May 31, 2012, 9:07 a.m.
Pavarotti's Legacy: Chapter 5
E - Words: 5,674 - Last Updated: May 31, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 6/? - Created: Aug 08, 2011 - Updated: May 31, 2012 160 0 0 0 0
Chapter 5 --
“What’s this I hear about you coming out of a motel room with Sam, Kurt?”
Kurt did that strange thing that everyone seems to do when the voice coming from the telephone confuses them – he took it away from his ear and stared at it. “Wait… what? What are you talking about, Blaine?”
“I have it on good authority that last night, you were observed coming out of a cheap motel in Lima Heights with a Mr. Sam Evans, and my sources say you were touching him. I ALSO heard that Sam was seen wearing YOUR tan jacket in school yesterday.”
Kurt sighed in relief. All this was true, of course, but there was a perfectly reasonable explanation. But wait a minute… why did Blaine automatically think there wasn’t a perfectly reasonable explanation?
“Blaine Anderson! Just what are you insinuating here?”
“I think you KNOW what I’m insinuating, seeing as how you just totally avoided my question.”
“I avoided it because it is absolutely ridiculous. What have I ever done to you to make you think I deserve to be accused of cheating on you?”
“AHA! I never said the word cheating. You must be feeling guilty!”
“I SAID the word CHEATING, Blaine, because I am NOT STUPID. I know darn well that that’s what you’re insinuating. Might as well call it what it is. Now, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, yes, what you have heard is true. But your sources, whoever they may be, have no idea what the reason for my jacket and the motel room is. And it is not up to me to tell you.”
“I will not put up with secrecy when it comes to our relationship, Kurt. I can NOT have anyone cheating on me. It’s not okay, and quite frankly, I'm shocked YOU think it’s okay, too.”
“What makes you think I think it’s okay? I would never cheat on you, or anyone else if I wasn’t dating you, and I would be absolutely devastated if someone did it to me. I can’t believe you haven’t figured that out about me. It… it breaks my heart, Blaine,” said Kurt as tears began to fall from his eyes and his lip began to quiver.
“If you won’t tell me, Kurt, I am just going to have to assume you are lying to me. And I don’t associate with liars. We’re done.”
Kurt sobbed as the line was disconnected. He whispered, “No….Blaine….please…” and fell onto his bed crying into his pillow.
--
“Burt, you better come in here,” said Finn as he pointed toward the impeccably decorated bedroom.
“Why, what’s wr… oh jeez.” His face fell as he caught a glimpse of his son. His hair was a mess, his clothing rumpled, and his face riddled with tear tracks. And none of that was as bad as the heartbroken look on his face.
“I have only seen him like this once in his life, and that was after he finally broke down about a week after his mother died. He was trying so hard to be strong for me. He didn’t cry when we got the word, he didn’t cry at the funeral, and he didn’t cry when we started sorting through her things. But once we got to the dresser and started packing away her clothes, he totally lost it. He said it was her smell that finally broke through his shell. To this day he keeps that dresser, insisting he can still smell her.
“But I think this is worse. This looks like somebody did this to him. And if it was who I think it was, then he better not come anywhere near here because I will kick his ass for breaking my baby’s heart.”
Just then, Kurt stirred and noticed his dad in the room. Burt sat on the edge of the bed and opened his arms to Kurt.
“Daddy, he thinks I cheated on him…”
--
Finn’s cell phone began to play Katy Perry’s Hot and Cold – Rachel’s ringtone.
“Finn, you’ll never guess what I just saw!”
“Rach, we’ve got a big problem.”
“Well, it’s just going to have to wait ‘til I tell you THIS! NOW guess who I saw coming out of the motel with Sam? QUINN!”
“To be honest Rachel, I don’t even care right now.”
“What’s wrong, Finn?”
“Oh Rachel, what did we do?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just left Kurt’s bedroom. Blaine broke up with him.”
“Well, no kidding, Finn! I’d do the same thing if my boyfriend was seen coming out of a motel room with someone else!”
“Rachel, this is different. Let’s face it, we’ve know Kurt casually since we were little kids and as a very good friend for the last two and a half years. Take a moment, think about it, and tell me what you honestly think about the whole situation.”
There was a long pause. Then Rachel sighed. “I guess I think there has to be some other sort of explanation, because if there’s one thing Kurt is, it’s loyal. And if there are other things Kurt is, they are honest, loving, and caring...� and totally in love.”
“Exactly, Rachel. We did a horrible thing by telling Blaine what we saw. Even if we knew the real reasoning behind it, we should have never said a word. I don’t know if Kurt will ever forgive me for this.”
“Maybe we don’t have to tell him it was us?”
“Oh no you don’t, Rachel. We are going to confess. WE, Rachel, not just me. For once, you and I are going to willingly accept the consequences for our actions. We have tried to get away with too much for too long. If we’re ever going to grow up, we’re going to have to start here.”
“Okay. I guess you’re right. But… what about Quinn?”
“Well, she did date Sam for awhile. And she never seems to know what she wants anymore, especially now that prom queen is done for this year. So it really wouldn’t surprise me if she was guy hopping again. But truthfully, I have a feeling that whatever is going on is related to why Sam is in the motel room in the first place and not to any suspected cheating on either of their parts.
“So, here’s how we’re going to fix this…”
--
“Kurt, you’ve got to go to school today. Burt said so.”
“Shut up, Finn. I really don’t give a flying monkey’s left butt cheek what you think I should and shouldn’t be doing.”
Finn flinched. He had never heard that kind of language from Kurt’s mouth. It may not be profanity, but it was the closest thing to it he had ever heard him say.
“Come on, Kurt. Mr. Schuester said yesterday that it was im… imper…”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “Imperative?”
“Yes! That’s the word. IMPERATIVE that everyone show up to Glee club today. We desperately need to work on our set list for Nationals.”
“Ugh, FINE. I’ll be right back.” Kurt stomped up the stairs to change from his pajamas into some clothes for school. To Finn’s utter shock, Kurt was back in literally three minutes. Normally it took him closer to thirty minutes to choose his clothes, arrange them artfully upon his body, and make sure every hair on his head was just so. Kurt was wearing his Likes Boys t-shirt, skinny jeans that he may have already worn once (which was disturbing in itself because Kurt NEVER rewore clothes without washing even though many people considered jeans good for a few wears between washes), and some shoes that Finn swore he had stolen from his closet, which meant they were probably a couple sizes too big. Kurt had also done nothing more than quick run a brush through his hair and spent all of about 10 minutes doing so.
“Crap,” said Finn under his breath. Kurt handled the bullying from Karofsky better than he was handling this breakup. The guilt Finn felt for causing his brother this pain was staggering. He had to fix this, immediately, and he only hoped his plan worked.
“Are you sure you’re ready, Kurt?”
“Can it, Frankenteen. I’m up, I’m dressed, what more do you want? Let’s go and get this day over with!”
He stomped his way to the garage to leave. Finn took a moment to send a quick text. We’re on our way.
--
“Blaine, you have to come to McKinley this afternoon.”
“Why should I, Finn? My boyfriend cheated on me, and now you want me to step onto enemy territory, which will include him AND the guy he cheated with?”
“Blaine, he didn’t cheat on you.”
“Can you prove it?”
“Well, not this second. But that’s the plan for Glee club this afternoon. We’re going to demand some answers. Kurt’s in a really bad way, Blaine. Burt’s been really worried about him, which worries me because you know he’s got a bad heart. I pass Kurt’s room at night when I’m going to the bathroom and I see Burt in there just watching him sleep. Kurt’s a really strong person, but he’s not handling the loss of you well. Actually, he’s not even handling it. He’s avoiding all talk of you, or relationships, or anything, and he’s just existing. He’s a shell. I think part of why Burt watches him at night is because he’s afraid Kurt might… do something.”
“Do something? You don’t mean…”��������
“That’s exactly what I mean, Blaine. Please come to McKinley this afternoon. You don’t really believe he betrayed you, do you?”
“I don’t know what I think. But my gut says no.”
“Mine too. And you still care about him, don’t you?”
“More than I’ve cared about anyone in my whole life, and that includes my family. Kurt’s been there for me way more than my own family has.”
“Then I’ll see you this afternoon at 3:30?”
“I’ll be there.”
Finn hung up the phone and sent another text. Step two accomplished.
--
Kurt’s French class, 2:45pm
“Now, for the rest of the class period, I’d like you all to separate out into groups of four. Since summer is nearly upon us, I’d like you all to discuss amongst yourselves, in French, your plans for your vacation.”
Kurt mumbled to himself, “I don’t give a flying fuck.”
The teacher raised an eyebrow and said, “What was that, Mr. Hummel?”
“Nothing, Madame Dubois,” Kurt sang. “You old hag,” he muttered.
Kurt’s classmates scrambled to be the first ones to choose him for their group, for they knew he was far and away the most fluent French speaker in the class. He even spoke it better than Madame Dubois, and she grew up in France. Normally Kurt had his pick of anyone in the class to work with, but at this point in time, there was nothing he wanted to do less than sit and blather on inanely in French, so he just let people come to him.
“Listen,” he said quietly to his group mates. “There is no way I’m sitting here talking about something as stupid as summer vacation right now. I’ll watch for Dubois and make sure I play it up good whenever she looks up, but other than that, you guys are on your own.”
FINALLY, the clock struck 3:10, and the class, and school, was dismissed. Kurt took his time at his locker, dreading this afternoon’s rehearsal. Finn met up with him in the hall.
“Now what do you want? Are you afraid I’m going to bail on the club today? I told you I’d come, Finn. Get off my back!”
“Hey, chill, Kurt. Let’s just get to the choir room. The sooner we get there, the sooner this will be done, right?”
“Yeah, whatever. Let’s go.”
As they were walking down the hall, Finn received a text. Canary is perched at the rendezvous point.
He texted back: Huh?
The reply came back quickly. Good lord, Finn. BLAINE IS IN THE CHOIR ROOM. Get with the program.
Just before Kurt reached the door, Finn said, “Don’t kill us.”
“What in the world are you….Blaine?”
“Blaine, Kurt, this is an intervention,” said Mercedes.
“Blaine, I know you’re at a disadvantage since you go to Dalton and we don’t know you very well, but we do know Kurt very well, and we know that something is very, very wrong here,” said Rachel.
“You’re damn right there’s something wrong here,” shouted Blaine. “My boyfriend went to a sleazy motel and cheated on me with another guy!”
Kurt flinched and turned to run. “Kurt, wait! We’re all here to figure out what in the world happened between you two. Please don’t go before we have a chance to discuss things calmly,” said Mr. Schuester. If there was one thing besides leading the club that Mr. Schue was good at, it was mediating. Especially given the practice he had with this group of volatile personalities.
“Fine. Blaine, I will not sit here and listen to you accuse me of things I never did and would never consider doing. It kills me to know you think that terribly of me.”
“What am I supposed to think, Kurt? Finn and Rachel called me and TOLD me they saw you come out of a motel room with Sam and then you gave him a hug? You don’t think that sounds odd?”
“FINN AND RACHEL TOLD YOU THIS? I should have FUCKING KNOWN.” The whole room gasped. “Some brother you are, Finn! And you’re some friend too, Rachel. How could you?” Kurt seethed, his internal pain etched onto his face.
Finn winced. He was in far more trouble than he realized, and he wasn’t sure his brother was going to forgive him this time.
‘All right, that’s enough,” said Sam. “This has gone far enough. I swore Kurt and Quinn to secrecy about this, but I can see it’s causing some of you more pain than it would cause me to just admit it to you all. Guys, my dad lost his job, and then we lost our home. That “sleazy motel” is my HOME right now, Blaine. And Rachel and Finn, it would have been nice if you had come to me before you started gossiping all over town and hurting the kindest person most of us will ever meet. Kurt has been coming over to our motel room for a couple days now. He’s been lending me some of his own clothes, and he’s been doing my family’s laundry so we all have clean things to wear. We don’t have the money to wash our own clothes or buy anything new.”
“Oh shit,” whispered Blaine.
“And Quinn has been stopping by to babysit so my parents can look for jobs and I can get a break to do homework or go to the food shelf or whatever. I am on babysitting duty nearly 24/7 lately and I can’t do it all by myself.”
“Sam, I’m so sorry to hear that. Please let any one of us know if there’s anything we can help your family with in the future,” said Mr. Schuester.
“Thanks, Mr. Schue. But right now, let’s concentrate on Blaine and Kurt. I think this is the bigger issue right now.”
Blaine sat with his head in his hands, tears streaking down his face. He moved to sit next to Kurt. Kurt refused to look at him, but Blaine could tell that he was paying attention, so he began to speak.
“Kurt, I am so, so sorry that I chose to believe the first bad thing I heard about you. I am so very sorry that I didn’t take a moment to dig to find the truth. And I am so, SO sorry that I didn’t believe in you. I may not have shown it, but I was intrigued by you the moment I met you at Dalton. As freaked out as you were by your experiences with Karofsky, your inner strength just about bowled me over. As I got to know you, I was delighted to discover what a funny and kind and sweet person you are. Our coffee dates quickly became the best part of my day. Your heart is so pure, and you have such a capacity to love and find the good in everyone you meet, and I just wanted to be around that all the time. I don’t think you could ever hurt a fly. Heck, I bet you even relocate spiders rather than squish them, don’t you?”
Finn laughed from across the room. “He so does!”
Blaine cracked a small smile and then continued. “See? I know what kind of person you are, and what you are and aren’t capable of. I should have gone with my gut feeling. My gut feeling told me that I needed to wait. That this was Kurt and that there had to be some logical reason for what Finn and Rachel saw. And there was. And I feel like a complete fool.”
Blaine heard Kurt sniffle. “Kurt, will you look at me, please?”
Kurt slowly turned around. Blaine felt his heart snap in two at the sight of the beautiful boy’s face. His eyes were bright red and puffy and he just looked so sad and lost. Blaine’s stomach twisted at the realization that he was responsible for this devastation.
He reached out and put his hand on Kurt’s hand. Surprisingly, Kurt let it stay there. For the first time in days, Blaine felt hope.
“Kurt, I realize that you may never trust me again. Or that you may never forgive me for my part in this. I can tell you’ve had a horrible past few days, and I can honestly say that I’ve felt pretty awful myself. And I’m not even talking about what I felt when I thought you had betrayed me. I’m referring to the pain and sadness I felt because we weren’t together anymore. That you weren’t mine anymore. It made me realize that you have been the best part of my life so far, and I was a complete IDIOT for breaking up with you. Every smile and touch and kiss you’ve shared with me have been remembered and cherished. I want you to know that if there is any chance that you will forgive me or that maybe, dare I hope, we could be together again in the future, I will do anything…ANYTHING…to try make it happen. I want to earn your trust, and your heart, back. You are a treasure Kurt, and I hope that no matter what happens, you will never forget that.”
Kurt turned his hand so his palm was facing up and meeting Blaine’s palm. He squeezed Blaine’s hand.
“You are not forgiven, Blaine.” Blaine’s face fell instantly. “YET. You are not forgiven YET. But I do want to give you a chance. I was devastated, Blaine. Absolutely annihilated. But the heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart insists that despite your humongous faux pas, you need to be given another chance. Besides, I’m curious to see what happens when my dad lays his eyes on you next. You may want to wear a cup.”
Finn said, “Oh yeah, Blaine, Burt’s gonna have your ass.”
Kurt spun around to face Finn, his eyes staring daggers at him. “YOU! YOU, Finn, are on my shit list, and if you think you’re getting off it any time soon, you are sadly mistaken. Because you are my brother, familial ties suggest I should probably love you, and I do, but I DO NOT LIKE YOU right now. At all. What the hell were you thinking? First with the spying, and then with the tattling like a 4 year old? Hello? Let me guess. Rachel’s got your balls in her purse again, doesn’t she? I bet this whole debacle was all her idea. Time and time again, she proves to you that she’s only out for herself, but you keep going back to her. How many times are you going to be her doormat before you stand on your own two feet and stand up to her? Do you want to lose everyone in your life just because of a girl who treats you like crap? Are you that stupid?” he ranted. He flopped into his chair panting. That diatribe took a lot out of him, but it was all things he thought finally needed to be said. So many things had gone unsaid for too long.
“You’re right, Kurt. It was all Rachel’s idea. And I stupidly went along with it. I do a lot of stupid things, and they usually have something to do with girls. I’ve been thinking, and I’m going to take a break from girls. From all girls, but especially from Quinn and Rachel. Some of the worst things in my life have happened while I’ve been in a relationship, and it’s probably time for me to figure out what the best things in my life are. I’m starting to realize that those best things are my mom, you, and your dad, Kurt. Hopefully we’ll get to the point where you can stand being around me again, and if and when you do, I’d like to spend time getting to know you as my brother rather than just a friend from Glee club. I’m sorry, Kurt. I feel awful. I hope you and Blaine get back together. From what I have seen of you two guys together, you seem to bring out the best in each other. I’m envious of that. But I hope I get to see you guys like that again. Because you deserve nothing but the best, Kurt, and I think Blaine is the best.”
“Thank you, Finn. That meant a lot to me to hear that. I think I’ll eventually be able to forgive you, too.” They gave each other that goofy one-armed man hug. Kurt was all for big bear hugs, but Finn just wasn’t quite comfortable with all that guy to guy contact.
“Kurt?” said Rachel tentatively.
“No Rachel. I can’t talk to you today. You are the one I am most angry with, and I am exhausted. I have absolutely no energy to deal with you right now. In fact, Mr. Schue, may I be excused? As you can probably guess, I haven’t slept much at all in the past few days, and I just need to go home and lay down.”
“Of course Kurt, anything you need. I’m sure Finn or Mercedes can fill you in on anything covered today, once we eventually get started.”
“May I drive you home, Kurt?” asked Blaine hopefully.
Kurt contemplated the offer. He had his car at school today, but he really was tired. Why not? He thought. He tossed his keys to Finn imploring him to be careful with the Navigator and walked out to the parking lot with Blaine.
As they pulled into the Hummel/Hudson driveway, Blaine said “Thank you, Kurt. Even though I know I’m not out of the doghouse, I feel better just knowing there’s some hope and I didn’t irreparably screw this up. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if you sent me away permanently.”
“Would you like to come in for a bit and talk a little more?”
Blaine was no idiot. “Yes, absolutely.”
They went to Kurt’s bedroom. Kurt lay down on top of the bedspread and patted the bed next to him, implying that Blaine should sit there.
“To tell you the truth, Blaine, I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I sent you away permanently, either. I’ve grown almost scarily attached to you lately. It’s really weird, but when other couples refer to their partners as their other halves, I see you as my other half, too. I just didn’t feel like the complete Kurt Hummel until the Blaine Anderson half came into my life. And as mad and hurt as I was, and still am, I think sending you away would do me more harm than trying to repair what got broken.”
“Oh, thank God. I don’t want to be out of your life, Kurt. I feel so exactly the same as you it’s kind of eerie. What can I do to try to fix us, Kurt?”
“For now, can you just hold me? It’s been a long day and I kind of feel like I need help holding myself together.”
“Yes, Kurt, I can totally do that.”
Burt came home later to find the two boys spooned together (fully clothed, thank goodness) on top of the bed deep in sleep. As mad at Blaine as he wanted to be, he found he just couldn’t be. For in his sleep, Kurt had the biggest smile on his face that Burt had seen in a long time, and he really couldn’t hate the boy who had put that kind of joy on his son’s face. He knew the two would be just fine and would be stronger for it.
____
“Blaine?” whispered Kurt.
“Mmmm go’way, Ma. Fi’ more min, plz…” garbled Blaine sleepily.
“BLAINE. Wake up.”
“I said five more minutes pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaasssse, Mommy?”
Kurt couldn’t hold back his laughter. “Blaine, c’mon. It’s me, Kurt. WAKE UP.” He gave Blaine a poke in the ribs for good measure.
Startled, Blaine sat straight up in bed. “I’m up, I’m up! Wait, where am I? Why am I here? And oh shit, what time is it? My mom must be freaking out! Where’s my phone? Have you seen my phone, Kurt? Wait, why are YOU here, Kurt? Why are we on this bed together? Crap, did we do anything? No, my clothes are on…”
“BLAINE!”
“Yes Kurt?”
“SHUT. UP. You’re rambling. You’re here at my house. We fell asleep on my bed. My dad left a note saying he swiped your phone out of your backpack and called your mom. It’s 5am – we slept the whole afternoon and evening. And no, we did nothing but cuddle, but it was the most wonderful cuddling of my life.”
“Mmmm no wonder I feel so good. Comfy bed, lots of sleep, snuggled up with my adorable boyf… oops, sorry,” he said sheepishly.
Kurt smiled softy. “Blaine, it’s okay. I still want you to be my boyfriend.”
“REALLY?” grinned Blaine. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all morning.”
“We just woke up, you goof.”
“Well, then, that’s going to be the best news I hear all day!”
“Yeah, me too. To be honest, I’m a LOT madder at Rachel than I am at you or even Finn. There’s only one thing that matters to Rachel Berry, and that’s Rachel Berry. To hell with the rest of us.”
“Are you going to forgive her?”
“It’s gonna take awhile for me to even be able to talk to her, let alone forgive her. I don’t even want to be anywhere near her right now, so Glee club is going to be interesting for awhile.”
“Well, take your time. It seems to me that she needs to be made to face the consequences of her actions for once.”
“TOTALLY,” said Kurt. “And I seem to be the only one with the balls to make her pay.”
“I’d like to see that!”
Kurt was shocked. “BLAINE!”
“What? What did I say? Oh, you think I want to see your balls? I don’t! Well, not now, I mean, eventually I will want to take a look, but I just meant I wanted to see her pay! Whew is it HOT in here??”
Kurt could barely contain himself. “Nope, it’s just you!”
Blaine raised an eyebrow. “And just how did you mean that?”
“How did you think I meant it?”
Blaine shook his head and chuckled. “I can’t outflirt you, Kurt. I give! I’m crying Uncle right here!”
Just then Burt stopped by Kurt’s room on his way out the door to work. “I can’t tell you how good it is to see you boys laughing and smiling. It’s been a long couple of days, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah, it has Dad. But everything’s going to be okay. Blaine still has to be extra super duper nice to me to make up for being an idiot, but other than that, we’re going to be fine.”
“Thank goodness for that. I like you too much to have to kick your ass, Blaine, but you know I’d do it in a heartbeat if I had to. And if anything like this occurs again, it’s going to happen. Your free pass has been cashed in.”
“Burt, if I do it again, I will present my ass for kicking.”
“Just don’t give me any reason to make me have to do it, and I’ll be happy. Now, you should probably get out of here, Blaine. You still need to get to school, don’t you?”
“I do, but I always have an extra school uniform in my car. I never end up needing it, but I’m always worried I’ll spill something and I don’t like the thought of having to wear a dirty uniform all day.”
“Yeah, Kurt’s like that, too. One hair out of place and he’s in a tizzy until the problem has been corrected.
“So anyway, I think Carole left some sort of breakfast in the kitchen. Blaine, call your mom if you’re not going to stop in at home before you go to school. It was a bit late before I thought to call her so she was a little worried, but she was okay with you staying here.”
“I’ll get out my Bluetooth and speak to her on my drive to school. I need to tell her all about what kind of asshole I’ve been so she can yell at me on the phone and be done with it. I don’t want to be walking into the lion’s den when I get home!”
“Dad, you better go, you’ve gotta have the garage opened in a few minutes. See you this afternoon, I love you.”
“Love you too, Kid. See you later, Blaine.”
“Bye Burt, have a good day!”
“C’mon Blaine, let’s see what Carole made.”
The two boys went down to the kitchen and ate some fresh banana walnut muffins. Then it was time for Blaine to get going. The drive to Dalton was a little bit of a ways so he needed to leave early to make his first class. To Blaine’s complete surprise, Kurt wrapped his arms around him and gave him a quick peck on the lips.
“Mmmm muffins!” he grinned.
“Silly! So, when can I see you again?”
“Hmmm. Well, I better stay home today. I’ve been blowing off homework for the past couple of days, and Madame Dubois is going to have mon cul dans une �charpe if I don’t hand in my French paper in by class. Thank God for free periods and being able to speak French better than the teacher ! “��
“What did you just say, Kurt?“
“Doesn’t David speak French? Ask him!” Kurt said mischievously.
“You are going to be the death of me, Kurt! I gotta run. Can I at least call you tonight?”
“I’ll be disappointed if you don’t.”
Blaine gave Kurt a big bear hug and a quick peck on the cheek. “Talk to you later sweetie!”
“Bye hon!”
Kurt went back inside and shut the door. He immediately leaned back against the door and grinned like the cat that ate the canary. All was right in Kurt Hummel’s world.
A/N:� mon cul dans une �charpe – my ass in a sling