They're at Blaine's house for once when Kurt brings it up.

"You can stay here tonight."

Blaine sits up instantly and stares at Kurt; he can feel those burning eyes; who is lying next to him on the bed. The music keeps playing softly; some Iron and Wine song Kurt's had stuck in his head all day. Kurt keeps his eyes closed and his face carefully blank.

"What?"

The iPod switches to Coldplay. Kurt takes a deep breath.

"You can sleep here. You don't have to come back with me." Kurt says, relieved when his voice doesn't shake. His breath is slightly uneven, but maybe Blaine won't notice. He opens his eyes to Blaine's glare and sighs internally.

"You wanna explain yourself?" Blaine doesn't let up his glare. His voice is tight, angry and hurt, but this is for him. "Kurt."

Kurt sits up too, instinctively drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs, making himself as small as possible. Always as small and unimportant as possible. He shrugs. "You sleep at my house—" in my bed "—all the time; you have to miss yours." Kurt whispers. Miss your own bed; a full night of sleep without your psycho boyfriend waking you up every night screaming; your mom; who you haven't seen in days. He shakes his head. This is for Blaine, no matter how scared Kurt is.

"Kurt, don't be a fucking idiot, I don't care, I don't—" Blaine keeps babbling, but Kurt ignores it.

"No." Kurt says with firmness he didn't know he was capable of; everything's suddenly clear. It's not just about Blaine. "I want to do this." Blaine falls silent but watches Kurt carefully, letting Kurt work it through in his head.

The music moves on to Brand New.

Without really thinking, Kurt lets his hand stretch out on the bed and Blaine's clasps it in a second. He rubs the knuckles with his thumb, feeling Blaine's calloused fingers do the same. It's grounding. Kurt lets go of a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I want to get better," Kurt whispers, staring at their entwined hands. One tanned, one pale, and yet they seem so perfect together, so right. He squeezes; Blaine squeezes back. "I want to get better. I can't do this. I can sleep one night alone."

Because every night he doesn't; every night he curled up against Blaine not out of love but out of fear, he wins. And Kurt can't let him. Not anymore.

"I want to have courage." The short sentence is almost too quiet, but Blaine hears. He always does.

"You're doing it for you, right?" Blaine chooses to say. He knuckles are white and Kurt's fingers start to tingle, but Blaine doesn't let go. "Not for some stupid martyr complex, but for you, yeah?"

There's a flare from anger from the thought that Blaine doesn't trust him, but Kurt ignores it. "I want to be brave enough to sleep alone."Kurt says harshly, even though it's not Blaine he's mad at, not really. "He didn't take this from me. I'm not a fucking coward." He's almost snarling, dropping Blaine's hand and twisting the comforter in his fingers instead. It's so fucking unfair, he can't even sleep in his own bed with screaming and hiding in Blaine's chest, but not anymore, no, not anymore.

Hands gently pry his fingers from the blanket and Kurt exhales shakily, calming slowly. He glances up hesitantly, but Blaine's face is a weird mix of pride, hurt and anger.

And love; always love.

"It's not because I don't need you anymore; you know that?" Kurt suddenly understands Blaine's expressions. When Blaine's cheeks flush, Kurt knows he's on the right track.

Idiot. But fondly.

Not answering, Blaine just shrugs, trying for nonchalance and failing miserably. A smile works its way on Kurt's face because his boyfriend is adorable. "Blaine. I'm always going to need you. You complete me. My missing puzzle piece," he sings, repressing a giggle at the lyrics. He'd teased Blaine mercilessly when he found the Katy Perry CD among Third Eye Blind and Say Anything. Blaine snorts, but his mouth twitches. "I want to be brave enough to deserve you," Kurt says, a truer confession than he'd intended.

"You've got that backwards." Blaine mutters and Kurt rolls his eyes, pulling Blaine in for a quick kiss and grinning when Blaine follows his lips as Kurt pulls back.

"No I don't."

He just grins when Blaine eyes him again. Blaine lets out a sigh/groan mix that should be intimidating but sounds more like a grumpy puppy. "I'm gonna miss you. What about me? I don't wanna sleep alone." He pouts, but Kurt has long since built up immunity (he had to; those eyes are dangerous) and ignores it in favor of pushing Blaine back down to the bed and settling against his chest. Blaine automatically lets his arms fall and start tracing patterns on Kurt's skin.

"Thank you," Kurt says, feeling a flood of warmth from the small "I'm proud of you," that falls from Blaine's lips.

The first night is hard.

So is the second.

And the third.

And every time he wakes up practically eating his pillow in an effort to stay silent, still convinced he's there, in the dark and just waiting, it's hell to not call Blaine. He doesn't sleep well and starts going through cover up again, like before.

But Kurt grits his teeth at school and bears it, smiling through Blaine's almost wondering recounting of his night with his mom.

"She came home early and cooked! I mean it wasn't as good as your shit, but she made meatballs and spaghetti and bought a real Italian loaf and olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette." Blaine gets quiet. "I dunno, it was the first time I'd really talked to her since they settled, you know? Dad and her I mean." Blaine slouches against the lockers, mouth curled down angrily. "I wasn't very nice when I found out she wasn't pressing charges," Blaine mutters.

There was one night; weeks ago right after it happened, when Blaine came back way too fast after leaving for the night. His eyes had been red and his cheeks blotchy, but Kurt couldn't stop crying long enough to ask and by morning he'd forgotten. Kurt wonders.

"She started working longer hours and I just stayed with you…"

"I'm sorry," Kurt says softly, feeling a stab of guilt as he shuts his locker. There's about five minutes until homeroom, but Blaine starts to walk with him and shooting looks at anyone that so much as glances at Kurt. One girl frowns right back but smiles when she catches Kurt's eye. They had been partners in French last year and she is one of the few that would help Kurt pick up his books if a jock knocks them out of his hands in front of her. Kurt smiles back faintly.

A fist punches his shoulder gently. "Told you to knock it off," Blaine glares. "I wanted to be there and I didn't have a reason to go home. I like sleeping with you."

But not sleeping, never that, not yet, not ever.

Kurt pushes his thoughts back. "I'm glad you guys are making up," he says instead, suppressing a yawn. Blaine nods and narrows his eyes.

"You're really ok?" He asks suspiciously and Kurt swallows hard and tries not to look like a deer in the headlights.

"Yeah, of course."

Blaine looks doubtful. "I just mean you went from y'know, nightmares every night to nothing in like, a day, and you haven't even called me," he rambles, face falling slightly. "You can call me you know, right? I have my phone under my pillow; I'll hear you."

If it were a perfect world, Kurt would kiss him right there in front of his whole class, but this is Homophobictown, Ohio and Kurt settles for squeezing his hand instead. "I know," Kurt smiles. "I've been ok, but I will call. If I. Need to. Thank you." I can't call you; it's not fair to you, but thank you.

Blaine's frown deepens, but then the bell rings and he curses—his homeroom is across the school. "We're talking later, ok?"

"Yeah, go, Blaine, don't get another detention."

"Fuck her. Crazy old bat. Love you, see you next period."

"Love you too."

It doesn't get better.

Kurt goes through the day feeling drained and exhausted, barely even snapping at Rachel during Glee and even Stevie and Stacey notice. Stacey uses Kurt's lethargy to test out her new "doctor kit" and spends the whole afternoon listening to his chest with a stethoscope and slapping Hello Kitty band-aids all over his face. He takes a picture of the two of them to send to Blaine and Stacey makes him set it as his phone's lock screen. Stevie plays with Kurt's old Gameboy, lost in the realm of Pok�mon.

They're a breath of fresh air, and as Kurt leaves, he texts Blaine that he's going to sleep early. Blaine replies with a quick 'ok' and 'good night angel' and Kurt really wants to call him. So badly.

But it's almost midnight and Blaine keeps telling Kurt how proud he is that Kurt's learning to walk on his own and Kurt just can't ask for help. He can't.

He's never pretended pride isn't one of his sins.

He misses Blaine. They didn't see each other after school; Blaine said he had to work on a project and hang out with his mom, and Kurt babysat. They haven't hung out a lot at all this week, actually. Both busy with other things.

Kurt tries really not to worry about what that means.

He's texting Blaine and trying to finish an English essay on The Catcher In The Rye when Finn comes into his room that night with a glass of hot milk and actually remembering to knock for once. Wordlessly, Kurt gestures for Finn to sit down on the edge of the bed while silently freaking out.

Finn and him…they never really meshed. They're more like two people that just happened to live together rather than brothers, even after his dad married Finn's mom. They're so different and Finn's still getting over Kurt being gay; and the incident the year before left pretty deep scars. Kurt loves Finn, he does, but he doesn't trust him.

"Hey, dude," Finn smiles lopsidedly and sit awkwardly. "I always kinda secretly liked this when you made some for me y'know?"

Kurt nods and glances at the steaming mug. He's really not thirsty. "Thanks," Kurt says, though.

There's a weird silence and Kurt just starts wondering what's the nicest way to say "why the fuck are you in my room" when Finn blurts it out.

"You're not ok, are you?"

Kurt stares at him. "I'm fine."

But Finn shakes his head. "No, man, I heard you last night." His face goes pale. "You didn't sound good."

Last night I dreamed Karofsky found me and raped me in front of Blaine and then killed him, how the hell do you think I felt?!

"I'm fine," Kurt repeats. He turns back to his book. Why is Finn even in here, it's not like he cares.

"It's just—ugh!" Finn groans suddenly and Kurt looks up to see an angry expression. "It's not fair!"

"What?"

"You! It's not—not—" Finn drops his head into his hands. Kurt's alarmed to see Finn's shoulders start to shake, and puts a hand out.

"Finn, what's wrong?" Kurt's not even sure how it's gone for Finn trying to comfort him to Kurt calming Finn down. It's so confusing.

Finn sniffs wetly and rubs at his face before turning his red-rimmed eyes on Kurt. "It's not fair that this happened to you." Finn says stubbornly. "It shouldn't've happened. You didn't—don't deserve it and I fucked up so bad."

Oh shit. "Finn, it's not your fault, don't be stupid—"

"Yeah it is!" Finn practically yells before Kurt shushes him, glancing at the door sheepishly. "Sorry. I just mean. I'm your brother y'know? And I didn't protect you from him. Or anyone. I should've." Kurt stays silent because yeah, Finn should have helped him. But then Finn keeps going. "That first night you were in the hospital? Burt yelled at me. He told me how disappointed he was and how could I let you suffer and stuff like that and all I could think was how right he was."

"I don't blame you," Kurt whispers. Tentatively, he pats Finn's shoulders, half-expecting the boy to pull away. But Finn leans in to the touch. "I don't, it wasn't your fault."

"I hate that you're still, like, dealing with it. It hasn't gone away yet." Finn sounds almost angry.

"It's not that easy. I'm dealing." Kurt takes a deep breath. "That's why Blaine isn't here. I'm just…dealing. Trying to get better." Finn frowns at him. "I know you don't like Blaine, but he's good for me. He is."

"He made you cry."

"A lot of people make me cry. Like those girls that think leggings and Crocs are a good combo."

Finn laughs at that.

"I'm gonna be okay, Finn."

Finn smirks. "Never doubted that, brother." He dodges Kurt's half-hearted swipe. "Look, but seriously," Finn catches Kurt's eyes. "You can come talk to me, ok? I may not be the smartest person ever, but I'll listen." His expression turns pleading and Kurt sighs, but nods.

"Okay."

"Good." Finn says with relief. They sit in silence for a little longer before Finn blushes.

"I'm gonna go do..stuff, okay?"

"Yep." Kurt says too quickly, watching Finn leave and flopping back on the bed to text Blaine.

To : Blaine
My family is so weird.

From: Blaine
?

"Why are we getting coffee at five p.m. on a Friday?" Kurt asks as Blaine pulls into the Lima Bean's parking lot. He's not entirely sure why he's even agreed on this as he was planning to spend the night curled up next to Blaine and watching sappy rom-coms until Blaine could force Kurt to watch a thriller. It was those damn puppy eyes, of course.

Blaine just grins at him. "Go inside and get us something. I'll be right there." Blaine pushes at Kurt's shoulders when Kurt just stares, confused. "Go, Kurt, I'm right behind you!"

Huffing, Kurt raises an eyebrow at his boyfriend as he gets out of the car. "You're certifiable, you know that?"

"I'm not the one with pink in their hair," Blaine laughs, and Kurt snorts as he walks into the shop. He has no idea what Blaine's doing, but he's got a nagging feeling that it's going to be a surprise.

Kurt hates surprises.

But he gets their drinks (grande non-fat mocha and a medium drip and why is she winking at me like that?) and finds a table near one of the windows while he waits. The coffee shop is cute—all wood and cozy, couples and friends mixed. A few students from the community college with their laptops and huge textbooks, a group of private school boys in blue blazers, and old couple huddled over their coffee and looking as in love as ever.

He wants that with Blaine.

Kurt shakes his head. Blaine's taking forever, where is he? And then his boyfriend walks in and waves at the barista and he's carrying a guitar case and heading over to a cleared space Kurt didn't notice before and setting the case down. Then microphones and amps appear from a storage space behind the counter and Blaine's interacting too friendly with the staff for this to be anything but planned, and then Blaine sits on a stool with a microphone in front of him and a guitar is his lap.

Kurt's heart leaps into his throat.

It's an almost comical site, Blaine in his ripped skinny jeans and leather jacket among a small mix of hipsters, schoolboys, and grandparents. But then Blaine catches his eyes and his face lights up and Kurt forgets why he's scared.

"Hello-hi!" Kurt jumps a little at Blaine's amplified voice, and most of the crowd's attention falls on his boyfriend, conversation dying away. "Great, this thing actually works! Thanks Becca!" Blaine flashes a thumbs up to the barista and she hold up a cup and bows. Blaine turns his attention back to the audience. "Anyway, hi, I'm Blaine Anderson, and I will be your entertainment for next forty-five minutes."

There's a quiet gasp from one of the tables, but Kurt ignores it, focusing on Blaine. Blaine talks about how the Lima Bean is trying out live music, so Blaine will be every Friday from five to six pm, and pretty please tip because he wants to go to college and he's not getting paid for this? The crowd laughs good-naturedly, and Kurt is always shocked at how easily Blaine can charm the pants off of anyone even though he dresses like a greaser from the 50s.

"Anyway," Blaine continues, "This first song is dedicated to the most important person in my life—" his eyes flick to Kurt and Kurt can feel his cheeks heating, "—who's going through a really tough time right now. I just want to remind him that asking for help is okay and I really hope he listens." Kurt can tell some of crowd notices his pronoun use and quite a few girls groan and glare at Kurt, who preens a little. Just a little, though.

Blaine strums the guitar before falling into a melody. It's familiar, almost; Kurt knows he heard it before but it sounds different.

"A turning tide…"

Blaine's voice is lower than Tom Chaplin's, but it's beautiful. It must have taken him a while, rearranging the song for a single guitar and changing the pitch to suit an acoustic performance. Kurt sits, transfixed like the rest of the crowd, as Blaine slips into the chorus. His heart lodges somewhere in his throat.

"And why'd you say it's just another day, nothing in my way, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay, so there's nothing left to say?" Blaine glances up and locks eyes with Kurt, though he doesn't miss a note. "And why'd you lie? When you wanna die, when you hurt inside? Don't know what you lie for anyway, now there's nothing left to say."

Kurt tries to keep his face neutral. To not give in, not break down in front of all these people because how can Blaine know? Those stupid hazel eyes always see him and Kurt really just wants to get up and fling himself in Blaine's arm's but no, not yet. This is Blaine's moment. So he lets a shaky smile out and claps loudly with the rest of the audience when Blaine finishes. Tries to tell Blaine with his eyes "I love you so much" and "I'm so proud of you" but mostly "thank you."

He thinks Blaine probably gets it.

The rest of Blaine's set goes well; he looks a little angrier than he should have during "Perfect" but he was probably imagining his dad the while time. Kurt can forgive that. Then Blaine sang Death Cab's "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" and spent the entire song shooting cheeky glances at Kurt as Kurt fought an amused smile from appearing. Blaine knew Kurt thought that song was overly sappy and cheesy; he'd been there for Kurt's rant about it before they'd gotten together. But there was something about being serenaded in public (although not everyone knew Blaine was singing to him) that made Kurt want to melt in a puddle along with every other female in the vicinity. Blaine looks entirely too proud of himself after that and ends with "Here Comes The Sun," and then another reminder to tip if they liked him and YouTube videos are always welcome. Kurt gets another medium drip for him before walking up to Blaine as he's taking the guitar off and letting down a group of middle-school girls gently. They groan when they see Kurt and one mutters "figures he'd be gay" under her breath, which Blaine apparently finds hilarious. But Kurt's there and Blaine grins, grabbing the coffee before looking at Kurt.

"Was that okay?" He asks hesitantly and Kurt tries really hard not to swoon. He really doesn't deserve Blaine. "What did you think? Was it stupid?" He winces.

"I think," Kurt purses his lips but can hold back a smile. "I think that was probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you."

"Oh good," Blaine says, relieved. "I wasn't sure if you'd be mad at me for ditching you all week. Figuring out how to make Keane into a guitar-only song was kind of a bitch, and we're definitely talking later tonight, because don't think I didn't notice your cover-up—"

"Blaine?" A voice interrupts and Kurt and Blaine both look up to see three of the prep school boys. Their jackets are dark blue with a red crest on the left side, and it looks familiar. Like, really familiar.

But Blaine's staring at them with a shocked expression; he recognizes them. Kurt looks again. One's a dark-skinned African American, one Asian, and the last—

Oh fuck.

"Hey there, killer!"

Kurt's stomach drops about fifteen feet when he realizes who's standing in front of them.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.