Kurt was singing along with the stereo when he heard movements downstairs. He didn’t look up, didn’t turn the volume down, didn’t check who it was. It could be a burglar.

But he didn’t really care.

Then, there were footsteps going up the stairs. It’s moving towards his room. And he was still singing along with the music. As long as this burglar is not going towards his dad and Carole’s room, he’s not moving.

Knocking at the door, familiar rhythm, his dad.

Door was opened, he glanced at the clock, 16:24. That’s when he tensed.

He shouldn’t be here at this time, too early--something happened, something’s wrong. 

“Hey buddy, I know what you’re thinking, stop.” Burt Hummel raised his hands as if he’s surrendering, walked towards his bed and sat at the edge, “I just want to talk to you, that’s all.”

Kurt paused for a second, trying to think of an adequate response.

“Am I in trouble?” Kurt asked, even he knew it’s impossible for him to be in trouble; he did all the chores, attended classes, did okay academically, went to all the check-ups and stayed in the house for the rest of the time. The last time he checked, he’s pretty disciplined for a teenage boy.

His dad chuckled, quite bitterly if he may say so. “No, Kurt, you’re not in trouble.” He rubbed his forehead with his index finger, “and that might just be the problem, kid.”

“I just want you to have a normal life, and now you’re like locking yourself up and I don’t know what to do. You don’t go to the mall anymore, you don’t go to Lima Bean anymore, you don’t even meet up with Rachel or Mercedes or Tina or any of the Glee club anymore.”

“It felt like...those times again. And I’m worried about you.”

He saw the concern in Burt’s eyes, and decided to give Mr. Schuester a call.

+

At the age of sixteen, Kurt Hummel was diagnosed with cancer tumors in his lungs. Ironically, or rather, coincidentally, the same date his mom was diagnosed ten years ago: two days after his birthday.

He wasn’t pulled out of school immediately, even he was mostly out due to all those treatment that could hopefully increase his chances of survival, he was still a member of the William McKinley High School student population. 

Other than the teaching staffs, nobody was informed; he was still bullied regularly in all the ways an out gay kid of the Mid-west region could be bullied. But at that point, he didn’t even feel pain when the edge of his own locker scraped his skin off.

There’s no point, in trying to find a point in life.

To Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, who lost his mom to lung cancer ten years ago, life was just a process towards death. He didn’t see the point of those chemos, or those medications; he knew what’s happening anyway, he witnessed the result of it when he was eight. 

But he still did it. His dad needed him to do it. Burt Hummel lost his wife ten years ago, Kurt will not let him lose his only son. Not yet. 

It wasn’t until four months after the diagnosis when he finally left McKinley for good. 

He was tossed in dumpster (again) and ended up in ICU. He must have hit his trachea or something. Kurt couldn’t breath, he couldn’t climb out of that awful green plastic box that smelt like the whole cafeteria vomited in it. Finn was the one who found him, already passed out, and ran all the way to the hospital in tears. The jocks ran away after they didn’t see him climbing out and thought he was dead.

To a very large extend, Kurt wished he was. He really did, when he saw his dad’s expression after Finn told him what happened, and after the doctor quietly telling Burt and Carole that he might not make it through the night. “There was just too much fluid in his lungs. I’m sorry, but you have to be prepared.”

They thought he couldn’t see or hear it, but the door was wide open.

Burt buried his head in Carole’s left shoulder, Kurt heard muffled cries, Carole’s eyes were brimming with tears, Finn was crying, everyone in Glee was crying.

Well, now everyone knows what’s happening.

A while later, the sobbing stopped. His dad came into the room, sat at the edge of the bed, like he usually did whenever he wanted to talk to Kurt, and kissed his forehead. “Hey, kiddo. You know that I love you, right?”

He tried to reply, but he couldn’t, his lungs wouldn’t let him.

“Kurt, it’s--” Burt’s voice broke, and he took a deep breath to steady them, “it’s okay to let go.” He tried his best to give Kurt a weak smile before kissing his forehead again, mumbling his love against his forehead. 

Nothing breaks Kurt’s heart more than seeing his own father accepting the fact that his only son is dying, in front of him, for being who he is. And there’s nothing they can do to make it better, just like ten years ago.

And Kurt couldn’t let go, he wanted to, he knew his dad wouldn’t mind; but his body just wouldn’t let him. Kurt wanted to scream.

Would you make up your fucking mind? Either you let go and let me die, or you let me live! 

At the end, he made it through the night: his body decided that it wants to exist on the surface on the earth for a while longer, the water was successfully drained. Three days later, Kurt was informed by Dr. Martens (yes, that’s his name), that he would be eligible for Trials, also known as the Experimental Trials for Drugs Where Cancer Kids Have No Choice But To Agree If They Want To Continue Humanhood.

And that’s when miracle happened.

The drug worked, on Kurt. Philanxifor, a drug that was designed to have molecules attaching itself to the cancer cells and slow down their growth. It’s a parasitic type of medicine. (He googled it and read it with the help of his AP Biology class knowledge.) The tumors shrank, and has been stable since.

His dad proposed to Carole shortly after this event and was married two weeks later. Life seemed okay for once in Kurt Hummel’s life.

+

Mr. Shue was his Glee club director, even he was terrible at his job, Kurt was grateful that this teacher kept his secrets to the very last moments and didn’t give him any pity in terms of allocating solos. He was even more grateful when he welcomed Kurt to rejoin the Glee club, and sound genuinely excited for it.

“It would be our pleasure to have you back, Kurt.” 

To be honest, he teared up a little bit when he heard this. Glee club used to be his everything, and it was such a long time since he belonged to anything. 

“It’s good to be back, too, Mr. Shue.”

It’s only been a year since he left, but it felt like he’s been gone forever. The hallways looked the same, but he no longer felt the chill whenever he look at the lockers. The school hasn’t changed, not even a single bit, but I did, in so many ways.

As Kurt was getting near the choir room, the soft murmurs gradually became louder, and when he pushed open the doors, it was a scene of mayhem and an amplified noise pollution. He smiled.

But seems like there are things that would stay the same, for a long while.

“Guys, I’m pretty sure most of you will remember Kurt.” Mr. Shue shouted over the racket, and people finally realized his existence, “and for those who don’t, Kurt was a member of New Directions and he’ll be joining us.”

Before the sentence even finished, Kurt was attacked by Mercedes, Rachel, Tina, Sam, Mike, Quinn, Brittany----well, practically the whole crew of New Direction piled on him. Except the new faces, of course.

Everybody was talking at the same time, as usual, and he was laughing to the familiarity of the moment.

“As much as I love you guys, there’s only so much affection I can take. In case any of you forgot, I’m quite fragile.” He joked, and they all apologized and let him off the hook.

Kurt straightened himself up as the original New Directions walked back to their seats, he finally got a view of the new members. Exhibit A: a guy who walked out of the bible. Exhibit B: a girl who has limited taste but piled with money. Exhibit C: ...was that the Brooks Brother sweater that was mentioned in the latest issue of Vogue? And the bow tie, very good choice of color, that shade of green looks nice on him.

He tore himself away from the boy and looked straight ahead.

“To all the new members of New Directions who don’t know me, I’m Kurt Hummel. I left McKinley last year as a sophomore.” Kurt considered leaving a part of the facts out, but decided his friends deserved to know the truth, “I’m currently studying in OSU, double major in Music Composition and Theatre.”

They all looked pleasantly surprised, happy, and also, proud of him. Kurt knew out of everywhere in this world, this is the only place he would truly find understanding.

“What’s that thing?” It’s Exhibit B.

He was expecting this question, but he still innerly sighed. He was sort of glad that this issue wasn’t avoided awkwardly. And Kurt Hummel is no liar, so he’s going to reply it truthfully.

“It’s my oxygen tank. I had lung cancer and even it’s now under control, I need to have two liters of oxygen pumped into me every minute in order to survive.” 

He noticed Exhibit C was staring at him, so he held his head high. He was painfully aware of the unattractiveness of his cannula sticking to his nostrils, Kurt was not ashamed of it, but aware of it. Even he had already decorated the oxygen tank with sparkling gems.

When he finally sat down between Mercedes and Quinn, Exhibit C was still staring.

+ 

TBC