Blaine stared through the dark at Kurt’s lips as they whispered about kissing and fireworks. He wanted nothing more than to close the few inches of space that lay between them and kiss Kurt. Blaine blushed as he thought about all of the times over the past month that he had wanted to kiss Kurt. There was the time at the park three weeks ago when Kurt had said something about the beginning of July being his favorite time of the year, because it wasn’t too hot yet, so everything was still green, but it wasn’t cold either. He had looked into the sky and closed his eyes and it had taken all of Blaine’s willpower not to lean over and kiss him. Then there was the time at the pool when Blaine had finally coaxed Kurt into the water and then promptly attacked him. Kurt had come up sputtering with anger and a hint of amusement in his eyes. They’d locked eyes and something in the way Kurt was looking at him almost made Blaine do it then. Almost. Even earlier that evening, while they’d been watching Titanic, Blaine would sneak glances at Kurt, who seemed to be completely engrossed in the movie, and wonder what it would be like to kiss him. To press his lips against Kurt’s, he wondered if Kurt’s lips were as soft as they looked. He was sure they were. Then they were talking about the movie and all Blaine could think about was moving to Kurt’s side of the couch and pressing in close, kissing him with everything he had. Instead, he asked Kurt if he’d ever been kissed. He was surprised, and a little relieved, when Kurt blushed and said he hadn’t. Now here they were, laying next to each other in the dark, and Blaine still couldn’t bring himself to do it.

There were lots of reasons why Blaine didn’t have the courage necessary to let Kurt know how he felt, one of the main ones, of course, was Rachel. He didn’t know how she’d react to her younger brother and her best friend being in love. It was love too, for Blaine. Sure, he had spent the majority of the last four weeks fantasizing about kissing Kurt, but it wasn’t all that he wanted. Kurt was beautiful and funny and so smart. He was easy to talk to, with a quick wit and genuine interest in the subject. He wanted to hold his hand while they walked around the park. He wanted to be able to cuddle up to him when they would spend the night together. Blaine wanted everything with Kurt.

It was all Blaine could do not to love him, and he had tried. He would tell himself it was nothing, but a little crush on his older sister’s, probably straight, best friend. There were things about Kurt that made Blaine question his sexuality, his love for Broadway and fashion being two pretty big hints. Still, Blaine didn’t want to assume either way, and he wasn’t willing to mess up the friendship that they had finally developed over something as silly as a little crush. Then, that stupid sleepover had happened, and Blaine had insisted that Kurt share the bed with him. Kurt had obviously been hesitant, “you’re probably just making him uncomfortable,” Blaine had thought to himself. However, Kurt relented and when Blaine had woken up in the wee hours of the morning and found Kurt facing away from him, with Blaine’s arms wrapped securely around his middle, Blaine knew. He knew it was love and he knew that he would never want anything more than to hold this boy in his arms forever. He had fallen back to sleep with a smile on his lips, as he tightened his hold on Kurt, willing the moment to never end. It did though, and Blaine woke up with empty arms, Kurt as far away as he could possibly get while still on the bed. Blaine watched him for a moment, blinking back the tears that were threatening to escape.

From then on, Blaine had done everything he could to keep their friendship platonic. He’d had this crush on Kurt from the moment he had heard his voice carrying through the living room singing about girls in white dresses and snowflakes. He had been awestruck by the voice, and even more so by its owner, once they’d finally met. Blaine would follow Kurt and Rachel from room to room as they played house, or “practiced for their future careers on Broadway.” He cherished the moments that they would let him join in, and secretly hoped that Rachel would decide to sing solo or maybe throw a tantrum, leaving Kurt’s attention solely on Blaine because those times were the sources of all of his favorite memories. He and Kurt would talk or watch Disney movies until Rachel had calmed down enough to join them. He loved watching movies with Kurt; Blaine had always been able to read every emotion that played out across his porcelain face. Kurt was beautiful when he cried, but he was stunning when he laughed. His eyes and nose would crinkle, mouth opening into a wide grin as he released the sweetest, most joyful noise Blaine had ever heard. Blaine would do anything to see Kurt laugh.

Then Rachel had announced that she was going to that camp for an entire month and it took all of Blaine’s willpower not to jump for joy. He put on his best but-Rachel-I’ll-miss-you face and promptly asked what Kurt was going to do while she was away. “He’ll just have to hang out with you I guess,” Rachel had replied with a mildly disapproving look. It had taken everything that Blaine had to make it to his room before he smiled. It was a huge, radiating, utterly ecstatic smile, and he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Kurt, the boy of his dreams, was going to be spending an entire month with him. The weeks leading up to Rachel’s departure dragged on and Kurt spent nearly every day at their house, always in the company of Rachel. Blaine understood that they were going to miss each other, but he still couldn’t wait until Rachel was gone and Blaine could take her place, at least temporarily. The month of July, however, flew by, and on that last night, Blaine had spoken quietly in the dark, asking Kurt to promise that they would stay like this, that their friendship would remain intact.
He knew what he was doing, asking Kurt that. He was well aware that Rachel’s return would mean that life would go back to the way it had been. Blaine knew when Kurt made that promise it would lead to his own eventual heartbreak. Still, Blaine needed to know that he was important to Kurt. Even if it wasn’t to the same extent as Blaine’s own feelings, Blaine needed to be Kurt’s friend. He had fallen asleep soon after that, lulled into anxious dreams by the steady sound of Kurt’s breath on the pillow next to his.

When fall came around and school started, it was apparent that their friendship was not going to be the same as it had been for that one perfect month. Rachel monopolized the majority of Kurt’s time during August, hardly allowing Blaine to spend any time with either of them. With school came sports and drama club for Blaine and Kurt respectively, and Blaine knew that Kurt was trying, at least at first. By the time first quarter ended they had stopped seeing each other all together, Rachel even began spending more time at Kurt’s house when they hung out after school. Finally, after a month of not speaking, Blaine was done hoping that things would go back to the way they were. He was surprised then, when he’d seen Kurt following Rachel into the den one afternoon. Kurt had barely even glanced in his direction not even offering him a small wave of hello, and Blaine wanted nothing more than to cry as his heart shattered. That was it then, it was really over. After that, when Blaine would see Kurt, he would do everything he could to act like he didn’t care, like it didn’t matter. All the while his heart beat fast against his ribcage, as though it were trying to escape his chest and give him away for the fraud that he was. No matter what happened, Blaine knew that some part of him would always love Kurt, even if they never spoke again.

It’s true, what they say about time being the only cure for heartbreak. During those first few months, Blaine would hear a sad song on the radio and immediately think of Kurt. At first he was depressed, and then he was bitter. He tried hating Kurt, but that only lasted a few days before Kurt smiled at him in the hall between classes and Blaine’s heart rate had sped up and his hands had gone clammy. Eventually he was just lonely; he missed Kurt and the easy friendship they’d shared. He had never had many close friends, and Kurt was definitely the closest he’d ever come to calling anyone best friend. Finally, after the year ended, his heartache was down to barely a whisper, a beautifully painful memory of what once was and would never be again. Blaine still loved Kurt, but he was content to find that he was no longer in love with him. Blaine had always been good at lying to himself.

~

It had been a long time since Blaine had allowed the memories of that summer to resurface, if only because he didn’t want to live in the world of what ifs and maybes. Now though, he would be lying if he said his heart rate hadn’t picked up a little speed when Kurt had approached him in the hall last week. But then the Azimio incident had happened and Blaine had been so angry, he wasn’t willing to admit that part of him was especially upset that it had been Kurt who had seen what was going on and that it had been Kurt who’d run away. He had thought that Kurt cared about him a little more than that. Then Kurt had shown up to apologize and Blaine no longer knew what to think. Well, he knew what he felt, at least, even if he wasn’t going to admit it to anyone.

Having Kurt in his room that afternoon, was dredging up all of the memories of Kurt that Blaine had worked so hard to forget. The way his hair always smelled so clean, with maybe a hint of lavender underneath, and the way he’d barely press his eraser to his lips while he thought. Then Blaine had said something and Kurt had laughed loud and joyous, and all of the memories flooded to the forefront of Blaine’s mind. Kurt on the swing set at the park, Kurt at the pool hiding under an umbrella as he smiled at Blaine’s antics, Kurt lying so close he could touch him if he just reached out, but he wouldn’t dare. He shuddered, glad that Kurt was getting a drink of water, because Blaine didn’t think he could handle seeing him at that moment. He was sure that he would’ve reached forward and kissed Kurt. He would’ve kissed him for the boy he used to be, the boy who had been so full of hope and consumed by his first love. Thinking back now, he almost wished that he had said something when he’d had the chance. Still, Kurt had never done anything to show that he reciprocated those feelings, and Blaine was certain that he hadn’t.

Blaine frowned at the thought, before glancing at his watch. Kurt had said he knew where the kitchen was, but it had been twenty minutes since he’d left the room. Blaine stood slowly, stretching to relieve some of the ache in his back from sitting in the same position too long. Suddenly Kurt burst through the door, his face red and eyes hard.

“I’m sorry Blaine; we’ll have to continue studying later. I have to go.” He said, brushing quickly at his eyes as he gathered his things.

“What? What’s wrong Kurt?” Blaine asked bewildered. Kurt stopped for a moment and looked at him, a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes gracing his face.

“It’s… nothing Blaine, it’s just getting late and I promised my dad I’d be home to help with dinner.” Kurt replied as he bit gently at his lip. Blaine knew Kurt was lying, he’d always been able to read Kurt like a book and it was beyond obvious that he was not being entirely truthful. He wanted to tell Kurt he could trust him. He wanted to tell Kurt that he was there for him, if he needed anything. Instead, he nodded, searching for a piece of paper and a pen. Pulling the cap off he jotted down his number quickly.

“Here.” He said handing it to Kurt who was still hastily gathering his things. “It’s my number, so we can reschedule.” Kurt smiled again and this time Blaine could see a hint of it in his blue eyes.

“Thanks Blaine, I’ll see you around.” Kurt said as he took the paper from Blaine and stepped out of the door.

“Yeah,” Blaine said to the sound of Kurt’s retreating footsteps. “See you around.”