2009, still

"I wonder if there are other kids like us out there. I don't mean the bullied gay kid, but the kid with the weird friendship. I know you're dead, Lolo, I know you aren't coming back. How can I not know? I'm talking to your grave! I've been doing that for weeks now. But we're still friends, right?

Wes and David are taking me out for dinner today since it's David's birthday. I don't mind. It's not like I want to stay home. I'm actually thinking about permanently moving to Dalton. I've been staying at Wes and David's room, but also at Trent's room since he has a single, and I like it better than home.

Mom is fussing about me. I think she's afraid I will kill myself too. But depression? I can't say it's good, but I've been worse. It's probably because they gave the lead Warbler title. I know, I know, it sounds weird to be a 'leader', but the council agreed. I must say, two-third of the council are my best friends."

He laughs.

"If you were alive, you could've joined them. Then all my best friends would be council members. I stopped going to the Dalton therapist, though. Not because I don't need it anymore, but because I don't like him. He told me to stop talking to you. I know he's trying to help, but I don't want to stop. I look forward to it every week.

He tells me that I'm not leaving my past behind, but how could I? My past is godawful, but it made me who I am today. A fifteen years old traumatised gay kid in Ohio? Yes, but it also made me stronger. Thad boxes and he showed me a few tricks. I like it.

Not the violence though, but if some guys ever try to sneak on me again, I'll be ready for them."