Blaine stared at the unopened envelopes spread neatly on his bed. Four envelopes from four different colleges. His future held somewhere within these four small innocent looking rectangles. How was this fair? Blaine hated his life feeling so out of control. Hed held off of opening them until all his letters had arrived, but he didnt think hed be able to hold off much longer… every evening hed managed to dodge curious questions from his parents about whether hed had any replies yet.


These past two weeks since his auditions had been two of the most stressful ever. Blaine couldnt let his worries effect his school work though as he needed to graduate with top marks. He was always a straight A student and not only would his parents be furious if he let that slip, but he also needed to graduate with flying colours to maximise his chances being offered any money off of his tuition fees by any of the New York colleges. So despite his turmoil, Blaine had to remain super - in - control model student at all times.


Then there was his home life… no way could he vent off steam at his parents, despite them being the cause of his problems. Any remote chance of a reprieve involved him being model son on a constant basis. Every meal time with his parents he swore he came away with a sore tongue, where he literally had had to bite down on it hard to stop himself from lashing out all his frustrations.


All the effort Blaine expended in his perfect persona, of course had to have an outlet somewhere and as a result hed had several small arguments with Kurt recently, all over the stupidest of things. Each time theyd made up later, usually over late night phone calls, both of them with their hands down their pyjama pants, rhythmically pumping out all their frustrations and regrets. Blaine knew Kurt understood, but at times they were both as stubborn as each other, and Blaine feared that there could be a point when he took things too far.


Only last night Blaine had had a bout of insecurities creeping up on him. Everything was getting out of hand. His phone call with Kurt had quickly descended into something hed rather forget. "I expect youd rather be with someone older and more experienced than me.. someone whose parents dont rule their life…" There it was. Hed let out all his insecurities in that one sentence.


He heard Kurt sigh sadly on the other end of the phone. "Dont even go there Blaine.. please. You know how few relationships Ive been in… and thats because I just havent met the right person before." Kurts breathing was loud and shaky. "Please dont push me away…"


"Im not." Blaine said petulantly. "Im just saying that being with someone like me might not be the best thing for you."


There was another sigh from Kurt. "I dont think you should be deciding whats best for me, Blaine…. Isnt that up to me?" Kurt paused. "You know what? Im tired and hungry… and Im not sure we should be having this conversation right now…"


"Fine." Blaine said, a little more venomously than hed intended. "I get it. I get that you dont want to talk to me. Theres much to be doing than talking to a teenager who feels like bursting into tears every few minutes. You dont want to join my pity party… I understand."


"Blaine…" Kurt began. Blaine could hear the slight sass in Kurts voice and knew he was on the verge of pushing Kurt too far. Kind, patient Kurt. "I promise Ill call you later, but until Ive had some dinner and wound down a bit, I dont think Im in the right place to say the right thing to you… and I think you need to take a step back for a moment… because I really dont want us to fall out tonight… okay?"


"Okay," Blaine said quietly, tears beginning to slip down his cheeks.


"Ill call you later when Im more relaxed and tucked up in bed… and I love you Blaine."


"Okay.. bye Kurt." Blaine reluctantly pressed the end call button on his phone. Wait! Had Kurt just said he loved him?


*****


They had had a sensible conversation later, which hadnt touched on Blaine asking Kurt if hed meant to say what hed said, but it was the events of the evening that had prompted Blaine to be sitting in Miss Pilsburys (his schools student counsellor) office at lunchtime the next day. Shed kindly ordered him to tell her everything. She hardly ever had Blaine in her office…. he was generally such a capable boy. So she was determined to try and help him fix any problems he might have.


"I see," she said carefully when Blaine had finished explaining everything to her, "Im sure there are some suggestions I can make… but…"


"Really?" Blaine interrupted, ever hopeful. He eyed her pile of problem solving leaflets, pretty sure there wouldnt be one to cover the mess of his life at the moment.


"I think," she began, "Blaine. Have you considered, maybe deferring your place for a year if you really are sure that New York is the place for you.? Give you… and your parents some breathing space. Maybe they would come around…."


Blaine raised his eyebrows. "Um.. Miss Pilsbury… the deferring… maybe a good idea actually. Thank you. Im not sure my parents will be swayed, but… I hadnt thought of that.."


Miss Pilsbury clasped her hands together where she sat behind her neatly arranged desk, leaning forward as she spoke. "Blaine. Would you like me to speak to your parents? We could arrange an appointment. Perhaps they dont realise how truly talented you are and what a contribution you make to our school glee club."


Blaine doubted theyd even be that interested. "Thank you. But no I dont think so.. with my parents I mean. I could maybe suggest it, but Im not sure." Blaine could just see his father reducing Miss Pilsbury to a quivering wreck with his hard lined stare, alone. He really didnt want to subject this lovely lady to a meeting with his parents and their fixed ideas.


"Just remember Blaine, the important thing is that youre doing things for the right reasons. I know Kurt is special to you.." Miss Pilsbury said softly, "but you have to think of your own future."


"Thats right he is... but Ive wanted to go to New York to study music and theatre for as long as I can remember, so hes not the reason why I want to go there…" Blaine felt like a record on repeat every time he had to keep explaining his reasons for wanting to go to college in New York, but he tried not to sound exasperated when all Miss Pilsbury wanted to do was to help him.


Blaine came away from Miss Pilsburys office with just one leaflet titled "How to Balance College when your Boyfriend/Girlfriend is in a Different State". Hed probably never look at it but he appreciated the sentiment.


*******


Dinner with his parents was as uncomfortable as he knew it would be. "Have you heard back from any colleges yet darling?" his mom questioned.


Blaine cleared his throat, staring at his untouched food. "Um… yes." He couldnt see how this was going to go well.


"Dont leave us in suspense…" his father began after a few moments silence.


"I got in to everywhere I applied," Blaine said quickly, not wanting this conversation at all. He couldnt bring himself to look at either of his parents.


"Excellent." his father said briskly. "Ill get in touch with Peter Stamford at Harvard first thing tomorrow. See if we can meet up for dinner sometime soon. Give you a bit of insight."


"No." Blaine said quietly. He could feel both his parents eyes on him. He lifted his head. "No." he said a little louder. "Im not going."


"Dont be silly darling," his mom breezed, as if this wasnt his whole future they were talking about. "We decided New York wasnt the right route for you didnt we? So of course youre going to go. Your fathers been planning it all out."


"You," Blaine said firmly. "You decided, not me… and Im not actually going to go to college at all if I cant do what I want." As an afterthought he added, "Im sorry." Not that he was sorry.


Blaine wasnt even sure what was said after that. He switched off and let everything ride over his head. As soon as was feasibly possible he made his escape up to his room, leaving his parents arguing with each other across the dining room table. He threw himself on his bed in despair and after a few minutes of pity he picked up his phone. Scrolling through his contacts he quickly selected someone to call before he could change his mind.


"Hello. Blaine?" said the voice on the other end and already Blaine felt a little bit better just to hear the familiar voice.


"Coop," he said, "I think I need some help."