Sept. 5, 2013, 7:18 p.m.
Fire With Fire: 3x14: On My Way
E - Words: 5,421 - Last Updated: Sep 05, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 45/45 - Created: Aug 04, 2013 - Updated: Sep 05, 2013 223 0 0 0 0
If you had asked Blaine what he thought he would be doing a year from now a year ago, he never would have thought Kurt would still be with him, or that he would have gotten away from his parents house. No, Blaine thought for sure that at this point, he would have run away (which he did), never to return, and maybe even dead.
Because even a year ago he knew he was reaching his limits with his parents. He never really worried about what he was going to do when he grew up, because to him, it always went through his mind as an IF, not a when. IF he grew up... well... he didn't see a future for himself a year ago. He had just managed to snag Kurt, by some miracle he's still not fully clear on, and was only starting to befriend the other kids in glee club.
Life is kind of funny sometimes, the way it spins out from under you and puts you in a place you never imagined you'd be - for better or worse.
And even though he still craves cigarettes when he's about to write a hard test, or when Kurt is pissy about some gossip or just high strung for whatever reason, he doesn't submit to that craving. All that education he received growing up about how cigarettes will cut back his life expectancy and increase his risk of all kinds of diseases and health problems didn't matter last year when he thought his life expectancy was a few years tops. Now he sees some kind of future for himself, and while it's still forming in his mind, he does have Kurt in focus in that future, and it's enough to say no to a nicotine fix.
Kurt told Blaine all about Karofsky being his secret admirer. How he admitted to Kurt that he thought he loved him and completely floored Kurt with that revelation. Kurt told Blaine about how Karofsky had taken his hand across the table, and how the bile had risen his his throat when that had happened. He was happy with Karofsky's progress, but still couldn't shake the memory of that hateful kiss and all the bullying surrounding it.
Blaine had managed to stop himself from hunting down Karofsky and beating the shit out of him when Kurt had told him. He thinks he's come quite a ways from how insane his temper was a year ago. He can still manage to cut himself on his fingernails making angry fists, but at least he's not using those fists on another person.
Plus Kurt told him how he pulled his hand away, said he was with Blaine, and assured Karofsky the most they could be was friends.
Friends who apparently ignore incoming calls.
Because he's seen the flash of light on Kurt's phone and the name David Karofsky go across his screen, and he's seen how Kurt ignores it. He isn't picking up those calls, or responding to any texts, and Blaine didn't even have to ask.
Kurt really is his and his alone. So Blaine doesn't need to track Karofsky and make sure he knows to stay away from his man, because Kurt turned him down and is ignoring him now. Blaine has nothing to fear from Karofsky.
Now all Blaine has to worry about is Sebastian.
Apparently Sebastian interrupted Kurt and Rachel musing over wedding magazines at the Lima Bean and presented them with photoshopped pictures of Finn. Highly entertaining pictures of Finn if Blaine says so himself. High heels and naked in a locker room. Kurt and Finn and everyone else seem aghast by it, so Blaine keeps his amusement to himself. Apparently the pictures will be sent out in twenty four hours if Rachel doesn't bow out of the competition.
Apparently Sebastian thinks the only real competition out of New Directions is Rachel which means he either hasn't heard Kurt sing, or doesn't know real talent when he hears it.
Regardless of Blaine's bias, Kurt isn't getting a solo at Regionals. A fact which Blaine seems more irritated with than Kurt is. Even Blaine is getting to rap, yes rap, during one of the numbers they're doing - and Blaine consistently reminds them all he's happy to sway in the background.
And just like when he was rock salt slushied, Dalton is not doing a damn thing about it. Their zero tolerance policy on bullying appears to apply only within their school walls and between their own students. They protect their own. It infuriates Finn who debates in front of them all the value of his reputation with Rachel who insists on singing despite the cost to him.
Rachel is kind of an idiot. Risking her relationship over a stupid stage song and dance.
Granted, Blaine has never sought fame either. He doesn't understand the appeal it held for Rachel, Kurt, or anyone else in this damned group of misfits. Maybe if he understood its call, it might appeal to him too and he would have a plan beyond graduating this year.
But he doesn't, because, quite simply, he didn't think he'd be alive or at least still in school in this town one year ago.
The one plan he does have is to sing to Kurt this afternoon. He heard the song on the radio last week and wasn't sure if it was literally about cough syrup, or had a deeper meaning, but somehow it's soulful and conveys so much of how he felt before... THIS. This being a normal high school kid who doesn't have to worry about their dad beating them and their mother letting it happen. It's both sad and hopeful, and perfect to express his feelings with.
And, as always, Kurt always seems to understand him better when he's singing - because he's much better at conveying himself emotionally through a tune than through just talking.
"What was that really about?" Kurt asks him when he finishes up. He sits on a stool, across the auditorium stage from Blaine and fingers the collar of his shirt while his eyes settle on Blaine worriedly.
If Blaine knew, he would happily tell Kurt - but now is one of those moments in life where his soul seems to feel misplaced and his mind hasn't figured out why yet. He smiles stiffly at Kurt and shakes his head, "I don't know... it just... it just felt really fucking right for me..."
Kurt slips off the stool and walks over to Blaine, wrapping his arms around him and tenderly hugging him. Blaine holds him back and they stand in a quiet embrace for a moment before Blaine whispers, "I just... you've been asking so much about how things were for me before I got this shot at living with you guys, and I know you probably mean well, but when I think about that stuff and that time... I don't know... I just get a little..." He sighs. This is the problem with talking - he never has the right words.
Kurt holds him a little tighter, whispering a sorry to him which Blaine dismisses. When they leave the auditorium though, Blaine feels a little more light in his step - like he's gotten something off his chest even though he doesn't remember saying anything in particular that would give him that kind of relief.
He wishes sometimes his mind, body, and soul would sit down and have a meeting so they could get their shit together and be on the same page for once.
The call comes in that evening at the Hummel-Hudson home. Time is about to be out and Blaine has the most kills between Puck, Finn, Sam, and himself. He was looking forward to doing a celebratory dance in the living room.
But when Kurt steps in after taking the call, his eyes are red and watery and he has a faraway look in his eyes. The boys all immediately stop paying attention to the game and glance worriedly at him while Blaine rushes over to him to take him in his arms.
"It's Karofsky.... his dad.... he was found hanging in his closet...." Kurt chokes out, sobs littering his attempts to explain why he's upset.
Blaine doesn't see what the boys behind him are doing, but hears little gasps and the sounds of movement behind him. He rocks Kurt carefully in his arms and strokes a hand up and down his back until Kurt has let out enough tears to get out a clearer explanation.
"His dad found him hanging in his closet. The kids at his new school found out about him and teased him and he tried to kill himself..."
"Found out? Found out what?" Sam asks from behind them.
"Found out... that's he's gay...." Says Finn, walking up beside Blaine. He's holding a laptop and looking at Karofsky's facebook page. Blaine can't see the details, but Finn's eyes grow wider as he scrolls through the comments on the page.
Blaine holds Kurt more securely, letting him cry a big warm, wet spot into his shirt. Part of him is sad that this has happened, sad that someone would bully someone to the point of no return. The other part of him feels like divine retribution has happened since this was the same guy that bullied Kurt so badly for the exact same thing.
His beautiful, brave boyfriend though would never be so scared to face the scorn of others such that he would kill himself though.
"This is what happens when people get outed.... when they're not ready. This is why I wouldn't do it to him.... but it happened because of me anyhow..." Kurt whimpers when he finally seems to relax enough to let the sadness pass and the anger come forward.
"Kurt... this wasn't your fault..." Blaine coos softly, continuing to hold him and rub his back while Finn goes to talk to Burt, and Sam and Puck have a hushed conversation across the living room.
"I told him we could be friends when I turned him down... there was this kid from his school at Breadstix who overheard it... and then I ignored all his phone calls..."
"Shh... Kurt... it's not your fault..."
Blaine is shoved back and away from Kurt by Kurt himself who looks at him angrily, his face streaked with tears - both dry and wet. "It is! He needed someone to talk to and I ignored him because I thought you'd be upset!"
Blaine's eyes dart over Kurt's face, so upset, and down to this fists, balled at his sides. "Kurt..."
"Would you have?"
Blaine looks back up at Kurt's face, finding him staring back intensely. "Have what?"
"Have been upset."
Blaine swallows, letting his adam's apple bob in sight of Kurt. "Yes... probably...."
That's enough for Kurt to let out a groan of frustration. He spins on his heels and runs up the stairs. Blaine is rushing after him when Burt steps in front of him and Blaine has to stomp in place to stop from running into him.
"Just give him a little time there kiddo."
Blaine looks over Burt's shoulder at Kurt's retreating figure and steps in place uncomfortably. He just wants to be with Kurt - even if Kurt is mad at him, that's the only place he wants to be.
"He just needs to cool off there kiddo.... let him be. This kind of thing... he needs the time."
So Blaine, flustered, allows himself to sit between Finn and Carole as Puck goes home and Sam and Burt sit across from them in the other seats of the living room. They all talk around him about what's happened and to ensure the boys don't spread the information until the school decides how to handle the information.
"Did... you and Kurt know... about him being...." Sam begins but is cut off by Blaine.
"Gay? Oh yah." Blaine grumbles, looking down at his feet. "He forced a kiss on Kurt."
Everyone is silent for a moment and then there are incoherent grumbles and growls, as they recall that they didn't like Karofsky because of what he did to Kurt, and knowing now that he forced himself upon Kurt like that stirs the reminder and overwhelms the feelings of sympathy - at least for a minute.
"Whatever he did... the kid was... is... obviously troubled." Burt says finally with a shake of his head.
"Who called?" Finn asks then.
"It was Santana." Burt answers. "Her dad is a doctor there... she was visiting him when they brought Karofsky in."
Quiet struck down any more talk or murmurs between them, and one by one they left for their rooms. It was one night in the Hummel-Hudson home when everything was quiet.
The loudest quiet ever.
That night Kurt didn't sneak into Blaine's room, as had become normal for them. Normally Kurt would stay the night with Blaine and then, as was normal even before Blaine lived there, get up early to get ready.
Blaine had a hard time getting any sleep that night.
In the morning Kurt decided glumly that he would leave early and walk to school, leaving Blaine to get a ride with Finn and Sam.
It had been a long while since Blaine had felt so lonely. But he kept to himself, remembering that Burt was usually right and Kurt just needed space.
So, at the end of lunchhour, when he was getting his stuff for class, he mentally thanked Burt for his wisdom when Kurt's hands wound around him from behind and he could feel Kurt's head rest against his back with a quiet, "I'm sorry I freaked out on you."
He left his books in his locker and put his hands over top of Kurt's, humming happily and instantly feeling much better. "It's alright... I know... well.. I don't know but I can assume this has all been weird and hard for you."
Kurt sighed and released Blaine, stepping around him to face him. Blaine could see he had been crying - face red and blotched. His eyes were still rimmed with tears, and were red from the crying he had done. Quickly, ignoring the looks from other students, he collected Kurt into his arms and held him tightly. "Oh... Kurt..."
"I even went to the God Squad meeting... see if there was any relief in there. Quinn was her usual intolerable self... she has no idea about the despair and self loathing people can feel when they're both a certain way and hated for it. I don't know Blaine... it's like there's only so many people who are like us in this town and when one of us is hurt, it's like an attack on all of us."
Blaine sighed and gently stroked Kurt's hair with his hand. The two of them stayed in place even as the bell for class sounded. "Kurt..."
"I know I should hate him. For everything he did to me - but I don't. I actually feel bad for him."
Blaine dipped his head down, pressing his lips to the top of Kurt's head and whispering, "That's because you're the purest heart I know babe."
They, without speaking about it, mutually decided to skip their class and wandered hand in hand to the choir room where they sat, cuddled, and talked for the next hour. Kurt revealed how he wished he could have done something, anything, to have stopped David's father from finding him in the closet hanging there, and how he could never do something like that to his dad. For his part, Blaine just mostly listened. He wouldn't feel bad about his dad finding his body, because he knew his dad probably wouldn't be upset by it. Moreover, he didn't really give a shit what his dad thought.
Halfway through the second class they skipped, both their phones buzzed at the same time. They pulled them out and, in unison, arched their brows.
Text from: Sebastian Smythe
To: Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, Santana Lopez, Brittany Pierce
Please join me at the Lima Bean after school today. We have something that needs to be discussed.
The boys looked at one another and Kurt was the first to speak.
"I am so not in the mood for that weasel."
Blaine couldn't help but smirk at his boyfriend - usually so composed and pleasant just became utterly snarky when it came to Sebastian - not that Blaine could blame him.
"We don't have to go. We're not his fucking dogs."
Kurt shook his head, "No. We have to deal with this photoshopped Finn nonsense. We'll go, but stop me if I try to slap him."
Blaine laughed at that. "I think it's your job to stop me sweetcheeks."
Kurt joined him with that laugh, and leaned against Blaine. "Well I guess we just hold each other then."
"Forever babe."
As it turned out, Sebastian had not only withdrawn his threat, he actually apologized to Blaine - not that it meant anything. Apparently Sebastian was feeling guilty about Karofsky as well, and wanted to change his ways.
Blaine didn't give a shit about Sebastian and his ways, but he knew that Kurt did, and if Sebastian could make himself better, all the power to him.
In the meantime, the school had been full of a lot of quiet discussions, teary hallway kisses, and the overuse of the term 'YOLO' as an excuse to do stupid things. People dealt with the news about Karofsky each in their own way - some good, and some stupid. There was a lot of talk about how to prevent suicide and identify those who might be suicidal, as well as the worry about copycats.
Which is probably why they were all sitting in the auditorium now watching Rory eat peanut butter off a spoon and declaring it the most amazing thing ever. Boy needed to get laid if he thought that was good.
Mr. Butthead admitted that he thought about killing himself in his Junior year of high school when Mercedes says that none of them would kill themselves. Mercedes doesn't even know half these kids that well, how could she assume that?
".... it felt like it was the end of the world." Mr. Butthead notes as he tells his story, and something stirs within Blaine. He'll admit the jerk running glee club hasn't been so bad this year, but now he's said something that resounds with Blaine.
"Everyone has something that could take them to that edge..."
Blaine's gaze drops to the stage floor. Mercedes was wrong because he's been there so many times before. He's thought about doing himself in during his darkest moments. When Arthur died, and a nurse told him even though he knew it had happened because the hospital floor he was on was quiet and devoid of Arthur's cries - he thought about it then. When his father beat him time and time again and no one thought to check on him, not even his mother - he thought about it then. When Kurt left him - he definitely thought about it then.
"Not everyone is brave enough to take their own life...." He murmurs without thinking about it. Because that's what stopped him - he was too afraid to go ahead with hurting himself.
Quinn's the one who responds to that so quickly and self assured, "Suicide is not brave. It's cowardly."
"When you're in a dark place, and thinking about it - it's actually harder to go through with it then to not." He says simply, looking up at Quinn and glaring at her. She thinks she knows pain because she had a baby in high school and gave it away. She can't even begin to understand.
"Blaine.....?" Sam worriedly queries beside him, setting a hand on his shoulder.
Blaine pulls his knees up to his chest and hugs them there, avoiding Kurt's worried eyes from across the circle. "I've wanted to... before... because the pain was overwhelming and I just needed it to stop - but I was afraid to do it."
"You should have been afraid - for your soul. It's a sin." Quinn spits and someone beside her whispers at her to settle down.
"I suppose if you believe in the things you do, then I might have been afraid for my soul, but it wasn't that...."
"What was it?" Kurt chokes out, and Blaine can hear in his voice he's trying not to become upset.
Blaine sighs, tilts his head back to look up at the ceiling. "I wasn't afraid of my parents finding me... or upsetting anyone because in those times, it wasn't something I would have done to upset anyone... it was an option to end the way everything hurt so badly... But I didn't do it. I think I didn't go through with it because some part of me did want to hurt my parents, and I figured it was easier to spite them by staying alive than dying."
More silence all around. It's been a couple days where silence has become the norm. Sam squeezes his shoulder and Blaine looks over to him with a weak smile. He might actually be able to be friends with this guy.
When everyone has had a chance to reflect on what Blaine and Mr. Butthead has said, Mr. Butthead suggests they all think of something they're looking forward to - to keep them going. The suggestions are a blend of serious and silly, and laughter and smiles return to the group as they go through the exercise. When it comes time for Blaine to say something, he doesn't hesitate.
"Marriage equality everywhere... to get married."
There are claps at that, but Blaine focuses on Kurt's small smile in response. His boyfriend is usually much more easy to read - except when it comes to the whole marriage thing. He knows that Kurt thinks teenagers are too young to get married, but damnit if he doesn't want to try at some point anyhow.
Kurt is much more stoic with his answer. "I want to watch my dad make a difference in congress."
There are nods to that, and Blaine knows just by being elected that Burt has already made a difference. He stood up for what was right in his campaign and didn't focus on making his opponents look bad in order to make himself look better. He made a difference by showing that taking the high road can result in victory.
Then they all go back to practicing for Regionals. Every now and then Kurt catches his eye and then smile at one another. When it's time to go for the day, Kurt comes up aside him and catches his hand with his own.
"You're never allowed to hurt yourself." Kurt states.
"Oh really?" Blaine arches an eyebrow.
Kurt nods, so matter of fact, "If it's not enough that it would hurt me deeply, then you should know it would hurt my family and your friends too."
Blaine smirks a little and hugs his boyfriend tightly, whispering into his ear, "I won't ever leave your side."
It's enough for Kurt to squeeze him back tightly and end that conversation. Blaine is thankful for it because he really doesn't like to have to focus on the shit in life.
Not when he has an angel in his arms anyhow.
Blaine watches the disapproval in Kurt's face when they're in the choir room, about to go on stage for Regionals. Finn and Rachel have just announced that they'll be getting married later that afternoon - after Regionals - and everyone is invited. But Kurt holds his tongue and they all focus on being positive so they can win this round of competition.
Personally, Blaine thinks they have it in the bag. The Warbler's were good - but not amazing, and the Golden Goblet chicks just did some weird chanting.
And they do blow away the competition. Blaine has no problem rapping though his part in Fly/I Believe I Can Fly, and he and Kurt exchange small smiles throughout the performance. They both know they're doing amazing.
The results come in, and Kurt moves as far away from that late-night monster movie host as he can. Blaine doesn't understand his irrational fear of vampires, but can't help but chuckle at how cute it is. They're announced as the winners and through all the cheering and hugs, Blaine catches a glance of Burt in the audience, pointing at them and telling everyone that those are his kids.
He might have had to wait seventeen years - but he finally did get a father figure, and one that he'd never want to disappoint either.
One that he'd never let find him dead because he wouldn't want to hurt him.
When the cheering is done and most of the audience has left, Kurt and Blaine leave hand in hand, past Quinn who has managed to find her way into a Cheerio outfit once again before slipping into that storage room which has been largely ignored as of late.
Their lips lock onto one another and desperate hands undress one another sloppily as they kiss. The high of winning, the need to show each other just how much they love one another... it's led to another closet - one they're happy to be in right now.
Blaine wonders if anyone besides students actually use this closet. The boxes stacked in here are dusty and look ancient and there's a smell of mothballs that always overpowers any other scents. He's never seen anyone else but himself and Kurt go into here - and yet it's unlocked all the time.
Whatever he wonders, it's not for long. Kurt has his lips curled around his cock and Blaine's thoughts go from racing to nonexistent as what he's feeling becomes his number one priority. Leaned back against the doorway, Blaine moans softly with each languid lick, holding himself back from just fucking those beautiful pink lips until he comes. Everytime Kurt hums or moans around his shaft, it sends shivers up his spine and increases the warmth pooling inside him, bringing him closer.
"Fuck... Kurt... babe.... let me...."
Kurt is a master of knowing what he wants, or at least it seems that way in that instant. He slips his lips off Blaine's cock and looks up at him with those beautiful blue-green eyes - darkened with his pupils wide and lustful. As Blaine drops down to his own knees, he pulls a lube packet out of his pocket and tears it open, keeping his eyes locked with Kurt's the entire time even though Kurt is looking at the packet now and breathing heavily.
"Lay back." Blaine commands and Kurt does it, laying himself on their scattered clothing and looking up at Blaine. He spreads his legs invitingly, offering himself to Blaine who greets his exposed pucker with two fingers he's just covered in lube, burying them up inside his boyfriend who squirms and moans, hands gripping the bottoms of the shelves on either side of this room.
He's never tried, but he's sure he could get off just watching Kurt lose himself in ecstasy like this.
His fingers scissor and twirl inside of Kurt, spreading him apart. Each movement causes Kurt to react in a different way - moaning, squirming, gasping, freezing up, and arching up. He mixes it up to get the full show.
He removes his fingers once he's got that perfect stretch - not too loose so his cock is wrapped up nicely, but not too tight to hurt Kurt. More lube is applied to his cock and with one smooth stroke, he's lost completely inside of Kurt who cries out despite his efforts to try and keep quiet. Blaine locks his lips with Kurt so all of his beautiful noises are muffled and swallowed by him as he breaks into a steady rhythm. He knows where to hit Kurt's prostate now - but doesn't do it everytime he pushes himself inside because he doesn't want Kurt to come just yet. His hands grab each of Kurt's ass cheeks and push them together, increasing the heat and tightness bound around his cock.
"Bl-Blaine..." Kurt whimpers when he pulls his lips off. He's so close. The clench is so perfect. He moves one of his hands up to stroke Kurt's cock and with a sharp whine, Kurt comes across their stomachs. Inside, Kurt's ass muscles clench up tightly around his cock and it's just so perfect, so tight, and Blaine empties his cock inside him, moaning the entire time until it's too hard to hold himself up and he lays himself on top of Kurt.
They stay there, panting and coming down from the high of their orgasms, until Blaine pulls himself off, grimacing at the squelch of their skin peeling apart from the glue of their come and sweat. He's prepared for this too though, and pulls a mini package of wet wipes out of his other pocket when he opens and carefully uses to clean up Kurt before then cleaning off himself.
Kurt has managed to doze off.
He chuckles at the sight, and really there's nothing he'd rather do than snuggle him right now - but this closet isn't the coziest of places, and they have to get to a wedding. Blaine gently rouses Kurt, who rewards him with a bleary smile and they get dressed again, in their now rumpled clothing, and leave together.
One day, Blaine tells himself, they won't have to steal away to storage rooms and wait for parents to not be home.
One day, they'll have a place of their own to have sex in - whenever they want.
They wait, and wait, and wait - until Rachel calls off the wedding because Quinn doesn't show. It's a shame because Kurt did look just amazing in that tuxedo, but Blaine can tell everyone is relieved that Finn and Rachel aren't going through with it. They all change out of their fancy outfits and prepare to have an otherwise normal weekend.
Then they get another call.
Quinn is at the hospital. Was hit by a truck and is in critical care. They all flock there in their vehicles. They all hover in the lobby and all are told it will be awhile until they can give out any news because the only person that Quinn's status will be told to is her mother.
Everyone is sick with worry and Blaine holds Kurt tightly when he sees a familiar figure walking out the hospital doors.
"That's Karofsky's dad...." Kurt notes and Blaine can almost see the gears turning in Kurt's head.
"Do you want to go talk to him?" Blaine asks. He's hoping Kurt says no. He can't stand the thought of someone with a crush on Kurt spending time with him... but Kurt is his, and he has to trust him.
Kurt nods and they go together to the gift shop to get an arrangement for Karofsky before Kurt gets his room number from information and goes off on his own, leaving Blaine behind with the remnants of the glee club - those who are staying for a little while to see if they can get any news or indication of how Quinn is.
Santana can get the most news, since her dad works here, but even that is limited. By the time Kurt comes back down, looking relieved, all they know is that she should live. They won't be able to visit her tonight though, so they go home - shaken.
There's only cuddling that night, and talk about how they can help the Fabray household. Carole and Kurt immediately decide to make and freeze some meals for Quinn's mother, and Burt and Finn brainstorm how they can ease travelling arrangements for her mom. Sam calls his own parents - this whole week just reminding him that he needs to make sure they know how much he loves them and appreciate him, and Blaine, well Blaine just works on an essay for History - because he doesn't want to think about losing one of the few friends he has - even if she is kind of a bitch.
At least she's an honest, reliable, bitch.