Kurt gets woken up at some godforsaken hour by his boyfriend falling off the bed and tripping in the covers in his haste to get to the bathroom. The cold air hits Kurt like a hammer and he groans, snuggling deeper into the abandoned pillow. He vaguely hears Blaine throwing up, but the fucking moron can make it a little while longer without Kurt taking care of him. Kurt has faith in him.

When the toilet flushes and the sunlight is too much to ignore, Kurt blearily opens his eyes to look at Blaine leaning in the doorway to his room. His curls are a mess and he has a decent amount of scruff, but Kurt smiles anyway. Blaine seems happy, confused, and hungover all at the same time.

Stretching, Kurt rubs the sleep out of his eyes and resolutely ignores how awful his hair looks at the moment. Blaine takes the time to jump back on the bed and ruffle it, earning a quick smack.

"Mornin'," Kurt croaks, smiling. He feels rested. First time in weeks, actually. And he'd kissed Blaine last night. Maybe things were getting better.

"You're here." Blaine looks at Kurt like he can't believe it. "In my bed."

Kurt nods, stretching again. "Yes I am. How's your head?"

"I feel like death," Blaine says dramatically, sprawling across Kurt's stomach. Unconsciously, Kurt's fingers found their way into Blaine's hair and stroke gently. It's one of his favorite things to do, actually. His hair is so soft. Blaine hums happily and throws an arm over his eyes. "Why is it so fucking bright in here?" he moans.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "This is your punishment for trying to drink your way through a bar," he tells Blaine, who just groans again. Kurt checks his phone and texts his father. 8:53 a.m. They aren't going to school today, Kurt's already decided. They need this. This time to just be…them. No pressures.

"If you get up, I'll make you pancakes," Kurt pats Blaine's shoulder and eases his legs out from under Blaine. "Is your mom still here?"

Blaine snorts. "'Course not," he says darkly. "She leaves before dawn. Chocolate chips?"

"Blueberries," Kurt counters with a frown. "You had enough empty calories last night."

Blaine makes a face, but dutifully follows Kurt to the huge kitchen once they've brushed their teeth. Kurt doesn't let Blaine shave though, fascinated with the stubble he's never managed to grow. It's rough under his fingers and Blaine seems to enjoy the way Kurt keeps rubbing his jawline. There's a note from his mom that Blaine scans quickly before crumpling it up with a scowl and dumping it in the trash. After pointing out where the ingredients and the cookware are, Blaine pops a few aspirin tablets and chugs a glass of water before he rests his head in his arms on the island.

"How embarrassed should I be about last night?" he asks, facedown.

Kurt stops mixing the batter and glances at him. "How much do you remember?"

"Um…" Blaine rubs at his eyes and grimaces. "Ugh. I went to Scandals. 'Cause we broke up." His voice goes soft and suddenly the floor is really interesting. "It's kind of blurry…uh there was some guy? He was really annoying though; really pushy. He kind of smelled like one of those preppy stores my dad likes. And he was bad at kissing. I called you and you came and got me. Didn't you yell at him or something?"

"Mmm." Kurt hums and pours out the first pancake. "'Course I got you. Couldn't leave you alone with the skanky ferret."

Blaine bursts out laughing. "'Skanky ferret'?"

Kurt flips the pancake to brown the other side. "He was a jerk. And tried to make out with you, so instant shit list right there. You told him all about my ass though, so thanks for that." Kurt winks at Blaine's red face.

"Oh my god."

"Mmmhmm. You informed him it was, and I quote, 'awesome.'"

Blaine eyes Kurt's backside thoughtfully. "I don't lie. I am rather fond of your ass." He grins at Kurt's blush.

Kurt laughs, but guilt nags at him. Before Karofsky, he and Blaine hadn't gone further than some heavy making out and over-the-clothes fondling. Kurt hadn't been ready for more and Blaine was nice about it. Now, though, Kurt's really not sure how long it's going to be before he doesn't freak out when Blaine touches him like that. And there would always be boys more than willing to spread their legs for Blaine. Like Sebastian.

Blaine's amazing, but it's really unfair to ask him to wait for Kurt.

Kurt tries not to think about it as he adds blueberries to batter for Blaine's pancakes.

The pancakes are finished soon after and Blaine gets the coffee. He brews it strongly. Blaine drowns his pancakes in syrup and butter, but Kurt dumps the French vanilla creamer in the coffee until it's a pale tan, so Blaine can be forgiven for the unhealthy amount of sugar on his plate. Sitting at the table, it's domestic. Kurt can imagine days like this in the future; in their shared apartment before work or classes. Making breakfast; sitting in companionable silence; enjoying each other.

If Blaine can keep himself out of jail and Kurt doesn't drive him away with his insanity.

The pancakes suddenly sit heavy in his stomach and Kurt slowly puts his fork down. Blaine still shoves them in his mouth, though. And he drains the coffee at an alarming rate.

"Blaine?"

The picture when Blaine pauses, fork halfway in his mouth and cheeks bulging, is comical. He swallows and eyes Kurt carefully.

"I think we need to talk about yesterday. And the fight." Kurt tries to keep his voice even, but it shakes.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Blaine cuts in hurriedly. "'Cause I sort of remember last night, you said you didn't and it really fucking sucked when I thought you did so can you please tell me so I don't completely freak the fuck out?" He takes a deep breath after the sudden torrent of words and holds it nervously.

Kurt reaches across the table and grabs Blaine's hand because it was the easiest way to get Blaine to look at him. "I'm not breaking up with you."

"Oh good." Blaine lets out his breath, relieved. "But—"

"I was just…" Kurt shrugs. God, it's hard to put this into words. "Can you just—listen? I want to say this right and not make you angry and leave again because that just…it really scared me." Kurt glances up at Blaine hesitantly. "Can you do that? And not freak out when I say something you don't agree with?"

At first, Blaine looks pretty pissed but he calms himself down fairly quickly. "I'll try," he mutters, though he shifts guiltily. Kurt tries to pull himself together and remember everything about school that day. His stomach twists uncomfortably, but running away won't help this time.

"I'm getting better," he says. "I am. I have good days and bad days and all, but I'm working on it, you know?" Blaine's grip on his hand grounds him, and Kurt uses the pressure to focus. "Dr. Englund is helping. You're helping. You actually help a lot; I'm not sure if you know that. So thank you."

That gets a small smile. Kurt's pretty sure Blaine doesn't get praised too often, but that's something to explore later. Right now is about them.

This was the hard part. Kurt swallows nervously. "You and Dad—I love you guys, I do, it's just that…sometimes, you treat me like—like a baby bird." Kurt sighs in frustration. "And I know I deserve it a lot, but I can't handle it. I can't deal with that kind of pity." Blaine opens his mouth but Kurt cuts him off with a glare. "Don't do that; you know you do. Look, Blaine, I'm just tired of being a victim. I want to be better than that to you."

Blaine scrunches his face up in confusion. "To me?"

Kurt groans. He's not getting this right. "I just—I just want to be me. I want to learn how to be myself again. Without anyone hovering over me." Blaine narrows his eyes, but stays silent, thank God. Kurt wets his dry lips and redoubles his grip on Blaine's hands. "Blaine. I don't want to be weak anymore. Not to you, not to dad, not to anyone I care about. Karofksy and Azimio and his cronies can think whatever the fuck they want; I don't care. I care about you."

Kurt waits. Blaine stares at him hard, then sighs and massages his forehead. "You're such a fucking martyr, you know that?" he grumbles.

"Probably," Kurt shrugs. "But that's how I feel. When you beat the crap out of Azimio, it was very flattering, yeah, but it also really embarrassing to me. It showed everyone that I still can't defend myself."

"You put Karofsky in the hospital."

"Yes," Kurt admits. "I did, but that's a little different. Karofsky was physically hurting me. Azimio was just…they're just words. I can handle it." Blaine still avoids Kurt's eyes but Kurt does his best to meet them. "I did overreact though, and I'm sorry." His thumb strokes over Blaine's knuckles. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. It wasn't really you I was mad at."

"It really did suck." Blaine says quietly. He looks at their joined hands. "I know I'm like, impulsive and shit," he fingers his earrings, "and I kind of fuck up a lot. So I might have flipped out more than I should have. Both times." He scowls at the table, and Kurt has to smile. Admitting he was wrong is pretty rare for Blaine so he'll take the awkward apology.

"So just for record," Kurt begins and Blaine peeks up at him nervously, "we both screwed up. I definitely didn't break up with you, we just had a fight, and we should always talk it out when either one of us is upset. Sound good?"

Blaine nods, one side of his mouth curving up. "I still think you're the strongest person I've ever met." Kurt blushes and ducks his head. "But, you shouldn't bottle things up so much." Blaine says quietly.

"I know. I'm working on it." Kurt looks down at his half-eaten plate.

Blaine's phone buzzes on the counter. Frowning, Blaine glances at it, scanning the screen. A few emotions fly across his face—confusion, recognition, then finally, guilt. He doesn't try to stop Kurt when Kurt snatches the phone out of his hands.

"'Hey Blaine when you're ready to dump the pasty gay face text me last night was incredible.'" Kurt reads out. Anger and jealousy battle within him for dominance. Kurt grits his teeth, but manages to keep his voice below shouting range. "You really did make out with him didn't you? And you gave that slimy meerkat your phone number?" Kurt gets out tightly.

Blaine blushes and grabs his phone back, typing out a quick response and dropping the phone on the table like it's radioactive. "Ok, first of all, I thought you broke up with me and I was drunk so that's not fair. I didn't cheat on you. And second, he asked." Blaine glares right back. "If you want to get technical, he actually took my phone and put his number in before I could say anything," he mutters.

"Blaine." Kurt opens his voice to continue because this is so not okay. Even if they did break up, what the fuck was Blaine doing picking up phony jackasses at a gay bar in Lima. Even if the jackass is question is pretty hot. He's cut off by Blaine's phone vibrating again, and this time, Kurt is faster than Blaine. He scans the text then slams the phone down, cheeks hot with embarrassment.

"What's it say?" Blaine seems too nervous to check for himself and instead watches Kurt hold his hand over his mouth and study the wall.

Kurt's knee bounces under the table and his hand shakes. His body won't stay still; not with that texting Blaine and saying those things, things Kurt's not going to be ready for, not for a long time. He doesn't stop Blaine when Blaine looks at the phone for himself.

"Oh." Blaine's voice comes out soft. "Kurt—"

"Don't." Kurt says tightly. He won't—can't—look at Blaine. The look of disappointment would destroy him. Because who the hell would stay with a traumatized virgin when Sebastian was offering up everything? He's tall, thin, confident, sexy, cute, and his hair, though something out a CW drama, isn't horrible. Sebastian is Kurt, just a better version. One that clearly has no problem with sex or alcohol, things Blaine clearly wants judging by how quickly he ran for them after Kurt. Sebastian wouldn't have made Blaine quit smoking. He probably would have loved the stench of tobacco and not ranted about the inevitable lung cancer and baldness Blaine would face.

Not that Kurt directly made Blaine quit, but the fucking point still stood.

Why would Blaine want to be with Kurt when he has other less psychotic options? Hell, Kurt just finished yelling at Blaine for defending him; what kind of boyfriend does that?

Or punches said boyfriend in the face when he goes in for a kiss like Kurt did last week?

Tears burn hotly in Kurt's eyes and he takes a deep breath. Sebastian wouldn't be a whimpering mess every five minutes. He wipes at his eyes viciously. Fuck.

Not for the first time, Kurt truly hates Karofsky for what he did.

It's moments like these when Kurt thinks he was the one that won in the locker room.

Kurt stands up abruptly. He needs to get out and just breathe; just get away from Blaine and Sebastian and that damn text. A cold, snide voice in his head reminds him that he's running away, coward but Kurt's hands don't stop trembling and he just. Can't.

He brushes past Blaine and storms back up the stairs for his jacket, thrown somewhere in Blaine's room. And his boots. He may still love Blaine, but those Docs were over a hundred dollars and Kurt's not leaving them behind; regardless of how much he feels like shit. He stalks into the room, catching sight of the rumpled bed.

Where he and Blaine slept together last night.

Where nothing happened.

Because Kurt is pathetic.

He's still staring at the bed when Blaine nearly runs into him from behind. Closing his mouth, Blaine takes hold of Kurt's arm and gently tugs him over to the bed and pulls him down so they sit side by side. Kurt goes robotically. This is it. Blaine's going to dump him because who wouldn't.

"You know how," Blaine starts, "we just talked about not bottling things up and how communication is fucking awesome?" He raises an eyebrow at Kurt. "I think we should start now."

Kurt frowns and narrows his eyes at Blaine. This…isn't how he expected the conversation to go.

"Come on, Kurt," Blaine knocks his shoulder, like he always does to goad Kurt into talking. "If it's Sebastian, I really don't like him. Told him to fuck off, 'cause I already have a boyfriend. Who's way hotter." He grins.

It really doesn't make Kurt feel better. "What good is having a boyfriend," Kurt says softly, "if he won't 'blow you and then fuck you into the mattress until you both come so hard you pass out'?" His heart lodges up in his throat and Kurt can't look at Blaine.

To his surprise, Blaine chuckles. Whipping his head up, Kurt glares. This wasn't funny!

"Is that why you're upset?" Blaine's hand starts stroking Kurt's arm, wide and comforting. Kurt stares at it. "I'm not sure what I'm more offended by: the fact you think I'd break up with you for not wanting sex with me right now, or how bad you think my taste in men is." He softens the blow with a small smile though.

A tiny, tiny, bit of relief seems into Kurt. "You really don't deserve me. Sebastian…" Kurt lifts his arm and lets it drop. "He's. I'm not going to be him. Not for a while." Maybe ever.

Hell, Kurt can't even watch those movies. Not without slamming his laptop closed and throwing it across the room. Now, just the thought of being held down or sexwantlustneed scares him to the point of panic attacks. After Karofsky…

"Shit, Kurt. I know you call me an idiot a lot, but sometimes you're a fucking moron." Blaine pulls him into a hug with a fond smile. "I don't want him. Not now, not ever. I want you."

"But what about…" Kurt trails off. He tries to breathe in Blaine and relax. Maybe Blaine wasn't breaking up with him. Suddenly, Kurt really understood why Blaine tried to drown his sorrows in alcohol, because heartbreak fucking hurts.

"Sex?" Blaine releases Kurt and pulls away slightly. "I know I curse and fight and fuck up, like, a lot," Blaine shrugs, "But I'm definitely not that asshole. You're not ready and I like you enough to wait. It's not difficult."

Sometimes Blaine is so frank with things. And Kurt remembers why he fell in love with this miscreant.

"Plus, that's why they invented masturbation." Blaine adds, waving his arms in a crude gesture and Kurt just laughs, because there's his Blaine. Trying to tame his smile, he holds his hand open between them and tries not to squeal when Blaine clasps it with his own.

"I'm sorry I can't give you want you want." Kurt says softly.

"You give me what I need." Blaine counters. "Y'know, you listen to me. You didn't just dismiss me as some criminal when we first met and you make me feel good about myself even if I'm never gonna stop screwing up. I can be patient, babe." He slides his hands so their fingers interlock. It's intimate and Kurt sucks in a breath. "Even if we never kiss again, I love being around you. I'm like one of those barnacle things; we're stuck together for life!" Blaine grins when Kurt laughs again.

It feels really amazing to be able to laugh again.

"I don't tell you enough," Kurt says, looking at their joined hands and thinking about how right it feels, "but you're not a fuck up. And you're kind of perfect to me." He smiles at Blaine's pleased face, though Blaine tries to hide it with an insulted expression.

"Only 'kind of'? You're such a brat; I'm fucking flawless!" He retorts, but Kurt can see how much it means to Blaine.

"You don't own matching socks, Blaine! That's break-up material right there." Kurt sighs dramatically and moves to get up, but Blaine grabs him around the middle and pulls him back, laying him flat on the mattress. He takes advantage of Kurt's surprised yelp to lean over and swiftly kiss him.

It's short and sweet, like the night before, just a brush of lips.

And Kurt doesn't panic when Blaine goes in for a second.

"I think I'm getting better. We should keep practicing." He whispers shyly.

Blaine grins and obliges.