July 17, 2013, 6:38 p.m.
Sittin' on the Fence: Chapter 5
E - Words: 2,375 - Last Updated: Jul 17, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 9/9 - Created: Jun 02, 2013 - Updated: Jul 17, 2013 197 0 0 0 0
Kurt sat with the man who had identified himself as Pale Crow and listened intently.
"Leaning Bear came to the tribe as a young boy. He was hurt so Bear Mother took care of him. His own mother came to see him all the time, but was now committed to another man and family, so could not stay with him all the time. Her name was Little Bear."
"Why all the bears in their family?" Kurt queried but Pale Crow lifted up a hand and continued the story.
"He stayed with Bear Mother and learned our language and customs quickly. He impressed all the elders with his ability to adapt to our way of life so fast. He quickly became a favourite, and elders were always eager to teach him skills that the rest of us would have been honored to learn. Bear Mother taught him her healing trade, he became the best shot with a bow and arrow - better than any of our long trained warriors. He could track like no one else had seen before. With his white man language and blood, he was able to help us trade with them and get better deals. To those older he was a gift, to those younger, he was a role model, to those of us who were his peers... we knew him for what he was."
"Which was?" Kurt quirked up an eyebrow.
"A wolf in sheeps clothing. He was overconfident, bragged to us about his abilities, and had no shame. All the young girls wouldn't even look at the rest of us because they all held hope that he would choose them, and he knew it. He never picked an intended from among them leaving the rest of us without any hope to court any of the girls as they all vied for him."
Kurt pursed his lips at that. Clearly Pale Crow didn't realize why Blaine didn't choose a female counterpart, but Kurt was not about to reveal that. "Are you sure you weren't just jealous...?"
Pale Crow sneered, "Of course we all were, but we also knew we were. It wasn't just that which caused him to leave this tribe."
Kurt nodded, "Then please, continue."
"He was chosen to be a Dog Warrior. That was hardly a surprise to anyone, but he was chosen by the elders earlier than anyone anticipated. His mother and Bear Mother were so proud. The whole tribe was. He continued to help with trade throughout it all, and the white men who traded with us. The white men would give him their drinks as a bonus to the trades, which he shared with us despite the elders rules against drinking their drinks."
"Alcohol." Kurt supplied, and Pale Crow nodded in acknowledgement.
"The elders had seen too many people lose themselves to the alcohol, so they prohibited it within the tribe. Leaning Bear considered himself above the rules though, and drank freely with those of us who would drink with him, often to the point of having dark visions - the ones we weren't supposed to have. I got to that point once, and the sickness I felt from it made me swear off it. More and more though, Leaning Bear imbibed to the point of losing his ability to focus and be respectful. He became rude and when Bear Mother discovered what he was doing, she and the elders tried to stop him from drinking, but he had bottles of drink hidden everywhere... he would sneak off and drink some."
Kurt frowned, thinking to all the time lately he and Blaine had argued and Blaine had wandered off. It had never occurred to Kurt to consider what Blaine was doing while he was gone, but now Kurt put the pieces together. Blaine always came back with alcohol on his breath. He was hiding his drinking from Kurt like he had been hiding it from his people before.
"Eventually Blaine was not permitted to help with trade anymore, to stop him from getting anymore drink. He became angrier and without us knowing, he went to trade with a Lakota tribe. He stole some of the goods our tribe made to make the trades. Once again, he was caught by Bear Mother and the chief made an agreement with the Lakota chief not to trade with Leaning Bear again. So... Leaning Bear went and started stealing from the Lakota tribe in the night. The drink had taken him over. In retaliation, the Lakota attacked... and Leaning Bear's mother was among the victims."
Kurt sucked in a sharp breath. No wonder Blaine never wanted to talk about his mother. He was, ultimately, the cause of her death, and despite that, he continued to drink to drown his pain.
Pale Crow looked down sadly. "It was my father she was with. My younger siblings... they are also his younger siblings by your standards. She was the only mother I knew as mine died when I was a baby. He didn't just kill his mother, he killed the only mother I knew."
No wonder Pale Crow was so angry, and so venomous towards Blaine, and by association, Kurt.
"He left after that. Despite everything, Bear Mother still wanted him to stay, but she was the only one who would speak to him after that. You have this idea that we don't care for you because you're a white man... and while we may be suspicious of you, and cautious, that doesn't mean we don't like you. What we are most concerned about is Leaning Bear being back."
Kurt nodded, looking down at his lap. When it was clear that Pale Crow was done speaking, Kurt spoke softly. "I'm sorry. I didn't know all this."
"And I am sorry for thinking you did. I thought you knew and were the kind of person that didn't care. Perhaps what some of them say is right though and he had changed."
Kurt shook his head, "No... he still drinks. Too much."
Pale Crow snorted in distaste, shaking his head. Silence hung between the two men for a minute before the native spoke again.
"Perhaps though, if he was concerned enough about your welfare to come here and face his demons, he had changed. The only person Leaning Bear cared about was himself when he was young."
Kurt sighed and looked off into the plains past his tipi. "Thank you for telling me all this."
Pale Crow nodded and stood up, taking that as a cue to leave. Kurt continued to look off into the distance, though wasn't really looking at anything in particular as he did. He was trying to reconcile what he just heard and the irritation he had already been feeling towards Blaine with the affection he had for him, despite it all.
Kurt got up after awhile, and into the tipi, going through their things and taking the flask and a couple bottles of whiskey out as he found them. He then went outside and poured them all into the dirt.
"What the hell are you doing?" Blaine's voice gave Kurt a start, but, determined, he continued pouring, not looking to where Blaine was approaching him.
"You need to stop this." Kurt said plainly, tossing the bottles to the ground as they emptied.
Blaine made a sound akin to a growl and tried to grab the flask out of Kurt's hands as Kurt poured it out, though Kurt shifted enough seeing the movement to escape Blaine's hands.
"I know Blaine..."
Blaine stopped trying to grab for the flask and let his hands drop to his side. Kurt heard him take in a sharp breath and then ask, "Know what...?"
Kurt tossed the now empty flask to the ground and looked up at Blaine, revealing his eyes brimming with tears he was holding back, "I know why you left here. I know why you run off everytime you won't talk to me. I know you're medicating yourself with this stuff while I work my ass off trying to deal with my own pain."
Blaine's own eyes immediately began tearing up and he looked away and down to the dirt to hide the sorrow in his face. "I didn't want you to know..."
"Why? Why Blaine?" Kurt threw his arms up in the air and took a step closer to Blaine who flinched but stayed in place. "I told you all the nitty gritty things about me and what I've gone through but you don't think enough of me to tell me that? Meanwhile you continue to drink yourself stupid all the time? That's what you were just doing wasn't it? Let me smell your breath!"
Blaine tensed and shook his head, "Kurt... please..."
"Let me smell your breath Blaine."
"You don't need to... I was drinking." Blaine swallowed as he spoke and Kurt watched his hands ball into fists at his side.
"Why?"
"It takes the edge off."
Kurt reached to put a finger to Blaine's chin, lifting up his face so he could look at him directly in the watery amber eyes, "You can't tell me to deal with my pain if you aren't willing to deal with yours."
Blaine flinched and shook his head against Kurt's finger, "Your pain wasn't your fault... mine was. My mother died because of me."
"And you think drowning yourself in the stuff that prompted that to happen in the first place is going to honor her memory?"
Blaine's eyes went wide with surprise and again he tried to snap his head to the side to hide his face from Kurt. Kurt, however, placed a hand on each side of Blaine's face to hold it in place, looking at him. "Don't avoid me Blaine."
"Kurt..." Blaine dug his teeth gently into his lower lip, biting it to no doubt suppress his tears.
"Why wouldn't you tell me?"
"Because I didn't want you to hate me."
Now it was Kurt's turn to go wide eyed, his face going pale as he thought back rapidly to all the times Blaine tried to keep him from socializing with anyone else in the tribe aside from Bear Mother. Blaine hadn't wanted Kurt to find out about his past. It wasn't to keep Kurt safe from being treated as a white man, it was to keep Blaine safe from the fall out of Kurt knowing.
"You're selfish." Kurt spat and let go of Blaine's face, turning to crawl into the tipi. After a minute, Blaine tentatively entered to find Kurt packing up his gear.
"Kurt... please..."
"No." Kurt looked back at Blaine with stormy eyes. "I followed you. I trusted you. I learned Cheyenne. I followed the customs. You... you've lied to me. You never trusted me. This isn't working."
Blaine's mouth opened slightly as if he was going to speak, but closed again as he watched Kurt with pleading eyes.
"I'm going to sleep outside tonight and tomorrow I'm leaving." Kurt announced and he heard Blaine make a small whine.
"But... Bear Mother... getting better..."
Kurt narrowed his eyes, "I will say my goodbyes to her... as for getting better - I think she will have her hands full with you."
Blaine winced and looked away again, letting Kurt go past him to the outside.
As Kurt set up his bedroll outside by the fire there, he could hear the odd muffled sob from within the tipi and Kurt allowed himself tears as well, though kept himself silent. He kept telling himself he was doing the right thing. Relationships were built on trust and he couldn't trust Blaine. Blaine certainly hadn't trusted Kurt with his background, or to tell him the truth about what he did when he was away.
Kurt curled up in his bedroll, watching the embers in the fire. He didn't know how long he stayed awake for, but he knew it was a long time. He certainly didn't get to sleep easily, especially as he picked up on the muffled crying from behind him in the tipi. It took everything within him not to crawl back in there and hold Blaine. Kurt had to keep reminding himself that Blaine needed to know what he had done wasn't alright, and couldn't be so easily forgiven. Kurt had to remind himself too that he needed to be independant, and fight for what he thought was right - in this case, how he would allow himself to be treated.
So Kurt slept off and on throughout the night, not really getting any good rest in the end. As the sun crept over the horizon, he finally accepted that he would need a lot of coffee to get him through the day and got up to pack his bedroll, heading to the corral with all his gear.
"Kikife!" Kurt called out, and his stallion came trotting over quickly. Kurt let him out of the fence and went about saddling him and tying his gear onto the beast. Ominitago had come to the fence during this and neighed noisily at Kurt, as if to demand to know why she wasn't also being let out.
"Sorry Minnie... just me and Kiki this time." Kurt murmured to her, giving her a gentle pat on the nose. She responded with a snort and shook her head away from his hand.
Kurt sighed and led Kikife through the village, stopping at Bear Mother's tipi. He was about to duck in when the canvas was thrown back and Bear Mother revealed herself, looking agitated.
"So. You're leaving."
Kurt nodded to her, stepping back to allow her to come out completely and stand in front of him. "You need to help Leaning Bear. He's the one that really needs help."
She nodded slowly, regarding Kurt like she had that first day... weeks ago now. How many he wasn't really sure because time just didn't seem to exist here as it did in a white town.
"A person can not be helped unless they know and ask for the help they need. You are already on the path to healing... he has not found that path yet."
Kurt didn't know how to respond to that, so he remained quiet until the small woman shuffled forward and gave him a hug which Kurt melted into with a small whimper. "Thank you Bear Mother..."
"I hope to see you again one day white boy." She patted his back and pulled away, watching as Kurt mounted Kikife and gave her one more nod before riding out, towards the south. He didn't look back, and he didn't stop until his horse wouldn't go forward any longer.