Kurt doesn't like school. Not really.

He remembers liking the idea of high school, he remembers the way he used to look forward to being accepted and loved but he doesn't like to think about it. It only reminds him of the many ways it never happened.

His dad said that it would get better, and while Kurt desperately wanted to believe in it, a cold slushie would bring him back to reality sooner than he'd ever expected. He feels bruised and beaten and drives home with a sad smile playing on his lips.

Kurt has a yellow jacket.

Kurt wears it every day in school even though yellow is not really in anymore. There's something comforting in the jacket and Kurt likes to close his eyes, breathe and drown into it. He likes to pretend that the jacket protects him from everything bad and ignores the bullies as they walk past him.

A guy walking past shoves him hard and his left side collides with a locker painfully.

Kurt burns the yellow jacket and counts 23 bruises with yellow edges from his skin.

Kurt isn't sure where he got the courage from, but one day he's screaming at one of the bullies. He's big and red and seems angry, and Kurt keeps screaming because it's so unfair, and then he screams a bit more because it feels so good to finally tell someone. It feels good to have someone to blame.

But then he kisses him. And then he shoves him against a locker. And then the time jumps a bit and it hurts so much Kurt is sure he's being split in two and he screams. And the big, red guy laughs a little and tightens his grip around Kurt's neck and he's hurt and embarrassed and begging…

Kurt doesn't think anyone hears him screaming anymore.

Kurt scrubs his skin until it's red and tender. He slips under the covers and refuses to cry.

Kurt refuses to fall apart.

He refuses to fall apart, much in the same way as he refuses to cry, or to give up, or to admit that he feels so horrible he throws up sometimes. He refuses to tell anyone.

Kurt refuses to eat and wipes his mouth with a napkin as he excuses himself and leaves the table.

Kurt doesn't really talk.

He might answer to the teachers or his father or Carole or Finn, sometimes, but mostly he just shrugs if someone asks him something. He doesn't know why he does it, isn't sure what he gets out of it but somehow he feels in control. He feels like he finally gets to decide something in his life.

Kurt stops talking completely in November.

Burt sighs in a sad tone sometimes. Kurt didn't know it was possible to sound sad while sighing, but Burt's sighs are sad. Kurt knows that it's because of him.

Burt asks him if everything is alright.

Kurt bites his lip and refuses to answer. Refusing seems to be the only thing he's been doing lately.

Burt is sending him away.

He says it's for his best and that it's going to be okay and he hugs Kurt a bit awkwardly before walking back to his car. He waves with a sad smile on his face, and Kurt hopes that he'd change his mind and let Kurt come back home. He wishes he could scream. He wishes he could speak.

Burt drives back home and calls half a hour later telling Kurt that it's alright.

Kurt doesn't say anything.