It turned out that no amount of Blaine's unconscious self sabotage could deter Kurt from signing the papers that meant that they were officially flatmates. For Blaine, the first month was a blur of recovery, paperwork and trying to concentrate on his classes while an extremely attractive 28 year old in yoga pants and little else waltzed around like he owned the place. Which, of course he kind of did, or half of it anyway. It worked and Kurt, as far as Blaine could tell, wasn't a murderer or anything of the sort. Things were better and that was the most Blaine could have hoped for.

It's true Blaine had been expecting a fellow student to reply to his ad, perhaps just another soul who couldn't afford their own rent. What he wasn't expecting was to be confronted with an absolutely stunning, pale skinned and long legged man. He was expecting a boy like himself and in the face of Kurt Hummel that's all he was, just another little boy. It didn't help that the first encounter they'd ever had involved an emotionally distraught Blaine and a half crazy ex-boyfriend. It just went to show that he was out of his depth, struggling to keep his head above water out where the big boys swam.

Kurt sent him little smiles from the desk they'd set up by the window and Blaine melted on the spot every time, turning back to his art biting his lip to hide his smile and his cheeks tinted a light pink. Pathetic, juvenile and stupid. He didn't even know if Kurt was gay.

~*~

It still hurt. His heart wasn't as broken as he thought it might be but the damage had been done and it was taking longer to heal than he truly wanted it to. Even Kurt could see it and he hardly knew anything about him or what had happened with Jonah. He knew enough though it seemed, and Blaine could see the concern in those twinkling blue eyes every time he let a sorrowful sigh escape his chest when he thought Kurt wouldn't notice. He should've known he'd notice though, from his insistence on the very first day they'd met it was obvious that nothing got past Kurt Hummel. Blaine was an open book, and that didn't make learning the truth difficult at all.

Friday night the first month after Kurt had moved in was a train wreck. A night out, and a few dozen drinks and Blaine was leaning heavily against the threshold as he sent away a severely disappointed boy with suspicious dirty blonde hair and eyes like his. He slammed the door shut behind him and let out a heart wrenching sob, not noticing Kurt sitting quietly at his desk. He was with him in an instant, saying nothing as he held him, huddled together on the hallway floor.

That was the night Blaine told him everything. Every wound was ripped wide open and stitched back together again haphazardly, his heart jagged around the edges but just as whole as it had been before. They whispered into the darkness, all his hopes and dreams and regrets and fears, spilled into the void from the safety of Kurt's arms. They watched from the fire escape as the sun rose, Blaine's face dry and free of tear tracks, his eyes puffy and red behind horn-rimmed glasses. He took a drag from his fading cigarette as Kurt pressed a chipped mug of coffee into his freezing cold hands.

He felt Kurt's warm breath on the back of his neck and before he could react, Kurt had snatched the cigarette from him, bringing it to his own lips eyes bright in the early morning sunshine. "You shouldn't smoke." He said simply and Blaine raised an eyebrow at him "And you should?"

"I'm different," he replied, lifting his chin and exhaling smoke above their heads "I don't have a voice as pretty as yours. It'd be a shame to ruin it." Blaine laughed lightly, head falling to his chest. He shivered, the chill starting to permeate his thin sweater and loose pants. That's when Kurt stepped closer, his arms wrapping tightly around Blaine's waist. "You heard that huh?" Blaine smiled bashfully, settling into Kurt's arms and breathing in the sharp scent of coffee, cigarettes and the city air. "Oh I heard alright crooner, you've got a sweet, sinful tenor sweetheart." Blaine sighed dramatically, "Music was my first love."

"So what's your art then?"

"The love of my life"

Kurt laughed, eyes squinting and nose crinkling. Blaine smiled.

~*~

Kurt was... so gay. His words, not Blaine's. Blaine had an inkling, with all the flirtatious comments and the mostly appropriate, friendly touching, it was easy to assume. Assumptions, however, were things Blaine tended to avoid making. It had accidentally come up after an altercation in a coffee shop with one of those almost overly accepting grandmothers who also tend to refer to themselves as ‘down with the kids'. They'd been standing in line to order when Blaine had laughed so hard he tripped over his own feet as the line moved forward and almost went head first into the aforementioned grandmother and took her down. Luckily, Kurt had grabbed his waist and steadied him just in time, but the lady still took quite the hit.

"Oh my- I'm so sorry ma'am." Blaine stuttered out. The lady looked at them kindly, eyeing Kurt's hand on Blaine's hip knowingly. "Don't get your feathers ruffled," she said sweetly "you two sweethearts just carry on." She winked and stepped up to the bar. Kurt removed his hand and Blaine coughed awkwardly. "I-I'm sorry," Blaine sputtered and Kurt stared at him curiously, only turning away to place their orders. "Why are you apologising?"

"Well I'm sure it must be awkward to-"

"To what?"

"T-to have people a-assume we're - a thing." Blaine trailed off as if he were divulging some kind of scandalous secret. "Wait, is this a ‘because you're older thing' or a ‘because you're straight thing'?" Kurt inquired, trying to hide his amusement as Blaine stumbled over his words and flushed as Kurt pulled out a chair for him.

"I didn't want to assume so-"

"Blaine," Kurt cut him off "I'm gay, so so gay."

"I o-okay sorry," Blaine mumbled "I don't know, she still thought we were a thing."

"Can you- jeez can you stop saying ‘thing' like it'd be some kind of sordid affair?" Kurt admonished good naturedly. "I'm honoured that she thought we were a ‘thing', you're quite the catch Blaine Devon Anderson." Kurt winked at him as he took a sip of his coffee and Blaine's eyes got a lot wider, his heart just a little lighter with hope.

Hope is a funny thing. It can be small, a light fluttering in the heart and a twinkle in the eye or it can be big, a grin that stretches wide across perfect pink lips and a laugh that simply can't be contained. It's a life line, the unprecedented solution to when things just get shitty and they aren't about to get better until some unknown time in the unforeseeable future. Hope wasn't the only thing Blaine had though, he also had a crush.

~*~

"It is not a crush!" Blaine stage whispered into his phone from the privacy of his studio turned bedroom, "Tina I-"

"Oh come on Blaine!" Tina's voice screeched through the speaker, they'd been having the same conversation for just over an hour and Tina's voice was getting uncomfortably shrill. "We haven't had a conversation that didn't feature Mr Typewriter in some capacity since September. A month, Blaine, a month you've been mooning over him, so just say something!"

"Tina! I have not been mooning," Blaine said harshly, blushing as his voice rose at least a whole octave, "and Mr Typewriter? This isn't Middle School."

"It might as well be." Tina scoffed. Blaine made an affronted noise in the back of his throat. "It's not a crush or anything of the sort" he haughtily replied, "he's just very attractive, and sweet and witty and beauti- OH oh my God I have a crush."

"Awww Blainers has a crush!"

"Fuck this is pathetic." Blaine sighed, flopping back onto his bed with a loud thump. He hated having it confirmed that he was attracted to, or okay had a ‘crush' on Kurt. Kurt who just so happened to be his roommate and almost a decade Blaine's senior. If he was being honest, things felt... tense, to say the least. It felt as if every glance was a challenge, to confess, make a move. It's not like Blaine was even bothered that Kurt was older than him, the problem was how Kurt saw it. Not only was Kurt out of his league but Blaine was always concerned with how Kurt perceived his youth, whether or not he saw him as simply inexperienced or immature and petty. Of course, Blaine knew he was none of those things but he couldn't help but doubt himself. There was something about handsome 28 year old writers that made him nervous.

"It's not pathetic Blaine," Tina said softly "liking someone isn't such a bad thing, it doesn't make you weak and just because Jonah-"

"Stop," he interjected forlornly, tired of talking over his issues with his ex, it was done, over and the stitches in Blaine's chest were healing steadily day by day "I haven't been sworn off men for life just because Jonah was the king of all assholes that's not the problem."

"Then what is the problem?"

"He's just Kurt, you know? He's talented and smart and beautiful. His personality is literally a triple threat of ‘I'm gorgeous, a fantastic writer and everything I say sounds intelligent but I'm painfully unattainable, sorry' and I'm what? I'm just some mediocre artist lacking in the height department and with a penchant for hair products." Sighing wearily, as the constant battle between reality and self-deprecation was won again by his ever present insecurities he grumbled at Tina for a good half an hour while she tried to convince him that expressing how he felt might not end in disaster. Just as they'd said their goodbyes there was a knock at his bedroom door.

"Um Blaine?" Kurt said quietly, eyes a steely grey, his brow etched with something that resembled anger and concern "Jonah's asking to see you and he err looks pretty rough, I didn't want to send him away without asking you first so..." He trailed off; not meeting his eyes as Blaine walked passed him in the doorway and toward the front door.

"I need your help" Jonah said gruffly, leaning against the doorframe and breathing harshly. "That's rich," Kurt scoffed, sauntering up behind Blaine and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder as he scowled at their unexpected visitor "you hurt him, I don't think you really have the right to come in here and ask him for anything."

"Right, and who asked you twink"

"Jonah!" Blaine growled, contemplating simply slamming the door in his face. "No it's alright Blaine, he's just pissed he got his ass kicked by the so called ‘twink'"

Jonah tried his damndest to get his hands on Kurt's throat after that but he didn't succeed as Blaine pushed him back out into the hall and slammed the door behind them both. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Blaine whispered harshly, "We're done and the last time I saw you I had to go to hospital because you slammed a two inch thick hardwood door into me! What makes you think you deserve anything from me?!"

"Because you love me" Jonah said maliciously, an icy smugness saturating his demeanour. "Loved, Jonah. Loved. Just tell me what you want so you can go and never come back."

"Fine," Jonah shifted nervously, eyes darting around the hallway, skittish and desperate as he turned back to Blaine "I need money- Blaine wait please just hear me out I-"

"No." Blaine replied simply "This is just for crack isn't it? No I'm not giving you anything."

"Please Blaine, please." Jonah begged, and Blaine almost crumbled. "It's not to get anything I just need to pay Matt back for last time."

"What? You said you'd pay him later? You idiot Jo!"

"I know I know but please," he stroked Blaine's cheek briefly, bloodshot and wild eyes darting downwards to glance at his lips "you know what Matt's like, I can't afford to end up in the hospital again baby." He brushed the curls off Blaine's forehead with a shaky smile and trembling hands.

Blaine's watering eyes studied the man in front of him for a while, so gentle, so tender, so... fake. A whoosh of air left his body in a resigned sigh "H-how much?"

"250." Jonah replied, rough and clammy hands still caressing his skin, his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, Blaine's eyes widened in shock "250? I can't, I need that money for rent this month. I'll be broke and I can't let Kurt pay for anything else." Jonah's gaze hardened at the mention of Kurt's name.

"Sweetheart, please" he begged for the hundredth time "you know what happened last time. Blaine did know what happened last time; he'd witnessed the result first hand. He'd expected to come home to a smiling boyfriend. Instead he was greeted by him, collapsed in the doorway of their apartment, bruised and bloodied and barely breathing. "Please, I can't just-"

"I love you." Jonah said abruptly, purely beyond desperation "Just please Blaine, please. Just this and I'll be gone; I'll leave you alone, forever." Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself not to fall for it. "Okay."

He left him waiting in the hall while he went back into the apartment. Kurt was pacing, muttering, disgruntled and glaring at nothing in particular. Blaine brushed off his concern with a tight hug and a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. He always kept the rent money underneath the false floor in one of the draws of his bureau so it was hidden but also on hand when the land lord came to call. He took it out reluctantly, already worrying about how he was going to get all $250 back by the end of the month. Someone's safety was more important to him though.

He handed the money over and Jonah thanked him with a kiss, hard and long and Blaine couldn't pull away. He felt his cheeks flush as Jonah's arms wrapped tightly round his waist, pressing in close and forcing Blaine to tilt his head up, forcing him open and vulnerable. His head was screaming at him, to push him away, to yell and fight until he could no longer feel Jonah's lips upon his. His heart was split in two, hurting and yearning simultaneously, for Jonah or for someone else, something new he wasn't sure. Jonah stepped back, smiled and then left, without a word, whispered or otherwise.

As the door closed behind Blaine a few minutes later he was met with Kurt and his questions, the first of which was the hardest to answer purely because of what it meant. "Why did you let him kiss you?"

"Because this time it's goodbye"