Chapter Three: Why is a Raven Like a Writing Desk?

Burt Hummel smiles down at his son, eyes full of pride. Kurt's smile widened as his father pulled him into a hug. It has been a long time since he could be with his dad like this; with no awkwardness or weird looks. "I love you Dad." He said.

"Love you too, Kurt." Burt said, looking at his son. Kurt wasn't the son that he had always thought about having, but he was still perfect. Kurt had just been chosen to do one of the solos at the annual Arts Night (which was held when the arts faculty could fund it) and Burt couldn't be prouder. Tears slid down Kurt's cheek as his Dad said how proud he was.

"Alice, you're daydreaming again." Jayce and Jem were looking at him oddly and Kurt realised he had been tearing up at the memory.

"It's nothing." Kurt said. They had covered a lot of ground since they had left the Castle of Knowledge (as the twins had told him the Caterpillars castle was called), and it was almost sundown when they reached the small clearing in the trees, where the Hatter and the Hare lived. Kurt would have thought things looked weird here, but everything was backward since he got to this odd place. There were a tight ring of trees, with thick, spiky bushes growing in between them, the only possible entry being a gap in the trees where two large leaves stood, by way of a door.

"Jeff, Nick! It's us!" called the Tweedles in unison. The leaves instantly parted to reveal a clearing, with a small cliff with a cave in it on one side and a large dining table set for about twenty people, with three elegant teapots in the centre. Each place at the table had a small, white china teacup, with small blue patterns painted around the side. At the head of the table a boy was seated, wearing a bottle green tailcoat, and a dark purple velvet top hat. He immediately looked up from his tea and a smile lit up his face. He had a very Joker-esque smile and hazel eyes. His hair was dark brown and had a slight curl to the end. He looked neat and proper, but something in his eyes and smile had Kurt felling the need to keep his distance. To his right a blonde boy sat. He had blonde hair and his eyes were a lighter hazel than the other boy. He was dressed formally too, but looked unkempt, his shoes scuffed and the edges of his tailcoat frayed. His bright hair was all over the place, like he had just woken up, and had two long rabbit ears poking through the top. They were skinnier than the White Rabbit's and scruffier. They were an ivory colour and they were twitching and alert.

The two boys stood, the blonde looking wary, but the other looking happy and welcoming. The Tweedles were beaming.

"Alice." Jem began.

"This is our esteemed friend, the Mad Hatter." Continued Jayce.

"And his friend, the March Hare."

The Hatter looked up. "Call me Nick. And this here is my boyfriend Jeff." Jeff shifted his weight, uncomfortably.

"You made it official?" asked Jayce, surprised. "Jeez, how long were we in that castle for?" Jem shook his head.

"You guys have to tell us stuff, you know."

Jeff laughed uneasily. "Who is this?" he enquired, looking curiously at Kurt.

"Oh this is Ali-"

"Kurt" Kurt cut in. "I'm Kurt."

"Yeah, we need the Hatter and your help."

"We have a mission." Jayce said, grinning.

"Of danger and cruelty" Jem started

"Romance and tragedy."

"A tale of bad tidings"

"An adventure that will make what we did to the Queen of Spades."

"Look like child's play"

At this Nick and Jeff looked slightly taken aback. "I had heard of this" Nick said. As he spoke his eyes lit up, an idea forming behind his eyes. "I have something that will help you, but to get it... you'll need to answer a question." He smiled manically as he said the last sentence.

"Oh, come on, Hats!" whined Jayce. "We've been friends for ages!"

He ignored Jayce while Jeff looked mildly amused. "Here is your question. Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"WERE SCREWED!" yelled Jayce.

"He's been asking that for ages and nobody has said what he wanted yet." Explained Jem.

Kurt puzzled over the question for the rest of that night. Why is a raven like a writing desk? Why is a raven like a writing desk... they can both be black... but other that that, I can't think of anything. It puzzled Kurt. It was like when a teacher said something stupid just to see if you had the intellect to say that they aren't right. He sat on there, in the high backed wooden chair for hours. His eyes started to drop and a memory ripped through him.

"And that's why the egret is actually a prehistoric dinosaur, that nobody had noticed until two years ago. Questions?" Miss Price stood by that board, looking like she was going to start laughing while her class looked at each other dumbly. Kurt looked up, having heard everything she had just said, he knew it was all made up, and he sighed as she continued. "What was the most important discovery that lead to this realization? Mr Hummel?" Kurt looked up, dumfounded. He had no idea how to answer the question without completely contradicting her, so he just said what he thought. "I think you're wrong, Miss Price. I had to do a paper on this bird last year and it is from the Ardeindae family. Nothing to do with dinosaurs as far as anybody knows." Kurt's voice shook as he delivered this small speech, slightly scared of being told he was wrong, but sly smile slid across his teacher's face. "Exactly. I just wanted to see if any of you had the courage, or intellect to say I was wrong."

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Kurt repeated to himself. Then it hit him. "It's not." He laughed, realising the answer.

"Very astute" said a voice in the shadows. Jeff came out of the shadows. "Most people won't even consider that it might be a trick question." The March Hare scratched his ear and sighed. "Nick will have to figure out a new question now."

"I already have one, my friend." Said the Hatter, walking out from the small cave in which he had been sleeping. "And this is for you." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stone, which cast a light so bright that the whole clearing became lit. "It's called sunstone. It will only work while somebody is holding it so don't put it in a lantern or anything. And I want it back when you're done with it. Also Jeff and I are coming with you to the pit." This came as a surprise to Jeff who, looking startled, near yelled, "WHAT? YOU KNOW I HATE THAT PLACE!" The Hatter looked fondly at his companion and whispered something in his ear. The Hare, looking comforted smiled at Kurt. "Of course. We'll go with you"

Kurt slipped the sunstone in his pocket and walked to the small cave and was surprised to find a small wall and door just inside. The inside resembled the inside of a small cottage, and had only four rooms, the smallest holding a small wood stove, various cupboards and a table, with flour, a rolling pin, and a tea towel scattered over it. The other was a living room, with an old couch, fireplace and many bookshelves. One, which they were not allowed to go into was apparently the Hatter and the Hare's bedroom. The last was a surprise. There were a multitude of instruments in this one, the most elegant of these being the harp.

"Jeff and I both like music, and between us we can play many instruments." explained Nick. Kurt smiled, remembering back to the first time that he had ever sung his feelings.

"May I?" he asked, gesturing towards the piano. Before she had died his mother had taught him enough piano for him to read sheet music and remember his favourite songs.

"Of course." Said Nick, his voice softer, more silky.

Kurt caressed the keys as he sat on the small stool in front of the black grand piano. Music flowed from his fingertips as he began to sing.

"I've heard there was a secret chord,

That David played and it pleased the Lord,

But you don't really care for music do you?"

Kurts mood lifted as the song flew from his mouth. Not much had changed on this front. Singing always made him happier, no matter what he was singing.

It goes like this,

The fourth the fifth,

The minor fall, the major lift,

The baffled king composing Hallelujah,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

Hallelujah, Hallelujah,

Your faith was strong but you needed proof,

You saw her bathing on the roof,

Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you,

she tied you to her kitchen chair,

And she broke your throne and she cut your hair,

And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Well baby I've been here before,

I've seen this room and I've walked this floor,

I used to live alone before I knew you,

I've seen your flag on the marble arch,

Love is not a victory march,

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Well there was a time when you let me know,

What's really going on below,

But now you never show that to me do you?

And remember when I moved in you?

And the holy dove was moving too,

And every breath we drew was Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Well maybe there's a God above,

But all I've ever learned from love,

Was how to shoot somebody who out drew you,

And it's not a cry that you hear at night,

It's not somebody who's seen in the light,

It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah,

Hallelujah ,

Hallelujah ,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

Hallelujah,

As he belted out the final word Kurt suddenly became aware of the fact that the whole house was watching him. The Tweedles carried an expression of absolute shock and Jeff looked approving. Nick simply looked elated, content.

"Wow, Kurt..." Jem carried an expression of dumb shock, so blatant on his face, that Kurt nearly laughed. The Tweedles and Kurt all walked into the living room and, after laying out some blankets and cushions they lay down, whispered goodnight and, in spite of Jayce and Jem's constant whispered chatter, Kurt immeadiatly fell into an odd sleep.

He pulled at the blue shirt wrapped around his slender frame. Fear took him as he stood next to the King, who had not let him out of his sight since the blue moon. A terrified looking white Rabbit ascended the stairs to the chopping block. This boy, whom Kurt barely knew, was going to die because of him. Because he wasn't quick enough. Because he couldn't play this stupid game right. Blaine Anderson winced as a woman, slim for how strong she appeared to be, grabbed him by the ears and placed his head over the chopping block. She had blonde hair and looked to be about forty. Her blue eyes were narrowed and she smiled with malice as she brought the axe over her shoulder.

"GET ON WITH IT SUE!" Hunter yelled out, suddenly. The executioner grinned as she swung the axe. Kurt saw red as the axe hit its mark. The world went black as a sentence echoed in his head. "This is all your fault, you know." It was Hunter's voice, laughing evilly.

Outside, leaning against the table, the Knave sighed as he continued whispering the charm that he had been instructed to cast. It was gibberish to him, but he knew the intent. Alice would be plagued with nightmare until the blue moon. A tear slid down his cheek. He couldn't believe he was doing this. His White Rabbit could die because of this. For so long he had been obsessed with Blaine. With his idiosyncrasies, his looks, his voice. He knew that his part in this horrid scheme was partly Hunter's punishment for falling in love with a boy. A servant boy, no less. Sebastian had been with many men before, and when he met Blaine he hadn't felt any differently than he would have if he was any other person. But as his feelings developed, Blaine rejected his advances, and that bitch Sue had found out and told Hunter. He had been whipped bloody. He now had a thin silver scar covering his eye, and this was just another form of punishment. The Knave wiped the tear from his cheek and disappeared into the shadows, unaware of the pair of slitted eyes that watched him.