2011, still

Blaine is sobbing.

"I- I fucked up, Lolo. I fucked up. Jesus, someone please kill me. Please…"

He tries to catch his breath.

"Kurt parents will never- I freaked out, Logan. I completely freaked out. You know how I still have those days where a depression spell just hits me? I had one yesterday. I was at Kurt's and I think Kurt knew before I actually broke down. I had been texting Wes. I told him that I wasn't doing well.

I told Kurt that I was tired, so I put on some music and slept like a baby.

When I woke up, Mr. Hummel was standing in the doorway. Apparently, they had been calling me. Dinner's ready. And I just- I broke down. I haven't cried like that in so long. And Mr. Hummel… he was there for me. He let me cry. He didn't tell me to man up and grow a pair. He tried to calm me down and rubbed my back as I cried.

Of course, Kurt heard me cry. He held me, like I've never been held. Yet, I couldn't stop. It felt like everything just came back. I haven't been sleeping well and I guess this was the breaking point of all the anger and pain that has been building up.

I don't really remember what happened after that. At one point, the three of us went downstairs to eat. I must've scared the Hummel-Hudson family with my behaviour. They're so used to me being so happy, that this must've thrown them off guard. Kurt knows, but he had never seen me like this.

I didn't speak. I barely ate. Then the bell rang.

To my big surprise, Mr. Hummel called for me, said it was for me. Before I reached the front door, Wes jumped on me. He held me and so did David. It probably made the Hummel-Hudsons question the heterosexuality of my friends, but I don't care. Apparently, Wes got worried when I didn't reply to his texts. David happened to be with him, instead of being at home in Cincinnati.

They know how to make me feel better. They stayed. As an apology, Wes gave them the homemade bapaos that he just happened to have in his car. His mom's already getting ready for Friday.

They wouldn't let go of me. But I did feel better. We talked about Friday, and to our surprise, Kurt didn't know there was a Warbler's party.

- That's weird. I do have you on the list.

Wes was very confused. David decided to talk to Kurt about the party.

- But I don't know anything? What kind of party?

- It's every year. The Warblers of colour throw a party to show off their cultures and food. Hence Wes's bapaos.

- Huh?

- Yes! I can't wait for Blaine's dishes, it's amazing. Or Aaron's. He's hosting this year!

I must've dozed off, because I woke up in Wes's bed.

Mr. Hummel told them that I could stay for the night, but Wes and David knew that wasn't an option. They know about the nightmares and the PTSD. The Hummel-Hudsons don't, so they drove me to Wes's place, since he lives in Bellefontaine which only an hour away instead of two. Since they didn't drive me home, I couldn't take anything to help me sleep.

According to them, I've been awake most of the time. You know… sleep…. wake and yell… sleep… wake and yell…"

Blaine wipes the tears away. There's more. "Logan, something happened. Wes and David were reluctant to tell me, but apparently I asked for you. I don't remember doing it, but according to them, I asked for Kurt. I was worried. I don't remember the dream, but it must've been bad. They reassured me that Kurt was okay. Wes even rang the bell again to ask Carole.

But then I started asking for you. I thought you were alive. It's a good thing I don't remember it. But that happened." He sighs. "When I woke up this morning, Wes asked me about meds. I, uh, might've broken his heart in a way.

Kurt called me. I told him I am okay and that I will pick up my car tomorrow. Not today, cause I need some time off…"