2014, still

"Kurt is with his dad and they're still talking about his amazing performance at the critique a couple of days ago. Sorry for last visit. Wes eventually found me sobbing here and dragged me home. He basically fed me my meds and put me in bed. We all need someone like Wes in our lives.

I do wonder how he got into the loft though. He doesn't have a key.

I'm fine.

No, wait. That's an overstatement. I'm far from fine. I'm coping with life, but I'm not even remotely fine. I told you that this could happen to all of us. It happened to you, it happened to me, it happened to Russ and now it happened to Kurt.

The past two weeks have been hard. After Sam texted me, I tried to talk to him about Mercedes. Apparently they like each other, but they don't know how to express it. They're together now, but it was tough. I was about to read him some Star Wars fanfiction when the phone rang.

Everything after that was just a blur.

I only remember Sam calling Mercedes and Sam trying to get me in a taxi without me hitting my head. I don't know how he managed to get me to the hospital because I was in full panic mode. I tried calling Burt, but Sam and Wes had to take over after I started having a panic attack. Rachel and Artie were trying to get more information. Mercedes just sat there frozen in her seat.

Once again, thank whatever higher power for the critique. A part of me didn't want to think about something else cause my fiancé got beaten, but I don't know if I would still be here in this somewhat okay state without the distraction. I spent most of my time next to Kurt's bed in the hospital. He's been discharged by now, so I'm back with him at the loft for now. I barely entered the loft while he was in the hospital. I stayed at Wes's place instead.

The only reason I spent time in the loft was because I needed Kurt because of all the stuff that's been going on. I needed him next to me to cope. But he wasn't there, so I moved to Wes, since I didn't have time for the additional Sam and Mercedes drama.

I- I don't want to talk about the details of the attack. I am still busy with banishing all of that from my mind, but this happened.

I can't believe we're both victims of homophobic hate crimes now. I can't wrap my head around the fact that this happened to him out of all people in New York out of all places. I can believe this happened to me, Lolo, because we were stupid enough to try that in Ohio, but this is Kurt in New York City. Oh holy shit.

I know I shouldn't blame myself for what happened to us, but sometimes I can't help but wonder what my life would be without that ugly part in my past. You would still be alive.

Holy shit.

This happened, Logan.

This actually happened. I- I don't want to burst out in tears again. I don't want Wes to find me again. I- I need to stay strong.

But fuck."