His hands kept finding their way onto Blaine's skin where he let them travel and explore every ridge and curve, every smooth expanse, and every furry nook.  He made sure his eyes had mapped each freckle, each patch of hair, and every dimple.  Kurt even let his nose roam free, noting how Blaine's feet smelled, well, like feet, how his hair smelled of Kurt's shampoo, and how his neck smelled of the cinnamon hearts he kept sneaking out of Kurt's candy dish.

Kurt had even let himself savour the total musk that was Blaine's underarms when he cuddled himself into Blaine's embrace at night.  

In fact, Kurt actually found his newfound desire for intimacy halted by Blaine on several occasions.

“No… not yet….”  Blaine had said weakly as Kurt teased his mouth down towards pyjama pants he had pulled down.

“Ah…!”  Blaine yelped, turning red, and then pulling away when Kurt spooned him with his ever present pant bulge pressed into the crevice between Blaine's perfect little ass.  

“God… Kurt… I want to… but… we need to hold off a little…”  Blaine whimpered when Kurt had dragged his fingers towards his own ass another night, trying to get some relief.

Indeed, their intimacy had been limited to urgent grinding that left both of them with messes in their pants because the only time Kurt could seem to keep Blaine from backing off was when they were fully clothed.  There had been no repeat of the scene in the shower room, and Kurt was beginning to wonder if there was something unappealing about him, or if Blaine was really that nervous about it all.

“You're an absolute, unadulterated idiot.”  Santana said once Kurt openly griped to her about the lack of progress when it came to having Blaine in his bed.  He had just written a final exam and was walking back to his dorm when his friend caught up to him.

“Why?  Because I'm suddenly realizing that… hey!  Maybe sex is an awesome thing after all?” Kurt snapped back, and wincing as soon as the words were out of his mouth.  He was frustrated, and while Santana could be rude, she didn't deserve his snarkiness.

“No.  Because you don't realize that he's not ready to progress to that right away after doing what he did in service.”

Kurt stopped, and Santana took a couple more steps before realizing he was a yard back before turning around and looking at him trying to decipher just what that meant.

“I fast tracked Kurt, and when I left the service I didn't go straight to school the next day.  That day we met again in high school - it was after I had done exactly what Blaine is doing now, sleeping off the mental and emotional exhaustion.  It took me weeks to regain myself.”

“I….”  Kurt's eyes went wide as he looked again at his friend.  He knew she had fast tracked - but they had never talked about it.  He had never asked about.  Now he felt guilty for not knowing more.

“He signed off on sex trade Kurt.  Sure it was just lap dancing at the club… but what about after?  You're frustrated he won't bang you.  Well I'm pretty sure he's just waiting for the results of his blood and urine work from the doctor to make sure he's okay for you.”

“Oh god…”  Kurt wheezed under his breath, eyes suddenly flitting back and forth as his brain raced.  “I didn't even…  I never thought…. “

“Yeah, well, not all of us were so lucky to not have to fast track to get out at sixteen.  Give him a break.  Hell… he's doing better than I did at least.   He hasn't thrown a chair at anyone anyhow.”

“You threw a chair at someone?”  Kurt asked, his voice still a tense whisper as his eyes remained transfixed on Santana.

“Only four times….”  Santana grumbled, then squinted in thought.  “Wait… no… five… just five times.”

“Holy…”  Santana was caustic.  She was brutally honest and absolutely scalding when it came to verbally dressing down people she took issue with, but Kurt had never known her to be violent.  The image was terrifying, and the reasoning behind it made his stomach go sour and groan.

“Anyhow… all I'm saying is… he obviously wants nothing more than to be with you, but he's got to have a little time to heal as well.” She shrugged and turned back away.  

Kurt stepped up to her and together they resumed walking to the dorms together.  “You really think he's been…” Kurt couldn't even say it.  Not Blaine.  Not HIS Blaine.

She sighed, “He hasn't said anything to me if that's what you're asking… but… I wouldn't be surprised really.  Once you've signed off on fast tracking that way, you can't un-sign it.  I can't imagine why some old rich guy would want him for a couple years though… unless it was that.”

Kurt's adam's apple bobbed hard against the line of his throat as unwelcome images spun through his mind of Blaine and some faceless, other man.  To say he didn't like the idea was an understatement.

“I'm sorry I never asked you about that Santana….”  Kurt murmured, trying to get the unwanted pictures out of his brain.

“Don't.”  She shot a finger up.  “Don't.  It's my past.  It's done and gone.  It's not part of me in any way, shape, or form now.  When I don't talk about it, I don't think about it, and when I don't think about it, it doesn't exist.”

He nodded, letting his lips seal together as they continued the journey in silence and parted ways at the entrance to his building.  The elevator was perpetually broken so he ascended the stairs slowly, each step a question in his mind.  Should he ask Blaine?  Should he wait until Blaine said something to him?  Should he be worried?  Could he compare to someone else?  How could anyone do that?  How could his parents sign off on that?  How could they reject him for that if they were the ones who signed off in the first place?  How long until Blaine felt better?  Would he ever feel better?

He reached his door far too quickly, and with no answers from his climb.

Blaine was still sleeping, fingertips twitching against the blankets, and brow furrowing every so often.  At this point, Kurt knew that he was definitely asleep, and well within a dream by the tells of his body.

Looking at him, Kurt saw traces of the boy he had known.  The long lashes that had always fanned over the tops of his cheeks.  The hair that would never listen to reason and stay put.  The twitch of a grin, even in sleep, that made his cheeks pop out.  Someone had hurt that boy, and it made Kurt sick to think of what that might do to the man that Kurt had no problem admitting he loved.

“Mm…. ‘nuggle?”  Blaine murmured, eyes splitting apart as he blearily seemed to sense Kurt's nearness.

“Yeah…”

Kurt stripped down to his boxers, crawling in alongside Blaine and allowing himself to be wrapped up in his arms as Blaine cuddled against him and mumbled lazily  “How was your test?”

“Fine… it was… fine…”  Kurt reached up to brush his fingers over Blaine's face, tracing the lines of his cheekbones and jaw and receiving a happy hum in response to his ministrations.  “All done now for the summer.”

“Mmm…. ‘kay.”

Blaine fell back asleep without too long of a pause and Kurt let his eyes linger over this boy-man in his bed.  His heart pumped so hard against his ribs, threatening to shatter them under its force, as he fretted over how to ask Blaine just what the last couple years of his life has entailed.

Because if there was one thing Kurt knew, it was that if he didn't ask, the worries would eat away at him.  He had to be direct, even if it was hard on them both.

For now though, he let himself enjoy the slow tempo of Blaine's even breathing and the way his arm hairs tickled Kurt's sides where they had bound themselves around his waist - clasped behind Kurt's back so there was no easy way he could escape.  It was to that slow, steady melody of breathing that Kurt eventually settled inside himself and allowed himself to fall asleep in the safest place he could be.

He had definitely enjoyed the easiness of napping with Blaine, if nothing else.

The tables were turned when Kurt awoke, finding Blaine's eyes settled on his face and seeing his boyish grin take over his face as he noticed Kurt waking.  “My sleeping beauty.”

It made Kurt snicker.  It was the epitome of cheesiness and so, completely a Blaine thing to say.  Plus it was exactly the kind of thing Kurt needed to help lift the weight on his heart.

“What?  My lines not good enough for you?”

Kurt grinned and shook his head, reaching up to cup Blaine's cheek and ply his lips with his own, taking a moment to just enjoy the promise those lips on his had before breaking them apart.

“Blaine… what were you doing at the Smythe place?”

A cloud fell over Blaine almost immediately, his eyes dropping away from Kurt's and the corners of his mouth changing direction.  He held his breath for a moment before whispering.

“If I tell you, you won't want me anymore.”

Whatever weight had been lifted from Kurt's heart came back instantly and smashed it with its force.  “Oh god… no Blaine… no… Santana said some stuff today and….”  He stopped, took in a breath, and backtracked.  “Santana fast tracked after the factory.  She said the way you're acting is like how she was after she got out of service and… I…. it's okay Blaine.  I just want to know how to help you.”

There was a lengthy pause between Kurt's words and Blaine speaking, and for a moment Kurt thought he had it all wrong and Blaine was just exhausted from working so hard or from the emotional fallout of his parents rejecting him.  God, if only he was wrong.

“Sex trade…. yeah.  Doctor said it was a normal response when I went the other day.  Advised me not to self medicate with drugs or alcohol because apparently that happens with a lot of cases…. I'm not going to though… wouldn't have the money for it anyhow….”

Kurt stiffened, but forced himself to nod, to just listen and let Blaine know he could talk without judgement or reprieve.

“When I was dancing… at that club where you saw me, a former classmate saw me there - from when I was in school.  He kept coming back…  turns out he has money to spare - the old kind of money you can't spend away even if you tried.  He got his dad to broker the deal.  I think that even if I didn't sign the paperwork it might have happened anyway… I found out he… Sebastian… always gets what he wants.  He wanted me…. at least for the first few months.  He got bored though….”

The emotions that surged through Kurt rallied up and down from his stomach to his heart.  Anger, sadness, disgust.  He tried to keep himself stoic, plain faced, but really didn't know how much his feelings tried to get through with the sweat forming on his brow or the way his muscles kept twitching and tensing as the fury within him tried to escape.

“... a deal was a deal though…. I stayed on until I was nineteen.  I was useful for friends of his.  Guys who needed an outlet but weren't “open” about their sexuality to their family.  His dad had the same idea.  I made the rounds I guess you'd say….”

There was a long sigh, and a long release following it, Blaine forcing his eyes to come back up to meet Kurt's and search for his response.

“.... When you came by… after you figured out where I was and I happened to be passing the com system and cameras…. I was so ashamed…. I didn't want you to come in if only because I didn't want you to know what I'd become… and….”  He gulped, tears threatening to spill over the rims at the bottom of his eyes, “... I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner… I thought you wouldn't want me…. like my family…”

Kurt couldn't hold himself back any longer.  He whipped his arms around Blaine and held him tightly, holding him against him and rocking him gently in place as Blaine let out a sob, and then another, and another.  Before long Kurt's shoulder was soaked and Blaine was babbling incoherently into his neck and all Kurt could think about was hiding Blaine away from the world for as long as it took to let him know he mattered while simultaneously taking out a hit on the Smythe's and Blaine's parents.  Blaine had more than paid for an eternity's worth of shin kicking and toe stomping from his youth, and Kurt just couldn't fathom how the world could see fit to let this happen.

Blaine cried until his eyes were dry of tears and his face was red and splotchy, Kurt reassuring him again and again that he loved him and everything would be okay.  He couldn't guarantee it, but he'd be damned if he wasn't going to try to make it so.  Once Blaine was calmer, Kurt took him to the showers, booting out the couple odd guys in there so that he could soap, and shampoo, and otherwise pamper Blaine like he deserved, helping him into fresh pajamas and tucking him back into bed where Blaine slept like the dead even though he had slept the day away already.

Then he texted his dad.  As much as Blaine needed Kurt to be solid and steadfast then, Kurt needed someone to vent to, and his dad knew the perils of loving someone enough to risk everything for them more than anyone else.