Be My Muse
Mercury-Skies
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Be My Muse: Chapter 5


E - Words: 1,203 - Last Updated: Aug 30, 2012
Story: Complete - Chapters: 35/35 - Created: May 30, 2012 - Updated: Aug 30, 2012
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Author's Notes: Warning for mentions of alcohol abuse, drug use and brief allusions to explicit sex. Things will become more warning heavy from this point so please if anything triggers you do not continue reading. If you don't feel you'll be triggered please still continue reading with caution.

"Okay so I'll start out easy, where did you grow up?"

"Westerville, Ohio"

"You're kidding me"

"Errm no. Why would I be?"

"I grew up in Lima! Weird huh?"

"Yeah, weird."


There were short bursts of conversation interspersed between complete focussed silences, during which they started on sketching out references for their final pieces. One of them would pause when they'd thought of something they wanted to ask the other, something they wanted to know to add greater detail to the images of each other they were beginning to create.


"My turn. Are you a virgin?"

"God this better not become 20 questions of sexual disposition Blaine."

"Aww come on. Are you gonna answer the question?" Blaine pouted.

"Yes"

"Yes, you're going to answer the question or yes you're a virgin?"

"Yes- well I mean I've done like stuff but technically I'm a virgin okay? Lame I know, but I just-" Kurt blushed profusely, embarrassed.

"Hey," Blaine said softly, touching Kurt's knee briefly "you're just waiting for the right person I get it."

"You've had sex with practically everyone in our Fine Art Class." Kurt spat back angrily but when he saw the look that momentarily flickered across Blaine's face he regretted it instantly.


"Ouch, well I guess I deserved that." Blaine shrugged casting his eyes back to his work, adding the subtle shadow underneath Kurt's jaw.

"No. No you didn't I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

"No. I mean it's cool. I was a whore, it's fine." Blaine shrugged. He knew it would be all anyone would ever care about. Who he'd fucked, how good he fucked, how completely obliterated he was during so it didn't really matter the morning after anyway.


"I-you weren't, but why? Why the Casanova of Fine Art class 2014? If you don't wanna talk about it then it's okay you don't have to tell me anything you aren't comfortable with and I won't judge you even if you do answer because-"

"Woah, woah, slow down," Blaine placated "I just- it's difficult to explain. I was out almost every night trying to avoid certain things. I was doing a lot of reckless stuff. In the clubs and bars around campus it just came with the territory. It wasn't worth much to me then, since my first experience in high school it had just lost its value. I just got off and got out. That was my motto for a long time."


"So-so what about now?"

"I- I don't-"

"You don't have to tell me anything." Kurt whispered, eyes wide and honest.

"I shouldn't" Blaine replied "but for some infuriating reason I want to."

"I- now I'm not out much at all. There are... reasons I was so rowdy and those reasons still remain but it started to lose its effect and Cooper had Belle and her mother left and he needed me." Blaine paused taking a deep shuddering breath. "I didn't have a job and I was practically starving; spending what I had on entry fees and booze and drugs and cigarettes and Christ what little I had left went on my classes. At that point Arabella and art were pretty much the only things I was living for."


Blaine sounded so angry with himself, so bitter that Kurt found himself struggling to hold back tears "Blaine I'm so sorry I-"

"Don't" Blaine snarled, walls crashing up around him "I shouldn't have said anything. I don't need your fucking pity."

"Blaine no wait please-" Kurt begged as Blaine walked towards the glass panes and pulled one aside to step onto the balcony. It slammed shut behind him with such force it could have shattered, just like the man himself.


.oO0Oo.


Kurt watched for a while as Blaine stood resting against the balcony rail, staring out at the darkening sky. A cigarette hung limply from his delicately curled fingers and pale streams of smoke unfurled from his parted lips on every exhale. He was calming down, shoulders no longer tensed but as he took his last drag from the cigarette and turned as if to re enter the apartment he caught Kurt watching. Blaine did nothing but exhale the last of the smoke through his nose, throw the butt to the ground and turn back to recline on a lounger further along the balcony.


Eventually Blaine's eyelids grew heavy, trying valiantly not to close. As his breathing evened out, chest rising and falling steadily they finally fluttered shut, his long lashes fanning out across his cheeks. Kurt drew his eyes away from Blaine to continue working. He didn't want to leave Blaine, not like that, not after he'd revealed so much, so he decided to stay and work until Blaine had no choice but to come back inside and hear him out.


It wasn't long before it started. A high whimper sounded from beyond the glass panes and Kurt's head snapped up to see Blaine thrashing just as he had been when Kurt had first arrived but much more violently. Kurt watched, frozen for a horrifying moment as Blaine's breathing became ragged and his body shook with tremors. Within seconds Kurt was up and half way towards the balcony but he was too late.


Blaine was awake. Standing now but trembling, his eyes terrified and filling with tears as he clawed at his stomach with a pale hand. Before Kurt could get any closer Blaine had already thrown the glass panel open and staggered through the apartment towards the bathroom, slamming the door. Kurt was outside the door within seconds listening to the sounds of Blaine's laboured breathing and dry heaving through the glossy wood. There was a choked sob and Kurt was knocking frantically on the door.


"Blaine" Kurt pleaded.

"Kurt" Blaine gasped "Just leave Kurt, okay?"

"No Blaine you're-"


Kurt pushed the door open and rushed to Blaine's side. He was shivering, skin damp and heart racing on the bathroom floor as he curled up against the cold, tiled wall. His lashes wet and his face sallow; he refused to look up.


"I don't need your pity Kurt. I just don't. I need-"

"What do you need Blaine? Please let me help."

"I just-"

"Anything Blaine. What do you need?"


There was a long pause filled only by the sound of Blaine's breathing and the violent shudders rippling through his body.


"Just- tell me they're gone."

"What?- Tell you who's gone?"

"Tommy," breath "Jake" breath "and- M-Max"

"Okay, okay shhh" Kurt pulled him gently into his arms. Blaine tensed suddenly before going limp and leaning heavily against him, staring up with pleading honeysuckle eyes.


"Tell me they're gone, tell me they're never coming back, tell me they won't-"

"They won't. I promise you Blaine. They're gone. They'll never hurt you again."


Blaine closed his eyes briefly before snapping them open again as if afraid of what he saw behind his closed eyelids. He looked so small, so frail. Kurt could feel part of his ribcage through Blaine's baggy long sleeved T-shirt as he clung to him trying to keep him from breaking in two in front of his very eyes. Blaine; who was sweet and cheeky and gentle and beautiful was so hurt and so delicate yet so strong and brave and passionate. They barely knew each other, but Kurt couldn't help but think he already knew so much about Blaine. He already loved so much about Blaine, but he despised what haunted him.


"I'm so tired, Kurt."

"I know" Kurt whispered into his hair "I know."


Comments

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Ugh I just want to hold Blaine and never let go. I love this so much!!

Ohh I want to know what happened to Blaine! And who those people are! I feel bad for him:( poor Blaine..great chapter!!(: