My mind went blank in that very moment. Something...something I never felt before came over me, and there was nothing that I could do to stop it. Before I was aware of what I was doing, I had Hummel pushed up against his car with my face smashed against his. That was my first mistake, my first in a long line of mistakes.

When he pulled away, I didn't expect to miss the feeling of his lips on mine, I didn't expect to miss the way that I felt warm all over, I didn't expect to miss the smell of him, of his breath, his hair, him.

He didn't look at me like he was terrified. But he did look at me like he was incredibly confused. And in that very moment, I was at a loss for words. I didn't know what I was going to say. I didn't know how I was going to explain myself. I didn't know how I was going to be able to cover this one up, or if I even wanted to cover it up.

"Kurt I..."

"What the hell was that Blaine!" He asked, obviously still shocked.

"I..."

"Is this your new way of tormenting me? I came to you and told you that there was a bully, obviously someone told you what he did to me."

"He took your first kiss away."

"Yeah, Blaine, he took my first kiss away, and I didn't even think for a second about how it would feel to be kissing him. I never wanted to. And now that kiss is gone. I promised myself that the next kiss I would have wouldn't be violent or forced, I promised myself that it would be sweet and tender and mean something."

"You don't understand Kurt..."

"Oh, Blaine, believe me. I do. I really do. This was just taking it one step further. I trusted you and tried to get you to trust me but it was all a game. Your little secret, our 'friendship,' everything. I don't know why I thought that a jock like you would be different."

"Kurt!" He began opening his car door but I stepped in front of it, accidentally rubbing our bodies together in the process. I felt the heat radiating from his toned yet thin form.

"I am different." I said, not looking him directly in the eye.

"How?"

"I just am. You have to believe me."

"I can't. Not again Blaine. I want you to stay the hell away from me."

I moved back from his door, giving up. I didn't know why I would have imagined that anyone would ever accept me, even someone like me, someone that I thought liked me back. I was stupid. I wasn't thinking. I was letting love get in the way. And there is was. That word. Love. I don't love Hummel. He is just the first person to give me a chance, but that didn't last. I fucked it up. If I wouldn't have fucking kissed him. If I would have only just sat him down and told him from the start. But then he might have thought that I was there to mock him and not because I was reaching out to him, hoping that he would take my hand and be there for me.

He was just another one of them, but he was different too. He knew that maybe I was right. Maybe I was different too. Maybe I could be like him. I know that I messed up this time. But I can convince him. I have to convince him. But how?

~~~~~~

The next day, I walked up to his locker, opened the door since he decided against putting a lock on it like the rest of the students, and slipped a note in on top of his books where I knew that he would be able to see it.

    To Kurt:

       I know that you think that I am full of shit and you're right. I am. But, that doesn't mean that everything I said wasn't true. It wasn't a game for me. Our friendship or whatever you want to call it, was never a game. You were the first person to reach out to me and try to accept me no matter what I did to you and now I fucked up. I know I did. I royally fucked up. But I don't want to lose you. I really like talking to you and I hope that you will give me a chance to explain.

   - B

I waited around the corner so that I would be able to make sure that he read the note and didn't just rip it to shreds the moment that he realized it was from me.

I watched on as he hung his backpack on the small metal hook before looking down at his books. I saw him reach his hand in and pick up the piece of paper. At first he looked unpleased and confused, but his face changed rather quickly. His eyes scanned the page as a small smile crept across his lips. Maybe there was hope. Maybe he would give me a chance...well, maybe he would give me a third chance...

~~~~~~

We had Glee rehearsal before detention. I took it upon myself to sit in the back row so that I could look at Kurt, but not for too long. I watched as his hips would sway while he sang. I saw how he would glance over towards the annoying Jew and smile whenever a song would mention friendship, but never once did he glance back at me. Not like I expected him to, but God did I want him to.

~~~~~~

When Glee ended, I walked to my locker and packed up my bag. I noticed a small piece of paper sitting in my jacket pocket.

I pulled it out and began reading:

     Blaine,

       You're right. You did fuck up. But I do admit that I might have overreacted but I don't really know what you expected me to do in that situation. So yes, I will give your cahnce to explain yourself but that doesn't mean that I will either believe or forgive you. Explain in detention. I'll be waiting.

    -Kurt E. Hummel

E, huh, I wonder what that stands for. But I didn't have much time to think about that. My mind was occupied with figuring out how I was going to explain myself to Kurt without pissing him off.

~~~~~~

Detention started as usual, Figgins explaining where he was going, when he was going to be back, followed by a lengthy explanation of what we were and were not to do in his abscence.

"Kurt," I came and sat next to him, abandoning my seat in the back of the classroom.

"Talk," he demanded.

"I...um..."

"Blaine. You promised you'd explain."

"I know...this is just...something that I haven't been able to tell anyone before and it isn't something that I have really ever wanted to tell anyone for obvious reasons. I have a rough family life. Our family comes off as the perfect suburban family with a political father. I can't be anything other than the perfect cookiecutter son. That's how it's always been. I guess, that is the main explanation for why I am the way that I am now. Why everyone knows that I beat kids up, you probably better than others. Why I smoke pot sometimes so that I can escape. Why I dress like a gang member. Why I try to come off as this no-shits-given badass. But Kurt, it's all an image thing. It has nothing to do with who I really am. I don't like beating people up. I don't like feeling depressed all the time. I don't like not being able to open up to anyone. I hate having everyone think that I am this thing that I made myself out to be. But I don't have another option and that is the problem. I don't have another option, so now, I am left with no one. No one loves me. No one accepts me, at least, not the real me..."

"Blaine, as much as it hurts me to hear how awful things seem at home and how you really seem to battling with yourself and well...yourself, in a way. This doesn't explain why you kissed me. I also keep hearing about this 'real you,' but, you have never told me who that person is."

"I know. And that is because it's hard. It is so hard for me Kurt." I didn't expect myself to get emotional. I tried to keep my walls up for as long as possible and now here I was. Sitting in the middle of detention, breaking down.

"Blaine..." Kurt didn't know what to do, that was obvious. He put his hand on my back, gently, as if afraid that I was going to swat it away.

"Kurt...will you..." I couldn't...

"What? What do you want me to do?" He sounded worried.

"I..."

"Blaine, you need to tell me what you need or else I'm not going to be able to help you."

I lifted my head from my desk, looking him directly in the eyes for the first time in a while.

"I wish that I could look at you and say that we aren't friends. I wish that I could say that I am normal. I wish that I could say that there is nothing special about me. That I don't think there is anything special about you. But I know that I would be lying if I did. Because, you Kurt, are what I consider a friend. You are special..."

"Blaine...where are you going with this?"

"I'm..." I leaned over the desk and once again, put my lips to his, breathing him in. I felt him take a breath as he fought back kissing me in return.

I pulled back, looking at him, wishing he would say something.

"What do you want me to say, Blaine?"

"That you get it."

"What! What am I supposed to get?"

"That I'm gay!"

"You...you're..." This was exactly how I knew it was going to go.

"Yeah. I..." Before I could finish talking, he brought his hand up and slammed it down on my cheek.

"Why the fuck didn't you just tell me yesterday or before that or...damn it Blaine! What the hell is wrong with you..."

"I'm sorry! It's not that easy for me and I don't think that I have really embraced the gay yet."

"Why me then?"

"What about you?"

"Why am I the one you chose to tell? Why am I the one you kissed? And more than that, why am I the one you beat up?"

"Because I knew that you would get me better than someone else. I can't really explain the second one...And I picked on you because...God this is going to sound awful..."

"Say it." He didn't seem amused.

"Because you were gay. If I beat up a gay kid, it would make people think that I was straight for sure."

"That makes no sense."

"I know but it has been working for me for years."

"Well fucking stop."

"I...I can't...no one can know, Kurt."

"I..."

"Children! You are dismissed!" Figgins popped in telling us that we were allowed to leave.

"This isn't over, Blaine Anderson."

I looked back at him, grabbing my bag and slinging it over my shoulder.

~~~~~~

I followed behind Kurt as he walked to his car.

I watched him turn around and look at me.

"Hummel!" I called out, running towards him.

He looked a me questioningly.

"Can I..." Somehow he knew what I wanted because he craned his neck down a little.

I looked up at him and we kissed. Soft and gentle, sweet, perfect.

"This doesn't mean anything." Then I left. His gaze followed me as I got in my car and drove off.