“Am I just… “  Kurt sighed, pressing his fingers to his temples as he tried to ward off a headache and simultaneously try to figure out his question.  “When you were with your ex-girlfriend did you have hesitations about… getting it on with her?”

Kurt's psychiatrist leaned back in the loveseat and pursed her lips as she looked out into space, drilling up the memory.  “No… No… not at all.  In all honesty we were pretty much all over each other… You think Blaine doesn't want to be intimate with you?”

Kurt sighed and let his hands drop, each settling on one of his knees as he leaned forward, “Yes… no… I don't fucking know.”

“I guess the more important question is, are you ready to move ahead in your relationship with him?”

Kurt rolled his lower lip into his mouth, rolling his lip ring around with his tongue as he thought about what had been consuming most of his thoughts lately.  He had been attracted to Blaine for a long while now - at least long past doubting that he was genuinely attracted and just not going through some kind of crazy sex withdrawal that his psychiatrist assured him didn't really exist for sluts like him.  Kurt would watch Blaine when Blaine didn't know, just conjuring up images of their sweaty bodies pressed together and then trying to fend off inevitable hard-on's that he felt guilty about jerking off in the bathroom.  

“Yeah… yeah… definitely ready for more.”

“Then tell him.”

That seemed too easy.  Kurt eyed his psychiatrist suspiciously, one brow arching while the other flattened.  

“Honestly Kurt…”  She began, picking up on his wariness, “... he probably doesn't want to push you into something if he doesn't know you're okay with it.  Especially given the nature of your past employment.  Based on everything you've told me in our sessions, he genuinely cares for your emotional well being and would hold off on moving ahead without knowing you were ready.”

“Huh…”  He poked his tongue ring up and down against the top and bottom of his mouth as he considered that.  Blaine did wake up with wood way too often to just have any sort of disfunction… and he was definitely noticeably aroused whenever they made out. “So… just tell him.”

“Just tell him.”  She echoed with a nod.

“And you're sure… that it's okay n' all?  My having sex?”

“Kurt, you're a young man - you should want sex.  The fact that you were used and abused sexually might make you more cautious and sensitive around the topic, but the fact that you're responding to another man, your boyfriend, like you are is perfectly normal.  In fact, it's a good thing.  You shouldn't expect to have to be a nun after all you've been through.”

“Especially since I'm not a chick.”

They shared a laugh and continued the session.  These things had gotten much easier once Kurt accepted their necessity, and the woman had become a good sounding board for him.  The fact that she was a smart dyke certainly made her more relatable to Kurt, plus she was honest and didn't sugar coat things for him.  A quality he definitely appreciated.

Now Kurt just had to figure out how to tell Blaine.

He wasn't great at talking about his feelings, even with the shrink.  The benefit she had was she was trained to pull out feelings and thoughts so he didn't have to work as hard at it so she could help figure things out with him.  With Blaine though, it was still a learning process.  Part of it was that he didn't want to become overly analytical about his feelings - that seemed pointless and it would take away from good make-out time.

And boy did they ever have good make-out time.

So Kurt decided to tell Blaine in the best way he knew how - by showing him.

“I can't believe Dr. Procue gave me an A on that paper… I thought it was garbage but I guess it must have been at least better than everyone else in the class….”  Blaine said as they cuddled that night.  Kurt had been listening on and off, trying to decide if he should make a move.

He decided for it.

Interrupting Blaine's talking about his school day, Kurt lifted his head to press his lips firmly against Blaine's, who had no problem stopping his line of thought to meet Kurt's mouth.  For a few minutes they just swung their tongues over each other's lips, into each other's mouths, and spun their tongues together like two snakes dancing in the sand, and then Kurt brought his hands to Blaine's waist and started pushing up on Blaine's pyjama shirt.

Blaine chuckled and pulled back, pulling the offending shirt off and letting it fall off to the side on the floor before leaning forward to continue the kiss.  However, Kurt pulled back and for a moment Blaine looked at him in confusion until Kurt pulled his own shirt off.

And his undershirt too.

He held his breath as he watched Blaine, and tried to keep himself from trembling.  He wasn't, but he already felt completely naked and exposed.  Kurt purposely didn't look down at his own chest and stomach.  He knew what was there.  He had stared at himself many times in the safety of a locked bathroom, mapping all of his scars and imperfections.  

“Kurt….?”  

He was taking deep breaths, trying to show Blaine, just trying to let him know without having to say anything at all, but his breaths didn't seem sufficient and this was all too scary.  With a blush he turned his head away and looked down to the blanket.  This was crazy, this was insane, this wasn't the way to do things…

But Blaine surged forwards and wrapped an arm around Kurt while the other snuck under his chin and redirected his jaw so Kurt was again looking at Blaine whose eyes had turned from gold to black.  

“You are absolutely gorgeous.”

The flush on Kurt's cheeks became deeper and he reconnected his lips to Blaine's, moving his hands up and down the smooth, well toned sides of Blaine's body while Blaine's hands explored the expanse of his skin which seemed to involuntarily shiver every now and then.  It had been so long since he had been touched that way….

But he had never really been touched that way before.  Not so slowly, so carefully, so focused on making him feel wanted and good.

Which was why when his cock swelled up in his pants it came as somewhat of a shock to him and he whimpered into Blaine's mouth.  If only he could say things properly, if only…

But Kurt wasn't the only one with that problem, as became abundantly clear when he shifted against Blaine's body and found his thigh pressed up against another bulge in Blaine's pants.  Both of their eyes opened and they looked at each other, stared really, until small smiles grew on their faces and Kurt could see the twinkle in Blaine's darkened eyes.  

He could do this.

Apparently Blaine just thought it was going to end at both of them being bare chested because when he saw Kurt's hands move down to push down his double layer of pyjama pants, his eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped.  

“K-Kurt?”

But Kurt wasn't going to be deterred.  He had made up his mind and he needed to get this out of his system and move past it.  He wasn't going to go hide in the bathroom again and whack off as quietly as he could.  Not tonight.

Again he didn't look down at himself as he found himself only with his socks left on as he sat back on his knees on the bed and tried to gauge Blaine's reaction by looking at him.  After half a second, Kurt immediately began to worry again.  Maybe Blaine genuinely didn't want to have sex.  Maybe it wasn't just because Sebastian was a jerkward, maybe Blaine had no interest in it, maybe he wasn't ready, and, oh god, Kurt had never considered that Blaine wasn't ready, and…

“Wow…”  

Blaine's hushed awe echoed through Kurt's head as he spent the next half a second watching Blaine take in his body and knowing that even though a hundred men had seen it all before, that somehow this one was different and worth the blush he could feel spreading over his body.  

Kurt stayed frozen in place during the next whole three seconds as Blaine shucked off his own pants, kicking them awkwardly off the side of the bed and even whipping his own socks off so he was more naked than Kurt was.

Then it was Kurt's turn to take in Blaine's body.

He had seen it before of course.  He already knew Blaine was well equipped courtesy of the alleyway blowjob he gave him last year.  He also knew Blaine's legs were wonderfully strong from watching him swim.  But to see all of Blaine, all at once, well… that was definitely something else.

He crawled forward and closed the gap between their lips, kissing Blaine urgently, needily, even desperately as his hands began to explore Blaine's body with virgin eagerness.  The more the let their fingers roam over one another, the more anxious Kurt became.  

It would have been less stressful with a trick.  They would tell you what exactly they wanted and you would do it.  With Blaine there were so many options on how to proceed and Kurt didn't know what he wanted or what Blaine wanted, he just knew that he wanted.  And for once, it was okay that he wanted.  He wasn't worried about making enough cash to keep Cole happy or get a fix, he was doing this because he actually wanted to.

A slight pull back from their kiss and Kurt found that Blaine's lips has gravitated to his neck as they moved back together.  They had done that before when they had made out and Blaine already knew just how much Kurt enjoyed his collarbone being touched, but he didn't stop there.  Bit by bit his lips drew themselves downwards and Kurt's body rolled backwards under Blaine's kisses which drew a line down his chest and to his abdomen.  By the time Kurt realized what Blaine was intending, he could scarcely prepare himself for it.

Because even though he was a fucking master at giving blowjobs so his tricks came quickly without a lot of work, he had never, ever received one.  

“Oh holy fuck!” Kurt hissed, his hands dropped to either side of him and pulling the blanket into his fists as he braced himself when Blaine's tongue rolled over the head of his cock and his lips pulled over the head.  No wonder guys paid for this.  He was one second in and it was already amazing.

Blaine was tentative though, and Kurt couldn't help but think of his own techniques that he had always used as Blaine tried different things.  It wasn't bad by any means, but it was clear that it was the first time Blaine had done this, moving his tongue in different ways along Kurt's length and trying different angles, all the while watching Kurt's reaction to see how his different methods affected Kurt.  

When Blaine figured out that by rubbing his tongue along the bottom of Kurt's cock while simultaneously keeping a solid suction on Kurt's cock as he bobbed up and down, he got the reaction he was clearly looking for.  Kurt's eyes rolled back and he ended up shutting his eyes tightly as he came down Blaine's throat without warning, crying out softly in soft, choked gasps.

To his credit, Blaine was able to drink it back, only gagging a little as he was hit by the surprise.  Even Kurt had taken awhile to learn that particular talent.

Panting, writhing, and coming down from what had easily been his most satisfying sexual encounter, Kurt made a small murmur to acknowledge Blaine, “I'll… just give me a minute and I'll take care of you….”

He heard a small chuckle and peaked his eyes open to look towards Blaine whose cheeks were red and lips looked extra plush from the work he had just done.  “I… uh… you don't have to.”

So Kurt's eyes drifted away from Blaine's face to his crotch and saw that while Blaine had been taking him in his mouth, the bed had essentially been victim to Blaine's needy rutting and at some point during all of that - Blaine had come, leaving a sticky mess on the top of the blanket.

“Huh… guess we'll need to wash that.”

Blaine laughed softly again and Kurt found strong arms wrapped around his waist that pulled him back with Blaine to the head of the bed.  

“Is it too much to hope that you might stay like this all night?”

Kurt tilted his head to the side, looking at Blaine who looked so hopeful.  “Probably.”

Blaine kept smiling despite Kurt's noncommittal tone and held him for a moment, skin flush against skin, before he pulled away to change the blanket and wipe himself off.

Kurt pulled his pajamas back on while he left, now feeling more naked than ever.  That had been good… wonderful in fact, but he still felt like he needed that additional layer to feel safe.

“Was… I… ah….okay?” Blaine asked sheepishly when he crawled back into bed with Kurt, clad only in boxers now which Kurt really didn't mind.  The feel of Blaine's skin was completely soothing to him.

“You were perfect.”

“Really?”

“Best blowjob I've ever had.”

Blaine was silent for a moment, and then, “How many have you had?”

“Just one.”

“Oh…. Really?”

“Blaine…”  Kurt lifted his head to look up at the man holding onto him so snugly, “... I got paid to give pleasure, not receive it.”

Blaine looked at him sadly, and Kurt sighed inwardly, immediately regretting that he had brought up his past.  Then, Blaine brought his head down and kissed Kurt's forehead, whispering “I'm glad I could give you that then.”

Kurt smiled and rested his head back down, listening the steady beat of Blaine's heart and breathing in time with him until Blaine fell asleep beneath him and Kurt was left thinking about what had just happened and the sweet, if not sappy, words Blaine had left him with for the night.

Because when it came down to it, Blaine was the first person in the world he had given himself to for free, and the first one he had enjoyed it with.