The next morning, Kurt was still melancholy. He had purposely ignored the buzzing of his phone last night, knowing the texts were probably from Blaine, and was doing so again this morning. So it really wasn't a shock when, after a lacking of buzzing for an hour, Blaine showed up at the Hudson-Hummel home unannounced, walking in as if he were just another family member.

Kurt was sitting at the kitchen table when he arrived, focusing on trying to get his world history essay done. He hadn't bothered changing out of his pajamas that morning, or doing his hair, and the instant he heard Blaine announce himself inside the doorway, he mentally cursed himself for not joining the rest of his family at whatever sporting event they had abandoned him for.

"Kurt!" Blaine said with surprise as he walked into the dining room to see him looking less put together than usual. "What the hell?"

Kurt looked up at Blaine, his breath catching in his mouth as all his attempts to shove down the feelings of love and desire for Blaine over the past few days became fruitless. Everything he felt immediately welled back up in him as soon as he saw those curls, those eyes, and those lips. Blaine had his hands shoved into his leather jacket as he sauntered over to Kurt, peeking at the school work at the table before dipping down to give Kurt a very chaste, and admittedly awkward kiss on the forehead like he was a child.

"Blaine... what are you doing here?" Kurt forced himself to sound nonchalant, even though he was feeling everything but.

A quirked eyebrow was Blaine's first response. He pulled out a chair and sat himself perpendicular at the table to Kurt, assessing him for a moment before speaking, "I'm always here on the weekend. It's the unofficial joint custody agreement. You get me weekends and holidays, my mom has to put up with me the rest of the time."

Kurt's lips pressed together in a small grin that he was trying to hold off from becoming a large one. He still wasn't quite sure how he was going to deal with this, with Blaine - but he knew it was going to be a damn near impossibility to just try to pretend he didn't exist. Kurt also knew that he didn't want to just cut Blaine out completely. After all they had been through in the past few months, and all the drama they'd overcome, he wasn't just going to throw away their relationship... whatever it was - or wasn't for that matter.

"Anyhow... your folks invited me to the basketball game, and I declined. I figured it would be a phenomenal opportunity to ... spend some quality time with you." Blaine continued, his eyebrows wagging suggestively as a smirk spread across his face.

Kurt made a slight sigh and looked back at his essay notes, "I have a lot of homework to catch up on Blaine... we have midterms coming up and Dalton isn't McKinley. Academics are actually pushed there...."

Kurt didn't miss Blaine's grin change into a frown out of the corner of his eye, or that Blaine shot the papers in front of Kurt a spiteful glance. However, it didn't deter Blaine either, as the next thing Kurt noticed was Blaine's hand on his thigh.

"So... if you're stressed you could do with a little release." Blaine suggested, his voice deepening. Kurt took in a shaky breath. Pushing Blaine away was going to be harder than he thought. Harder because his body was betraying him as his cock started going hard from the touch and Blaine's lusty voice.

Kurt forced himself not to look at Blaine, trying to remember what his thesis statement was going to be. He just had it in his head a second ago. "I really need to get this done - "

Whatever he meant to say was cut off then, as a pair of hands reached down and turned his chair towards Blaine with a slight scratchy squeak against the linoleum. He gasped in surprise, the breath cut off sharply when Blaine's lips affixed themselves to Kurt's neck, sucking eagerly in what Kurt knew would have him needing to wear a scarf to cover it up later.

"Blaine...." He whimpered. It was pathetic really. That small, logical voice in his head had him utter the name to try and stop this, but everything else in his body was again telling that voice to be quiet, making it come out sounding desperate and needy.

Blaine hummed against his neck, "Right here baby....", and Kurt moaned. He couldn't be less sexy right now in his pajamas, with his hair undone, and still smelling of the pancakes he had for breakfast, but that didn't seem to deter Blaine at all. One of those strong hands was suddenly pushing it's way up under Kurt's shirt, searching up his torso until it found one of Kurt's nipples and started tweaking it, the other hand was cupped around the traitorous bulge in his pants, groping madly and making him wish there wasn't the piece of fabric between them.

For a moment, he just leaned back in his chair as everything in him focused on the absolute euphoria of being touched in so many places so perfectly. Blaine knew what he was doing, and also what it was doing to Kurt who could so easily have just come unwound under Blaine's touch.

"No!"

Kurt's cry came as a shock to him as much as it must have to Blaine, whose fingers and lips stopped abruptly. Hazel eyes looked up at Kurt's imploringly, and Kurt found the strength to repeat himself.

"No.... no more."

Blaine pulled back, and Kurt could see that he was both confused and hurt as his eyes disconnected with Kurt's and looked away. It took Kurt one more moment, to catch his breath and force his body to stop shuddering before he could say anything else.

"I can't Blaine. I can't. It was a mistake last weekend."

The silence was the worst part of the next minute, as Kurt looked at Blaine, hoping he might understand. But that pained look on Blaine's face only grew, until he wordlessly turned away and stormed out before Kurt could stop him.

Would he have stopped him?

After the front door slammed, Kurt looked down at himself - his clothing askew and the bulge in his pants still there. He cursed himself, specifically the disconnect between his brain, heart, and body, and went back to his bedroom. As important as his essay had been ten minutes ago, right now all that was important was soaking his pillow with tears.

He didn't hear from Blaine for the rest of the weekend, and excused himself from home early on Sunday, saying that with Regionals coming up that the Warblers needed more practice time. Really, Kurt just wanted to get away.

Blaine was back to not texting him, once again, though this time Kurt wasn't trying to text him either. It was weird. They had gone through so many stints where one would ignore the other, but never before had they mutually ignored each other.

He felt guilty too. The look of pain on Blaine's face was clear when Kurt had rejected his advances. That look haunted Kurt whenever he had a quiet moment, usually when he was laying in his bed trying to think about everything but Blaine.

Then, whenever the guilt set in, his head would remind him that he shouldn't feel guilty. That he had done the right thing.

He had been keeping on top of the McKinley gossip courtesy of texting with Mercedes, and was grateful for her. It helped keep him distracted... and in some cases entertained.

On Monday it was:

Brit thought she was pregnant because a stork built a nest at her place. -M

No way... -K

Oh yah sweetie. Artie's face was priceless. -M

On Tuesday there was:

Shit. Ms. Holiday is back. -M

I love her! -K

Mr. Schue brought her in to help with his lesson on Sexy, and then she did a very erotic dance for us all, which the boys loved of course, and then told us all about how when we had sex with someone, we were having sex with everyone they had sex with. -M

Oh... well I suppose that would be awkward. -K

Yah, and what is up with your boy? When Schue wrote Sexy on the board, he just got up and left, slamming the door behind him. -M

No idea. -K

Really, Kurt didn't know why that single word would have set Blaine off. The thought perplexed him to no end and he couldn't come up with any reason for it.

He must have looked stressed, because his Warbler friends insisted on Wednesday that they take him out for coffee. Kurt was glad to get out of Dalton for a bit since the Warbler council, Wes in particular, had been keeping them on a ridiculous practice schedule.

At least he was glad to be out until he, and his friends, ran into Coach Sylvester at the Lima Bean who proceeded to tell them that the New Directions were focusing on their sex appeal for the week. Apparently Coach Sylvester thought herself and Kurt were in cahoots, an idea he needed to inform her was incorrect. As much as he respected Coach Sylvester for supporting him during the Karofsky incident, he knew that she had pushed Aural Intensity's coach down the stairs in order to replace him through the grapeline. He also had no desire to conspire against his former teammates at McKinley.

That being said, his Warbler friends had overheard the conversation and were animatedly talking about how they could improve their own sex appeal in order to compete with the New Directions. It was decided they'd try singing Animal tomorrow to the girls from their sister school to help get input on their sexiness factor. Kurt was less than excited.

At least he was given the duet with Nick. They danced and sang for the girls, who looked like they were actually enjoying themselves through the performance. Kurt was sure that the Warblers had nothing to worry about when it came to their sex appeal. He could have told them all that as a gay man though.

"You kind of looked like you needed to poop man." Trent noted that night, after asking if Kurt had been alright during the performance.

Kurt frowned. He knew his own sex appeal was lacking, even if the rest of the Warbler's had no problem with it. The whole concept of sex right now made him feel dirty and guilty after what had happened with Blaine. Anytime he felt the least bit sexy, he also immediately felt sick, and that was probably showing in his attempts to be coached to be sensual and sultry by Trent in this instant.

"I don't know... maybe it's because I'm not gay or something..." Trent admitted after Kurt had made yet another weird face in the mirror.

Kurt sighed and shook his head, "No... it's not that Trent. I'm just uncomfortable with myself... especially lately. Can we not talk about it?"

Trent, as always, was agreeable and Kurt settled back on his bed to text Mercedes.

I'm not sexy. -K

Oh hell to the no. You're so sexy you make straight and gay girls want you. -M

I was told my attempts to look sexy today made it look like I was pooping. -K

Do I need to go over to Dalton and teach those boys a lesson? -M

No Mercedes. It's true. I've been having... more issues than normal with my ability to act. -K

So Kurt told Mercedes what had happened last weekend, how it made him feel, and the fallout with Blaine.

Oh sweetie... -M

I just feel... so... completely disgusted with myself. -K

Mercedes spent the rest of the conversation trying to tell Kurt why he was beautiful and wonderful, but it wasn't sticking with him. The words didn't mean anything, though he told Mercedes he appreciated the thought. The way he had been picturing his first time didn't go to his romantic plan, and even though he had been alright with it, the fact that it had been nothing more than a hook-up to Blaine made him revolted with himself and unable to want to be sexy.

I'm sorry. -B

Kurt stared at the text and then shoved the phone back into his pocket, watching the toaster as if that would make his toast come out faster. It was the first communication he had gotten from Blaine in a week, since he had come over and had his hands all over Kurt. The thought of it still made Kurt tremble. He didn't know how he wanted to respond to Blaine, or even if he did, so hiding his phone away from his eyes seemed like the only solution at the moment.

"Alright son. It's time for the talk." Burt said as he came into the kitchen.

Oh god no.

Kurt tried to evade his dad, going as far as sticking his fingers in his ears and singing. This is not what he wanted to spend his Friday evening on. Unfortunately, his dad was persistent, and before he knew it, Kurt was sitting across from him, staring at the stack of pamphlets his dad had collected for him on gay sex. He was sure he couldn't be more pale and sickly looking than he was right now.

Thankfully his dad wasn't going to tell him about the mechanics, though expected Kurt to review the material that he had collected for him and then come back to discuss it. What his dad did want to do though was talk about what sex did to someone.

"It does something to you, your heart, your self esteem...."

I know dad....

"On your 30th birthday it would be a wonderful gift to yourself..."

Too late...

"Use it as a way to connect to another person...."

I thought I was...

"You matter."

Then why don't I feel like I do?

He thanked his dad, well meaning as he was, and took the pamphlets and the toast to his room, though his appetite was nonexistent now. How could he tell his dad about what had happened with Blaine? Especially after that.

If he felt dirty before, he felt like a total garbage dump now. Everything his dad said was absolutely right, and made him feel terrible. He felt like a slut. How did Santana do it?

He poked a bit at the pamphlets, not sure if he should even bother, but curiosity got the better of him and he quickly found himself reading up on safe sex practices and what went where and how in a gay relationship. He was relieved to at least find out he hadn't gone to what was considered the furthest reaches of gay sex with Blaine, not that it made him feel any better.

His phone buzzed again in his back pocket and he pulled it out.

Please talk to me... -B

Kurt sighed and set his phone to the side. He wanted to talk to Blaine, but he wasn't ready to. He needed to figure out what to say, and how to stop himself from responding to Blaine the way he did. He needed time.

On Saturday he still didn't feel like talking to Blaine, especially recalling having to relay to his father about the mechanics of gay sex in order to prove to him that he had read the pamphlets.

He could only handle so many awkward conversations at once, and that one had been the topping of his awkward conversation cake.

To busy himself, he went to work at his dad's shop, appreciating the chance to see the guys who worked there, and the opportunity to keep himself occupied.

"Why hasn't Blaine been over in the past couple weekends?" His dad asked him as they worked together on an engine.

Kurt must have cringed involuntarily, or made a face, because his dad simply said, "Oh." as if to say he understood that something was up and not to talk about it. Kurt was so grateful he and his dad could read one another like that.

Then at dinnertime, it was Carol who asked: "I thought Blaine would be here... two weekends without him."

Kurt frowned and didn't respond, though Finn supplied a response.

"Oh man. Blaine was pissy all week... he stormed out Tuesday from Glee club and apparently kicked one of the hockey guys down the stairs when the dude made some comment about him...."

Kurt was suddenly tuned onto to Finn, though the frown and shared glances between Burt and Carol weren't lost on him either.

"... and then, Ms. Pilsbury and the celibacy club were singing Afternoon Delight..."

Burt and Carol both started snickering, and Kurt couldn't help but smirk either - both at the audacity of the song selection of the celibacy club, and that his parents had picked up on why it was a horrid choice.

"... and Blaine outright told Ms. Pilsbury she was singing about getting some... uh... action..."

Clearly Finn was substituting words for Blaine, because he had suddenly become very red and was having a difficult time making eye contact with anyone.

"... and Ms. Pilsbury was insisting the song was about cake... and then Blaine told her some more... not so nice things... and stormed off again."

"Did he get in trouble for it?" Burt asked, once he had managed to stop laughing himself about the situation.

Finn shook his head. "No... the teachers don't really get on Blaine's case. It's like he's got some kind of... uh... immunization."

"Immunity Finn." Kurt corrected.

"Right. Immunity."

"Why?" Carol asked, resulting in synchronized shrugs from Kurt and Finn.

"Well as much as I've come to like Blaine, I don't think he should get away with back talking to a teacher like that." Burt ruled, Carol nodding in agreement.

"No... but it's how it works there..." Kurt revealed. Another shared glance between Burt and Carol, and a mutual shaking of their heads, as if they couldn't believe it.

"Well... I guess so long as our boys behave themselves than we can't really complain." Carol said, smiling between Finn and Kurt. Finn was happy to beam back to his mother, ever the mama's boy, and Kurt forced himself to smile at her.

Though, in that moment, he still felt like he was a disappointment to them, even if they didn't know it themselves.