Aug. 1, 2013, 8:27 a.m.
Like a Handprint on My Heart: Chapter 14
E - Words: 4,628 - Last Updated: Aug 01, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 18/18 - Created: Jun 24, 2013 - Updated: Aug 01, 2013 111 0 0 0 0
*****
"Hi Dad." There was a pause. Kurt felt a little nervous at the silence that was following his words.
"You okay son?" his dad eventually answered, sounding a little wary. "Surprised to hear your voice this early on a Saturday morning... Thought you liked your lie in..?"
"I can phone my dad if I want to can't I?" Kurt said a little defensively. Perhaps phoning his dad on impulse as soon as Blaine had headed out the door for rehearsal had been a bit of a mistake.
"Of course you can Kurt," Burt relaxed somewhat. If Kurt could be his usual snappy self this hour of the morning, there couldn't be anything too seriously wrong. "You know you can phone me any time. I was just a bit worried for a second there."
"I can phone another time if you're too busy, if you've more important things to be doing."
"Kurt.... don't be silly," Burt sighed, "For god's sake tell me why you've phoned. Of course I've got time for you. You're beginning to sound like a petulant teenager... everything's alright with you and Blaine isn't it?"
"Blaine's fine." Kurt softened at the thought of Blaine, soft and pliant, curled up next to him in bed this morning. "Blaine and I are good.Reallygood.... I just need someone to talk to.. about things. I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment."
"Having doubts about keeping running the coffee shop, son?" How did he know him so well? " You always knew it was a big commitment when you took it on, but it didn't mean it had to be forever. You've got a good business going there Kurt, but we all know that's not the career you were born for. Hell, you're good at it, but... you could do so much more. You're just so talented."
Kurt bit his lip, fighting back tears. He'd barely admitted to himself that it might be time for a change of career, never mind out loud to anyone else. "I.. I don't know what to do. I'm feeling a little scared I guess.."
"Look Kurt, I'm not going to tell you what to do...it's got to be your decision. You know I'll support you, whatever you decide. Maybe you need to sit down and make some serious plans, work out all the pros and cons. You know, perhaps you could just hire more staff for now - try a few things out."
"Yeah.." Kurt said thoughtfully. "Thanks dad. Yeah...I could. I thought you'd try and persuade me not to put myself through all that again.. but thanks."
"You're happy though, right Kurt?"
"I'm happy," Kurt smiled. "Happier than I've ever been."
"Good.... I'm pleased. Being happy is more important than anything at the end of the day. That's all I've ever wanted for you... just for you to be happy. When you have your own kids one day, you'll understand...." Burt cleared his throat at the other end of the phone. "We missed you at Thanksgiving. You and Blaine are definitely coming back for Christmas aren't you?"
"We are. We've booked our flights already. Can't wait."
"Well let me know what you decide, or if you just need to talk, anytime Kurt. Just remember I love you whatever. I've got your back."
"I love you too dad, and give my love to Carole." Kurt would never be too old to need his dad.
******
Kurt felt a bit lighter having spoken to his dad. He poured himself some coffee mentally planning the day ahead as he did so. He needed to head off back to his own apartment soon. He was having lunch with Rachel and had a few chores to do first. Despite living in the same apartment, unbelievably they rarely seemed to have time to get together these days. Kurt missed her despite the fact that she could be a pain at times and for the past week she'd be saying she had something she needed to talk to him about. Rachel's conversations usually revolved around herself, but Rachel was Rachel, and they were scarily more alike than he was willing to admit. Probably the reason why they'd been best friends since high school. Over the years she'd always been there for him, through the good and the bad. In fact when he thought about how many people he had looking out for him, he was pretty lucky all round.
He gathered up various possessions he had strewn about Blaine's apartment, blushing as he spotted his underwear from yesterday hanging from the handle of the chest of drawers in Blaine's bedroom. They must have got flung there in their frantic rush to get undressed last night. Kurt was particular in the care of his clothes, even in times of passion, but even he drew the line at worrying about his underwear... and considering how desperate they'd both been by that stage.. it was lucky that they hadn't just been ripped off. He forced himself to focus as he thought of Blaine's briefs he was currently wearing... who knew he could be so turned on by sharing underwear with his sexy, hot boyfriend.
Kurt had taken to keeping quite a few clothes and toiletries at Blaine's apartment, the same as he had some of Blaine's things at his home. Those hushed late night goodbyes which turned into 'pleasestay the night', meant that they were always prepared for the next day. The nights they spent together were becoming more and more frequent. At first it was when they'd spent the evening together, but lately they'd been meeting up just to snuggle up in bed. It wasn't even all about the sex - they just slept better wrapped up in each other's arms. Plus even if they hadn't done anything during the night, there was always morning sex. Kurt found a round of morning sex always put a spring in his step as he headed off to work.
*******
Kurt hated being late. He'd allowed plenty of time to pick up his dry cleaning, grab a few groceries and answer a few simple emails. Today seemed full of slow ambling people who would stop suddenly in front of him, ignore his frustrating sighs as he tried to walk round them and then would set off walking again just as he was half way past, completely oblivious to his hard glares. Then there was the dry cleaners who couldn't find his jacket for twenty minutes and when he'd decided to give up, found it hanging just where it should've been all the time. By the time he arrived at the restaurant to meet Rachel he wasn't in the best of moods. If she was going to start lecturing him over lunch, he would have trouble not biting her head off, especially if it was before he'd eaten.
The restaurant owner knew Kurt - this had been one of their favourite places to eat since they'd been students, inexpensive and able to service Rachel's vegan specifications as well as Kurt's penchant for healthy food. So as Kurt swooshed in through the door he was promptly waved over to a table in the back where Rachel was primly seated, sipping at a glass of iced water.
"You're looking a bit dishevelled.." she frowned, as he sat down opposite her. "No offence or anything."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "None taken. Just don't get me started. How are you anyway?"
"Good.. I did only see you last night you know... "
"IknowRachel! I just didn't get a chance to talk to you very much, and anyway I was really only being polite."
"How's Blaine?" she chirped at him across the table. They'd been friends for so long, she knew just to ignore him when he was goading for an argument.
"You did only see him last night," Kurt commented pouring himself a glass of water from the jug that was already on the table.
Rachel cocked her head to one side. "But I didn't see him during the night last night did I? I didn't just leave his bed, like you did. Plus I didn't know if Blaine was the reason you're not all 'sunshine' at the moment.." She raised her eyebrows at him.
Kurt softened a little, sighing. "Blaine's fine. He's actually at rehearsals today, so I haven't just left his bed by the way. Not that you'd really need to know that anyway."
They took a pause from their conversation to quickly order their food. Knowing the menu virtually off by heart helped. As soon as the waitress left their table Rachel leaned in to Kurt, "Do you think you and Blaine will end up moving in together?"
"Oh, um, right," Kurt looked a little surprised, but when he thought about how much he loved the domesticity of being at Blaine's apartment when it was just the two of them, he realised it was something that maybe he would want sometime in the near future. "Yes... possibly... if it's something Blaine would want too. I mean we haven't really been seeing each for that long, even though it feels like I've always known him, and well, Blaine is a bit younger than me.. and still a student.." Kurt stopped as the soda he'd ordered arrived at the table. "Why are you asking anyway?"
Rachel smiled at him, "Brody." She looked at Kurt's questioning expression. "Brody's asked me to move into his apartment with him, and I just thought that maybe you and Blaine might take advantage of the situation."
"Well you and Brody virtually live together already ... so I guess that makes sense," Kurt said thoughtfully. "Come to think of it ... Blaine and I virtually live together already as well, so I guess.... I'll have to speak to him. If he's not too weirded out by my strange ways... maybe."
"Kurt," Rachel said excitedly, "Anyone can see how much Blaine adores you. You two are perfect together. I'd put money on the fact that you'll end up getting married one day, and seriously I've never seen you so happy.."
"O..kay Rachel." Kurt couldn't help the smile taking over his face. "Don't get carried away.." He grew serious for a moment. "We've had our ups and downs in our short relationship," he whispered, "despite the fact that I feel like I couldn't live without him.. I'm too embarrassed to even tell you how badly I've behaved to him at times - I'm surprised I haven't frightened him off already."
"That's because he loves you, Kurt. The same as you love him. I'm not trying to tell you you have to move in together right now if it's not what you both want... but just think about it."
"I'll speak to him.. soon. It might help him out I guess. He's been looking for a roommate for his apartment and has been paying the whole rent on his own. That's why he had to get the job at my shop in the first place."
"Maybe he'll be able to work a bit less then," Rachel reasoned, "I know he's always under pressure with all the stuff he has to do. Not that I want to do you out of a good employee."
"Don't worry, Rachel, I'm thinking of looking for more staff for the shop.... maybe a manager even. Nothing's certain yet, I'm just considering, you know toying with the idea. Maybe that way I can get a bit more involved in singing and acting, maybe even fashion again," Kurt ploughed on seeing Rachel was desperate to interrupt him, "I've missed it. I think it's time."
There was a squeal from the other side of the table as Rachel clapped her hands together excitedly, bouncing on her seat, fortunately too beside herself to speak.
Kurt was relieved that their food arrived, he was beginning to feel a bit light-headed the way their conversation had been going this lunchtime. Usually their conversations were mainly trivial gossip, much different to today. He couldn't help the small giggle that escaped him. "Don't mind me," he explained when Rachel's head shot up to see why he was laughing, "I was just thinking that today's chat has been pretty heavy for us, compared to what we normally talk about anyway."
"Yeah, I suppose has," she laughed. "That doesn't mean I not ready for some Kurt Hummel gossip though.... Why else do you think I stay friends with you."
*******
"Hi Blainey boo." Blaine didn't even have to look up to see who it was sauntering across the room as he took the first bite of his sandwich. Even Sebastian wasn't going to stop him from eating his lunch - he was starving, having missed breakfast this morning. Dragging Kurt back to bed had been worth missing breakfast for, but Seb definitely wasn't worth missing lunch for. They only had a twenty minute break from rehearsal and Blaine had another sandwich and a muffin tucked in his bag that he was determined to get through yet. Hopefully one of the other boys would pick up the conversation. Nick always had a lot to say.
Unfortunately for Blaine, Seb had other ideas. "Where's lover boy today then? I thought you two were joined at the hip, or joined by your dicks to be precise." Blaine heard Sam give an involuntary snigger beside him. "Or perhaps I should call him 'Mr I think I'm being unobvious when I'm actually very obviously sporting a nice big erection in my pants whenever Blainey is around.' You need to encourage him to wear baggy pants when you're out together, although I suppose it'll show even more if he starts tenting those... Oh dear, what a dilemma!"
"Did you actually want something Seb?" Blaine asked calmly, looking up from his lunch, "Or are you just here to tell me about your weird obsession with my boyfriend."
Seb threw his head back, laughing loudly. "just looking after his welfare.... and by the way Mrs Parsons wants to see you when you've finished your lunch. Some costume problem or something, I don't know.."
"Okay thanks Seb, don't let me keep you, unless there was anything else..."
"Oh yes, actually I'm looking for a room to rent and I understand you're looking for a roommate.." Blaine's eyes grew wide. "That's right isn't it? We could be a match made in heaven. Maybe I could come and see the room later?"
Blaine felt stunned. True, he desperately needed someone to help cover his rent, but Kurt would kill him. He couldn't imagine any scenario where Kurt would be the slightest bit understanding of that particular situation. BlaineknewSeb was harmless enough, but Kurt just wouldn't see it that way he was sure. Not deterred by Blaine's silence Seb said, "I'll speak to you about it later then, arrange a time to come and see the room.." With that he turned and headed back across the room.
Blaine swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling as if it was about to seize up. "Oh man," said Sam sitting beside him, "have you just kind of agreed to maybe having Seb as your new roommate? "
"No," Blaine said defiantly, standing up, suddenly no longer hungry for the rest of his lunch. "In case you didn't notice, I didn't say a word."
"Your silence speaks volumes," Nick teased. "I can't wait for Kurt to find out about this. I'm going to book a front seat at your funeral."
"Well I'm not going to tell him..," Blaine mumbled as he set off to see what Mrs Parsons wanted to see him about, realising he now had another problem on his hands.
******
Kurt strode his way into the theatre at NYADA with some excitement. After lunch with Rachel, he'd partaken in a spot of retail therapy, the bag he was carrying containing a shiny new pair of boots, the evidence. Now he was going to meet Blaine at rehearsal, hopefully be in time to catch some of the performances first and maybe see some of the new friends he'd made while he'd helped out at Thanksgiving.
It didn't take long for Sebastian to spoil Kurt's good mood however, virtually as soon as he stepped inside the building. In fact Kurt didn't really hear much beyond the fact that Seb was probably going to sharing Blaine's apartment with him. Apparently it was a done deal, and barring a disaster Seb was already mentally packing for the move. Although Kurt had managed to accept Seb to a certain degree, there was no way on this earth that while Blaine was his boyfriend that was ever going to happen. Something was going to have to give. A wave of something resembling nausea swept over him as he slumped into a seat at the back of the theatre as soon as Seb sashayed his way back down towards the stage.
Normally Kurt would be enraptured by Blaine singing on the stage, but right at this moment it was just 'noise'. It could have been anything. Kurt closed his eyes, willing his heart rate to slow down. He suddenly felt inexplicably exhausted, too tired to even feel angry. He took deep breaths. How he behaved now could effect everything. Blaine knew how much Kurt hated the idea of Sebastian being alone with him, and if despite that, he was happy to have Seb move in with him, who was Kurt to tell him what to do? Kurt loved Blaine with all his heart, but maybe he just wasn't someone who was capable of being in a normal, loving relationship.
Sitting in the back of the NYADA theatre, where once Kurt had so many dreams, he realised that if things were going to happen for him, he was the one who was going to have to do it. Basically he needed to take control of his life.
Blaine bit his lip as he made his way to the back of the theatre where Kurt was seated. He'd seen Seb talking to Kurt from where he'd been performing on the stage and he could only think the worst. Even though Kurt was sitting serenely with his eyes closed, Blaine knew him well enough to know that things weren't right. All Blaine had actually done todayis turn up to rehearsals like the diligent student that he was, tried to eat his lunch in peace and quiet and now his whole life was probably about to turn into a far more complicated drama than he was ready for.
"Um.. hi," Blaine slipped into the seat beside Kurt.
Kurt took a few moments before he spoke, his eyes still closed. "I hear congratulations are in order." Blaine's eyes widened. "You've found yourself a roommate at last..."
"Um.. no.. Kurt. I haven't agreed to anything. Seb's just decided it's what he wants without me agreeing to anything..."
"You should let him." Kurt interrupted opening his eyes to look at Blaine. "You need the money. It might be the only chance you get..."
"You wouldn't mind?" Blaine asked incredulously. "I thought you'd hate the idea..."
"Look Blaine," Kurt stood up, grabbing his shopping bag, "You should be able to do what you want without having to worry about your boyfriend's insecurities... I love you, but I realise I'm probably not capable of behaving rationally in any relationship." Kurt squeezed past Blaine into the gangway. Blaine looked on aghast, too shocked to speak. Kurt was going to leave him, this was worse than he'd been expecting. "You're truly a wonderful person Blaine and deserve nothing but the best." Kurt set off in the direction of the exit, his long legs striding out purposefully.
"Wait!" Blaine called out, standing up and turning to face the back of the room. He huffed out a small sigh as Kurt carried on walking, muttering something about 'phone calls'. Seriously, what the hell just happened.? He sat back down dejectedly. Actually, it was really hard to reason with Kurt when he was in one of these sort of moods. Probably best to let him cool down a bit.
Nick and Sam came over to join Blaine. "Think I'll just be glad when this whole show's over now," Nick said exhaustedly as he collapsed into a seat in the row in front of Blaine. "I'm sure there's a thing about rehearsingtoomuch. Or maybe they're just trying to kill off all the performers.. murder at NYADA.. that'll be sensational headlines..." Nick rambled on.
"What happened to Kurt?" Sam asked sitting down next to Blaine. "I thought I saw him come in." Nick twisted round to look at the two of them.
Blaine shrugged. "I think he may just have broken up with me... I don't know.." The other boys looked on expectantly, waiting to hear more. "Basically I haven't done or said anything, but I think Seb may have done. I honestly give up."
"Man, I sure you can explain it too him... if you see him. He'll come round... and if he doesn't he probably doesn't deserve you..." Sam tried to reassure him.
Blaine couldn't help but feel annoyed about everything that had happened today. He could understand it if he was a horrible person, but he really didn't think he was. He only ever tried to be considerate to everyone and if this was he thanks he got, well why bother? "I hadn't considered having Seb as a roommate, not in a million years, but you know what? I badly need the money, Seb's got loads of money - and if I can spend a bit less time having to work, then I can spend more time on my writing and stuff, which at the end of the day is what I've come to college in New York for.." Blaine pursed his lips. "Perhaps I just need to think of myself for a change.."
The boys were silent for a minute.
"You know, let's all go for a drink.. take your mind off things. I think we all need a good night out, get rid of some of that stress...." Nick suggested. "I'll speak to the other guys."
"Yeah..." Blaine had been on the verge of refusing, wanting nothing more than to curl up on the couch with some second rate tv show, but maybe a night out was what he needed. "Why not," he added. "Just don't let me get trashed...please guys" He stood up, "Let me just go and speak to Seb, see if he still wants to come and look at the room, maybe tomorrow or something as we're going outtonight."
******
Blaine walked into workonMonday morningwith some trepidation. He'd eventually tried to call Kurt the day before, hoping he would have had enough time to calm down, but the phone went straight to voicemail. At least he hadn't done anything drastic like changing his number Blaine thought to himself. He hadn't been able to bring himself to leave a message, partly because he didn't know what to say. Blaine missed him already even though they'd only spent one night apart and he didn't think he'd ever stop loving Kurt, no matter what happened in the future, but he had to function without him, he just couldn't put his life on hold. With a little bit of time, maybe things would improve between them and at the very least he hoped they could be friends of some sort, if not more.
Blaine had given up a lot to be here studying at NYADA. He'd gone against his parents wishes (business really hadn't been the career he'd wanted), and in turn had lost their support, both financially and emotionally, so he really couldn't afford to fail, having fought so hard to get here. Given a choice he'd much rather be doing all this with Kurt by his side. He found that sharing his life with his boyfriend had made him feel complete and he'd actually been able to envisage them having a future together. He knew Kurt loved him, but it was more about him learning that he could trust Blaine. He hoped that seeing Kurt today, here at work, would be one small step towards them fixing things between them.
He was disappointed, although not completely surprised, to find that Alice, one of the girls who often helped out at weekends, was covering Kurt today. Blaine liked her well enough, but he had really wanted to see Kurt. Alice didn't seem to know why Kurt wasn't working, only that he'd asked all of his weekend staff to help out for the near future, but she said he hadn't given a reason. By Thursday when Kurt still wasn't at work, Blaine realised he probably wasn't going to see Kurt at all. His stomach dropped as he wondered if he would ever see him again.
He was just about to head out after his shift when Rachel burst in through the door of the shop. After giving Blaine a hug she asked, "Is Kurt not here?"
Blaine wasn't sure how much she knew about everything, but the fact that she hadn't known Kurt wasn't at the shop was a sign that she was probably unaware. "Er.. no. He's having a bit of time off.. I guess."
Rachel didn't catch on to the fact Blaine not knowing where Kurt was, was strange in itself. "Oh I'm dying to know," she said excitedly, bouncing on her feet, "did you say 'yes'?"
Blaine rummaged in the depths of his brain to try and figure out what she was talking about. A lot had happened in the last few days, but he was sure he didn't know... "Did I say 'yes'," he repeatedly blandly. "Sorry Rachel.. I'm sure it's just me, but did I say 'yes' to what?" He gave her a helpless smile.
"Oh he didn't ask you, did he? Wait til I see him... he was going to ask you to move in to his apartment with him. I'm moving in with Brody and well, we discussed it on Saturday, and he was going ask you..." she tailed off when she saw Blaine's watery eyed expression.
"Oh honey," she said gently, slipping an arm around him, "Come and sit down." She led him over to sit at a table along the edge of the room. "You stay there. I'll get us both a drink, then we need to talk." She gave him a small kiss on the forehead before heading off up to the counter. That's all it took, one small act of kindness, then the tears began to fall.