DAY 25

Kurt's not exactly sure what to think anymore. He's not even sure what's real anymore. He doesn't even know what's happening or why. And that's frustrating as hell. Especially when your boyfriend keeps dying. Even more especially when he loves you.

Even more so when you love him too.

It's not that Kurt was frustrated about what was happening anymore. He was honestly tired of Blaine dying. It was taking a toll on Kurt, even if Blaine didn't notice.

But Kurt didn't want him to notice. He just wanted him to be happy for whatever time he could give him.

Even if he wouldn't remember it the next day.

Kurt would remember. And at the end of all this? Kurt wanted to say he made Blaine happy. He wanted to be able to say that no matter what, Blaine still loved him and that Kurt had done nothing to threaten that.

"So are you ready for your last week?" Blaine asked, sitting across from him as he handed Kurt his medium drip.

Kurt smiled at him. "Not really, but I think I'll make it."

25 days. Kurt started to wonder when he'd lose track.

DAY 39

He wasn't losing track. Not yet at least. It seemed kind of sadistic.

So, how many times has your boyfriend died?

Me? Oh just 39 different times. It's been great.

Kurt could hear the sarcasm in his own mind. It was fitting.

As he looked around the coffee shop, Kurt started to wonder silently what would happen if he randomly started conversation with one of these people.

Or what if he burned the place down?

That'd be a nice change in the monotony of it all.

"They had coconut mochas!" Blaine said smiling as he sat down.

Kurt smiled back. "Great."

He could always burn it down another day. You know, just to see what might happen.

DAY 74

Okay, now he needed a break from the monotony of it all. He'd had 74 different conversations of essentially the same type of school talk.

Come on Kurt, school blah blah blah.

It'll be fine blah. See you later blah.

I love you.

You too.

Talk to you later blah?

Blah blah fucking blah.

And Kurt didn't normally curse. Not even in his own mind. Things were different for sure. Kurt didn't even have to wonder if he liked it. He hated it.

Even the positives he'd been able to pick out were fading in their relevance.

Yeah, okay, he got to see Blaine. But they weren't going anywhere. Blaine would forget these memories. And Kurt wouldn't.

What if in the future he wanted to reference something funny Blaine had once said during these conversations? What if the real world and the death world started mixing?

What then?

This was a trap. A horrible trap. And Kurt wasn't living in it anymore.

At least not for today.

Kurt looked up from his seat and Blaine still hadn't returned from the bathroom. Kurt grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

He ignored his phone ringing several times on the way home and the constant buzz from the texts.

He got home and walked straight to his room. He was exhausted. It felt as though he hadn't slept in 80 years. Or around 80 days. He needed a break.

Maybe he could sleep since he hadn't heard about Blaine dying yet.

5 hours later, he discovered, yeah, he could. He glanced at his phone. 50 missed calls.

It'd probably happened. But Kurt couldn't face it. Not today.

"Kurt?"

Kurt looked up suddenly towards the door to his bedroom. Finn was standing there looking at Kurt with a mix of horror and sadness.

"I've been calling and calling, why haven't you answered?"

Kurt shrugged simply. "Tired I guess."

Finn walked towards Kurt's bed and sat down on the end of it, near the edge.

"You skipped school."

"It's the last week."

"Yeah, well, still."

"Why'd you call 50 times Finn?"

Finn swallowed and looked down at his feet.

"I need you to come with me."

"Why?"

Kurt didn't know why he was egging the conversation on. He knew where. He knew what was happening.

"The hospital. It's Blaine, Kurt. He's hurt."

Hurt?

"Hurt?"

"Yeah. He was in an accident. He's okay though!" Finn corrected quickly mistaking the hope on Kurt's face as terror at the news.

"He's awake?"

"When I left, yeah. He had to have his arm splinted and stuff. He said you left him at the coffee shop Kurt."

Kurt shook his head, ignoring Finn's last comment. "Take me to the hospital. Right now."

"That's kinda why I'm here. Answer your damn phone next time."

"Alright dad"

Finn rolled his eyes but still followed Kurt out of the room.

But Kurt didn't make it to the hospital on time.

Blaine had suffered from internal bleeding that they didn't catch in time.

Kurt felt a certain amount of guilt for leaving and thought this wasted opportunity was a way of punishing him for leaving Blaine.

He wouldn't make that mistake again.

74 days down, an eternity to go.

DAY 93

Honestly though. What if he burned the coffee shop down? Was being charged with arson strong enough to break this thing?

DAY 126

It was hard to describe the feeling Kurt felt once he realized that he had officially doubled his relationship time with Blaine. They'd be at 8 months now. It'd be January.

He and Blaine would be sipping cocoa, singing Baby It's Cold Outside, and actually be able to appreciate the meaning this time.

And suddenly, Kurt was nostalgic for things that weren't happening. He was nostalgic for making memories and wondering what the next day would bring.

As simple as it seemed, he missed Glee Club. He missed dinner with his family. He missed shopping with Mercedes. He even missed weird sleepovers with Rachel.

But still, Kurt remained in the coffee shop. He'd thought several times about other options for leaving this relationship.

What if breaking up with Blaine broke the pattern?

What if killing him did?

But Kurt couldn't do it. No matter how many days he spent with Blaine reliving his worst nightmare, he still loved him.

He'd still been waiting for him forever.

He'd been looking his whole life for Blaine.

Call it fate, call it anything you want. All Kurt knew was that he found Blaine. And Blaine had found him.

Some might mock it, call it puppy love, teenager love, simple love.

But they would have to trust Kurt on this. You know nothing about love until you see your better half die more times than you've seen them live.

If it's still worth it, then you'll know.

You were meant for each other.

"Hey Kurt?"

Kurt looked up from his coffee and his muddled thoughts to stare into Blaine's perfectly brown eyes boring back into him. That would never get old. He'd never get tired of those eyes.

"Blaine?"

"I love you."

Kurt didn't need to pause this time. He knew. He always would. "Love you too."

Blaine sipped his coffee looking really proud of himself.

Kurt just smiled to himself.

Later, at the hospital, he sat next to Blaine's hospital bed. His hand was intertwined with Blaine's, and his head was resting on his chest, listening and feeling him take in deep breaths.

"Blaine" Kurt said out loud, not really intending to.

Whatever. It didn't really matter. He just needed to say this.

"I know I've said I love you a lot. I know that I've said it in response to you and I know we're young and I know we've only been dating 4 months, and I know, I know what people will say. I know that no matter where we go people will judge us. I know that there will be those who would wish harm on us. I know that, I do. But I also know that I don't care. I don't care what people say or what they think about us because guess what Blaine? It wasn't just words. I do love you. I really do. And even 120 days into this horrible whatever you call it mess, I still believe it. I even know it to be more true than it was before. Maybe some bonds grow weaker over time. Not ours. Seeing you die and suffer is horrible, I'm not arguing that. I hate seeing you in so much pain. But every time I wake up in that coffee shop I'm thankful you're here another day. I know I complain inside sometimes that I'm lonely or whatever. But that's only because I can't face what I would do if you actually died. If you were really no longer here. Because I can't bear it, I couldn't. This is already miserable enough. If it were real? There are no words"

Kurt lifted his head off of Blaine's chest and looked at his closed eyes and the beads of sweat dripping down his face.

"I love you Blaine Anderson. It's weird to say at 16 that I know this is it, but it's not. You are it. I have been spending day after day in your presence, and yeah, it gets tedious. It gets monotonous. But every time I look into your eyes or hear you speak I forget that. I remember why I'm there. I'm there because you woke up specifically early enough to see me off to school. I'm there because you like to buy me coffee and give me kisses in the morning. I'm there because after months of debating the right time you decided to tell me what we've both known since the day Pavorotti died. You love me. And I don't think I could ever tire of hearing that Blaine. Not in this lifetime, not in a million"

Kurt smiled at Blaine's resting figure.

"Whenever we get out of this, I'm going to tell you I love you every day, I won't forget ever. I won't let myself. And you don't have to always say it back. Especially not when I accidentally delete your recording of SportsCenter or make weird sexy faces. But I promise you I'll always say it back. No matter how angry I am. This experience has taught me to love what you have while you have it. And I love you Blaine Anderson. I'm not going to let you forget it."

"That's really sweet Kurt."

Kurt whipped around in his chair.

"Christ Berry! Don't sneak up on people like that!"

"Sorry."

Kurt took a deep breath and dropped Blaine's hand, turning his chair more towards her. He gestured to the empty chair next to him.

"It's fine. Sit."

Rachel hesitated before moving slowly towards the chair next to him. "I don't want to interrupt."

"It's alright, I'm done."

"I think he can hear you. It looks like he's smiling."

Kurt glanced back at Blaine quickly before laughing slightly.

"That's just his face Rachel."

"Oh" Rachel said quietly, twisting her hands in her lap, looking as if she had so much to say but no way to phrase the words in her brain.

"I'm so sorry Kurt. You don't deserve this."

"I don't think anyone really does. But stuff happens."

Rachel nodded and bit her bottom lip. "Are you okay Kurt?"

"Do you expect me to be?"

Rachel shook her head violently. "No, of course not. I just- I wish you could be. He's going to wake up you know."

Kurt looked away from Rachel and down at Blaine. His hand moved up to Blaine's head, running his fingers through the curls that were running rampant there since Blaine was out of school and therefore gel free. Kurt liked the feeling. It was comforting.

"Yeah, maybe."

DAY 127

He hadn't. Of course he hadn't.

DAY 200

"Kurt, I love you."

Kurt smiled at Blaine. He wasn't in the mood to break his promise today.

"I love you too."

Kurt wanted to tell him a hundred times.

Then do it.

Kurt looked around the room. It was like he'd said it, but not quite. It was more like a whisper into his ear. Like someone was whispering thoughts into his brain. And it was different. Very different.

"I love you so much Blaine."

Blaine's grin broadened. "Me too Kurt. I've wanted to tell you for forever."

See? Go with instinct. Works well.

Okay, these were not his thoughts. They were, kinder? They sounded sweet and encouraging. His thoughts had been on the more morose side of late.

He really just wanted to be with Blaine somewhere other than the coffee shop. They'd spent so much time in here.

Then leave.

Kurt wanted to. But Blaine normally died before they could get anywhere.

Just try it.

I have. Kurt whispered back, surprised at his own disregard of his sanity.

Trust me.

Kurt looked across the table towards Blaine.

"Do you trust me?"

Blaine's face twisted instantly to one of great confusion. "Of course."

Kurt reached his hand across the table and grabbed Blaine's. "Then come with me."

Blaine obliged, following Kurt as Kurt dragged him across the parking lot towards his car. Kurt dropped Blaine's hand to climb into the driver's side, gesturing for Blaine to do the same.

Blaine closed his door behind him and glanced over at Kurt.

"What're we doing?"

Kurt just smiled out of the corner of his mouth. "You'll see."

Kurt had to drive for 15 minutes before he'd allowed himself to relax. He'd tried this before. At around fifty and then once again at a hundred days. But it hadn't worked. They'd always been sideswiped. By some asshole no doubt.

But today Kurt managed to drive up to his favorite park and was pleased to discover that the grassy knoll was empty. Kurt turned the car off and got out without explanation.

He checked the trunk just in case.

He didn't know why he knew there'd be a picnic blanket.

But he took it out anyway and started running for the vast stretch of green grass in front of his car, only 100 yards away.

He hadn't been here since he flew kites with his mom the weekend before she died.

"Kurt! Hold up! Where are you going?"

Kurt whipped around and continued running backwards towards the park.

"Come on Blaine! We're having a picnic!" he shouted at his very confused boyfriend standing next to the car still.

"You're crazy!" Blaine shouted after him.

"Not quite!" Kurt replied giggling madly and turning to continue running towards the grass, facing forward.

Once he reached the center of the field, he dropped the blanket without unfolding it and started rolling around in the grass.

It was a warm day and the sun was shining down on his face. The grass was tickling his arms and legs and when he finally stopped rolling he laid there and let his fingers crawl through the individual blades, occasionally clenching the grass in fists.

And then he observed the sky. It may have been early, but damn, it was still warm. And there were plenty of clouds. Kurt could already see a turtle and a rabbit and a bear and…

"Kurt?"

Kurt felt a shadow fall over him and he tilted his head forward slightly to see Blaine approaching him. Blaine slowed as he reached Kurt's feet, stopping as he was only an inch away.

"Help me up?" Kurt asked, innocently enough.

Blaine obliged, reaching a hand towards Kurt. Kurt, instead, grabbed it and pulled Blaine down, forcing Blaine's knees to collide with the ground on either side of Kurt, the hand not holding Kurt's landing on the left side of Kurt's head in the grass.

Kurt smiled up at Blaine as Blaine slowly got over the shock of being pulled into the grass so forcibly.

"Oops" Kurt said, smiling deviously.

Blaine laughed and closed the foot of space between them, kissing Kurt's lips lightly, letting Kurt soak up the taste of medium drip and scone from Blaine's mouth.

"You totally did that on purpose."

Kurt just continued smirking at him. "Don't pretend you didn't love it."

Blaine just laughed again and rolled to Kurt's right, landing as close to Kurt as he could, decidedly not releasing Kurt's hand.

"I love you."

Kurt looked to his right. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing that."

"Never ever?"

Kurt laughed. "Never ever."

"Well good. 'Cause I don't think I'll stop saying it."

"Promise?"

"Promise"

Kurt turned his attention back towards the sky and smiled to himself. Now Blaine had his own bargain to uphold.

They both laid there for what felt like hours, not saying anything. Kurt was soaking in the miracle that they'd even made it here, and Blaine, well Kurt didn't know about Blaine. But he seemed happy.

"Blaine?"

"Yeah Kurt?"

"What would you do if I died?"

Kurt thought it was an innocent enough question, but Blaine bolted upright and turned to Kurt, looking down very concerned.

"Why? What's happened? Is Karofsky picking on you again? Is…"

"Blaine! Blaine, no…" Kurt cut him off realizing just how terrible that sounded. He sat up, even with Blaine, and shifted his body to face him, their knees touching.

"I just, was curious I guess."

Blaine stared hard at his boyfriend, and Kurt was worried he'd scared him off forever.

"I don't know. I can't imagine. Why? Do you think about me dying?"

Kurt felt bad about lying through his teeth. But the truth was painful. "Of course not. I'd like to think of you alive" Kurt said, leaning forward slightly and meeting Blaine's lips in the middle of their sitting positions. Blaine's hand moved to Kurt's face and started towards his hair. Kurt immediately brought his hands up to Blaine's curls, fisting the hair there and pulling Blaine in tighter, more aggressively than he ever had before.

At Kurt's motion, Blaine took no hesitation in putting his hand fully in Kurt's hair, his other arm moving around Kurt's waist and pulling him closer.

Kurt gasped suddenly when the arm around his waist pulled him tight against Blaine, Blaine then taking advantage and lowering Kurt into the grass.

Kurt didn't take anytime readjusting, choosing instead to let his hands wander over Blaine's chest, hovering just a few inches over Kurt's. Blaine's hand had moved from around Kurt's waist to the grass next to Kurt, steadying himself as he hovered over Kurt.

Kurt wished that arm would move.

Blaine's hand that had been in his hair was moving down Kurt's side, tickling him only slightly, before staying at Kurt's waist, squeezing tightly there as Kurt's hand moved slowly from Blaine's chest to his waist as well.

He was pleasantly surprised to realize that in the midst of adjusting Kurt, Blaine's shirt had ridden up a little, leaving some of Blaine's midsection exposed.

Kurt moved his hands to explore the skin hiding there, but stopped when he felt Blaine breaking the kiss and pulling away from Kurt, sitting back, each leg placed on a side of Kurt, straddling him.

"Kurt, we can't do this- we can't just make out in a park! There could be kids!"

Kurt grabbed Blaine's collar and pulled Blaine towards him.

"There aren't any kids Blaine…"

But Blaine still grabbed Kurt's hand and gently removed it from his collar, smiling teasingly.

"Not here Kurt. Let's enjoy the day. We have plenty of time to enjoy each other later."

This time, it actually pained Kurt to realize how untrue that statement was.

Blaine stood up and stepped over Kurt towards the blanket he had thrown to the side earlier. He picked it up and spread it out over the grass, turning around once he was done and reaching a hand towards Kurt.

Kurt frowned at him and crossed his arms mockingly.

Blaine just kept smiling. "Come on Kurt, has there ever been a moment with so much to live for? You can have plenty of me later. The sun's out now. Come be with me. Come lay on your picnic blanket that you brought conveniently without a meal."

Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand instantly and laid down with his boyfriend on the blanket.

Blaine looked up at the sky, but Kurt continued to stare at him.

"Hey look! I think I actually see a canary! In that cloud! What can you see?"

Kurt just smiled at Blaine's enthusiasm.

I can see you, he said to himself, realizing the words had never been so true as they were now.

Blaine wasn't dying today.

No way.

"Will you stay here with me?" Kurt asked tentatively, his eyes never leaving Blaine.

Blaine looked over and stared at Kurt for a few seconds, running his eyes over the entirety of Kurt's features, finally resting on Kurt's eager eyes waiting for an answer.

"Of course."

Kurt snuggled up to Blaine, their hands still intertwined.

They stayed there all day, ignoring the heat, the time, and eventually, the clouds when darkness fell. They looked at stars and watched satellites cross the sky.

It was their day. And Kurt loved every moment of it.

As his eyes started to droop, one thing was for sure.

Blaine was alive.

DAY 201

Kurt opened his eyes and realized he was in his own room.

Kurt racked his brain instantly, making sure, absolute sure that Blaine was alive when he'd fallen asleep. He had been.

Kurt knew it. He remembered. He didn't make that up.

As Kurt started to wake up, he realized something was very wrong. It was his room, but, it also wasn't.

There was an untouched toy construction truck in the corner next to a vast Barbie collection and a small table holding a tea set.

This was Kurt's room.

But it was his childhood room. It'd since been redecorated and the toys had been packed up.

Where was he?

Kurt made his way to the door, walking slowly towards the kitchen. He saw his dad sitting there, hovered over a bowl of cereal, a side plate of bacon near him. He also appeared to be reading the Sports section of the paper.

"Dad?" Kurt asked tentatively, unsure of what was happening.

His dad didn't move.

"Dad?" Kurt said, a little louder this time.

Burt still made no motion.

"Dad!" Kurt shouted at him, begging him in his mind to say something, anything.

"He can't hear you" a voice behind him said.

A woman with long brown hair and twinkling blue eyes walked up beside him. She too was watching Kurt's dad eat.

"Why not?" Kurt asked her.

"It's complicated."

"Then explain" Kurt said, a little too harshly.

The woman merely smiled a small smile, her eyes never leaving Burt.

Kurt kept quiet for a few seconds.

"What's going on?" Kurt finally asked.

"Did you enjoy your day with Blaine?" she asked, changing the subject.

Kurt looked at her, confused, but answered nonetheless. "Yeah, I did. It was a nice change of pace from him dying all the time."

The woman simply nodded.

Her eyes never left Burt.

"What're you doing here?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know if you should know yet."

Kurt was even more confused. "And why's that?"

"You don't believe in God or heaven Kurt. You don't believe in anything. I don't know if you're ready to accept the truth."

Kurt practically scoffed at her. "If you knew what I've seen in the past 200 days, you wouldn't be so quick to judge."

The woman just shook her head slightly, still smiling slightly.

"You don't know anything yet Kurt. You know nothing of pain. You know nothing of loss."

Kurt glared at her. "I have seen my boyfriend die 200 times. I've held him in my arms as he bled out. I've watched his car explode. I've sat next to him in a hospital. I'd say that I know something of loss."

The woman said nothing.

Kurt's frown increased as he turned his attention back to his father.

Suddenly, Kurt felt a slight breeze on his side. He was about to look down, but he saw the source before he could.

His eight year old self was running towards the kitchen.

He was wearing his mini black fedora and his pair of white jeans with a white and black striped polo. His mini black combat boots made even teenage Kurt proud.

But only for a moment.

He knew that outfit. He never wore it again after this day. He retired the boots to his closet. He trampled the fedora until it had no shape. He simply had given away the shirt and pants.

His mom had died on this day.

"This was the day my mom died."

"Yes" the woman said sadly.

Kurt's attention stayed on his miniature self, straining to reach the countertop for an apple, and his dad quickly obliging and handing him one.

"What's going on?" Kurt asked for a second time.

"Kurt, I need to explain something and you need to listen."

Kurt nodded.

"I know you don't believe in God, but this is how it works. No one knows if God is involved or not, but it doesn't matter. Here are the facts."

The woman's attention never diverted from Kurt's dad and miniature Kurt, but Kurt nodded nonetheless.

"It's all about soulmates. When you die, you're forced to relive the last day you spent with your soulmate over and over again. But it's not eternity. It's only until your soulmate can join you. You relive the day over and over again until they die"

Kurt was frowning again. What did this have to do with him?

"Where you both go from there is unknown. What's controlling this is unknown. But that is certain. You have to meet your soulmate in your lifetime, or the process is broken. They can't join you in the afterlife if they've never met you. Does that make sense?"

The woman still did not turn to face Kurt. Kurt nodded. "Yes."

"Good" she said without continuing.

But Kurt was still confused.

"But what does this have to do with me? I've only been to this day once" he said, motioning towards the kitchen.

But then it clicked. The woman's eyes began to tear up.

He'd been reliving a day over and over again. Blaine was dying too so Kurt didn't think about what was happening to him.

Maybe his mind had switched one major detail of the day. Maybe Blaine had never died. Maybe Kurt…

Kurt looked over at the kitchen scene and back to the crying woman. Everything was starting to make sense.

And that made it so much worse.

Silent tears were pouring down the woman's face and she didn't bother to wipe them away. She just watched the two men in the kitchen interact and laugh over breakfast as if nothing was different. As if everything was fine.

"Mom?" Kurt asked slowly.

The woman turned toward Kurt and gave him the biggest smile he'd seen so far. She covered her mouth as she saw Kurt's face for the first time since entering the room and the tears in her eyes seemed to increase.

Kurt looked at his mother for the first time in 8 years and was suddenly overwhelmed with so many questions.

But one specific, very pressing one.

"Mom," he said again. "Am I dead?"