“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.” - Ambrose Bierce

“Thanks for watching her man!  You're a pal!” Noah said, taking his daughter by the hand and actually waving to Kurt as if he were a friend.  

“Yeah… no problem…”  Kurt muttered, then gritted his teeth and hissed out to the side and out of earshot, “Since you abandoned her all fucking day….”

Noah and Quinn hadn't come to pick up Beth that morning, so Kurt had walked her back into town, expecting to be able to go hunting afterwards.  He was greeted though with a note stuck to the door of their apartment.

“Thanks for the day off Kurt!  We'll use it well!” - Noah

Somewhere, something had been miscommunicated and Kurt ended up having Beth with him all day while Quinn and Noah took the day off to to god knew what together.  If Kurt hadn't needed to check his traps after being gone those few days and hunt so he had his own private store of food, he might have not minded.  It also didn't help that he had no idea what to do with an eight year old girl all day long.  It was one thing to watch her for the night when all that was expected was telling her stories and singing her lullabies - it was another thing entirely to try and figure out what they should do all day.

Thank goodness for Blaine.

Kurt had been in the process of trying to figure out what Beth could do for the day, since there was no school every seventh day, when Blaine had stopped by to see if Kurt was interested in finding and taming one of the wild dogs in the area.

“No.  I'm busy.” Kurt snapped impatiently.  He didn't have time to entertain having another small creature in his home.

“I do!” Beth yelled and scooted past Kurt to grab hold of Blaine by the hand.  He went wide eyed at the little girl's sudden grasp, then warmed and knelt before her.

“You like dogs?”

She nodded rapidly and looked back to Kurt, eyes bulging and begging, “PLEASE Mr. Hummel?  Please can I go with Mr. Anderson?”

Kurt exhaled and nodded, the stress flooding out of him as Blaine and Beth walked off together allowing Kurt to tend to his old snares and traplines for the morning before returning home to skin and prepare the animal meat.  When he heard the pair returning, he stepped outside and saw they were not alone.

“I don't really know how I feel about having a dog nearby Blaine… it might scare off the other animals.” Kurt said, though he dropped down to squat and pet the black labrador cross he had met earlier on in the week who nudged her head into his hand, silently requesting more of the same.

“Nah… besides, she's a total sweetheart and Beth here came up with a great name for her.”

“Pudding!”

Kurt shook his head and just held in his laugh as best as he could, though his mouth curled up into a smile as he regarded the dog before him.  “Pudding huh?”

Beth dropped to her knees and, without any concern about the dog's reaction, wrapped her arms around Pudding to snuggle her.  “Yes, and Mr. Anderson says I can visit her whenever I want and even have one of the puppies if my mom and dad let me!”

“Puppies…?”  Kurt glanced up, expression now cold as he looked towards Blaine who deftly avoided eye contact with him.

“Oh yes!” Beth exclaimed, clearly oblivious to the sudden division between the two men.  “Mr. Anderson said she's full of puppies and in a few weeks she'll have them and I can come see them get bigger and then when they're done with their mom's milk I can have one…. if my parents say I can.”

“Well…”  Kurt looked back to Beth, letting his expression soften for her benefit,  “I hope you can have one.  They're a big responsibility though you know.”

Again she nodded quickly, “Oh yes.  I have to feed the puppy and train the puppy to do its business outside and make sure to give it lots of pettings and brushings.”

Kurt stood up, ignoring the dog's insistent nudges into his hands for more affection, “Yes, and your parents will probably expect you to take full responsibility of any puppy if you get one.”  He glanced back at Blaine then, “They're not going to do the work for you if you get bored of it.”

Again, Blaine looked away, a blush creeping over his cheeks and Kurt looked back again to Beth who was already stating that she would be “the most responsible-est girl ever” if she got a puppy.

She also said she would name a puppy Cookie because those were also tasty.

Kurt had Beth read to him while he made himself new arrows that day, had her help him oil a hide he was working on tanning, and supervised her tree climbing - which she was all too good at.  They went into town for their meals, but, as always, came back with their food to eat it at the shack.  

It was during supper that Beth looked at the small pile of electronics that still sat on Kurt's pelt bed and inquired, “When is Mr. Anderson gonna do something with those so you can show me why they're a big deal?”

“I have to give them to him first.”

“Then you should do that.”

Kurt sighed, “I should.”

It was one thing to be around Blaine in a group or with Beth, but he knew being around him alone was going to be uncomfortable.  He was also unsure about how Blaine might react finding out that Kurt had been grabbing the phones and music players that Blaine had decided to leave behind.  Would he see it as some grand gesture?  Would he be irritated that Kurt did something he felt he wasn't permitted to do?  Would he read too much into it?

He just wanted more music to listen to, Kurt told himself.  Unfortunately, he needed Blaine for that so Kurt was going to have to get those electronics to Blaine at some point and face whatever reaction came of it.  He just needed a bit more time to mentally prepare for those potential outcomes.  Roleplay in his mind what he could and would say depending on how Blaine reacted.  If Blaine got upset, Kurt could be snappy right back.  If he thought Kurt was bringing him gifts to make up for his earlier freak out, well than Kurt had no problem telling him where to go.  He could handle it.

So after Noah took Beth, Kurt gathered up the phones and music players and went over to Blaine's hut - which more and more was resembling an actual cabin as Blaine improved it - and knocked on the door.

“Come in Kurt.” Blaine beckoned from inside and as Kurt stepped in, Blaine sat up.  He had been reclining on his mattress and reading a weathered copy of a book Kurt didn't recognize offhand.  The dog, Pudding, was curled up in the bed right beside where Blaine had been laying.  She perked her head up and looked at Kurt curiously as he entered, tail wagging instantaneously.  

“How'd you…?”

“No one else visits me.  I guessed.”  Blaine said with a lopsided grin as he set the book to the side.  “What's up?”

Kurt held out his handfuls of electronics, “Here.”

“Oh…”  Blaine held his breath for a moment and then, upon recognizing that they were actually for him to take, put out his own hands and accepted the pile.  “These… were from the trip?”  

Kurt just nodded while Blaine turned and set them down on his mattress, lining them all out one by one and then grabbing one of the solar chargers away from where it had been charging one of the old phones during the day and plugging it into one of the new ones.  “They don't all have the same kind of adapter-plug-thing…. but maybe on another trip we could see if we could find cords that fit the other ones….”  

“Oh…. okay.”  Kurt hadn't even thought to consider the different sized holes on the sides of them all.  Really, being the community mechanic, he should have figured that out on his own he thought to himself, but it must have just been the lack of sleep over the past couple days that made him not consider it.

“Once I see if it'll still accept power and if it has anything of interest on it, then I'll let you listen….”  Blaine said, suddenly quite involved in looking over each phone and player, rubbing the edges with a finger and examining the different ports on them all.  

Kurt didn't know how to respond to this.  He had thought Blaine would have had reacted… more.  He had planned for angry or utterly giddy or extremely happy, but the simplicity of Blaine's acceptance of Kurt's getting him the phones didn't seem right.  In fact, it was irritating.

“So… what?  No thank you or anything?”

Blaine's head jerked away from the white metal rectangle he was investigating and looked at Kurt, big eyebrows squished together in a bunch on his forehead, “What?”

“I said, aren't you going to thank me for getting those for you.” Kurt hissed between his teeth.

Blaine glanced from Kurt, to the phone in his hand and then back up.  “Thank…  you?  Kurt, did you get these for me or for you?”

“Well for you obviously!  It's not like I have a freaking thing that charges them up!”

Blaine's mouth opened, though nothing came out as he continued to regard Kurt with clouding eyes.  It took a huff from Kurt to re engage Blaine who held the phone back to Kurt then.  “Take it back then.”

“What?!”  Kurt put his palms out towards the offering, “No!  Why?”

“Kurt.  I don't want a gift if you're going to freak out like this over it… especially not after what happened….”

Kurt's jaw clenched shut and his hands found themselves dropping to his sides in balls of fist as he looked away and towards Blaine's fire.  All at once he felt both incredibly heavy and light in the heart, his mind racing as he tried to figure out how to respond to this.  He had screwed up.  He hadn't planned for this and now he looked like an absolute idiot.

Again Blaine held out the phone, “Take them back Kurt.  I can't… I don't mind charging them up and helping you figure out how to use them… but I can't accept them as a gift.”

He glanced at the phone in Blaine's outstretched hand.  He couldn't take it back.  It was useless to him without Blaine's help - a paperweight with no paper to hold down.  A constant reminder of his failed attempt at intimacy in that town he knew he'd forever refuse to scavenge in again.  

Kurt wanted the music.  He needed it.  He needed to feel like he had done something good and he had been convinced he had, at least until this point.  He needed to make things right somehow.

“Kurt…”  Blaine took a step forward, still holding the phone and trying to get Kurt to take it back, but Kurt stepped back when Blaine stepped forward.

“No…. it's… Just take them.”

A sigh then, and Blaine lowered his hand, “Fine.  Thank you then.”

Kurt raised his eyes then, looking at Blaine who was, once again, rubbing the back of his neck as he turned around to set the phone back on his mattress.

“You're welcome.”

Blaine shook his head as he looked over the electronics.  “Why'd you get them Kurt?  Did you think you were doing me a favour… or….?”

“Because I wanted more music to listen to.”

“Right.  Okay then.  I get it now.”

Kurt pressed his lips together tightly and curled his toes inside his boots.  “What do you mean… you get it now.  Get what exactly?”

“This!” Blaine swept an arm over the electronics, looking back at Kurt, “It was just about you.”

“Well….”   Kurt stopped before he said something that he would regret and plucked at the edges of his coat as he thought.  How did he get into this?  Why was he even still at Blaine's entertaining this argument for that matter?

“Don't worry about it Kurt.  I'll charge them up and get the music to you as soon as possible.” Blaine snapped, glancing back to the electronics as spots of colour touched his cheekbones.  

“Good.”  Kurt replied, just as hard and cold as Blaine had just been and pushed the door open.  “Thank you.”

The cold bit Kurt as soon as he stepped outside, and he pulled his arms around himself as he made the short walk back to his shabby hut.  He hadn't propped anything up against the door when he had left earlier, so the wind was flipping it back and forth as it spun around and tossed snow up into the air from the ground.  

He really needed to fix that.

That night again he slept poorly, tossing and turning and even waking with a start several times when the wind blew so hard it made sharp whistling noises.  He was glad for morning, and the calm in the weather it seemed to bring, even though he was once again too tired and now completely irritated with Blaine's behaviour the previous evening.

Free to do what he wanted once again, Kurt went on a hunt all morning and didn't return until he was due to start a patrolling shift in the afternoon.  The hunt was a complete waste and Kurt had returned empty handed for the first time in months.  Still, it got him time away to clear his head and just be alone.

When he went to collect his dinner after his shift, Blaine stepped up behind him and stiffly said, “I've got two ready.” before leaving him there, alone again.  It wasn't just alone this time though, it was more.  He hadn't imposed it on himself, and because of that, Kurt ached.  He watched Blaine leave the kitchen and before he knew what he was doing, he had grabbed his food and run after the curly haired man to catch up with him down the community street as he walked back to their respective homes.

Blaine didn't acknowledge him.

“Did you listen to what was on them?” Kurt prompted, noting that he had to quicken his own pace to keep up.

“No.  I said you'd get first listen.  There are music files on both of them though.”

Kurt kept walking, so quickly even for him, and kept stealing glances over at Blaine who was unusually focused on what was ahead of him as he walked.

“How's Trent?”

Blaine pressed his lips together tightly and snuck a sideways glance at Kurt, brows arches just slightly before he returned his gaze forward, “Fine.”

“Blaine…”

“Why are you asking Kurt?”

Kurt stopped in his tracks, letting Blaine continue to walk for a couple moments until he seemed to realize that Kurt was no longer trying to keep up and stopped himself, looking back to the chestnut haired man.

“Why am I asking?  I've asked since day one Blaine!”

Blaine spread his arms out to either side as he turned to face Kurt. “But why?  How does it benefit you?”

Kurt wavered, his lips fluttering for a moment as he tried to find the right way to respond, but the sourness in his stomach that had quickly evolved blended with the heat on the back of his neck didn't help him think.  “It… doesn't.  I just do it.”

“So you care about him, but not me.”

Kurt's eyes snapped up to meet Blaine's, “What?  Blaine….”

“Nevermind.  Forget I said it.” Blaine groaned, turning himself around again to continue his walk away.

“No!”  Kurt strode after Blaine, just as intently as before.  “Stop.  You don't get to just walk away so you can have the last word!”

“Really Kurt?  You think THAT'S why I'm walking away?” Blaine huffed, still keeping pace even though Kurt could now see the beads of sweat on the back of his neck.

“No.  I think you're walking away because you're a hypocrite!  You call me immature when I freak out and now, here you are, doing the same damned thing.”

Blaine stopped again, breathing in deeply though not turning or looking back at Kurt, focusing instead on the snow before him on the ground.  

Kurt took the opportunity, rounding up in front of Blaine.  “I think you think it's easier to think that I'm completely self absorbed and that's why I freaked out about what we did.  You think it's my issue.”

“I never said that Kurt…” Blaine murmured weakly, though kept himself from making eye contact.

“You didn't have to.  Look at how you're acting!  How dare you tell me to be civil when you're not!”

“You're the one who had a tantrum over me saying thank you over a gift I didn't know was a gift!”  Blaine spat, finally looking up with fire in his eyes.

“Oh please!  That was hardly a tantrum.  It was a fucking miscommunication!  Get over it!”

“Fine.  Done.  Now get out of my way.”

Kurt held his ground, “No.  Walk around me.”

Blaine rolled his eyes and stepped around Kurt who stood there for a moment before once again turning and trailing after Blaine, “Why'd you do that?”

Blaine didn't look at Kurt.  “Because you told me to.”

“You should have argued it.”

“Honestly Kurt!”  Blaine stopped in place again and cried out to the night sky above them before looking back to him.  “What the hell do you want?  You tell me to do one thing and then expect another?  You want me to argue with you over moving?”

“No… yes….. fuck!” Kurt kicked some snow by his feet, sending a spray of white out in the air around him.  “You shouldn't be such a pushover…..”

“I wasn't trying to be.  I didn't see the point in fighting over it and I wanted to get to bed.”

“Then just… go.  Fuck.”

Blaine hesitated in place for a moment, watching Kurt as Kurt watched the flakes of snow slowly fall back into place around him before he again left Kurt there.  Standing there for several minutes, Kurt just let the night blanket him in quiet, trying to figure himself out and what had come over him.

He had acted miserably just then, and for no fathomable reason he could muster.  He was absolutely immature, vile, and yes, uncivil.  Blaine had been right to call him on it.

“So you care about him, but not me.”

The words rung through Kurt's ears even though Blaine was long gone.  Blaine thought Kurt didn't care about him.

Did he care?

Kurt picked up his feet and walked back to his home, pointedly ignoring the cracks of light coming from Blaine's cabin and the bark of Pudding inside it as he trudged into his hut.  

If he didn't care, he wouldn't have helped, or put up with Blaine for that matter.  He wouldn't have bothered talking to him.  Maybe he just didn't care about Blaine the way Blaine expected.  Which meant that Blaine expected more.

Which meant that when Blaine said it was okay if Kurt didn't reciprocate his feelings the other day, he was lying.  Clearly it wasn't okay.

Collapsing into the bed without taking off his jacket, Kurt let loose a groan into the pelts of his bed.  Frustration didn't even begin to describe how he felt, but he knew what would solve it.  After getting back up, he heated up some snow water in his pot over the fire and added some leaves from his herb collection - chamomile.  Thank goodness for those wilderness survival books he had stumbled on years ago because they had helped him identify so many plants that were edible and had other uses.  

When his tea was ready, he drank it slowly and then laid back in his bed.  He needed to sleep.  He needed a clear head that didn't have him stumbling around Blaine like a fool so he could deal with whatever misunderstandings they were having.

The drink did help, and Kurt was out faster than he had been in days.  Dreams of hunting were followed by dreams of flying, and then…

Darkness.  All around him and nothing else.  No smells, no sounds, nothing to see or feel, and he couldn't move again.  His legs wouldn't do what he wanted them to do.  He was stuck in place.  Trying to call out to see if there was anyone around, he found his voice gone again, just as it had been in the dream two nights ago.  He panicked and flailed and felt the fear take him over.  He couldn't escape, but he needed to, and no one was around.

“Oh Kurt…. just accept it.”

Her again.  She faded into view from within the darkness.  That Other woman again with her blue hair bound all around her body and leaving a trail of feathers along the path she walked to get to him.

“You can't be free.”

He struggled in spot again, trying so hard to move.  His heart.  He couldn't let her get his heart.  His mouth kept opening, and it felt like he was screaming, but he couldn't hear the sound.

“Stop fighting it.”

One of her eerily long fingers reached under his chin and tipped his face up so he was looking up at her.  Again he tried to scream, but the sound wouldn't come.

“Stop.”

He felt the cold press of her finger into the soft spot in the center of his jaw and then, just as quickly as she had tore into his chest, she stabbed upwards with her finger into his head and up into his skull.  He felt burning, and trying to yell again he couldn't even move his mouth.  His eyes still worked, his brain too for that matter.  All he could do now was look upon her and feel his fear.

“Kurt…..”

Her voice deepened.

“Kurt!”

No.  It wasn't her voice….

“KURT!  Wake up!”

His eyes snapped apart and his hands reached up right away to feel his chin and neck, to make sure he truly hadn't been stabbed in the head by the finger of an Other.  He was shaking, covered in his own sweat, and his throat hurt for some inexplicable reason.

And Blaine was standing beside his bed, door open behind him with Pudding sitting in the entryway with her head cocked to one side as she looked at him.  His eyes were strained as he looked over Kurt, and Kurt could hear his breaths coming just as quickly as Kurt's were.

“What?  Why are you here?”

“You were screaming… howling more like it….” Blaine explained, his eyebrows drawing together.

“Bad dream.” Kurt explained cooly, glancing down at his hands and flexing out his fingers.  His palms had imprints of his own fingernails from where he must have been clenching his fists in his sleep.  

“You have a lot of bad dreams….”

Kurt looked up again at Blaine, whose worry still hadn't left his face.  “What are you talking about?  This time and one other….”

“No.  When we slept together you were fitful the whole time… and I had to hold you close to get you to settle… and I hear you screaming out regularly at night… just… never so constant as it was tonight… I thought someone was killing you and Pudding was freaking out and barking up a storm everytime you wailed.”

Kurt looked back down at his hands and fiddled with his blanket.  SomeTHING had been killing him… at least in his dreams.  

“I'm sorry Kurt….”

Kurt sighed, “It's not your fault Blaine.  I just… I've never really slept well.”

“Not about that… Well I am, but it's not what I was talking about.  I'm sorry about earlier.  I was being a jerk.”

Kurt looked back up, “So was I.”

Blaine smiled weakly, “Do you want Pudding to sleep with you?  Or maybe one of the phones to listen to?”

Kurt shook his head slowly and sighed once more.  “Thanks… for waking me.”

“Was it that bad?  Do you want to talk about it?”

Another shake of his head, “No.  It was just a dream.  Nothing to analyze but my own inability to get my head out of my ass when it comes to getting a proper nights sleep.”

Without invitation, Blaine sat on the edge of Kurt's bed, glancing to Kurt's hands just as Kurt was.  “I remember getting bad dreams right after The Tides… nightmares about seeing my parents and my brother get swept away in those first waves… or worse.”

“What could be worse….?”

“The first time we stumbled across a group of Others… they were piling up human corpses….  We watched them from where we were hidden in a farmer's shed… body after body… each one more torn apart than the last….”

“Jesus… what did they do to them?”

Blaine shook his head, “I don't know.  I don't know.  It was like one of those awful horror movies I used to watch and laugh at with my buddies when I was younger… but real.  So real.  I still see them sometimes… and sometimes I see my family in along with them.”

Kurt shook his head, disbelief at such a scene clouding through his head, “I… miss my family.  So badly… but I'm glad I know how they went… That it wasn't because of them.”

Blaine nodded and let the silence hang between them as they listened to each other's breathing for the moment.  Pudding invited herself up on the bed, jumping up in one fluid movement and laying at Kurt's feet, head tucked between her forepaws.

“Oh… no… Pudding… this isn't your bed.”  Kurt shook his head with a smirk, “I can't believe you let her name the dog Pudding.  It's ridiculous.”

Blaine smiled and reached over to rub the labrador between the ears, “It made her happy and I don't mind calling it out in the middle of the night if I need to.  Pudding here doesn't seem to mind it either.”

Kurt couldn't help but uncurl his toes under the warmth of the dog laying atop them.  She was definitely warm, and now that she was resting, Kurt could see the slight bulge in her stomach.  “Those puppies will be popular if what you said is true about dogs and Others.”

Blaine nodded, “I know…. and it is true.  Like I also said, if the Warbler's weren't nomadic, we'd have dogs of our own too.”

“Why do you all travel?  Why not settle in one place?”

Blaine shrugged, “It's just what we've always done.”

“Wouldn't it be easier to have a home?”

Blaine glanced up, looking at Kurt curiously, “Everyday I hear you and watch you get up and do things in the exact same order.  Wash, exchange your bottles, eat, hunt, patrol, take your meals back here, spend your evenings making arrows or reading, try to sleep, repeat.  You don't get to question me about breaking habits.”

Kurt's mouth went slack and he looked away - at a total loss for words.  Blaine did have a point, but what had Kurt tense was that Blaine had admitted to being completely aware of Kurt's idiosyncrasies.  It would have been endearing if it wasn't so… creepy.  

Blaine exhaled, “Anyhow… it's been suggested before that we settle down, but there's so many different opinions in the group about where to do it or if we should do it that we've never ended up doing it in the end.”

Kurt looked back then, “Then why don't you all just go your own ways?”

Blaine frowned, “Because… we've been together for ten years… “

“So?  You seem to be doing well enough away from them right now.”

“But…. only because I know I'm going to see them again… and I I have Trent.”

Kurt didn't know why he said what came out of him next, but did know that he regretted it the instant it came out of his lips.

“But Trent isn't going to be able to go back with you when you leave.”

He held his breath, watching Blaine as he clenched his eyes shut and gripped the edge of the pelts with white knuckles.  

“I know…”

Kurt's eyebrows perked up, “You know?”

Blaine nodded, “His leg is so messed up…. and he's already talking about Kitty in that way that you know, even if he doesn't, that he wouldn't be able to leave her. God I'm going to miss him.  We've been buddies since the beginning…”

What was that like, Kurt wondered, to have a best friend.  All his favourite stories included a best friend character.  Someone who supported the protagonist but still told them when they were being a fool.   

“I'm still in disbelief over Kitty taking a shine to him… she has always been so… antagonistic to everyone.”

Blaine chuckled and nodded once, “I still don't know if I should tell him about that scene she made with me when you were there that one day… I think she was trying to mess with me.”

Or me, Kurt noted to himself.  “Don't bother.  She was probably testing your friendship quality.  It's pretty clear she likes him…”

Blaine nodded and then looked back up towards Kurt, “When I go… will you please make sure he's okay?  Just… make sure Kitty is treating him like he deserves and that he's happy?”

Kurt nodded absently, getting lost in pools of honey that were so deep in that moment he could drown.  He wasn't sure what he could do if Trent was unhappy, but he knew he didn't want Blaine to worry.

Why though?

“I'm going to give Trent the first choice of puppies…” Blaine started, looking towards Pudding then, whose tail beat against the bed in heavy thuds as she saw Blaine's eyes on her, “... so he always has someone there for him no matter what.”

“What about Pudding?  When you go…”

Blaine glanced from the dog to Kurt, “Well… would you take care of her?”

Kurt wrinkled up his brow and looked at the dog on his feet.  He didn't want to have to share his food, or mediocre space, with anyone else, let alone something that was going to leave hair all over him and stink up the place.

“Please?”

Kurt glanced back towards Blaine, who was so much more effective at puppy dog eyes than the damned dog was.  

“Okay…”

That made Blaine smile, and the fact that Kurt had just agreed to take on a dependant was suddenly worth it to see that smile. He shook his head and glanced back down at his hands as he let loose a chuckle.  “God...of all the things I thought I'd never do…”

“You never thought you'd have a pet?”

Kurt shook his head, “No.  Dad was allergic to dogs.  He liked them and always stopped to pet them, but his eyes would be watering for hours afterwards.  We could have never had a dog.”

“But….”  Blaine started, but stopped just as quickly.

But Burt was dead, and had been for eight years Kurt finished off for him internally.  It didn't matter, some habits really died hard even when someone had died.

“It's okay.”  Kurt said, looking up from his hands towards the other man, “Maybe I do need to break up the monotony a little and adjust my habits.  For example, I could add ‘feed the dog' to my list of things I do every day in sequence.”

Blaine smiled and nodded, “She'll be good for you… someone who'll always be there for you…  I know you don't always get along with other people, so maybe a dog instead?”

“Maybe…”  

“Kurt?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you…. for the phones.”

Kurt regarded Blaine for a moment, who in turn ducked his head down a little, peering back at Kurt through a veil of too thick black lashes.  “You already said thank you….”

“But I want you to know I mean it.”

“You're welcome….”

“I'm sorry too… for earlier tonight…”

Kurt nodded, then let one of his hands move up and settle on one of Blaine's.  Both men jerked a little from the touch, but neither pulled away.  “So am I.  I don't know… why I get like that… but I am sorry.”

“Forgiven..”  Blaine murmured, looking at Kurt's hand atop his in wonder before raising his eyes to meet Kurt's, “You've got to know I forgive you…”

A tightness overcame Kurt's heart, so intense that he had to take in a deep breath to help steady himself even though he was sitting.  He should have pulled his hand back, but it seemed frozen in place and the heat from Blaine's hand was travelling up Kurt's arm and seemed to be making his throat tighten such that he could feel his pulse within his neck.  

“I don't understand why…”

“I told you why….”  Blaine uttered, letting his hand roll under Kurt's until they were connected by their palms and Blaine's fingers wrapped around Kurt's hand.  He was holding his hand.  Kurt's hand… was held by Blaine's.  

Kurt stared at the physical connection, ignoring for the moment the tingling sensation drifting through his hand and up into his arm until it reached his heart where his pulse was quickening.  He had seen people holding hands, read about it in books, heard it in the lyrics of songs… but felt it?  Not since his father had died, and this connection was so very different than his father's grasp.  It was softer somehow, and more balanced.  His father's hand had always been so much bigger and rougher than his, while Blaine's hand fit with his own.  

“... because you like me….”

Blaine nodded.  He was still looking at Kurt's hand, held gently in his own, avoiding Kurt's eyes when Kurt looked up to Blaine's face.  

“I don't understand why.”  Kurt asked then.  Now he was feeling the tingling, revelling in how it seemed to warm not only his held hand, but the arm it was connected to and the heart it was reaching into.

Blaine looked up then, face flushed and eyes glossy as he looked at Kurt so intently that Kurt had to look away because it felt like Blaine was peering into his soul - if he even had a soul.  Blaine's voice was soft when he started talking, and Kurt's eyes fell on Blaine's lips which kept pressing together and being licked by his tongue when he paused.

“You're… just…. gorgeous… but I know I've told you that… and beyond that…. you're different.  Not in a bad way, but you challenge me.  You make me think.  You like music… you don't think it's a waste of space… and your voice is just to die for!  You take care of others and even if your level of self sacrifice for others is a little bit over the top… it's just rare to see that generosity anymore in people…. You're intelligent.  I mean… you read and try to figure out how to do things on your own so you don't need to rely on anyone else.  You've got this sense of humor that I know you don't let out too much, but it's dry and quirky and….”

Kurt flushed up as Blaine rambled on about all the things he thought made Kurt attractive.  Things that Kurt had always seen as boring or flawed.  He hung on every word though, eating up Blaine's dialogue and finding himself starving for more.  His mind carried him back to dreams of being with another man, and in each picture, Blaine was now that other man - kissing him, romancing him, dancing with him…

He looked down at their interlocked hands again, and found his thumb running a path up and down the back of Blaine's hand, timed to the beat of his heart.  Each stroke brought a shiver up his arm, but instead of it being cold and unwanted, it was actually spreading out a sensation of pleasure.

What the hell was wrong with him?

Kurt pulled his hand back, his body instantly aching and telling him to close that gap between their bodies again.  He ignored it and turned his eyes away from Blaine, “You should probably… go back to your place to sleep while there's time before dawn.”

He didn't see Blaine's face as he said it, but did hear the choked sound that came before Blaine's acceptance, “Alright.  Sleep well.”  Then the slight lift of the pelt bed around him as Blaine stood up, snapped his fingers for Pudding, and left with the dog rushing after him and leaving Kurt's feet cool again.

It was for the best.

Still, Kurt couldn't get his heart to settle when he laid back in his bed.  It pounded up against his ribcage and then back down into the bed, trying to escape Kurt who was clearly insane to let Blaine go so easily.  Everytime Kurt shut his eyes, trying to get back to sleep, the lids of his eyes seemed to be filled with images of Blaine so that he had to snap his eyes back up and stare at the ceiling. Where Blaine's hand had touched his, the warmth and tingle would not fade, only increased in intensity so that he was flexing it in the hopes that would rid him of the sensation.   

His body was being a traitorous asshole.  

Eventually Kurt gave up on sleeping and started going through his morning routine.  If he couldn't get Blaine out of his head, then he could at least preoccupy himself with something to distract himself.  That worked until it came time to wash himself and the rub of his worn cloth against his chest made him shudder and flash back to Blaine's lips across his nipple.

Is this what his father meant, all those years ago when they had that very awkward conversation about sex?  Once he started, he wouldn't be able to stop… Was he going through withdrawal?  Did Blaine's sweet words tease his body like the smell of cigarettes did to those who smoked years ago?  

Whatever the cause, Kurt tossed his rag back into the pot and then took the pot off the heat before pulling his jacket on over his bare chest.  He stormed over to the nearby cabin and pushed the door open without knocking.  Blaine was up, sitting in bed with a book and Pudding at his feet.  

“Out Pudding.”  Kurt commanded, snapping his fingers towards the outside.  Surprisingly, the dog complied - hopping off the mattress and trotting outside without question.  Kurt pulled the door closed and met Blaine's confused eyes.

“Kurt… what…?”

“Did you really mean all that?”

“What?”

“What you said earlier… about me…”

Blaine nodded.  His own eyes were dark around the edges of the skin, especially so under his eyes where they were also bagged.  He also hadn't been able to sleep.

Kurt let the jacket slip back then, revealing his bare torso he hadn't bothered to redress and watching as Blaine's eyes bulged at the sight before him before averting his eyes, “What… why…. Kurt?”

Kurt didn't bother to vocalize his reply, walking up to Blaine's bedside while unbuttoning his jeans and pulling down the zipper as he peeled off his pants next, the boots having to be discarded along with them since his pants wouldn't slide overtop of them.  

Blaine's head slowly turned back, and Kurt could hear the change in his breathing as it became heavier and slower once it settled back on the sight of Kurt's skin, staring so steadily at Kurt's torso.

“You can tell me to stop….” Kurt murmured as he crawled into the bed, pulling up the edge of the blanket and creeping in aside Blaine.

Blaine let the book fall from his hands and then he pushed it to the side so that it fell over the edge of the mattress and onto the floor.  Kurt watched then as he pulled his own shirt off, revealing that toned chest and abdomen which Kurt took a hand to immediately.  That hair, which he, for whatever reason, was unable to grow himself, tried to curl around Kurt's fingers as he brushed his hand down Blaine's chest and abdomen.  He felt the hard ripple of muscle beneath it, and the hint of skin that might be smooth had it not been covered with fur.  

Blaine let Kurt touch him for a moment before ducking his own hand under the blanket and unzipping his pants, shuffling them off under the covers until they made an appearance at the end of the mattress briefly before being kicked down. Kurt let his hand slide down Blaine's torso, under the blanket, and let his fingers graze over the erection discovered beneath them.

Blaine made a small gasp and tipped his head back, eyes now as black on the insides as they were on the skin surrounding it as he gazed at Kurt.  

“Make up for last time.” Kurt said softly, his fingers exploring the other man's length.  He couldn't help but blush, even though he was trying to appear confident despite his inexperience.  

He watched the bob of Blaine's adam apple, and then the slow nod of his head.  Blaine was red in the face as well.  “Absolutely…”  His eyes caught on Blaine's face now, Kurt found he couldn't tear himself away from watching him - even though he had all of the man's body offered up to him, all he could focus on was his face.

Blaine had just shaved within the past couple days, allowing Kurt to see the delicate curve of his chin and cheekbones under the stubble that insisted on protruding.  They were all full of blush.  What Kurt focused on the most though were Blaine's lips.  He remembered how he made the correlation between the colour of Blaine's lips and the head of his penis and couldn't help but smile softly while Blaine was gently pushing him back on the bed.  His smile was lost though the instant Blaine's lips connected with his neck, replaced with an open mouth made slack by the moan he couldn't stop from escaping.

Kurt reached down to trace his fingers over the muscles in Blaine's back then, but was quickly halted by a strong pair of hands capturing his own and holding them up and over Kurt's head.  Unable to let his hands explore Blaine, Kurt was forced to focus on the ministrations of Blaine's tongue and lips as they explored his neck, collarbone, and then his chest.  He didn't think it was possible to be as flushed as he was, and as noisy for that matter.  Every touch, every press of lips resulted in a moan or whine or whimper that Kurt was sure he didn't make himself.

He didn't even realize his hands had been freed until they shot up at the point Blaine had made his way down to Kurt's lower abdomen and was rolling his tongue along the length of Kurt's cock.  Another first for him, Kurt wasn't going to miss out and looked down at Blaine through half lidded eyes, watching the man worshipping him with his tongue and lips and looking back up at him through those damned long lashes.  Each stroke of his tongue was deliberate, slow, and terribly teasing.  Kurt put his hands on his hips, trying to hold himself back, but once again his hands were redirected - this time set right into the curls atop Blaine's head where Kurt let the vines of hair entrap his fingers as he clutched into them.

Without anything to stop him though, Kurt couldn't help but buck up when the sensation of Blaine's mouth around his cock became too much for him to bear, crying out weakly while Blaine gagged around him.

Despite that though, Blaine kept up the pace he had created, taking a little bit more of Kurt with each bob of his head, and Kurt found his legs spreading out to allow Blaine the space to do his work.

Kurt could feel the tension build in the base of his stomach, and his toes were damn near digging into the balls of his feet the way they were curling up.  He knew he'd come soon.  It was just a matter of -

With a pop, Blaine came off his cock though, grinning mischievously up at Kurt who damn near hissed at him for stopping.  It was forgiven though, the instant Blaine's finger found its way between Kurt's cheeks and rubbed the outside of Kurt's entrance.  A hiss was quickly changed into a moan and Kurt's back arched with a mind all its own.

“Let me get something?” Blaine asked, as if Kurt could argue in that moment.  Kurt shuddered when he felt Blaine's weight off the bed and the loss of contact with the other man.  His eyes searched around the room and found Blaine digging through one of his bags - a gorgeously naked sight to behold.  Whatever flaws Kurt thought Blaine had were forgotten.  All he felt then was desire and need for that body.

Blaine showed Kurt the small bottle when he walked back towards him, and though it took Kurt a moment to read it through his milky vision, he knew what it was before it was even brought back.  Remembering how it hurt the last time, his body became rigid and tense, though he forced himself to keep his legs apart.  It didn't hurt in the end, he reminded himself, it was worth the pain.

Blaine didn't coat himself up though with the lubricant, instead slicking up a finger which he dropped down to Kurt's hole, rubbing the tightened muscle slowly until it relaxed enough to allow entrance to the finger which slowly slipped in to the knuckle.  Kurt held his breath initially, but let it out the instant he realized it didn't hurt as much as before.  Blaine was going so slowly, watching Kurt's face for a reaction before he moved that one small finger, and finally, when Kurt didn't feel any semblance of burning, he made a nod to Blaine.

The finger slowly slid in further, and then back out, repeating that deliberate motion over and over until Kurt's body loosened around the invader enough for pleasure to overcome any discomfort.  Without realizing it, Kurt was arcing his hips into the movement and moaning with each full swallowing of the finger.

That gave Blaine the go ahead to add a second coated finger.  Initially it caught Kurt off guard and he tensed again at the doubling of size within him, but it didn't take very long for him to adjust that time, and he caught himself pleading for more.

A third was added, and it wasn't enough.  Blaine was right.  If this was what things were supposed to be like, he had been much too rough that other night because Kurt felt absolutely heavenly.  With a whine, he commanded, “You… you now.”

And Blaine nodded, removing his fingers despite Kurt's growl of disapproval so he could prepare himself with what lubricant he had.  Kurt started to roll himself over, just as he had that other night, but the hand that wasn't coating Blaine's cock caught Kurt by the arm.

“Please… let me look at you….”

So Kurt laid on his back, watching as Blaine carefully lined himself up and then, so carefully, pushed himself in.  He was thicker than three fingers, and definitely longer too, but instead of it hurting, Kurt moaned with each small push into him.  The stretch felt good, amazing actually, and the skin of his own cock felt too tight to contain just how aroused he was as Blaine bottomed out and held himself in place within him.

“Let me know… when I can move…”  Blaine gasped softly.

Kurt's eyes snapped open, staring incredulously at the man above him, “Now.  Now!  Please.  Fuck.  MOVE!”

Kurt was sure he heard Blaine chuckle a little, but he was too overcome by the sensation within him.  The rub against so many nerve endings within him as Blaine pulled back and then pushed back in was intoxicating, and just when Kurt didn't think it could get any better, Blaine's hand tucked themselves under his hips and made him angle in such a way that his most sensitive of spots was being stimulated.

He knew he swore.  He knew he yelled.  He definitely knew he didn't care though.  Everything felt so perfect that he could die happily in that moment.  When he orgasmed, he was sure it came too soon and Blaine would figure out exactly how inexperienced he was, but he didn't care.  He just didn't care and it was wonderful.  

A gasp came above him and Blaine stilled inside him.  Kurt felt the warmth inside and then Blaine's body cover him, shudders passing through them both in silence.

When Blaine did pull out, he did so very slowly, kissing Kurt's collarbone again as what had to be a way of distracting Kurt from the sudden emptiness and burn of the air as it replaced the space Blaine had made inside him.  

Thankfully, it worked to an extent, helped along by the fact that Kurt was somewhere between consciousness and sleep.  He didn't noticed this time when Blaine stepped away, and was only somewhat aware when he felt something wiping off his chest, stomach, and rear.  He did hear Blaine open the door and call for that damned dog, and he did smell the dog when it entered and sniffed his face, making Kurt turn his head away.

The blanket was pulled up over him, and for awhile, Kurt let himself lay in peace, ignoring the fact he had found himself pressed not only against a hairy man, but also had a hairy dog on his other side for some reason.  Then, as the light stabbed into the corners of his eyes from the cracks in the planks of the walls, he forced himself to sit up.

Beside him, Blaine had drifted off to sleep, his arms wrapped around Kurt's waist and a happy smile on his lips.  Kurt couldn't help but smile in return, though Blaine couldn't see it.  This was as close as he'd come to those dreams that haunted him, that teased him with bliss and scenes from a life he'd never have.  Maybe he would never be able to have such a life, but at least he could get some brief joy out of this situation.

For now though, he needed to go out and hunt.