February 13th 2013

["Blaine-wave"] [looks tired] Uh, hey there, Warble On. [points down without saying a thing, but his fans get what he means]

Sorry Ive been so absent lately, but… [head in his head] I dont even know whats going on. Is this adulthood?

[sighs] [smiles, sort of] Anyway, time for Wednesday Well-being and guess what day it is tomorrow? Yes, thats right, Im actually going to talk about love. [finally cracks a grin] I shouldve, like, prepared a song for the occasion.

But anyway, lets talk about lo-o-o-ve. By the way, due time issues I will be eating during this video. If youre not comfortable with that, then Id advise you to skip this video, no matter how sappy this video will be.

There are many kinds of love. Family, friends, platonic and of course romantic. And even though tomorrow will celebrate love, I want you to remember that it is also okay if you want to be single. We live in a love crazed society, I know it, but this day is also for you! Use it to stuff yourself with food, for instance [raises his bowl with noodles]

Most important is to love yourself…

September 1st 2014

And hes back in the city. A lot has happened over summer break. First summer without his dad was weird, but not unpleasant. Speaking of his dad, he has seen him. He and Kurt were having coffee at this place called the Lima Bean when his dad came in. Their eyes met briefly, but both of them quickly looked away.

It was yet another day of Blaine telling Kurt about his baggage.

Cooper was being Cooper; he kept on asking Blaine if he wanted to go somewhere. He kept on trying to give Blaine stuff. He kept on trying to talk to him. Blaine knows hes only trying to be nice, but Cooper is his opposite. Blaine wants quiet, Cooper wants everyone around him.

Also "career-wise" stuff happened. Blaine once again got another invite for VidCon and once again, other Youtubers have asked him for a collab. And for the first time, he accepted both offers. Hes still jittery, but hes also proud of himself.

Anyway, he will think about those things later. Now, he has to settle back into his dorm room. As a fall student, his second semester starts. For Kurt and Mercedes, their third year starts this week.

When he hears the knock of the door, he yells for Kurt to come in- he knows its Kurt.

"Hi," Kurt says awkwardly, which is unsettling. Hes been that way for quite a while now. On their flight back home, they barely spoke. Something is wrong and if theres one thing Blaine can do, its listening.

But then again, Kurt has been staring at Blaine like hes this alien creature and Kurt is trying to make sense out of it.

"Can I have something to drink?" Kurt asks and normally, itd be rude, but for Blaine its a relief. Kurt knows that Blaine cant offer him anything without Kurt asking for it first. It is weird and his mom has never liked it, but it works perfectly.

"Sure, if you tell me what is going on," Blaine already makes his way to his small kitchen.

Kurt looks like a deer caught in a headlight –and shit, hes cute. Blaine shakes his head slightly. Focus, Blaine, he clearly has baggage today so its no time to swoon over him.

"N-Nothing is wrong," Kurt stammers.

"Yeah, youre a horrible liar," Blaine laughs sheepishly and he reaches for some glasses on the top shelves, "Youve been looking at me for weeks by now. Why?"

Kurt is silent.

"Im waiting…" Blaine says playfully (maybe its better to drive away the possible tension?) as he pours them their drinks.

"Are you BWA?" Kurt blurts out and Blaine, taken aback, spills the drinks. He quickly cleans his small kitchen with his sleeve, which he immediately regrets, and turns back to Kurt.

"W-what?"

"BWA. On YouTube," Kurt says while looking at Blaines camera, "Of course youre BWA. Ive watched every goddamn video on your channel this summer. I just need you to say it." Hes turns back to Blaine.

"I-"

"Say it."

Blaine puts down the glasses and takes a deep breath. "Yes, I am BWA, aka Blaine Warbler Anderson."

He didnt know what to expect, but it wasnt…

Kurt throws a fist in the air. "I KNEW IT!" he shouts, "I FUCKING KNEW IT ALL ALONG!" He rushes to Blaine and pats him on the shoulder (so he basically hugged him). "The minute I saw you, I knew I recognized you, but I didnt know why. But then I saw your camera and then you shaved that creepy beard… oh man, I used to watch your videos, but then you left. I didnt know you started doing this again, oh god!" Another pat on the shoulder, a hard one.

"Uh…"

"I owe you so much!" Another pat. Gosh, theres a lot of patting/hugging today and Blaine doesnt know how to feel about it.

And suddenly, Kurt got really serious. Blaine had dealt with mood swings before –have you seen his brother?- but Kurt just went to overexcited to… this.

"You have no idea how much you meant to me," Kurt says and oh shit hes going to cry, "Your videos helped me so, so much with everything. You know my baggage, well I should tell you how much your videos helped me overcoming all that baggage. And I got lots of them."

"Im glad I could help," Blaine says and awkwardly pats Kurts shoulder. Leidra may call him human emotion smart-ass, but he has no idea how to react.

Is he supposed to accept his gratefulness?

Is he supposed to say something meaningful in return?

Is he supposed to hug him?

Oh god, what is he supposed to do? Jesus, he is a fucking self-love Youtuber, hes supposed to know these things but now his best friend is freaking out in front of his and Blaine has no idea what to do and hes freaking out because hes being such a bad friend now and

"A-Are you okay?" Kurt asks and oh fuck Blaines trembling. He keeps clenching and unclenching his fists and eventually he settles on hugging himself.

"Blaine?"

Okay, calm down take a deep breath... one, two, three, I love Drarry- wow, such a sucky line- okay, not the point Blaine! Calm down.

"… I dont know what to say or do," he admits, "Please, dont think that Im, like, good at these things because of everything I post on my channel, because you mustve noticed that Im not as confident as I appear. I cant- I dont even know anymore."

"I owe you, still," Kurt says, "You dont need to say anything, I just want you to know that youre an inspiration."

And something snaps in Blaine. "No, no, no…" he quickly says, "You dont owe me, you owe yourself! I mightve pushed you in certain directions, but youre the one making your choices and by doing that, youre helping yourself. Thank you that I mean a lot to you, but you mean a lot to you too."

A single tear rolls down Kurts cheek.

"See, you are good at these things."

September 16th 2014

In the beginning, its a bit weird. Kurt now knows of his biggest- well, it technically never was a secret, but Blaine never thought about bringing it up.

Especially making videos is weird. Blaine knows that Kurt watches them, which isnt a bad thing because he also knows that his Dalton friends still watch them too, but it is weird.

Kurt didnt "dehumanize" him, though, which is nice. He still sees him as Blaine, just Blaine, and not as BWA, his idol from YouTube.

Everything is okay.

"Check out, please," Kurt hands him a couple of books and Blaine notices something is different about Kurt. He looks nervous.

When Blaine looks down to the books, he understands why.

I Like You, You Like Me?

How To Ask People Out: a Guide for Dummies

The First Date

"Oh..."

"So..." he really is nervous, "Yes or no?"

While Kurt is clearly waiting for an answer, Blaine has the song "Hey #3/Perfect For You (reprise)" in his head.

"Id love to..." Blaine trails off.

Kurts face falls "But?"

"But."

Kurt rapidly shakes his head as he tries to recollect the books. "This was stupid- oh my god, why did I even think-" Blaine grabs his hands before Kurt can go away.

"No, no, I mean, I really want to go on a date with you," Blaine says hurriedly and then proceeds to sing quietly –theyre still in a library after all-, "I should tell you Im disaster/I forget how to begin it."

"Youre not a disaster," Kurt says.

"But I am," Blaine protests, "I- I dont even know. Prepare for another baggage talk; I dont know whats going on. I dont know if you believe in self-diagnosis, but there is something, I cant really say wrong, with me. Im not depressed, in fact, being here in New York, making videos… Ive never been happier. But theres something with me and I cant tell you what and I dont know how I will react on this. On, uh, us." He tries not to blush.

"But I dont know. I can, well, live with myself, but on some days I cant help but wonder where it went wrong, you know ?What if it turns out that something is wrong with me and youre stuck with me. What if we end up being together for long, what if… You say that right here/But then give it a year/Or 10 years or a life/And I could end up your wife/Sitting staring at walls/Throwing shit down the stairs/Freaking out at the store/Running nude down the street/Bleeding out in the bath."

Okay, that is an exaggeration, but it does sum up Blaines feelings. Sort of.

And to Blaines surprise, Kurt sings back.

"Perfect for you/I will be perfect for you/So you could go crazy/Or I could go crazy, its true/Sometimes life isnt sane/But crazy I know I can do/Cause crazy is perfect/And fucked up is perfect/So I will be perfect," and when Blaine thinks it cant get any better, Kurt continues to sing. "But then again: Lets just make this part go faster/I have yet to be in it/I should tell you…"

So Blaine jumps in, because something has changed. He cant really explain it, but all that he knows it that theres something different. Its a good different. Kurt has always been inviting, but now it feels like he has to.

I should tell you

Kurt smiles back and he offers his the books.

I should tell you

Blaine takes back the books with a grin.

I should tell—

Kurt smiles and sings

I should tell I blew the candle out
Just to get back in

Blaine knows hes referring to the salt and continues

Id forgotten how to smile
Until your candle burned my skin

Kurts grin widens

I should tell you

Blaine checks out the books, still looking at Kurt. Kurt... trusts him. It feels good. This feels good. He might have no idea whats happening, but it is good.

I should tell you

Kurt is looking back

I should tell you

Together they sing

I should tell-
Well, here we go
Now we—

Blaine sings, without realizing, a little bit louder

Oh no
I know theres something in
Here goes

Kurt sings back, also louder

Here goes

Blaine gives him his books back and nods. Yes, he thinks, yes...

If so, its starting to
Who knows?

Kurt accepts them, gracefully

Who knows?

Blaine leaves the counter and takes Kurts hand

Who knows where?
Who goes there?
Who knows?
Here goes
Trusting desire, starting to learn
Walking through fire without a burn
Clinging a shoulder, a leap begins
Stinging and older, asleep on pins
So here we go
Now we—

Blaine almost pulls back, but he suddenly doesnt want to

Oh no

Kurt smiles knowingly

I know

Blaine repeats

Oh no

Together they end the song.

Who knows where?
Who goes there?
Here goes, here goes, here goes, here goes
Here goes, here goes

"So, is that a yes?" Kurt grins hopefully.

Blaine grabs his hand and squeezes it. "A double yes."

As they leave the building, hand in hand, the people in the library burst out in an applause.

December 27th 2014

["Blaine-wave"] [grins widely] Hey guys, Warble On and I hope youre having a happy, late, Christmas [points downstairs, but then points to his head; hes wearing reindeer antlers] I made him do that. [rolls eyes] Yes, but I made you wear a Santa hat. Achievement!

[shakes head] My hair, Blaine, my hair! [pouts] I like your hair. [turns back to camera] Anyway, even though it is a Saturday, Id like to talk about something more Wednesday-related and as you can see, I have someone with me.

[nods] Guys, this is my boyfriend, Kurt. Ive mentioned him before. [laughs] More like every other vlog! [jerks head towards Kurt] How do you kno- I watch your vlogs, too, remember?

[back to camera] Anyway, back to todays topic. Fear. Wow, Ive been doing this for four years and I havent tackled this subject yet. I cant believe it either. [swats playfully] Stop interrupting me!

[grins] [rolls eyes] [back to camera] You might wonder why Im doing this- its a Saturday after all. Well, thats simple. It is no secret that Im afraid of a lot of things. [looks at something out of the frame] Stuff from the past has haunted me for so long… [holds him] But in the last three months, a lot has changed.

[stares lovingly at Kurt] [returns the stare] [back to screen] Its still hard, I must say that. I know that some phobias will never leave me, but Im slowly overcoming some of my fears. Ive started talking to students of my floor more often, for example. Ive done my first collabs with other Youtubers *links appear on screen* and I will attend VidCon. I have declared a major too! And as you can see, Kurt is hugging me [smiles], which is like a freaking huge deal for me.

And hes going to make me dinner after this video. [laughs sheepishly] True, true, Im scared shitless, but for you… Thank you.

But anyway, like I said, this hasnt been easy. People around us tell us that we just have to overcome our fears without understanding that we cant. Its almost New Year… One of my New Years Resolutions will be continuing to work on my life, but also accepting that I cant do it all. And that is okay too. I have to do it all in my own pace.

If this wont be your New Yorks Resolution, that is okay too. Like I said: your own pace. [nods in agreement]

I just want you to know, oh god, this is going to sound so cliché [laughs] [once again stares lovingly at Kurt] but thing really will get better.

Anyway, [mock salute] Blaine Warbler Anderson [nudges Kurt] [laughs] and Kurt no-cool-alias-as-second-name Hummel [grins] Signing off!