seemed to grow out of the floor on a whim. “So, I assume you have a reason for bringing the mortal you're sleeping with to my domain. Usually you just turn them into plants when you're done, this is very out of character.”

“I'm not done with him!”

“Really not the point, Blaine,” Kurt hissed at him. Hades sat up straighter and glared. Kurt winced at his mistake. “Apollo. I mean… Apollo.”

“You told him your name?”

“It was necessary. We needed to come see you without… well, anyone finding out that we were… near each other.”

“Why?”

Blaine looked like he was struggling with words, so Kurt rolled his eyes, “He's my soulmate, Schue says he's not allowed near me regardless, I needed to ask you a favor, he offered to play tour guide.”

Hades blinked in surprise for a few seconds before smirking again, “I like you, mortal.” Blaine muttered something that sounded to Kurt like “not for long”, but ignored it. “What did you come here to ask of me? I do hope it's not a threesome, my wife really wouldn't approve.”

“I promised Persephone that I wasn't, and I really don't want to think about what she'd do to me if I broke that promise,” Kurt said hopefully diplomatically. He didn't think his first reaction of “No, oh gods, no. Eww, I'm not sleeping with King of the Rodents” would go over well.

“You met Persephone?”

“She let us in,” Blaine supplied. Hades raised an eyebrow, and Blaine continued, “She was going to “check up on her garden”, but left when she saw us. Our deal was that she wouldn't tell my darling father that we were here as long as we didn't tell Mercedes that she was trying to visit during summer.”

“I do hate my brother and sister, so this actually works out well for me. I'll hear your request.”

Kurt took a deep breath and smiled at Blaine's encouraging look, “My father's sick.”

“That's what mortals do,” Hades interrupted. “And that's really something you should be talking to Sunshine here about anyway.”

“He was… too sick for Blai—Apollo. Um. He said that… that…”

“I do hope you're not asking me to bring someone back from the dead, Apollo,” Hades said coldly. “That would go against several laws that you've already broken.”

“No!” Kurt hurried to reassure. “He's not… he's not dead, he's just very, very sick and…”

“He has your mark on him,” Blaine said when it became clear Kurt wasn't sure how to word it. “I can't heal him without a jurisdiction issue, so we're asking if you would consider not taking him.”

Hades considered this for a moment, “He's not dead yet?” he finally asked.

“When we last saw him, he was still alive,” Kurt confirmed. “But that was a few days ago.”

Hades closed his eyes and slowly a gray cloud began to form in front of him. It started out shapeless but after several minutes, outlines began to develop. At first they simply split up, each becoming their own separate but featureless lump, but with what looked like a lot of concentration from Hades, details began to fill in. They were people. Tiny representations of different men, all in a cloudy haze in front of their King. Quietly, with a slight strain in his voice, Hades asked for Kurt's dad's name, and when he answered shapes began disappearing. Soon there were only three figures left, and Kurt's breath hitched and his knees buckled when he recognized the one on the left.

He heard Blaine confirm what he couldn't say, and with a wave of his hands Hades vanished the last few figures. “He must have died while you were trying to get here,” he explained softly. Kurt was actually surprised that he sounded as sorry as he did. “He's currently in the Fields of Asphodel, and I'm not really one for letting people back into the mortal world once they're here.”

Kurt nodded his understanding even as sobs racked his body. All this time and it was pointless. He couldn't even save the most important person in his life. “Why is he in Asphodel?” Blaine asked sharply even as he rubbed Kurt's back gently. “He went through a lot of crap in his lifetime, why isn't he in Elysium?”

“I don't judge the dead,” Hades said. “I just rule over them. You could ask Midas if it means that much to you.”

Blaine helped Kurt back up to his feet, though Kurt just buried his face in Blaine's neck and continued crying. Sighing helplessly, he addressed his uncle again. “I'll make you a deal.”

“He's not leaving the Underworld,” Hades said sharply. “And you know better than to ask.”

Blaine shook his head, “I want him moved to Elysium. He deserves it. What would it take?”

There was a pause where Kurt assumed that Hades considered the request, but he couldn't make himself move enough to watch. “I want you out of the Underworld for… ten years. No touring the place, no showing mortals around, no harassing my guards, and no pranking me or my palace. You and Poseidon will leave me in peace for ten years.”

Kurt looked up in surprise, hardly daring to believe his ears. “I have to convince Sam too?” Blaine asked skeptically.

“I'll move your mortal's father into Elysium if you and my blasted brother stay out. However, if either of you enters before the time is up, he'll be sent to the Fields of Punishment. And he won't be allowed to try for the Isles either way.”

“For ten years? That's it?”

“Cerberus enjoys your company,” Hades said dismissively.

“And Burt will be allowed to stay in Elysium forever?”

Hades nodded, looking rather proud at Blaine for thinking up loopholes, “Those are my terms.”

“Kurt will be allowed to leave with me?”

“Well I certainly don't want him here.”

“Can I talk to my dad?” Kurt interrupted. “I just want to say goodbye.”

Hades looked surprised by the request, “It'll cost Apollo another five years.”

“Fifteen years?” Blaine said. “I can't visit you for fifteen years? I'll miss you! I'll miss Cerberus!”

“You'll miss my dog, but you'll make your mortal and uncle very happy.”

“Please, Blaine.”

“I guess I'll just have to spend all the time I'd usually devote to wrecking havoc on this place trying to find ways to visit you without Schue butting in anyway.” He turned to Hades and sighed. “I agree to your terms, and swear on the River Styx to uphold my end of the bargain.”

“And I swear on the River Styx to uphold mine. This agreement starts as soon as you leave. Now if you'll excuse me,” he snapped his fingers and vanished, along with his throne, and in their place stood a very confused looking Burt.