Slow Fade

Chapter 19

"Blaine, I'm scared."

Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand and glanced at the monitors that were currently giving Kurt's vital statistics. They had driven promptly to the same hospital where Kurt had the bone aspiration weeks ago, and this time they were very cautious about entering the hospital undetected by any photographers. Kurt was promptly admitted and had blood work done, and Blaine was trying desperately to control his nerves.

He didn't want to believe it was true, and it was unfortunate that his experience as a doctor made Blaine all too aware of what could happen if Kurt really was in renal failure. He wished he could scrub the information from his brain and be as oblivious as the families of his patients, but being well informed was his gift as well as his curse. And it was also difficult having a boyfriend who wasn't a medical professional, but was very astute and intelligent.

"It will be ok," Blaine told Kurt, though the words felt hollow in his head since he wasn't altogether sure he believed him.

"Don't sugar coat it Blaine," Kurt said. "What does kidney failure mean for me?"

"First of all I don't even know if it is kidney failure until your test results come back," Blaine replied cautiously.

"But you think so, and I know that your judgments are generally accurate. What does it mean?" Kurt asked.

"If you are in renal failure then it means that you might have to undergo dialysis, but a transplant wouldn't be out of the question either," Blaine said.

Kurt swallowed, but Blaine was saved from having to answer any more questions because Wes walked at that moment. Blaine felt his heart hammering in his chest when he saw the grim expression on his colleague's face.

"Wes?" Blaine questioned.

Wes sighed and walked over to them before turning to look at Kurt seriously, "Blaine was right, you are in renal failure."

Kurt took a shuddering gasp of breath and nodded, but he somehow managed to stay calm.

"What else Wes?" Blaine asked, knowing from his friend's expression that there was more bad news."

Wes looked down briefly at the paper in his hand hesitating before he answered, "Your blood work indicated that you have a low red blood cell count, so it looks like the anemia is back."

"Great," Kurt said sarcastically. "Another transfusion."

"The blood work showed something else," Wes continued, his gaze moving from Kurt to Blaine. "His liver enzymes are elevated."

Blaine felt his heart drop to his feet and as he looked at Kurt, he suddenly found he couldn't bear to see the man he loved suffering like this again. He felt like his heart was suddenly starting to race and he felt the panic rising inside him.

"Blaine," Wes said, his gaze concerned.

"I can't do this, I can't do this anymore," Blaine said, his hands running through his hair, breaking apart the gel. "Kurt, I'm sorry, but I have to go."

And without another word, glance, or response to the pleading cries Kurt shouted after him, Blaine left the room.

Kurt was numb. He hated hospitals, hated being sick, and he hated not knowing what was truly wrong with him. But all of that paled in comparison to how he felt when Blaine walked out of those doors. He couldn't stop the tears from falling and wondering if he had done something wrong. He loved Blaine so much that it was torture to see him walk out of that door when Kurt needed him the most.

After Blaine's abrupt departure Wes excused himself, leaving Kurt to his melancholy thoughts. He wondered if he had been wrong to leave his heart in such a vulnerable spot. Here he was with failing kidneys, anemia, neurological problems, and something funky going on with his liver and yet the thing he was the most scared of was losing the man he loved. Kurt found that in that moment he didn't fear his own mortality, but the thought of losing Blaine forever was horrifying.

"Hey bud, how are you doing?"

Kurt looked up startled to see his father standing at the foot of his bed, with Finn lingering uncomfortably by the door. It felt so good to see his family that Kurt almost smiled, but the thought of his situation and Blaine sobered him instantly.

"How did you get here so fast?" he asked. "I only got to the hospital a few hours ago."

"I was already in the air when you got here," Burt told him. "I was worried and thought you might need me and it looks like I was right.

Kurt nodded, but he didn't say anything else.

"Kurt, what is going on? Where is Blaine?" Burt asked, concerned.

"I think I'm dying," Kurt told him, sniffling to stop himself from weeping. "My kidneys are failing and now there is something wrong with my liver."

"You're not dying," Burt told him, though he didn't sound convincing. Kurt knew that it must be hard for his father to see him sick in a hospital bed after Kurt's mother died from terminal cancer all those years ago. "Where is Blaine?"

"He's gone," Kurt confessed, let loose the tears at last. "And I think for good."

Sobs wracked Blaine from the second he walked out of the room and Blaine walked as quickly as he could towards the deserted end of the hallway where he collapsed in a chair and cried. Though he had heard the saying lightning never strikes twice, he knew on a very personal level just how wrong that was. He loved Kurt so much and seeing him suffer made it feel like sharp pokers stabbed his heart. It was agony for him, and seeing Kurt like that was simply something that Blaine couldn't handle.

"Blaine, what are you doing?"

Blaine looked up to see Wes stand beside him, looking seriously annoyed for a change.

"I can't do it Wes," Blaine told him. "I can't see the man I love suffer and die again."

"Blaine you need to get over what happened in the past. Kurt is not Mark, and the situation is different. Kurt is not terminal and I think you need to remember that," Wes said sternly.

"It feels the same," Blaine protested. "He is going to slip away from me and I can't handle that. I can't do this again."

"Stop it Blaine," Wes snapped. "You are hurting Kurt when he needs you most and if you leave him now in his time of need, you will regret it for the rest of your life."

"Let me know if anything changes," Blaine said. "It will be best if I step away now Wes, I can't do anything else."

"I'm very disappointed in you Blaine," Wes told him. "And you are breaking Kurt's heart."

Wes left him, leaving Blaine to his miserable thoughts. As it was the image of Kurt lying helpless in that hospital bed, with his body fighting against him. The scenario was such a familiar heartache to Blaine that it devastated him completely. And yet this time was already worse because while he loved Mark, it was nowhere close to the everlasting love he already felt for Kurt in such a short time. Blaine knew now why doctors should never get involved with their patients, and this was going to tear him up in a way that nothing else had before.

Blaine was startled then to hear the beep of the elevator go off beside him, and the doors opened to reveal Kurt's driver Henry. The man always seemed pleasant and did his work without question and Blaine knew he'd been in the actor's service for a while now. Henry spotted Blaine and looked surprised to see him.

"Hello Dr. Anderson," he said politely.

"What are you doing here?" Blaine asked, curiously.

Henry held up a small paper bag, "Kurt asked me to bring him some regular food from home since he hates the stuff the hospital serves."

Blaine nodded, and his thoughts went back to Kurt as Henry walked down the hall. Could he really abandon the man he loved? Yes, he had no choice in the matter. If Kurt survived his ordeal he would find someone more worthy of his affections than Blaine. Kurt didn't deserve a man whose heart was already damaged beyond repair.

At that moment Wes walked back up to Blaine and scowled at him. "You should probably go Blaine, if Burt Hummel sees you hear he is going to give you a piece of his mind. Kurt is inconsolable."

Blaine didn't respond right away because something was bugging him. He thought of all of Kurt's wide range of mysterious symptoms, and how they didn't seem to fit any particular disease. He thought of the anemia, the kidney failure, and the seizures. There had always been something about Kurt's illness that didn't fit; there was always something they were missing, something that had never even been considered.

Blaine could see Henry entering Kurt's room out of the corner of his eye, and then it struck him. He turned to look at Wes, his eyes widening in dawning horror.

"What's wrong?" Wes asked.

"I know what's wrong with Kurt!"