Aug. 30, 2012, 3:53 p.m.
Masterpieces
Be My Muse: Chapter 31
E - Words: 1,311 - Last Updated: Aug 30, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 35/35 - Created: May 30, 2012 - Updated: Aug 30, 2012 1,090 0 4 0 0
For many people hurt means many different things. It can mean scratches and bruises and scars. It can mean crying yourself to sleep every night. It can mean screaming at the top of your lungs until your throat is raw and you daren't whisper another word. It can mean turning your back and running until you fall. For Kurt hurt means all these things and tenfold more.
He'd lost hours into infinity and gained sleepless nights. It was hurt like a hurricane, chaos until he reached the eye of the storm where everything felt hollow and false. Safe barely existed past Blaine's front door. Quiet was deafening. Noise was constantly startling. Touch meant pain. Raised voices meant anger. Whispers went unwanted. Kisses were craved yet stifling.
Blaine did all he could, as did Cooper and even Adam. In all truthfulness Blaine felt his resolve crumbling. It wasn't easy, there is never anything easy about having a loved one bruised and scarred and relying on you to make it all go away. After the third breakdown Blaine begged and pleaded Kurt to join him in counselling with Trace and it helped, slowly. And it hurt Blaine a whole lot more than he had anticipated. To hear every detail was excruciating. He listened to every word, needing to understand and feel just how Kurt had felt, desperate to use the knowledge to help and comfort him. They sat together in the dusty studio, on rickety chairs as unstable as themselves. They talked until there was nothing else to tell, nothing else to drag from the depths of their damaged souls.
If anything hearing everything had the potential to make them so much stronger, as individuals and as KurtandBlaine. And it did, in ways that no one else on Earth could begin to comprehend. They had such an intricate knowledge of what they'd both been through that it was impossible for them to not understand, to not just get each other so effortlessly. So through the pain and the fear they fought and they were triumphant, the greatest victory being the simple, uncomplicated tether, reinforced and binding them into something complete.
The beginning of Blaine's last week in the programme found Kurt and Blaine on their own in the apartment for the first time in days. Cooper had left to drop Adam off at Elmbank Rehabilitation Centre. Blaine learnt that Adam was a minor, not even seventeen and a runaway. His parents disowned him (for reasons too hurtful that he never spoke of it) so he ran, decided that if they didn't want him then he'd find someone who did. His first night in the city and it all came crashing down pretty quickly. Desperate for comfort and affection and drowning in grief, it started with a quick fuck in some dingy apartment and a couple grams. Blaine knew how it felt, their circumstances were different but not by much. He listened, and talked about his own experiences, how ashamed and dirty and disgusting he had felt, how he got back on track, how he wanted Adam to know that he wasn't alone, that he could be okay again.
.oO0Oo.
With their farewells said and promises to stay in touch made, Adam left with Cooper, and Kurt and Blaine were left miraculously alone and worry free. It was as close to bliss as they'd ever been and it struck Blaine that it was exactly what Blaine had always been looking for. Exactly what he'd always wanted then... and forever. He wanted the cherished kisses with their eyes closed and the drag of fingertips over heated skin to never end. He was bold enough to think that he'd never let it. So on that rare day for them and them alone they revelled in it.
They made love (and Blaine had scoffed at it being called that but couldn't deny that it was undoubtedly what it was) on top of the sheets and then in the shower. They cooked together and Blaine refused to eat the Avocado, because I've only eaten it once Kurt but I know I hate it and it keeps ending up in my kitchen and I keep throwing it off the balcony. To which Kurt replied that he hoped he hadn't Blaine because that could hurt someone. And Blaine admitted that he hadn't, he'd just been throwing it at Cooper when Kurt's back was turned.
Kurt spent half an hour chasing Blaine around the apartment because Blaine had accidentally loosened the tie on Kurt's silk robe and let it fall to the ground in front of the wall of windows when he wasn't wearing anything underneath. Surprisingly it took Kurt a while to notice, but when he did Blaine was off in a shot giggling manically as his bare feet pounded and skidded down the hall. He ended up darting into the bedroom and the moment Kurt found him Blaine had the silk robe on the floor and Kurt against the wall.
The playfulness was what reminded them that they were getting better, that they could let themselves just be without happening to guilt themselves into rejecting it out of fear that they weren't good enough. They were perfect for each other, in the way that Kurt was unafraid to snort in between giggles when Blaine made him laugh and Blaine wasn't afraid to give out all the gory details when Kurt asked him how he's feeling. It's not a fairytale, though it felt like it sometimes. It's not a fantasy, not some idealistic whimsy born from two artists with passion in their hearts and delirium in their heads. It was real, was misshapen and lopsided, dirty and gritty but it was honest and perfect despite its imperfections.
Because Blaine hates Avocado and Kurt loves Cheesecake. Because Blaine is trying to see how long he can hold out before Kurt wins and rejuvenates his wardrobe with a little designer pizzazz. Because Kurt has reluctantly agreed to let Blaine teach him how to box but keeps getting distracted and ultimately forgets the difference between a jab and a right hook. Because they love every little nuance of each other with pride and fearlessness.
As the sun began to set, their bodies streaked with paint and smudged with charcoal, they danced. The lights of the city shone bright and barely reached them, instead swathed in the crimson glow of the setting sun. It was the only light in the apartment, everywhere else but the living room hidden in the shadows. Music trickled through old, crackling speakers, slow and distant but wrapping them safely in its melody. Blaine's hands slipped in the silk at Kurt's waist and it just made him grip tighter, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tight as they swayed to the music. Kurt's fingers were stroking through his curls, his face buried in Blaine's neck planting gentle kisses there like promises. They danced with their eyes closed, spinning so slowly that they were barely moving at all.
Blaine hummed low in his throat sated and content and Kurt chuckled from where he was nuzzling his neck. "Will it always be like this?" He asked with a sigh but Blaine didn't answer. He just smiled and kissed Kurt's hair, breathing deep, breathing him in. He got lost in it; Kurt holding him and humming along, the vibration of it thrumming through his chest and seeping into his bones.
They were so wrapped up in each other they didn't notice Cooper slide through the door. They didn't notice the tears in his eyes as he watched his little brother dance, so happy and so in love with someone who finally felt the same. He took a picture on his phone, knowing this was a moment that had to be cherished in any and everyway possible. They'd thank him later.
Even when they felt Cooper's presence and the music stopped playing they didn't stop dancing.
Comments
Ohhhhh sigh! I loved it! Thank you!
beautiful chapter
What an absolutely heartwrenching chapter. I am mortified for Kurt but so grateful that they have each other to heal. Such intense love. And Cooper at the end made me cry. You never specified, was Kurt violated sexually? Not sure I wanna know...
Thank you as always! Kurt was touched against his will but Evan never got the chance to go further than that. It was sexual assault, Evan kissed and undressed him and was inching toward more. He would've succeeded had Adam not lead Blaine and Cooper to him. Obviously what makes it worse is that Kurt had no defense having been slipped GHB (a common date rape drug) in his alcoholic beverages. Mixing GHB with alcohol is potentially lethal and added to Kurt's drowsiness and heightened hysteria.