Making amends with Sebastian actually didn't end up being as hard as Blaine thought it would.  He came in early on Monday morning to work and found Sebastian already there waiting for him.

“I'm sorry.” Both said at the same time, then both broke into nervous chuckles.

“I shouldn't have been so harsh.  If he's your friend, and he's truly trying to get clean and off the streets, well then there's no better person to have around him than you.”  Sebastian offered, reaching to take each of Blaine's hands into his own.

“I'm sorry for not telling you more… I never realized someone might have recognized him from driving down the street.” Blaine smiled, squeezing Sebastian's hands back.

“Let me make it up to you?”

“Sure.”

So, after making sure it was alright with Wes, they left work at the same time and had dinner together.  Sebastian asked a lot of questions about Kurt, and, assuming Blaine knew and could share the answers, told him all about his roommate.  He told him about the hospital, and how well he had been recovering.  How he was enrolled in online college courses for the fall and how Kurt could predict what was going to happen in any movie they watched with deadly accuracy.

He didn't say anything about the fact that Kurt now shared his last name or that they shared a bed every night.  Baby steps.

Sebastian even suggested he come over more so that Kurt had one more person he might feel comfortable around.  Whatever doubts Blaine had about his boyfriend, this one dinner was helping ease them.  No wonder he had fallen for this sweet man.  

Of course, whenever Sebastian came over for dinner now, Kurt left for his room.  Blaine made excuses for him - he wasn't feeling well, he was reading in preparation for classes, he was tired - but he knew that Sebastian wasn't buying it.  Kurt hid because he either didn't like Sebastian or was afraid of him.  Neither of those options sat well with Blaine.

Then one night, after dinner, they moved to the couch.  Blaine was expecting a little bit of making out while they watched a movie, but Sebastian seemed more interested in moving things along from just chaste kisses as he slid one hand up Blaine's shirt and the other down to grope at Blaine through his pants even though Blaine was not even remotely at attention down there.

“Seb…”  He managed to whimper out but then Sebastian's lips were back on him and  his body was being pushed back against the couch.

He didn't want this.  Not now.  He fumbled a little, pushing Sebastian back, but he did and his boyfriend looked at him with shell-shocked eyes.  “Blaine!”

“No… I… I'm not ready Sebastian.” Blaine choked out, immediately feeling bad about what he knew was going to ruin Sebastian's night.

“We've been going out for months Blaine… MONTHS…” Sebastian insisted.

“Kurt's just in the next room Sebastian and I -”

“Kurt knows what sex sounds like Blaine.  He wouldn't even bat an eyelash he's so used to it.”

Blaine frowned at that.  He had purposely not tried to picture the things Kurt had done in that respect primarily because he had a hard time thinking that anyone could get Kurt to do anything he didn't want to do.  But it didn't matter now.  Sebastian wanted something that Blaine couldn't give him.

“Sorry Sebastian… I can't.”

“Fuck… I thought living with a whore might have made you a little less frigid…” Sebastian grunted and stood up, moving to leave the suite while Blaine just stayed in place, not even fighting his departure.

“I'm sorry Sebastian…”

“So you say.  Fuck… I'll see you at work.”

Was there something wrong with him?  There must be if Sebastian thought that going out for months meant that he should spread his legs so easily.  

A door in the hallway unclicked and shifted open and within a minute, Kurt was sitting across from him on the couch.  “Well… he's got blue balls.”

Blaine let out a small chuckle under his breath as the tension fell off of him.  “Yah… the soundproofing is terrible within the apartment.  Fine between suites… but not within… sorry.”

“Stop apologizing Blaine.  You need to just stop being sorry for what you believe in and feel and definitely stop apologizing for things you can't change.”

“But… it's just part of me Kurt… I'm used to being sorry… sorry for being the less amazing child, sorry for not having a real ambition or plan, sorry for holding onto my ideals….”

“And what are your ideals Blaine?” Kurt asked, insistency on his face as he stared down towards Blaine.

“I just… I think when you give… “that” up it should be romantic and meaningful and… I don't know…”

“The problem isn't you Blaine.”  Kurt began, and Blaine smiled to himself.  He would never get tired of Kurt calling him by his name.  “The problem is that you don't feel that way about Sebastian.”

“Romantic and meaningful?”

“Let's make it plain… do you ever get a boner when he's around?”

“Uh…”  Blaine blushed right from the tips of his ears to well below where Kurt could see.  

“So no.” Kurt said with a roll of his eyes.  “Which is interesting… because.. he's not hideous, and he seems polite enough so long as he's with his own kind… like you.”

“Do you think there's something wrong with me?” Blaine asked, hiding his eyes away as he looked everywhere else but at Kurt.  

He heard Kurt sigh, and then the couch shifted as Kurt advanced upon him, “Blaine… there's nothing wrong with you.  Look at me.”

Blaine lifted his head, taking in a small breath as he found Kurt's eyes instantly there and upon him.  Those eyes he could never quite decide on the colour of.  Right now they were blue, light sky blue.

“How can I put this so you get it….”  Kurt hummed and licked over his lips as he thought before finally speaking again after what seemed like an eternity, “You have a good sized cock that definitely has no functioning issues.”

Somehow, something had gotten stuck in Blaine's throat that made him cough violently.  He turned his head away to try and deal with it while Kurt laughed beside him.  

“Jesus Blaine… you're such a mouse when it comes to sex.  Can you even say dick without blushing?  I bet you can't.”

Blaine sucked in a breath as soon as he could and looked at Kurt defiantly.  “Dick.”

He felt the colour surge up into his cheeks, and no amount of willing it back down made it any less visible to Kurt who just smirked at him knowingly.  At least he wasn't laughing at him again.

“Kurt… what was your first time like?  Did it get locked into your memory forever in slow motion?  Do you remember the smells and every details of how he looked and what you felt and did it feel like perfection?”

Kurt's adam apple bobbed when Blaine asked, and immediately Blaine regretted asking.  He had forgotten, for just a second, that what Kurt had experienced wasn't going to be the same as what Blaine had envisioned for himself.

“I remember the grass in front of me, the way my knee's were being burned into the ground such that I knew that I was going to have scabs on them afterwards.  As for smell… I don't recall that.  I do recall holding back the vomit in my throat even though everything hurt and all I wanted to do was cry.”

“Kurt.  I'm sorry.  I didn't-”

Fingers were pressed against Blaine's lips to shush him.  “I told you to stop apologizing for things you can't change.”  The fingers fell back down and Kurt sighed, “Anyhow… it gave me the funds I needed to get to New York… though I found out later that virgin sex goes for a lot more than I ended up getting.”

Blaine frowned, looking back down at his lap.  There was nothing he could say to that.  It sounded horrible.  It was definitely nothing like what Blaine had dreamed about.

Kurt pushed himself off the couch, going into the kitchen where Blaine could hear the tap going.  When he returned he held two glasses of water, one held to Blaine which he took gratefully and sipped from as Kurt joined him again.

“I had a lot of thoughts too when I was younger about how it would be Blaine.  Touching fingertips… the whole idea of slow motion I get.  I remember thinking that too.  Unfortunately, in the moment, it did feel like slow motion - just not in the good way… anyhow… I don't mean to depress you Blaine.  But the point is that the way we think things should be and the way they are… two very different things.  Don't miss out on what could be a good thing.”

“Has it ever been good.. for you?”

Kurt was quiet again and Blaine knew he wasn't going to like the answer because of the delay Kurt had in answering.

“Not while I've been sober… and I don't know that it really counts when I've been high because everything feels good then… No… no… never good… I don't know why I'm trying to tell you it might be….”  He forced a chuckle and looked away, “When I don't even know it can be.  You shouldn't listen to me.”

Blaine's heart sunk as he listened to Kurt.  He thought he detected a wavering in Kurt's voice, but if Kurt was upset, he didn't give it away wearing a plastered on smirk as his eyes moved to look towards the coffee table.

“You'll find someone who makes you feel good Kurt… you deserve nothing less…”

Kurt shook his head, still avoiding Blaine's eyes, “No… and even… “  He sighed, “It's not something I can think about now.  I'm not in a place where I can even think about relationships.”

“That's fair… and quite responsible I might add.”

Kurt snickered and shook his head, moving to settle in beside Blaine.  As soon as Blaine lifted his arm, Kurt's head was on his lap.

“Responsible… now there's a word I never thought I'd hear applied to me.”

Blaine smiled and lowered his arm, letting his fingers brush through Kurt's hair, marvelling to himself at how Kurt managed to get brown hair so very pink with only the kool-aid mix he insisted on.  He was gorgeous when he was so relaxed, a perfect blend of alabaster skin, delicate bone structure, and soft hair - even with all the piercings and dye.  

“Blaine… could you not get aroused when my head is on your lap?  It makes it really hard for me to doze off.” Kurt mumbled, shocking Blaine back into the present.

And… oh shit.  He was aroused.  Not all the way, but definitely enough that Kurt would have had to been completely out of it not to notice.  “Sorry… sorry….”  He quickly flooded himself with thoughts of his grandma, his mother, his sister, and, sadly yes, even of Sebastian as he forced himself to relax.  

“Again with the apologies… listen… we were just talking about sex.  I get it.  Don't worry about it.  Just makes for a lumpy pillow is all.” Kurt grunted and let himself snuggle back into Blaine's lap.  

“Kurt… you said Sebastian wasn't that bad to look at… yet I don't get turned on by him at all.  He's cute yes… but I don't have… any reaction to him like I should…. like… that.”

Kurt snickered, and Blaine felt his breaths against his thigh.  “Well… what on earth am I supposed to tell you about that Blaine?  Given what you just tried to do to my ear, it's clear you have no problem getting it up.”

He blushed again, glad that Kurt couldn't see it from where he lay.  Blaine was on the verge of apologizing for his mishap again when he remembered that Kurt would just scold him for it.  

“Maybe… maybe you should just take a smaller next step with him Blaine… maybe it's because you've only ever been formal with him and don't see him like that because you haven't broken down your own walls around him…”

Blaine looked back down at the head on his lap.  His fingers had paused and held in the high point of Kurt's head when Kurt had pointed out his problem and he began running them back through again, brushing out the messy head of hair that could use more than a trim.  “Maybe… I'm just not comfortable even taking that next step… no one, aside from you, has really seen me….”

“No one?!”  Kurt's head launched up and looked back at him incredulously, “Not even Wes?”

Blaine slowly shook his head, “No… I'm kind of… well.. modest?”

“No shit.”  Kurt landed his head back down to Blaine's lap and clucked his tongue inside his mouth.

“Speaking of which… Kurt, I know your old clothes kind of played out to getting attention… but it's the middle of summer and given that I do the laundry I know you wear not only a hoodie everyday, but a T-shirt AND undershirt… in addition to that is there any reason you need to wear both briefs and boxers?  There are these wonderful things called boxer briefs….”

“I'm cold.”

“That's it?”

“Would you rather I walk around here in nothing?”

“No… but nothing is a far cry from the triple layering you're doing right now.   Are you ashamed of your body Kurt?”

Laughter.  Of course he got laughter in response to that.  “No Blaine.  I am not ashamed.  Clearly my body is attractive or I wouldn't starved to death early on in my illustrious career as a corner whore.  I'm just cold.  Can you drop it please?”

“Alright.  Sor-”  He clamped his mouth shut.

Did he always apologize this much?