The fumes of smelling salts have always interested me. They aren't that unpleasant when conscious, but they always seem to pull the faint out of unconsciousness. It was with this magic that I was revived. The out of body experience was over and now I just felt drained. Everything was quiet. I was aware of Blaine's lap as my pillow, taking comfort in the gesture as I lied calmly on the floor.

"Hey there, honey," the motherly nurse called out. "Here's the deal: you fainted, and I'm going to need you in my office for a check-up to see why. Blaine here will carry you. Don't worry," she finished, patting my arm. Don't worry? Oh, of course not. Let's not worry about Blaine picking me up and straining himself under the weight. It's not that he's weak, rather I'm heavy. Oh no. That's not humiliating at all. My fear was visible. I refused to be carried.

"No? Well, do you think you can stand?" That was a good question. I was willing to try and wordlessly stood up. I felt weak and shaky and a bit nauseous. My goal was the nurse's office a hallway down from the Warblers' room.

I began my journey with a small step, but strength left me. I felt myself lose balance. Suddenly, strong arms wrapped around me. I was grateful to Blaine for catching me, but when he gasped… I didn't know what to think. Why on earth would he gasp?

I became upset at his reaction to touching me and, as forcefully as possible (which wasn't much), moved his arm away. Before I knew it, I was scooped up into a cradle. All I wanted to do was kick and scream at him to put me down, yet I was tired. It kept coming in waves. When I looked up at Blaine, I found him staring at me on the brink of crying. Fuck. Maybe, just maybe, he knew about my diet, so he thinks that I fainted because of the lack of food.

As we passed the Warblers outside the room on the way to the nurse's, I didn't want to look up and be humiliated. Fainting was enough. Having to look them in the eye? No. Too much.

A small but soft bed awaited me in the nurse's office. Blaine so kindly took my blazer and shoes off for me to be more comfortable. I watched silently as the nurse bustled, terrified at her finding out my secret.

"Have you eaten today?" she asked me. No, I haven't eaten anything in two days, barely anything for the past months.

"Uhm, yeah," I hoped my answer was sufficient. It was a lie in my head. Luckily the nurse just prescribed fruit juice. I could tolerate a few light calories, sure. Once she left to go get that, it was just Blaine and I sitting in the quiet. I faked being really sleepy as to avoid Blaine's critiquing eyes and awkward silence.

"Why did you lie?" he broke. Fuck fuck fuck. Facade, Kurt, come on!

"Lie about what?" I tried for innocent. Blaine deflated visibly.

"About eating today," he stated. My mind was screaming, "FUUUCK," as loudly as possible. He knows? He has an idea at least. Thank god for of the nurse saving my ass with a cup of fruit juice and promptly left again. Blaine helped me sit up, and I sipped at the drink slowly, stretching out the time to stall for a talk with my boyfriend. He struck as soon as I finished.

"Talk to me, baby. I need to understand. I can't sit back and watch you get sick. Why are you doing this to yourself?" he all but yelled, clutching my hand desperately. My heart broke, but I needed the hunger. It makes me feel something. My secret.

"I've just been really stressed out from falling behind in classes. Dalton has been so much more difficult academic-wise," I admitted. It wasn't a complete lie, just not the entire truth. Luckily, Blaine bought it.

"Kurt," he whined, "Why didn't you tell me? I could help you!" he exclaimed. I smiled at his desire to help.

"I'm sorry. I thought I could do it on my own," I shrugged. Can you say Golden Globe-worthy performance? Blaine kissed my forehead and sat down again.

"You don't have to do anything alone. We can start studying together more. You're never alone. I love you," he added. I smiled. This could work.

Blaine's POV

After the fainting scare yesterday, I laid out plans for studying with Kurt. Tuesdays were homework-heavy, so today was the perfect day to start out helping him. During the scheduled study hall, I met up with my boyfriend in the Warblers' practice room.

"In order to get the final answer, you need to cancel those out like normal," I was saying, pointing at the paper but checking to see if Kurt understood.

"They can be cancelled?" he questioned.

"Yes. It's just something you have to memorize." He sighed in response and hung his head in his hands. I took pity on him and grabbed one of them in my hands.

"Baby, your hands are freezing," I commented cautiously. Kurt shrugged defeatedly. Cold hands meant low blood pressure. That was common sense from health class I took in the summer.

"You need to tell me, have you eaten today?" I pushed. I needed to know. Low blood pressure was a problem, right? And it sometimes came from not eating. My thoughts were interrupted as Kurt pushed away from me violently. He stood up in front of me with a fixed glare.

"That's none of your business. Leave it alone, Blaine," he spat at me. I was shocked. Never ever ever ever never ever never have I seen him freak out like that. I know he can be sassy and bitchy in a funny way, but this… it wasn't like him.

"Calm down, Kurt. I'm just worried for you," I reached out for his hand, but he stepped back once more, shaking his head.

"I will not calm down. You're getting on my nerves. Back off!" Kurt was now yelling, shaking with rage in front of my face. The anger must've proved stronger than his weak state because he went faint for a second, legs wobbling dangerously. Fuck. Not again.

"Whoa, hey," I jumped up to help him.

"It's fine. I'm fine," he shrugged me off. "I have to go," he excused. I was silent as he picked up his books and school bag. I didn't know what to do, or think. This was a lot more serious than I thought. I sat back down on the couch, wondering what just happened. I referred back to what set him off: food. My mind whirred but finally clicked. Kurt's probably not eating on purpose. A dry sob ran through me even at the thought.

Kurt's POV

"In order to get the final answer, you need to cancel those out like normal," Blaine was teaching me patiently. Numbers and words swam in my head. We had only been studying for thirty minutes in the Warblers' room.

"They can be cancelled?" I tried to calmly ask, but everything was bogging my mind up too much. Deep breaths, Kurt. It'll get easier… Maybe.

"Yes. It's just something you have to memorize," Blaine said unfortunately. I gave up. I hid my face in my hands so Blaine couldn't see the frustrated tears springing in my eyes. I felt warm hands around mine.

"Baby, your hands are freezing," Blaine mentioned in a low, sweet voice. It was comforting. I simply acknowledged his remark with a shrug. Silence for a moment.

"You need to tell me, have you eaten today?" I shot up from my seat without a thought.

"That's none of your business. Leave it alone, Blaine," I voiced with some venom. I could only see red. My boyfriend was stunned but his eyes still held that stupid sympathetic sadness. It's my secret. No one can know because no one will understand.

"Calm down, Kurt. I'm just worried for you," he tried to placate me. Does he know how hard it is for me? He can sit there looking so fit and lean. I look like a fucking cow next to him. How could he possibly understand? With my pasty and cellulite-textured skin and double chin and the thick, jiggly legs? He had no place to talk.

"I will not calm down," I countered. The red vision was merging slowly into black, but I continued. "You're getting on my nerves. Back off!" I screamed. The exertion forced my consciousness to falter a bit. No, no, no, no, no, no, don't faint.

"Whoa, hey," Blaine quipped. He reached out for my arm, but I could only think of the flabbiness, and I slipped back into full consciousness, avoiding the touch.

"It's fine. I'm fine," I tried to play it off. I needed to get out of there. Blaine's puppy eyes were boring into me too much. Therefore, I mumbled an excuse and gathered my stuff to head to my dorm room. As I left Blaine alone in the empty room, I could make out a soft crying sound. I simply broke into a run, ignoring the still blurry vision from being lightheaded, and arrived at my dorm. Once safely inside, I let the floodgates open as I curled up on the floor, clutching my throbbing stomach.