He could faintly recognise the sound of beeping, the blackness surrounding his senses slowly fading and becoming grey as hushed voices fell on his fuzzy hearing. Everything ached, his head pounding and limbs feeling numb, almost dead, his mind still groggy from what felt like a century of dreamless sleep. Slowly he forced his heavy eyelids to open, eyelashes flickering as he blinked, hissing when the harsh light exploded through his over sensitive pupils.

Suddenly the world burst into focus and he was crowded by several blurred shapes, all speaking and demanding things he couldn’t even understand. He was so confused; hurt so bad, so much white, so much noise. He whimpered... just make it stop!

And then one thing broke through it all; the slight warmth enveloping his almost unresponsive hand and a voice that made everything fade away. “Kurt! Thank God, its okay, everything is going to be okay.”

“Blaine.” Kurt whined, eyes shuddering closed once again.

Kurt frowned in his sleep, flipping over onto a different side as the memories came flashing through his restless mind. He clutched the comforter a little tighter, shaking his head and mumbling as the scene changed.

“Kurt please, talk to me!” Blaine begged, the wind whipping his blazer about violently. He had a bandage wrapped round his right arm and stitches in his forehead looking definitely worse for wear. 

Kurt shook his head, stumbling backwards when Blaine reached for him. “It’s over; I have nothing now, nothing!”

“Kurt please, just come back to the hospital with me okay? You’re sick and we need you to get better.” Blaine pleaded, eyes drooped and red rimmed from lack of sleep.

“What’s the point? It’s been a year Blaine, a year with us dealing with all this crap and now it’s you who’s going to New York and not me.” Kurt’s eyes were tearing up and he began to pull at his hair in frustration.

Blaine looked like he was breaking inside. “Come with me Kurt, we can live together, find you a job, maybe get you on a college course; you don’t have to let this be the end of your life.”

Kurt shook his head again, refusing to make eye contact with Blaine. “No Blaine. You know as well as I that I can’t go with you when on my record it says I have a severe mental illness, that I’m un... unstable. What person would hire me Blaine? What college will take me? Especially after... after everything.”

“Then I’m staying here.” Blaine said defiantly, face set and sure.

“No, don’t throw your life away just because of me. Go, you don’t need me... you’ll find someone else, you’ll get a job, you’ll be happy and safe and y-you’ll...” Kurt’s bottom lip trembled, his legs shaking as they finally gave out on him; Blaine rushing forward to catch him before he fell. Kurt gripped Blaine’s shirt nuzzling into it and taking deep shaky breaths, shivering as the cold passed easily through the hospital gown. “It’s not fair.” He cried bitterly.

Blaine rubbed soothing circles into Kurt’s back. “I know, I know but we can still be together, right? No matter what the distance I promise to always be with you.”

“I miss you already.” Kurt whispered, Blaine pulling him closer. Kurt hugged him back tightly, knowing soon that he wouldn’t be able to do something like this ever again. Kurt knew Blaine couldn’t handle Kurt’s... curse. Kurt had seen the horror in Blaine’s eyes at the way Kurt acted around the dead, from seeing the fear and pain Kurt had to endure due to the more violent ghosts and Kurt planned to slowly lose contact with the boy once he was gone. Blaine couldn’t stand the pressure and Kurt was going to set him free from sharing Kurt’s own shackles because Kurt loved him too much. ‘You’ll be free.’

“Kurt, I need to get you back to the hospital, you’ve ripped open your stitches.” Blaine tried to remain calm and hide the panic from his voice. Kurt relaxed, feeling suddenly sleepy, allowing Blaine’s voice to fade into the background as his world became black.

The scene changed and Kurt found himself walking the corridors of a college in New York thinking he’d made it, he’d finally made it. All the hardship he had suffered over the last three or so years were gone. During those three years Kurt had survived being wrongly accused of murder, survived being tortured, survived the loss of his mind, survived almost losing his dad. Even if with all Kurt’s surviving he had managed to lose those who had really cared for him, the fact of the matter was, he had most definitely survived. As of now, Kurt had to go it alone; a small price to pay in order to save everyone the suffering of the memories from the past. Kurt was just a constant reminder to them anyway that there was such thing as being cursed.

Kurt was twenty now, a little bit older than the other students in his class maybe, although there were some who were even older than him. But hey, better late than never right? Besides, this had been Kurt’s dream, well new dream really seeing as NYADA seemed a little unrealistic when all was said and done. NYADA wasn’t a total loss however, Kurt had to admit, he was probably born for this, and he knew it even more so as he clutched his folder and papers to his chest, beaming brightly. He was ready; he could do this he could...

And then he lost his footing, his papers flying out of his grasp and scattering across the hallway like snow. Before Kurt could join them however, someone had grasped his elbow and steadied him with a gentle hand on his back. Suddenly Kurt was looking up into smiling green, bordering on brown eyes causing Kurt to blush.

“Watch it; you could hurt yourself you know.” The mystery man warned, helping Kurt right himself.

Kurt laughed nervously, bending down to pick up his sketches, the helpful stranger doing the same. “Trust me; I’ve had worse than falling flat on my arse, which by the way happens quite a bit.” He took the other sketches from the man, breathing out a thanks.

“Don’t mention it.” The man smiled again. Now they were standing upright Kurt could get a proper look at him. He was just taller than Kurt, with a kind face, a mop of blond hair and the most spectacular smile. “I’m Aaron by the way.”

Kurt took the offered hand, a shot of electricity spreading through his fingertips. He ignored it. “Kurt. So what’s your major?” They had begun to walk the corridors now, Aaron with his satchel swaying at his side and Kurt with his arms laden with messy papers.

“Drama, this is my last year and I’m twenty three if you’re wondering. I would have finished earlier but I took a gap year beforehand and spent some time doing film work as well. I’ve been acting from an early age you see. I would ask about you, but I don’t think that’s really necessary is it?” Aaron smirked.

“You caught me, I’m a fashion freak.” Kurt tilted his head to one side, grinning wildly.

Aaron smiled again. “Well freak or not, those designs are really good.”

Kurt felt his entire face light up. “Really? You think so?”

“Definitely.” Aaron assured him. “You’ll definitely go far.”

Kurt hummed his satisfaction, a spring growing in his step. It had been a while but Kurt was beginning to feel optimistic, happy even. In fact, he was so happy Kurt was just going to come out and say it. “So... is there anyone special in your life?”

Aaron quirked a questioning eyebrow. “Strange thing to ask as a beginning question; shouldn’t we get to know each other more before moving onto the darker areas?”

“Well you know, small talk is overrated.” Kurt shrugged.

Aaron chuckled loudly, shaking his head. “Alright. Well I’m currently in a long term relationship with my girlfriend Kelsey. Nothing interesting really, we fell in love, started dating and then here we are. What about you?”

Kurt felt his heart drop. He didn’t know whether it was from the thought of Aaron being straight or the thought of Blaine. It had been so long and Kurt was still feeling guilty from cutting all ties with his first love. “I did, but we had to part ways.”

Aaron looked sympathetic. “I’m sorry to hear that, I hope it wasn’t messy.”

“No, just hard. It was all me either way, I’m the one who ended it, who decided it would be best not to see each other again.”

“Ouch. Poor guy.”

Kurt looked glum. “I know, but it was for the best, I wasn’t good for him.”

“Why? Were you on drugs or something?”

“Worse; I was mentally insane.” Kurt let his lips turn upward, leaning closer to Aaron with a mischievous glint in his eye.

Aaron burst out laughing. “Aren’t we all Kurt, aren’t we all.”   

 Kurt had stopped thrashing around on his bed, falling into comfort as a soft smile graced his lips. It seemed living through his past had it’s good moments too, but of course those were coupled by the bad as Kurt’s dream once again turned ugly.

“I HATE THIS!” Kurt screamed, throwing the orange pill pot at the wall so hard it burst open, the sound of the small tablets raining down onto the hard wooden floor. “I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!” Kurt wrapped his arms around his naked chest, shaking as he choked out a sob.

Aaron poked his head round the bathroom door having heard Kurt’s yelling. He looked at the destruction; saw Kurt standing there in the middle of the freezing tiled floor wearing just his boxers, staring at his own reflection in a broken mirror, shaking with self loathing. Walking over to him Aaron began rubbing up and down Kurt’s goose bump covered arms, trying to soothe his friend. “Hey, it’s okay, you’re alright.”

“I hate this.” Kurt let out in a broken whisper, sniffling and hugging himself even tighter.

“What’s wrong? What do you hate?” Aaron pushed, his hands never leaving Kurt.

“I don’t want to take the pills anymore Aaron, they change me, they make everything go foggy and I’m not me anymore. I don’t know what’s going on and I just...” Kurt let out a growl, pulling away from Aaron so he could lean his hands on the sink in front of him. “I want to be me again damn it!”

“Then don’t take them.” Aaron said simply.

Kurt spun round, his facial expression a mixture of fear, anger and confusion. “But they’ll come back Aaron. If I’m aware of who I am again then they’ll come back.” He looked down at the floor, defeated. He was never going to win.

Aaron ran a hand through his hair, glancing at the mirror where he could make out the image on Kurt’s back. It had been a drunken mistake for both of them, Kurt going slightly more overboard when it came to marking his skin, but in a way it was a pact, their pact to always help each other, always know what to say. Aaron set his resolve, lifting Kurt’s chin up so that their eyes met. “Now you listen to me Kurt okay? These... things,” He gestured to the discarded pills on the floor. “Make you miserable, they make you hide away who you are and it’s tearing you apart from the inside. You aren’t happy when you take them.”

“But I don’t want to see them either. It’s horrible, and sad and terrifying I just... I can’t cope on my own anymore.” Kurt whimpered.

“Then you’re not going to.” Aaron declared. “I will be here for you Kurt, I will protect you from them, tell you everything is alright when it gets too much. Chances are they’re just as scared as you. What you have is a gift, not a curse. You can help them Kurt, listen to them, send them on their way and all the while I’ll be here. We’ll make this work and you’ll be happy again.”

“How?! How the hell can any of this work?!” Kurt exclaimed.

Aaron ignored Kurt’s frustration, keeping himself calm and collected for the both of them. “First, you’re going to get back in contact with your friends because that’s probably the main source of your depression, your guilt brought on from abandoning them.” He held up a finger when Kurt started to protest. “You’re not going to argue with me on this Kurt.”

“Not Blaine.” Kurt insisted. “I probably hurt him too much.”

Aaron looked at Kurt thoughtfully before deciding to pull him into his arms, stroking Kurt’s hair as Kurt gave in, sliding his arms up Aaron’s back and burying his head into his chest. “It’ll be alright.” Aaron promised. They stood like that for awhile until the muffled sound of a baby cry pulled them apart.

“I should...” Aaron gestured out the door.

“No, no.” Kurt refused, smiling weakly as he wiped an escaping tear away. “I’ll see to Izzy, it’s the least I can do.”

“Are you sure?”

Kurt nodded, moving off into the room Aaron shared with Izzy. Aaron could hear Kurt cooing at the baby, knowing he was rocking her back and forth in his arms when he began to sing. Aaron listened, sitting on the toilet seat and taking in the devastation Kurt had made in the bathroom. Towels were ripped from their place on the rack, Kurt’s skin care products emptied out on the floor and the mirror cracked with specs of blood from where Kurt had smashed his fist against it. Aaron’s eyes finally landed on Kurt’s pills, knowing that now Kurt would be getting rid of one demon, several others will appear and Aaron had to be ready to help Kurt deal with them. 

Another scene change, time skipping ahead while Kurt slept through the events that have already passed. He had forgotten this particular memory, maybe the intoxication at the time had something to do with it.

Kurt came back into the apartment just after one am, banging the front door open and stumbling in, leaning against the door frame and hiccupping. Aaron was sat in an armchair reading a script, chewing his pen as he made notes all over the paper. On Kurt’s entrance he looked up with a somewhat amused expression, watching as Kurt tried to undo the laces on his boots. Kurt was frowning at them as if they had personally offended him and in the end just ripped them off his feet, throwing them messily aside, being very un- Kurt like. He then proceeded to belly flop onto the couch, stretching his body out and burying his head in the pillows.

Kurt turned his head to one side, his hazy blue eyes landing on Aaron. “Life shucks.” He slurred.

“That is the general definition of living, yes.” Aaron agreed smiling softly as Kurt moved to hang upside down hugging a pillow to his chest. Aaron continued “Life sucks and then you die.”

Kurt wasn’t listening, humming softly to himself. “I feel it’s going down, ten feet below the ground. I’m waiting for your healing hand; one touch can bring me round. I feel we’re going down, ten feet below the ground, it’s just the way I’m feeling, yeah yeah.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, Kurt kicking his legs against the back of the couch and Aaron getting back to learning his words. Izzy was safely tucked up in bed having had a tough day at kindergarten and Aaron hadn’t questioned it when Kurt hadn’t come home from work that night. He’d been having rather a lot of ‘visits’ lately and they were taking their toll. The more Kurt had contact with the deceased the more tiring and mentally draining it was on him. Kurt tended to suffer from migraines and spent many a day off work which Kurt couldn’t financially afford. If it wasn’t for Aaron offering Kurt a place to stay then he’d be in trouble.

“Aaron.” Kurt was pouting, talking in a voice that made him sound like a child. He placed one arm on the couch arm, tucking his knees under him and leaning his chin on his forearm. “Aaaawaaaan.”

“Mhmmm.” Aaron replied, turning a page in his script.

“If you were gay would you love me?”

Aaron looked up giving Kurt an incredulous look. His friend just sat up on his haunches waiting patiently for an answer as if he were a puppy. Aaron sighed. “Kurt, you’re drunk.”

Kurt huffed, falling onto his back, the couch making a ‘poof’ sound. “I can still walk in a fucking straight line so everything is fine!” Kurt exclaimed, throwing his arms wide.

“Shhh Kurt, Izzy’s asleep.” Aaron warned, putting a finger to his lips and shushing. Kurt, eyes large and dilated, copied him exaggeratedly before bursting into innocent giggles. Aaron shook his head in disbelief. “What am I going to do with you?”

“I don’t know, and if you don’t know then how would I know what to do with me?” Kurt babbled. “I mean, nobody knows what to do with me, I don’t know what to do with me. What do I do with me? Would you love me if you were gay? Because if you did maybe you’d know what to do with me.”

Aaron looked completely baffled, taking a while to take in what Kurt had just said. “I love you as a friend if that makes you feel any better?”

Apparently it didn’t, not that Kurt was paying attention as he lost himself in his own mind, his face falling. “I’m going to die alone with fifty cats.”

“Now come on Kurt don’t be so pessimistic, of course you’re not going to die alone. You know what they say, there’s someone out there for everyone.”

Kurt obviously disagreed. “No, I’m going to die alone because I’m too disconnected, because I’m weird and come with too much high maintenance.”

“Who told you that?”

“Joe. Fucking twat. He broke up with me today. He said that I was too distant and that he was putting all this effort in and everything he was doing never seemed to be right for me. I try Aaron, I really do but I just can’t...” Kurt snapped his fingers. “Nothing seems to click. I just don’t feel comfortable getting close to them.”

Aaron cocked his head to one side. Ah, now that would explain the drinking. “Maybe it’s because you’re comparing them to somebody else?”

Kurt wrinkled his nose. “Why would I? I always love my boyfriends, every single one of them. Yet... I don’t know... maybe in the end there’s always that one thing that’s missing, like, the touch of the finger tips being so amazingly special, the coffee tasting that much more, dancing around in the bedroom to the top forty or The Roxy Music, watching re-runs of project run way together, my boyfriend laughing when I make a biting comment at the designers lack of fashion sense. Giving each other low budget sentimental gifts, stealing kisses, wearing bowties and holding each other up, helping me off the chair in the choir room, grabbing my hips when we dance.” He choked back a sob. “I wouldn’t mind if they were shorter than me, or wore trousers that finished at the ankles. I wouldn’t care if their eyebrows were a little bit on the fluffy side or that they used enough gel to fumigate an office block. All I want is their hand in mine as we sing together, laugh together, discuss our choices over a bejewelled coffin.” The tears were sliding down Kurt’s cheeks now, dripping down and dropping as clear jewels onto his rumpled shirt. “All I want is him to mentor me, to follow me when I have to go, to help me through my failures and fears, to still be there even when we argue over texts. I want... I want....”

Aaron stood up, leaving his script on his chair. He picked up a box of tissues from a side table, kneeling in front of Kurt and offering them to him. Kurt gratefully took one, wiping it under his eyes before blowing his nose loudly into it. “I think you’re in love with a memory Kurt.” Aaron told him.

“No.” Kurt murmured. “I’m in love with several, it just so happens they’re with the same person. It’s been nearly five years and I can’t seem to let him go.”

Aaron leaned forward and squeezed Kurt’s hand. “Rachel told me he’s worried about you. They still see him you know, all of your friends, Finn, Mercedes, Quinn, and Santana, Brittany even Puck, and I know that you want to keep your distance but I still asked on your behalf. He’s doing great, and he still thinks about you. He’s training to be a detective at NYPD. Maybe you should pop in and say hi?”

Kurt yanked his hand away, curling up into himself. “I can’t.” He whispered. “Do you know what the last thing I said to him was? I told him that I didn’t love him anymore that I’d met someone else and I never wanted to see him again because he’ll get in the way. And what’s worse is I thought about how I could hurt him the most to make him hate me, told him I’d never loved him and that I used him to get my first time before I turned eighteen, that I saw him as a push over, that he was too nice and how hilarious I thought it all was and the shitty person that I am, I told him all this in a fucking email. After that I ignored his calls changed my number and by the time he came back from studying I had already left to hide myself in New York. For all he knows I’ve disappeared off the face of the earth. I meant to hurt him and I know I did because I was hurt while I wrote down all those lies.”

Aaron looked shocked, staring at Kurt with an open mouth. This was the first time Kurt had gone into detail about how he had left Blaine. “Kurt... why would you do that?!”

Kurt laughed humourlessly, tipping his head back and shutting his eyes. “Because I’d one day ruin him. I had already almost got him killed and I could see how much my curse was destroying him. I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, the ghosts were always around me and I’d be screaming at thin air. Sometimes they’d attack me. Only I could see them and Blaine would be freaking out, not knowing what to do when I acted out or when my skin would randomly break and bleed. It would have been too much for him to handle if I let him stay. But if I told him all that he’d deny it. So the only thing to do was make him hate me so he’d leave without reluctance.”

“You know he’s older now right? You’ve grown so much since then and so has he. If you explain everything then you can become friends again. You’re both stronger and...”

“It’s too late; the damage has already been done.”

Aaron knew there was little point arguing, so instead he climbed up onto the couch and pulled Kurt to his chest. Kurt fell easily against him, playing with the sleeve of the hoodie his friend wore, mesmerised by the softness of it. It was at times like these all Aaron could do was be there for Kurt and just allow him to make his own decisions, even if they were the wrong ones.

“Won’t you just kiss me, just this once?” Kurt murmured.

“Kurt I-”

“I know, it’s pathetic, I’ve had this massive crush on you for like, ever, but you’re straight, they always are and-”

Rolling his eyes, Aaron gave in, pecking Kurt softly on the lips. “There!” He said triumphantly.

 Kurt just pouted. “That’s not a kiss, this is a kiss.” And then Kurt crushed their mouths together. Aaron was surprised at first, before slowly melting into it, finding himself enjoying the sensation caused by Kurt’s soft lips. When they finally disconnected, Kurt collapsed against Aaron’s chest. “There, now that’s better.” He sighed, snuggling closer and closing his eyes.

Slowly, dream Kurt fell asleep in Aaron’s arms only to wake up again in a clean white room and sat in a hard plastic chair, a four year old Izzy in his lap. Machines beeped around them, the smell of cleanliness and the sense of horror and sadness that always came with being here hovering in the air. He was right where his dream had started only this time it wasn’t him in the bed but a friend.

“Dada I drawed a picture.” Izzy beamed, handing a sheet of paper over to Aaron. She leant forward pointing at the thick scribbles of crayon on the page. “It’s us in the park. There’s Kurt and Izzy and dada.”

“Wow Iz, it’s wonderful.” Aaron smiled. He tried to look like he was fine, but Kurt knew he wasn’t. Aaron was extremely pale, his bones showing through and movements weak. He couldn’t stay awake for long, yet with all his sleeping Aaron still looked so very tired. Kurt’s eyes looked to the drip in Aaron’s arm, at the machine showing his heart rate. Kurt always watched it, making sure that Aaron was alive and Kurt wasn’t just talking to his ghost.

It had been a year since all this started. Aaron had been complaining of headaches which soon escalated into migraines. He was being sick, losing his appetite kept complaining about smelling burning rubber. Kurt had made him go to the doctor who referred him to a specialist. They scanned Aaron’s brain and not long after had to start treatment. It went away for a month or so, coming back with a vengeance. In the end Aaron was forced to take up residence in the hospital. Either Kurt, a friend or Aaron’s family would bring Izzy to see him. Kurt had since moved out of Aaron’s apartment (much to Aaron’s displeasure ) and would care for Izzy when he could, Aaron’s sister coming to New York for a while to help take Izzy off of Kurt’s hands when Kurt began to struggle with work as well as the little girl. Everything was coming to a head and Kurt was scared, but not for himself, for Aaron and for Izzy.

“Hey Kurt, look at me.” Aaron demanded, drawing Kurt’s attention away from the monitor. “I’m fine. See? I’ve still got my hair at least.” He smiled reassuringly but Kurt just looked even more distraught. “Kurt please, its fine.”

Kurt refused to say anything, putting a confused Izzy onto her feet before calling for a nurse. “I’m sorry Cara, but I don’t want Izzy to be here when I talk to Aaron.”

Cara nodded knowingly, looking sympathetic. “I understand.” She held out a hand to Izzy. “Come on sweetie, let’s go see the other children okay?”

“Kurt?” Izzy questioned.

“Don’t worry honey; I just want to talk to your dad about grown up stuff okay?”

Izzy looked unsure but with a little more coaxing from the nurse, she was taken from the room.

Kurt was silent, standing with his arms crossed. He refused to look at Aaron, couldn’t bring himself to. He took a deep breath before he opened his mouth. “There’s nothing more they can do, is there?”

“Kurt I...” Aaron began but Kurt cut him off.

“Just stop it okay?” Kurt cried. “Stop trying to protect me because I don’t need it! I can handle myself now; handle my demons on my own which you very well know since I moved out. I even came here knowing that this place would be crawling with the deceased. I’m not scared anymore Aaron, so just... tell me.”

Aaron started twiddling his thumbs in thought. He finally looked up at Kurt who stood his ground, his face steeled and unwavering. “Kurt... my tumour’s not responding to the treatment and...  and the doctor said there’s a very high chance I won’t make it.”

Kurt had thought as much, but it didn’t stop the giant stab that went through his heart like a shard of ice. He just stood there, frozen to the spot. All blood seemed to drain out of his head and suddenly Kurt couldn’t feel anything anymore. There’s a very high chance I won’t make it.

“Kurt?” Aaron said, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“I just... need to sit down.” Kurt replied, his hands shaking as he searched for the seat behind him. He found it with much difficulty.

Aaron left Kurt alone with his thoughts for a while, just watching him as Kurt sifted through several questions, his head buried in his hands. Aaron was sick of being sick and was ready to go, the only problem being was Kurt ready to let him?

“What about Izzy?” Kurt finally said.

“In my will I’ve said, should her mother not be found, then Izzy shall be left in your care.”

Kurt looked up in surprise. “But Aaron, what about family members, childhood friends, do you seriously think I-”

“Kurt, listen to me okay? You know Izzy, and Izzy has grown up with you being constantly in her life. She loves you and you love her. That’s what I want for her, someone to love her, someone who’s stubborn so they can put up with her in her teenage years, someone who’s a good role model, teaching her right from wrong, about equality about working hard and carrying on, to chase her dreams. Someone with a massive support group of strange and quirky friends. Someone who’s not afraid and Kurt, that’s all you, and I know you’d be the perfect replacement dad.” Aaron said sincerely.

Kurt predictably protested. “I could never replace you! I mean look at me! I’m a failure!”

“No Kurt, you’re a survivor and that’s all the winning you need. Winning is the ability to carry on no matter what and that’s what Izzy needs to learn to do most of all. Survive.”

“Aaron, I- I...”

Aaron smiled, opening his arms. “Come here.”

Kurt needn’t be asked twice as he stood from his chair, moving to sit on Aaron’s bed. He wrapped his arms gently around Aaron’s waist, Aaron placing his own around Kurt’s shoulders, squeezing tightly as Kurt rested his head under Aaron’s chin. They stayed like that, Aaron feeling cold compared to Kurt’s warmth. Slowly, Aaron lifted Kurt’s head up, smiling down at him before kissing him sweetly.

Kurt pulled away almost instantly. “Aaron, you could catch something!”

“Erm Kurt, I’m already in hospital.” Aaron pointed out.

“But...”

“Just shut up and come here.” And then they were kissing again.

Two days later and Kurt was contacted at work by Aaron’s sister. Aaron had gone into a coma and was on a ventilator. Kurt had to collect Izzy from school and they were both to prepare themselves for saying goodbye.

As Kurt drove he tried to fight the lump in his throat. It began to get painful as all he could think about was Izzy. Kurt had been eight himself when his mom had died. By then he had just got to grips with the idea of death but Izzy was only four. How was she supposed to understand that her dad probably wasn’t going to ever wake up again? The poor girl’s mother had abandoned her and there was no way Kurt could support her financially.

All thoughts pushed aside, Kurt had to stay calm and collected. He stayed calm when he finally picked up Izzy. He stayed calm on the car ride to the hospital, talking with Izzy all along the way. He stayed calm when they were walking through the doors. He stayed calm when he entered Aaron’s room. He stayed calm as his eyes fell on Aaron’s lifeless body. He tried to stay calm when he reached forward to clasp Aaron’s hand. He tried to stay calm when he felt Izzy’s chubby fingers tug at the bottom of his coat.

“What’s that?” Izzy pointed to the machine keeping Aaron alive.

“It helps your daddy breath.” Kurt explained, his voice coming out raspy.

“Oh.” Izzy fidgeted for a while, not really knowing what to do. She looked up at Kurt. “Kurt? Why are you crying?”

Kurt scooped Izzy up in his arms, holding onto her for dear life. “It’s time to say goodbye.” He whispered.

Kurt was slowly waking, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes, pulling them away when he found he had been crying in his sleep. He sighed, allowing his arms to thud back into the mattress. He hadn’t cried in over two years. He guessed remembering his ex lovers had quite an effect on his subconscious. It had felt like his heart had broken once again, the dull ache and emptiness Kurt had learnt to ignore coming forth in all its glory.

All at once Kurt felt suffocated, throwing the covers off himself and swinging his legs over the bed. He ripped his shirt over his head, standing up and throwing the item of clothing to the side. As he walked past the mirror he caught a glimpse of himself. Usually he’d ignore his reflection in the full length mirror but for some reason today was an exception.

Kurt brushed his fingers against the glass, taking in every scar that just refused to wither away, a constant reminder of the past. He turned, looking over his shoulder at the part of his back he could actually see. Much like his chest, the skin on Kurt’s back had been torn apart. Kurt remembered having had to have a skin graph on his lower back from a particularly bad burn. His eyes roamed his marred flesh landing on his shoulder blades. When he and Aaron had gotten drunk together Kurt had decided that he wanted to get rid of the ugliest scar of all; the one that ran right across his shoulders. The only solution was the black image forever painted into his skin. Aaron had been a little less daring, a few words written below his wrist but Kurt had been braver than usual that night.

There, across Kurt’s shoulder blades, the outline of an angels wings, the pattern within being that of a butterfly. He had no idea what had possessed him to have the thing done, even in his drunken state. It had been a wrong move having not been able to sleep on his back for a month afterwards but he and Aaron had a laugh either way.

Kurt knew that he couldn’t spend his entire day staring at his own reflection. He made a move to leave when something caught his eye. It was a part of the design on his left wing, curved delicately near the bottom, if Kurt looked at it at a certain angle, what he thought was just part of the pattern was in fact words. It was cleverly hidden, maybe on Kurt’s request, but it was definitely there if you knew how and where to look. It read:

Blaine.